Ragna The Bloodedge, also called Retard The Dumbedge, and finally, the Grim Sleeper was walking down the road with his Blood-scythe made by cardboard. Now, he must venture throughout the world with his friends to stop Imperator Izanami. His bounty is so high, that it is enough to buy the country of SOMALIA! And also, his background crest is drawn on MS PAINT in WINDOWS 1998!

Sometime after his massacre of NOL soldiers, Ragna hears the news that Izanami was resurrecting a man who was once the evilest of them all... Saddam Hussein. She plans to commit this ritual in space and Ragna and his friends must prevent that from happening.

However, over on his journey... Ragna encounters his mishaps as he ventures throughout land and space. All of which... Have put a stop to what he is today.

These are... The many deaths of Ragna

Death #1

Ragna was walking down the road when he noticed a carriage filled with barrels. He walks behind it and examines it more.

"Hmm... This looks interesting..." Ragna thought. Apparently, he decided to figure out what was in those barrels, as he thought it could be azure which power up his own BlazBlue. Ragna unloads the carriage.

Unfortunately, the barrels topple all over him. They were so heavy, that one barrel smashed Ragna's head. Killing him.

...I guess Ragna thought those barrels could be unloaded softly...

Death #2

Ragna was at a local bar in Kagutsuchi, wearing his monk disguise that Master Jubei had given. He decided to get few rounds of drinks at the barman behind the table.

"Hey, asshole. Could fetch me a couple of shots." Ragna shouted rudely. "I'm damned thirsty."

The bartender gave Ragna his drink aggressively. "Here you go, you selfish degenerate."

Ragna drank his first shot, but his alcohol withdrawal kicked into his system and now he wanted more. "Hey, asshole! I'm not finished! Fetch me another shot!"

"Okay dokie." He gave Ragna more shots of Whiskey and Ragna felt dizzy.

Eventually, several NOL soldiers walked into the bar, talking to each other.

Ragna was getting so drunk, that he spouted out words that shocked the NOL soldiers. "F-Fuck the fucking NOL! T-They are all assholes."

The NOL commander was mad. "Hey! Watch your tongue, you drunkard!"

"Who cares! I'm Ragna The Bloodedge and I can say whatever the hell I want!" He shouted out again.

"He's Ragna The Bloodedge!?" The NOL commander was surprised. "GET HIM, BOYS!"

...Didn't Ragna's drunkness could push him THAT far...

Death #3

Ragna was bored, like really... He was. He noticed that Carl and Ada were there, so he decided to touch her sister.

Ragna went up to his sister and touched her breasts. Carl was mad.

"Excuse me, sir. But are you sexually harassing my sister!?" Carl yelled. Ragna looked worried.

"Uh, no..." Ragna excused. Carl didn't look convinced.

"Touch my sister again and you're dead meat." Carl frowned.

Ragna touched Ada's breasts again, and this time, Carl snapped.

"HEY OFFICERS! THERE IS A PERVERT THAT'S SEXUALLY HARASSING MY SISTER!" Carl screamed. The NOL officers arrived with skeptical looks.

"Sexual harassment, eh?" The NOL officer said he looked at Ragna. "What's your name, sir?"

"Oh, I'm Bob the Monk, officer," Ragna replied. He frowned.

"Let me look what's inside, ya." He uncovered Ragna's hood.

"Oh my god, it's Ragna The Bloodedge!" The NOL officer was shocked, including Carl.

The Officer knocked Ragna unconscious, making them both laugh.

...Ragna really pulled his strings when wanted to have some fun...

Death #4

Ragna was at the Kaka Village, he sees a bonfire at the center of the village and Ragna grew bored.

"You know... Why don't I throw myself into the fire like an idiot." He though. He threw himself into the fire, killing him. The Kaka's were shocked.

"G-Good guy!?" Taokaka eyes widened with shock.

...There was no reply...

Death #5

Ragna was at a local convenience store. He wanted to buy some snacks but didn't have any money. So, he decided to shoplift.

Ragna was about to make his way to the front entrance when a guy at the front counter called to him.

"Excuse me, sir. Would you like to PAY for that?" He called. Ragna ignored and continued to make his way.

The clerk brought out his pistol. "I wouldn't try that if I were you." But Ragna ignored him even more.

As Ragna pulled the door handle, he felt his heart stop by the shot from a gun by the clerk. He fell down to the floor... Dead.

...I guess Ragna doesn't know how to shoplift...

Death #6

Ragna wanted to shoplift more snacks, but the clerk was preventing him. So, Ragna decided to kill the clerk with a toy gun.

"Ha! Take this assholes!" Ragna pointed a gun at them which only fired water. The two clerks were shocked.

"Oh, shit! Bring out the big guns, Tommy!" The two boys brought out Tommy Guns and gunned Ragna down for good.

...Who knew that Ragna's stupidity could cost him his life...

Death #7

Ragna was having fun in the broken down apartment, for no reason. He sees a broken power outlet that was fizzling.

Ragna decided to touch it. "Man... I wonder what hell electricity could feel like in my system."

He touched the outlet, which sends him sparkling black and white. It stopped, and Ragna was nothing but ash on the floor.

...Looks like you got... Electrocinterated. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!..

Death #8

Ragna was bored, so he decided to watch Teletubbies.

30 minutes into one episode and his chest was beggining to feel agony.

"Teletubbies come to PLAY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH!" The evil voice said to the viewers.

...Ragna got a heart attack and died on Vietnam soil...

Death #9

Ragna was in a spaceship with his friends, he had a maintenance man named Jerry, and all of Ragna's companions are with him.

Then suddenly, Ragna decided to self-destruct the ship. He activates Self-destruct mode on and relaxes on his chair.

SELF-DESTRUCT IN:
30:00

29:59

29:58

"W-What's going on!?" Noel was shocked, she was playing Go-fish with her friends. It seems that almost everyone was shocked, as well. The whole ships sirens were both flashing red and white.

"It seems that captain activated the self-destruct protocol," Jerry said, he spoke with a Texan accent. "We all need to get off this ship. Y'all ready?"

"Can't you find a way to deactivate it!?" Tager asked him madly. Jerry shook his head.

"Sorry, partner. There's no other way for cancellation, it's out of order." Jerry said to everyone, including Tager. "Everyone all aboard to the Teleporter!"

They all went on Jerry's level three teleporter from Team Fortress 2. Hakumen was mad.

"So the Beast has betrayed... A pity that he will have no choice but to die here."

Everyone teleported away.

SELF-DESTRUCT IN:

00:03

00:02

00:01

Ragna still sat on his chair, still not giving a crap.

...Ragna barely had the time to say "mommy" before his entire fleet blew up...

Death #10

Ragna was inside one of his space pods when he realized he forgot to fill it up with oxygen.

Somewhere deep in space, Ragna was running out of the air. He collapsed due to oxygen dysfunction.

"S-Shit... Goddammit..." Ragna passed out.

...Ragna should really use his AEIR wisely...

Death #11

Ragna was using his space pod again, this time it had oxygen, but was running out of fuel.

Eventually, Ragna's fuel source ran out. His space pod was motionless in deep space.

"Grr... Come on! Work you son of a bitch!" He commanded. It did not respond.

Then, a meteor flew by and crashed into Ragna's space pod. Blowing it up and incinerating him.

...Out of gas, eh? Too bad you didn't get a gift card from outer space Shell...

Death #12

Inside Imperator Izanami's ship, Ragna got to the main halls. He carefully tiptoed on the marble floors when he sees an ATM machine close by him.

Ragna, curiously, decides to use the ATM machine. I mean... What could go wrong on this one?

When Ragna tapped onto the screen, there were three options...

1. Deposit
2. Withdrawl
3. Press this if you are a fag and you have no life.

Ragna chose the third since he can't choose the former. He was greeted by a green Ogre named SHREK!

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY SWAMP!" It yelled madly. Ragna was confused.

"What the f-" The ATM machine exploded and Ragna was nothing but ashes on the marble floor.

...Check yourself before you Shrek yourself...

Death #13

"Okay, pardner. You're almost there!" Jerry said to him on the intercom. "Just a little closer... And you Izanami's ritual of Saddam Hussein in there."

Ragna arrived on a nearby wall in a nuclear powerplant area in the Imperator's ship, he decided to wear jumping boots just to get him up on that ledge.

His first jump failed to make and by the time landed on the ground, he jumped again... This time in a pool of acid.

"OH SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIT!"

Ragna fell into a pool of acid, killing him. An NOL janitor looked at the pool and was like, "WTF!?".

...3pts Deducted...

Death #14

Ragna was bored, so he disguised himself as a fast food clerk at a local Mcdonalds in the Imperators.

Ragna waiting, and he was greeting by an obese humanoid Pumpkin named "Hungry Pumpkin".

"I'm very hungry." It said. It came to the desk.

"Give me the sandwich." It said. Ragna loved the sandwich so much, that he couldn't let it go.

"No way, asshole. Get your own sandwich, FREAK!" Ragna gave him the middle finger. Hungry Pumpkin was mad.

"I'm very hungry." It pounced on Ragna and began to brutally eat him alive.

Hungry Pumpkin was happy.

...That was DEEEEEElicious...

Death #15

"Join the ISIS club!"

Ragna was interested in ISIS. So he decided to volunteer in the group.

However, ISIS hated and was jealous of Ragna. Upon Ragna's arrival, they were mad.

"ALLAH ACKBAR!" One of them screamed and suicide bombed Ragna The Bloodedge. Blowing him up into pieces.

...HATERS GONNA HATE...

Death #16

Ragna was wearing his sniper NOL outfit his friends gave back at the ship.

He strolled along until he hits a Demoman dressed in an NOL outfit.

"DAT SNIPAH'S A BLOODEH SPAH!"

The Demoman whacked Ragna in the head with his scrumpy bottle, killing him. "HAHAHAHAHA." The Demoman laughed.

...AYE! MEH BOTTLE OF SCRUMPY!...

Death #17

Ragna was being retarded, so he picks up a sniper rifle which he stole from the NOL sniper and shot down every NOL soldier in the hanger area of the Imperator's ship.

Ragna's aim was so bad, that it confused everyone. Eventually, a Spy snuck up behind him.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH..." Ragna was backstab and fell to the floor gently.

...I never really was on your side...

Death #18

Ragna was at the local Mcdonalds again because he wasted so much of his time on the Imperator's ship, that he decided to get a snack.

He went to the desk and was greeted by a robot. "HELLO, SIR! WELCOME TO MCDONALDS! HOW MAY I TAKE YOUR ORDER?"

Ragna smirked but looked clueless. "What is this? A freaking shithole or something? I'll two mcdouble's please." He held rectangle sheets of paper. "Can you accept this?"

"THAT LOOKS LIKE A WEAPON!" The Robot pulled up its blade and slicked off Ragna's head. Killing him.

...Duh. Ragna died because he was stupid...

Death #19

Ragna was on a railway, he sees two guards down below him and figured out what he should do next.

Eventually, Ragna became stupid. He jumped down and killed himself.

The two guards were going to buy Somalia with Ragna's corpse.

...What was Ragna going to achieve by suicide?...

Death #20

Beavis and Butthead were NOL soldiers playing with their Mcdonald's toys when they see Ragna in front of them.

"Hey, Beavis! Check that loser out. HEHEHEHEHEH." Beavis laughed.

"Yeah, butthead! He looks like a pooper loser!" Butthead laughed.

"H-Hey! I ain't-a loser you two, I'm Ragna The Bloodedge! The asshole that comes to ruin your day." Ragna sarcastically said.

"Whoa! Ragna The Bloodedge! Your bounty is high, man!" Beavis said.

"Yeah! REAL HIGH! LET'S KILL HIM AND BUY SOMALIA!" Buttsaid said.

"Yeah, totally!" Beavis agreed. They brought out their knives and pounced on Ragna, giving Ragna zero reaction time.

"H-Hey! What the hell are you- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH" Ragna was stabbed to death.

"Let's take his bounty and rename Somalia 'Beavis and Butthead land'," Beavis said.

"Yeah! Totally!" Butthead said he lit Ragna's corpse on fire. "FIRE! FIRE! FIRE!"

...Oh, Ragna. Isn't your ego so annoying to you?...

Death #21

Everyone in the Imperator's ritual room was singing the Quran. Waiting for Ragna The Bloodedge to show up.

Ragna got to a point where he decided to sleep on the railroad tracks. Hoping it would cool him down.

Eventually, as he slept, a train rolled right passed him. Killing him.

...I like Trains... I LIKE TRAINS!...

Death #22

"SMOKE WEED EVERYDAY!" Ragna smoked 300 fags in the weed room and fell unconscious.

He sees visions of Snoop Dogg and the marijuana leaf flying all around him. It was pure happiness and death.

Snoop Dogg, wearing an NOL outfit, came into the room and saw Ragna's corpse on the ground. "YOU KNOW WHO'S BACK UP IN THIS MOTHERFUCKA!"

...YADADADA. You know the momma with the DRE...

Death #23

Ragna was playing WORLD OF WARCRAFT on the Imperator's computer.

Unfortunately, he was shotgunned on the back after the Scout sees him and shot him on the back with the Scattergun. The Scout was wearing an NOL uniform.

"Hey, moron! How long does it take to beat a moron to death?" Scout asked Ragna's dead corpse.

...BAM! Sorry time's up!...

Death #24

Ragna was watching YouTube on the Imperator's computer and sees a video called "FRED goes to the Doctor's".

"HEEEY, IT'S FRIEND!" Fred said. "AND I KIND OF NERVOUS BECAUSE I HAVE TO GO TO THE DOCTOR'S TODAY!"

Ragna got a heart attack and died.

...Fred videos are a no-go man...

Death #25

Ragna knew that he needed to skip past his death, so he went to the console and typed:

"Kill DEMRAGNA'S"

Ragna blew himself up into pieces. And his whole life.

...Ragna is dead. At least he knew the best way of committing suicide is...

Death #26

Ragna flew right passed Noel Vermillion inside the Imperator's ship, she began to have negative feelings of jealousy.

"RAGNA! I hate you so much! DIE!" Noel got out her Bolver and shot Ragna in the head. Killing him.

...I guess not everyone likes Ragna for who he is...

Death #27

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! THE RITUAL IS COMPLETE!" Imperator Izanami said out loud. "SADDAM HUSSEIN IS RESURRECTED!"

Saddam watched, as he noticed Ragna was in the audience.

"DEATH TO THE INFIDEL!" Saddam roared! He lunged at Ragna, destroying him.

...Saddam is powerful, eh?...

Death #28

Ragna grew under the influence of alcohol as his BlazBlue was warmed up in his fight against Saddam. However, he noticed that time was running out.

"Ahh, shit. Time to commit suicide."

Ragna pulls out a gun and kills himself with it.

Saddam pulls up a STAPLES button and pressed it.

...That was easy...

Death #29

Ragna was eating his muff cabbage in his fight against Saddam, he looked at him madly.

"Saddam Hussein! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" Ragna screamed. He laughed.

"Bring it on, stupid!" Ragna lunged at him, but Saddam grabbed him.

"DIE!" Ragna's body was torn apart.

...Saddam Hussein REMOVES KEBAB...

Death #30

"I-I finally defeated you, you bastard." Ragna huffed and puffed. Saddam was on the ground, motionless.

Ragna contacted Jerry and his friend, explaining to them that was "FINE". And walked casually to the entrance.

Until... He felt a sharp pain on his back. He turned around and Saddam threw a military knife on Ragna's back in his final moments, he then dies.

Ragna falls on the floor... His mission was done.

...A good soldier fights for honor, Ragna. And you were the worst of them...

RIP

RAGNA THE BLOODEDGE

2009 - 2017

A BAD BROTHER, A BAD SIBLING, A BAD HUMAN LIFEFORM, A BAD LOVER.

Everyone at the funeral who knew Ragna took their moment of silence. Ragna was finally gone, at last. But that leaves one question, who will stop the Imperator? Who will stop Terumi? Who will restore this world to its former glory days?

Everyone turns... To none other... Than Irfran Nilgiria.

"Hey, Irfran. I hated Ragna, uh... Can I train ya, more?" Jubei asked.

Irfran smiled. "Sure thing, master. Let me go get my things and we can get started."

"LET'S CELEBRATE MY BROTHER'S DEATH EVERYONE!" Jin cried.

The whole BlazBlue cast was all dancing, Ragna was finally gone and everyone lived happily ever after. No more Ragna. No more life.

"CELEBRATE GOOD TIMES! COME ON!"
"LET'S CELEBRATE."

The End.