A/N: You CANNOT deny that you've never thought of what it'd be like if the Bleach characters were on drugs. I swear, everyone at one point thinks about how freaking funny it would be. Well, this is the way I depicted it, and I hope you enjoy this.
Discalimer: I don't own Bleach
Also: Rated teen for drug use, language, and some... er... -other- happenings. Well, you know what I mean. If you don't, you're too young to read this.
Trust me.
"Oi, Ichigo. Wake up."
Ichigo turned over in bed. "What now, Rukia?" he asked drowsily. Rukia rolled her eyes and climbed over him to get to the window.
"I have to go to Urahara's for some supplies," she said as she unlatched the window and opened it. "I'll meet you at school, okay?"
"Yeah, yeah…" Ichigo waved his hand telling her he understood. Rukia rolled her eyes and sighed, doubting he would remember any of this when he woke up in half an hour. She jumped out into the sunlight, inhaling the crisp morning air and the scent of fresh morning dew, combined with the smell of early morning bakeries and of car exhaust.
She walked as quickly as she could to Urahara's shop, not wanting to be late for school. She only needed a few things, and that would be all she'd buy, despite the other sales pitches he would throw at her. She walked up to the front of the store to find Jinta forcing Uruuruu to do his morning chore of sweeping again. She walked passed them despite Jinta's snide remarks and into the shop.
"Ah, Rukia," Urahara said as he emerged from the back door. "Running low again?"
"Yep," Rukia replied. "Just a few more bottles should cover me for a while. That's all."
Urahara nodded and went to the back to retrieve the products. When he came back, he not only had her purchases but also a small bottle of pills. Rukia rolled her eyes.
"I said that was all," she said sternly, but Urahara shook his head.
"No, no, this is the same thing just… different. I'll throw it in free for you to try," he insisted. Rukia picked up the bottle; it was just plain white, no label or anything. She shook it, then looked up at Urahara skeptically.
"You sure?" she asked. Urahara nodded.
"It tastes like candy. In fact, give some to Ichigo and all the others; it'll be just like candy to them.
"Well, alright…" Rukia said, dropping the bottle into her backpack. She paid Urahara for her products, and then looked back at the smiling and waving Urahara as she left the shop.
As soon as Rukia had turned the corner, Urahara rubbed his hands together. "Excellent," he said slowly and dramatically in an evil, maniacal way with a devious smile on his face.
---
Rukia made it to school just in time. Just as she suspected, Ichigo didn't remember anything from that morning, which was proven when he leaned over his desk to ask her, "Where were you?"
Rukia continued to take notes as she answered. "I told you, I had to go to Urahara's for some supplies. I don't even know why I bother to tell you if you're not even going to remember."
"Oh." Ichigo shrugged and leaned back in his chair, uninterested in Ochi-sensei's lecture. He closed his eyes, daydreaming about random nonsense, when he heard a snap. He looked over to see that Rukia's pencil had broken.
"Crap," Rukia said quietly as she looked around in her backpack for another pencil. As she shuffled around, the bottle of pills Urahara had given her fell out. Ichigo looked around, but no one else noticed, so he made a dive for them before Rukia could pick them up.
"What're these?" he asked, examining the bottle and shaking it.
"Hey, give those back!" Rukia whispered, reaching for the bottle, but Ichigo held it just far enough so that she couldn't get it.
"Rukia, are you on drugs?" he asked, his eyebrows going up.
"No!" Rukia said, snatching the bottle away from him. "It's just some candy Urahara gave me."
"Candy?" Ichigo was silent for a moment. "Can I have one?"
Rukia rolled her eyes and opened the bottle. She tossed the small, round "candy" to Ichigo and decided to have one herself. Unfortunately, Ochi-sensei saw her.
"Rukia, what are you eating?" she asked, sounding testy.
"Um… uh… it's just some candy…" Rukia replied, scared since she had never gotten in trouble before.
"And you gave one to Ichigo?" she asked.
"Um… yes…" Rukia replied.
"Well, you shouldn't share unless you have enough for the whole class," Ochi-sensei pointed out. Rukia counted the contents of the bottle.
"Well, um, actually there is enough…" Rukia said. Ochi-sensei brightened.
"All right then, class, snack time!" she said cheerfully, taking one for herself and popping it into her mouth. The rest of the class got up and did the same, some people taking two. They all chewed and swallowed thoughtfully.
"Hmm… pretty good," Ochi-said, nodding. She then clapped her hands and ordered everyone back to their seats to continue the lesson.
She continued the lecture like usual, and the class continued to either take notes or sit there inattentive. Suddenly Ichigo had a pain in his head, but then he felt… good.
He looked over at Rukia, and she had a sort of lopsided smile on her face. Her head was bobbing side to side, and she swayed as if to the beat of music. Ochi-sensei stopped lecturing and said, "That's some good candy."
Ichigo stood up and swayed a little bit, walking over to Ishida's desk. "Hey…" he said, still smiling. Ishida looked up at him, also smiling, taking off his glasses and throwing them on the floor.
"Hey…" he replied, also standing up. "… you bastard." Ichigo swung at him but missed. Ishida kicked randomly into the air, but also missed.
Chizuru had walked over to Orihime's desk and started to lick her cheek as if she was some sort of dog. And, in her highness, Orihime let her. Tatsuki was too busy hobbling over to where Ichigo and Ishida were fighting. Well, it wasn't really a fight anymore, since all they were doing now was screaming yo momma jokes at each other. Tatsuki threw her arms around Ichigo and began professing her love to him.
"Oh, Ichigo," she slurred, " I lurve you soo much…"
Rukia came over and slapped Tatsuki, which was a surprise seeing as how high she was, and began to call her bad names and saying that Ichigo was hers, to which Ichigo said, "Ladies, ladies, no need to fight, you can both have me."
Chizuru and Orihime were full on making out now. Talk about lesbian love.
Ochi-sensei had walked over to Chad, saying how she always thought he was strong and handsome, and how all the female teachers said that if they had to get laid with a student, it would be him. Chad replied to this saying, "Hey baby, I can make it happen." Ochi-sensei then began rubbing herself against him, which was slightly disturbing. Wait, did I say slightly? I meant very.
Keigo was running around the room in circles, crying and saying that he would never get a girlfriend. Mizuiro finally stopped him and said, "But I'll always be your butt buddy!" I don't even want to know what they did in the supply closet after that.
The odd highness of everyone went on for about twenty more minutes before everyone started to have severe headaches. "Damn, this headache is a bitch!" Ichigo complained, just before fainting over the desk. Soon after, everyone else was lying around passed out. Mizuiro and Keigo fell out of the supply closet butt naked.
Urahara then jumped in through the window, putting away a video camera, chuckling evilly. "Well, that's what they get for taking unmarked drugs…" And with that, he skipped out into the hall.