Need You Now

Vampire Diaries during 2.21 "The Sun Also Rises"

When she awakens she feels a familiar set of arms around her. She opens her eyes and finds herself face to cloth against a strong chest. She sniffs, inhaling a smell that has always brought her comfort.

Stefan has her completely enveloped in his arms with her head buried in the middle of his chest. They're on a bed, facing each other, their legs entangled and their knees brushing. For a moment she can't remember where she is or what day it is or how she ended up here. All she can think of is how safe she feels in Stefan's arms. She lifts her own arms which had been at her sides and wraps them around Stefan's waist, snuggling closer to him.

"Elena?" He's moving now, whispering her name. He raises his arm and strokes her hair. "Elena, are you okay?"

She elevates her head so their eyes meet and it's in that instant when she sees the intense worry in his gaze that she remembers everything: Klaus, Greta, Jenna, John, Jules, the sacrifice . . .

She sucks in a breath and tears flow freely from her eyes. A sob escapes her lips and Stefan's pulling them both to a sitting position. "Hey, ssshh . . ." He holds her close, his arms still tight around her. "Sshh, I'm right here. Just breathe . . ."

"I . . ." But she can't get the words out because she can't stop convulsing with tears. It's then that she notices she's still in the same clothes and there's dried blood on the collar of her jacket and the edge of her shirt. She also notices she's in her bedroom, the one she grew up in. She'd died and come back human.

"It's okay, it's over. You're okay," He rocks them back and forth like a parent rocks a crying child. "You need to calm down, you need to breathe." He rubs her back and presses kisses on the top of her head.

It takes several minutes (or is it hours?) for her to calm down enough to be able to breathe comfortably. She's still breathing heavily and everything feels like its closing in on her. And then just like that she's silenced into shock, not moving or speaking as Stefan holds her. She's physically and mentally drained and if Stefan weren't holding her she's sure she'd collapse on the bed or even fall to the floor.

Stefan leans against the headboard, still holding her across his chest. "I am so sorry, Elena . .. .I wish you didn't have to go through this. I tried so hard to save her . . ."

She remembers waking up with Damon standing over her and Alaric and Jeremy across the room. They were so worried about making sure she wasn't a vampire. Then she'd noticed John outside, on the ground, and Alaric and Jeremy explained about Emily Bennet's spell. As Damon left to 'take care' of John's body, Bonnie returned and explained to everyone that Eljah had betrayed them and he and Klaus were gone. By this point she had been freaking out . . . where was Stefan? Where was he? Was he dead? Why wasn't he there? And then before she knew what was happening Stefan was right beside her, checking to see if she was okay. It wasn't long after Stefan gathered her in his arms that she'd collapsed from exhaustion.

Jenna was dead. John was dead. Klaus was a hybrid. It had all been for nothing.

Stefan hugs her tighter and she feels instant guilt. She truly has failed, and not just Jenna. She'd also failed her parents, she'd failed John and Isobel, she's failed Jeremy and Bonnie and Caroline and Damon and Tyler, and she's failed Stefan. She wasn't supposed to survive this. She was supposed to die so everyone else could be safe. She'd been trying so, so hard to protect everyone around her and she failed.

It was because of her that Jeremy lost so many people and Bonnie had had to fake her own death and it was because of her that Katherine made Caroline a vampire and triggered Tyler's werewolf curse. And Stefan and Damon . . . sometimes it killed her to think about how much she put them through.

"We'll need to bury the bodies soon," Stefan clears his throat, his voice almost cautious. "I know you're probably not ready . . . but we can't let the town find out."

Bury the bodies . . .

The phrase has become part of her everyday life now and yet this time it's too much. Too personal. She remembers when John and Jenna were arguing nonstop about making the arrangements for their brother and sister's funeral while she and Jeremy hid in their rooms and now . . .

"I'll help you, with whatever you need. We all will," Stefan tells her. "Just name it. Anything."

She just nods and mumbles something about needing to change. It's all just too much. It's too much and she can't breathe . . .

Stefan holds her for a little while longer (again, minutes or hours? She doesn't know) and then kisses her forhead. He tells her he'll be back shortly and with one final kiss he's gone.

After he leaves she doesn't move off the bed. She can't physically move.

Everything hurts too much. It's as if everyone she's lost in the last two years has chipped away a piece of her soul and now she's left hanging on by a fine piece of thread.

In an instant she breaks down into tears again, desperately clutching the pillow at the the head of her bed. She bawls until her voice is hoarse and her eyes are red and sore and her pillow is a soggy mess. She knows Stefan will be back soon and she needs to pull herself together.

She doesn't remember later how she managed the strength to climb off her bed, peel her dirty, sweaty, bloody clothes off, and crawl into a scalding hot shower . . . but somehow she does. Standing in the doorway to her closet in just a towel she nearly breaks down again when she sees the graduation dress her mother and Jenna picked out for her before she even started high school. Taking a deep breath, she pushes it farther back in the closet.

The only appropriate black dress she owns is the one she wore to her parent's funeral . . . and it takes everything in her not to pull it out of the closet and rip it apart. Instead she picks up the hanger and walks over to her bed and gently sets the delicate fabric atop the comforter.

When she's dressed she lethargically pulls on the matching heels and shoves her hair up into something presentable. She's trying to decide what earrings to wear when a glint catches her eye in her mirror from her bedside table. It's the earrings Jenna had let her borrow not even a week earlier. She bites the bottom of her lip to make the tears go away as she picks up the earrings and walks back over to the mirror to put them in.

Later as the sun begins to set and everyone's gone from the cemetery but her she feels a pair of arms wrap around her waist. She sighs, leaning back, fresh tears still present on her face. "Where did you go?" She whispers.

"Just making sure the cemetery groundskeeper records would be all good in case Sheriff Forbes would happen to see them. That, and making sure you had as much time as you needed tonight." Stefan kisses the back of her neck and rests his chin on her shoulder.

"I just can't leave yet," Her lips quiver with unwanted tears.

"I know," His voice is calm, gentle, loving.

"It hurts, Stefan," Her voice cracks. "Everything hurts."

"It will get better, I promise," He tells her, his voice firm yet she can tell he's falling apart just as much as she is.

"Tell me again," She says. "Tell me again what you said that night while we walked on the Falls bridge after we first met. Tell me again." He sighs and she turns to face him, her eyes meeting his. "Please, I need you to tell me again."

He lets out a breath and nods, the guilt and worry in his eyes practically breaking her heart."You won't be sad forever, Elena," He pushes a stray hair behind her ear and uses his thumbs to wipe away her tears but more replace them. He kisses her forhead and pulls her into his arms again. "I'm going to make sure you don't lose anyone else. I promise you. I will do everything I can to protect you from going through this again."

"Please, just hold me. I need you here with me," She voices through cries. He sits down on the grass and she sits in his lap. He shrugs off his suit coat and wraps it around her bare shoulders before wrapping his own arms around her. She buries her face in his shoulder and once again deep, longing cries are all that escape her lips.

They stay that way long into the night and early the next morning. She again awakens in his arms in her bed. She doesn't know what's coming next with Klaus and Elijah still out there and she doesn't know how she's going to make it through another major double loss but she knows she's going to need Stefan to help her though it.

The End...

A.N. Wow, what an emotional episode that was! Every time I rewatch it or hear the song at the end of the episode it brings out the tears. I can't believe the season finale is tonight already. Not really sure where this came from . . . but I just love it when Stefan and Elena support each other through the tough times. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it. :)