CAREFUL WHAT U WISH 4
Autumn in Rosewood brings a reprieve from the hot humidity that plagues the summer. I breathe in the fresh, crisp, air, staring up in awe at the changing colors of the trees and the warm glow that sets over the town each evening. It's the first time I can truly appreciate the season. It sounds so superficial but getting in shape was no easy feat and being able to wear fashionable clothes has been a huge boost to my confidence.
It's a relief not worrying about muffin tops from too tight jeans or trying to squeeze my mom's old riding boots over bulky cankles. And then there's Sean. In my wildest dreams, I never imagined him being more than the cute preacher's son. A year ago I would have been up all night with nerves if he just smiled at me, and now he's my boyfriend.
My heart still flutters when I see him, perfectly coiffed blond hair and starry blue eyes, stepping out of the electronics shop like a catalog model. He cracks a smile when he sees me, barely stopping to look both ways before he crosses to the other side right in front of me.
"Hey," he says, leaning down to give me a chaste kiss on the cheek. "What are you up to?"
"Returning something for my mom," I explain, pointing to the nearest boutique. "What about you? I thought you had tutoring."
"Finished early," he says with a shrug. "Want a coffee?"
"Sure!" I reply, my veins already aching for some caffeine.
He wraps an arm around my shoulder, steering us toward the coffee shop a few blocks away. Sean, always the perfect gentleman, orders my usual nonfat, sugar free, vanilla latte. We find a table near the windows and Sean sets our drinks down before reaching for my hand. I find some odd solace in his clammy fingers, hoping he's just as nervous as I am about this relationship.
Maybe that's why it's taken so long for us to get physical. I think we went on a dozen dates before he even kissed me and it's been like pulling teeth just to feel comfortable holding hands. I can't help but feel those insecurities slowly creep back in. As kind and warm as he can be, I wish he could touch me without looking pained. I know he loves me, or at least I believe him when he says it, but it's hard to feel loved when he's so hesitant to take our relationship further.
It's not just sex, either. I notice the distance he puts between us when his friends are around. Sometimes I feel like he wants to keep our relationship a secret, like I'm something to be ashamed of.
"You okay?" he asks, interrupting my thoughts.
"Fine," I say, turning back to him. "Just thinking...about homework."
"Homework?" he asks.
"Procrastinating mostly," I reply. "I should really be doing my paper for Fitz's class."
"I'm sorry," he says softly. "I can walk you home if you need to go."
"No," I say, shaking my head. "It's nice, being here with you. I'll just ask for an extension."
But as I let him coax me into conversation, it's Sean who becomes distracted. He scans the coffee shop nervously, constantly avoiding my gaze as he stares out the window, as if he's waiting for someone. And just when I'm about to go full-on jealous girlfriend on him, he signals to the scruffy dark-haired guy who just walked in the door.
I watch the stranger, confused. He looks vaguely familiar, like maybe I've seen him around school, but he carries himself like someone older. With his faded jacket and tattered jeans, he definitely looks out of place in Rosewood. I wonder what he and Sean could ever have in common.
"How can I help you?" the gruff, sarcastic voice says to Sean.
"You can upgrade my phone?" Sean asks. "I need more memory. Always running out of space when my girl sends me pics."
"Well, she can send them to me instead," the guy teases. "That service is free of charge."
"Gross," I mutter under my breath. He shoots me a wink and it takes everything in me to suppress my gag reflex. "Not those kinds of pictures."
"Sure Princess," he mocks me. I decide I hate him and his stupid beanie. He turns back to Sean. "Twenty bucks gets you another twenty gigs and I'll have the phone back to you tomorrow."
"Deal," Sean replies, handing over his phone.
"And it's cash only," the guy reminds him.
My mouth falls open as he walks away with Sean's cell phone. I glance back and forth between them both, wondering why my boyfriend trusts a guy who doesn't even bother to introduce himself.
"You're just going to let him take it?" I ask dumbfounded.
"He's fine," Sean assures me. "It's an old phone. Not worth more than I'll pay him."
"How do you even know that guy anyway?" I ask.
"He just started at Rosewood," Sean explains. "A few of the guys on the team got major upgrades. I want to see what he can do."
"What he can do is probably illegal," I retort.
"Can we please not talk about Caleb?" Sean begs. "I'd rather talk about you."
"Caleb? That's his name?" I scoff. "I guy like that would be called Caleb."
"You're totally ignoring what I'm saying," Sean teases.
"Fine," I tell him. "We can talk about the dress I want to get for the winter ball."
I can see Sean's eyes start to glaze over as I dive into a long-winded conversation about sleeve lengths but he takes it in stride, chiming in so I know he's listening. It's dark by the time he finally convinces me it's time to get home and I take his hand as Sean walks me through town.
"You know," I say, testing the waters, "my mom has to go to Philly for the weekend. Maybe you can come over Saturday night. I hate staying alone."
"Hanna," he replies concerned, "I don't think it's a good idea."
"Why?" I snap at him. "You don't trust me."
"It's not that," he replies. "I don't trust myself, especially around you."
"What's that supposed to mean?" I retort.
"You're beautiful, Hanna," he says softly. "I want to, believe me I do, but I made a commitment…"
I stop in my tracks as we reach the edge of my block. In the dim light from the street lamps, Sean's sharp features look almost menacing, but nothing stops me from telling him what I need to say.
"What about your commitment to me?" I say, my voice wavering. "Why do I constantly feel like I have an albatross around my neck every time I'm around you. What kind of relationship is that?"
"Albatross?" he scoffs.
"Fitz taught us about it," I retort. "And I don't like you acting like I'm not smart enough. You're always blowing me off in front of your friends."
"Blowing you off?" He's practically yelling. "I can't get near you without standing in the way. The four of you are always sneaking away and leaving me to wait. Hanna, we're not ready to take that next step."
"You're right," I tell him. "But you said it yourself, we're never alone. And now you don't want to come over Saturday night so what do you want?"
"Han," he says, "that's not what you were implying."
I let out an exasperated sigh, dropping eye contact with him. These last few months have been frustrating, not just sexually, but everything between us leads to a fight. So I take a deep breath and reach for his hand.
"Saturday," I plead, "can we just hang out, you and me? During the day, if you want."
"Okay," he answers. "Saturday. Just us."
"Good!" I say.
I stand up onto my tiptoes to kiss him and this time, he doesn't slink away. Instead, Sean places a hand on my waist and kisses back, a chaste kiss, but it's a step forward. Maybe we can salvage what's left of our relationship after all.
AN: Guys, don't hurt me, we've all watched the show, Sean is flipping toast! It's all Haleb after this. Promise!