"I'm the unluckiest bastard in the world. Yup, it's official. Maybe I should tell you why, that would be a good idea. See my name is Robert Coleman and I am the star reporter at the Gotham Globe. Believe me that isn't as impressive as it sounds. The working conditions are horrible, my boss is a slave driver and besides killer clowns there really isn't anything to write about. Human interest stories, blah. Gothamites don't give a fuck about some little girl with cancer. The water fountains in Roberson park are older then the Olsen twins, ha, I wanna see you try putting that in a newspaper and getting people to read it, but I digress. My wife, (God Bless Her Soul) always did say I have problem rambling. Anyways last week I had an interview with Perry White from the Daily Plant, now that's a real newspaper, not like this rag I'm currently working at. So I travel to Metropolis and when I get there the most amazing thing happened. There was parking. In Gotham I would have to park a mile away, pay fifty cents on the meter for ten, and hope nobody steals my car, but in Metropolis there was parking right in front of the building. Fuck Superman that is the most amazing thing I've seen in Metropolis. So I step out of the car, and I have to squint, because it's so bright in the city. Gotham reminds me of an episode of "Married with Children." You know the episode where the Bundy's go to England and the whole city is encased in darkness."
"So I step out of my car, and I walk to the Daily Planet. On my way their people waved hello to me. Not people that I know, but complete strangers, and when I got in the building this nice young lady held the elevator door for me. So I enter the elevator and it's the cleanest elevator ever. I mean it's brightly lit, it doesn't smell like piss, and it goes fast and quietly. So I get to the newsroom and I hear yelling, and I see this big guy storm out of the office. He slammed into me, and it felt like I got run over by a Mack truck. He apologized for the accident and left. I soon found out his name was Clark Kent, and he had just been fired for writing a story that said that President Luthor knew about the attacks on Kansas."
"So after all this, I made it to Perry Whites office and he had a cup of water and he interviewed me. He said I was a good writer but, not great yet. He said that all I needed was one great story, because in his words "The Planet is like the Men in Black. We want the best of the best of the best," and he pulled off a great impression of Zed from the movie. So we shook hands and I headed back to my car and I went back to Gotham, in search of my one big story."
"It was amazing but right when I went back to my desk I checked my email and there was a message for me. It was from one of my confidential sources on the street."
"Christopher Atkins, Age 25. Currently resides at,"
"Ok, I get the point."
"Mr. Coleman, I know everything about you," he said digging in his belt. "Would you like an aspirin?"
"No thank you, I'll survive. Besides how did you know I have a headache? Never mind I don't wanna know. Anyway back to what I was saying. So Chris he told me that there was a big drug deal going down at the harbor tonight. Now I almost jumped up and down, but decided not to cause if I did, well somebody else might get suspicious and try to take my scoop. So I went home and took a nap. The deal was six hours away and I needed to be fully rested for it."
"So the time finally arrived and I was there. I hid out behind a box of crates and waited for the deal to happen. The out of nowhere you came. I had never seen you before and I almost dropped my camera. Your cape trailing out behind you, those what do you call them?"
"Batarangs"
"Those Batarangs flying everywhere. Within a couple of minutes you beat everybody. I was amazed, but I guess it's true when they say men ain`t perfect. Even you weren't able to see that guy sneak up behind you, and I guess that rumor about you being able to dodge bullets isn't true either. When you got hit, I was shocked. I thought somebody finally killed you. I was about to call the police when I saw the guy walk up to you and try to peel your mask off, and then I saw his body shake and fall to the ground."
"Non-Lethal Electric charges."
"I kinda figured that because in all my years, I've only heard one thing. The Batman never kills. So I get up and for some strange reason I walked over to you, and I see that you're out cold. Now it's like I'm not even in control of my body because I took a stick and I peeled back your mask, all the while bracing for a shock, but surprise, surprise it didn't come. Now I pulled your mask back, and gasped out loud. In all my years I would've never guessed that you were really Bruce Wayne, but then all the pieces started to fit. The car, all your gear you carry, it takes money and who in this city has that kinda money. Bruce "I'm richer then God" Wayne. That's when that guy came and I ended up here."
"His name is Nightwing."
"Now remember when I said I was the unluckiest bastard in the world. This is why. The story of the century and I wasn't gonna write it. Ain`t that some shit. A blank check that I couldn't cash, because it would hurt innocent people. I'm sure you would be able to find a way to deny it, and come away looking like a saint, but it would damage you. I don't know much about you, but I remember hearing that you once adopted some kid. Now if this story broke, he might become a target, and besides I wouldn't want the Joker or some other psycho attacking all your charity functions."
"Mr. Coleman. While you were talking I have had an associate has monitor your vital signs checking to see if you were lying to me, and I have been checking for certain tell tale signs that you might have been lying to me. My associate has just told me that you have been telling the truth, and I believe you. So here is what I am going to do. I am going to take your camera, your tape recorder and notepad and I am going to let you go. In two days a number of high-ranking police officers in the Bludhaven Police Department are going to be arrested. That is going to be your big story that will land you a job at the Daily Planet," he said while moving in close. "For the rest of your life I am going to watch you. If you ever think of writing this story I will know and you will not like what happens to you. This is a one-time deal, and is not open to negotiation. Now I'm sorry but you are going to take a nap. When you wake up, an associate will help you with your story," he said as he dug in his belt and sprayed Robert in the face with a gas.
The next day, Roberts's story made the front page of the newspapers and he even appeared on CNN. A month after that he started working at the Daily Planet, and his story ended up winning him a Pulitzer, which was presented to him by the sponsor of the night's award session. Mr. Bruce Wayne.