To settle the rumors, no, I haven't dropped off the face of the planet.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Rory Gilmore was a runner.
Not in everyday life, no. That would be against the Gilmore Girls conduct book. But in relationships, Rory Gilmore thought herself to be a runner.
In school, Rory Gilmore was the bookworm. There wasn't a problem or challenge that she couldn't face with confidence and a smile. Her brain got her through Chilton, and into Yale. Yes, Rory Gilmore was a smart one academically.
But in relationships, Rory Gilmore didn't know right from left. She could have blamed her mother, but Rory Gilmore was too nice to do that. Any problem that came up in a relationship, she ran from. She didn't want to face the challenges that came when her heart was involved.
Rory Gilmore's first run had been with Dean. Her first boyfriend. Actually, with Dean many if not all of her firsts had happened. Her first relationship, her first kiss, her first break-up, her first time saying "I love you", as well as hearing it reciprocated.
Dean had been great the first time around. Annoyingly possessive at times, and extremely jealous in uncalled for situations, but still wonderful in Rory Gilmore's eyes. Maybe, if she wasn't a runner, she could have seen past his façade and given him up when she should have.
But Rory Gilmore was a runner. So she refused to look past his loving and good qualities, shunning the bad ones to the back of her mind. Rory Gilmore didn't want to face the challenges that would come up in their relationship if she let his habits get to her. Every grab of her hand or arm wrapped around her waist whenever Jess came into their vicinity she deemed as sweet. Every accusation about where she had been; why he hadn't called her back she thought of as caring.
But then, at the dance marathon, he finally blew up at her. And Rory Gilmore didn't know what to do.
So she ran. She ran to the bridge, where she knew Jess would find her.
Jess was a more complex relationship then perhaps Rory Gilmore had been ready for. His kisses were less sweet and more aggressive; his hands went places that Dean had never once touched. Rory Gilmore, good girl and bookworm, had fallen for the rebel. It was such a cliché; something you might see on an after-school special. But she loved him. Under closer examination, you could see that the love shared between Rory Gilmore and the bag boy and Rory Gilmore and the rebel were different; not meant to be compared side by side.
But that's exactly what Rory Gilmore did. At every broken promise that he would call her, at every touch that went too far, she would compare the rebellious man with the caring brunette of her past. And each time she did this, Jess became less appealing. Maybe, if she wasn't a runner, she could have broken it off when she felt his hand go up her shirt in one of their many make-out sessions, instead of gently pulling it out and continuing.
But Rory Gilmore was a runner. So she pushed his unappealing qualities aside, and focused on the good things. She thought about 22.8 miles. She thought about his kisses on her forehead as they were walking along the sidewalks of Stars Hollow. She thought about their book debates.
But then, he went incommunicado for days, and ended up going to California without any words to her other then, "I'll call you." This promise, although unbroken, did not help her. So, with a final goodbye on high school graduation day, Rory Gilmore hung up her phone, unsure of what to do now.
So she ran. Instead of to a boy, she ran to her mother for the summer. They went to Europe, and had a spectacular time. No boys to worry about; just museums and hostels and Italian menus. Rory Gilmore and Lorelai Gilmore: mother and daughter vs. the world. Life was good, but as her mother put it, "sneaking onto the Eifel Tower elevator when it was closed and riding all the way up" was better.
But then, the short months came to an end, and her musty hostel bed was replaced by her warm Stars Hollow one. And, although the pillow Rory Gilmore put her head down on her first night back could be considered more comfortable and sanitary, she still couldn't help but think that it was too early to be back. She wasn't ready to think about Jess and what his leaving did to her bruised heart.
So, since her mother could no longer wrap her in the safe security blankets of her Stars Hollow home, Rory Gilmore ran to Yale. She threw herself into what she did the best. Where there were no challenges she couldn't face. She refused to give most boys a second glance. They were the ones that caused problems; the ones who left her standing.
And then, Rory Gilmore made a mistake. A mistake that ended up in a divorce, a mother/daughter relationship in pieces, and her reeling. Maybe, if she wasn't a runner, she would have stopped Dean before it went too far.
But Rory Gilmore was a runner. So instead of pushing him off, she instead let her feelings of teenage love come back to her for that one night. She thought of the bracelet as he laid her on the bed. She thought of the blue car as he started unzipping the back of her dress. She thought of their Donna Reed night as he entered her for the first time.
But then, Lindsey found out. And Rory Gilmore didn't know what to do.
So she ran. She ran off to Europe with her grandmother, where her only problems were knowing her grandma's napping schedule and how to return expensive Italian purses her grandma had bought for her on a whim without her finding out.
When Rory Gilmore returned, she and Dean immediately delved into a relationship. Not for love or for lost feelings, of course. It was because of the mistake they had made. Rory Gilmore was feeling unsure and insecure, so she went to the first safety net she could think of. Their relationship was to help her salvage her dignity. That night wasn't a mistake, because they were back together. It was how it should be. The good girl and the bag boy, reunited after years apart. It wasn't expected, but it was right.
Not to soon thereafter, Rory Gilmore realized that this was just wishful thinking on both their parts. No matter how hard they tried to bring it back, the love they shared belonged to their 16-year old selves. Not 20 year old Dean, divorced and in construction, and 20 year old Rory Gilmore, Yalie. Maybe if she wasn't a runner, she wouldn't have knocked on his door the night of Asher Flemming's wake, looking for answers.
But Rory Gilmore was a runner. So she ran from her insecurities, from her guilt, and from her fear, only to have it all end as abruptly as it started.
And then Rory Gilmore met Logan. Logan, with his arrogance. Logan, with his brain; the one part of his body that he refused to put to good use. Logan, with his playboy antics. Logan, with his careless attitude, and ever-present smirk plastered on his tousled blond head. Logan, Logan, Logan.
He was her adult relationship. Her college relationship. Her longest relationship.
As she stands here now, Rory Gilmore knows how different their relationship had been from her others. For one, it had started off as something that she was unfamiliar with; a no-commitment deal. No strings or permanent attachment. And Rory Gilmore had enjoyed herself at first. She liked knowing that she didn't have to worry about the challenges that a relationship would bring upon them. She could have fun with him, both physically and mentally, and not have to know about anything else other then the good. No more, no less.
But then, Rory Gilmore found herself falling, and fast. And she didn't know what to do.
So she ran. Or at least, she tried to. She went to Logan, and told him it was over. That she couldn't do it anymore; that whatever it was they had needed to end.
And then, right when Rory Gilmore could feel herself about to run, Logan said the magical words.
"Okay, I'll be your boyfriend."
He had reeled her in, like a fish, right as she was making her getaway.
This had surprised Rory Gilmore. Never before had a boy stopped her from running away. She had questioned him; unsure if he was being serious or not. When he assured her that he was dead-set in his decision, she had raised her eyebrows but agreed, thinking that her inability to run away from the challenge was because of her hangover.
Their relationship was wonderful for the first few months; despite the drama going on in both their worlds, they managed to leave it behind when they were together. Rory Gilmore ignored the fact that she and her mother never talked anymore, while Logan never spoke about the plans his dad had for him. Their problems were brewing at the surface unknowingly, and about to boil over.
And then Jess returned. And he made Rory Gilmore run away all over again.
They had exploded in the bar, Rory yelling at him for her past mistakes and decisions, Logan yelling at her about his not-so-grand life as the Huntzberger heir. Then he left, leaving Rory Gilmore standing.
This time, Rory Gilmore knew she had time to make her escape. So instead of going after him and facing the problem, she ran home and reconciled with her mother. Happy to be on good terms with Lorelai again, she decided that the relationship with Logan had been a fluke. Maybe she hadn't been able to get away fast enough the first time, but now she was back in the safety of Stars Hollow, nothing could touch her. She had run away successfully.
But then, she returned to Yale. And Logan simply wasn't letting her out of his tight grip.
Every bouquet of flowers, box of fruit, or unexpected visit forced her to take a step back towards him. She didn't understand why he was doing it all at first. Had he not seen her run from him? Why was he still trying to get her back? She thought it was a routine. Get into relationship; break up. The end. No continuation or sequel. How did he not know this about Rory Gilmore? What did her want from her?
And then, he said the magical words.
"I love you."
He had reeled her in once again, and Rory Gilmore didn't even know it. She had heard the words before, but never had it had such an impact on her. And she was afraid. So, instead of responding, she instead refused to face their problem. She ran away. She shut it out with a simple slam of a door, and that was that.
But then, he brought her a letter from her mother. After reading it, Rory Gilmore knew she really had no choice but to accept his offer to go out to dinner. Because, never before had her mother defended someone who broke her daughter's heart. So she took a breath, took a chance, and took the final steps back to him. Once again, she was reeled back in. But this time, she was almost…happy about it.
This time, their relationship had never been more intense. Which, if you looked back on it, was probably why Rory Gilmore was so hurt and confused after she found out about what he had done with the bridesmaids. However, she took him back the same night, after his speech about how much he regretted it and how it meant nothing.
Maybe, if she wasn't a runner, she wouldn't have gone back to him so quickly. Maybe she could have waited a little while for her to really forgive him instead of pretending that nothing was wrong.
But Rory Gilmore was a runner. So, instead of facing the problem, she went right into Logan's grasp once again. He reeled her back in. And, as they walked down the stairs, away from Paris and Doyle's apartment, she knew something had changed. Because he had said the magical words.
"Let's forget this crappy night ever happened, just go home!"
Home. He had called where they lived home. And what scared Rory Gilmore the most about what he said was that she agreed with him. And that was when she knew he wasn't like the others. For the third time, he wasn't letting her go without a fight. For the third time, he was coming back after she ran away. And for the third time, she was letting him take her back.
And that's when Rory Gilmore, the runner, decided to dig her heels into the ground.
"I don't know a lot. But I know that I love you, and I want to be with you…forever. Rory Gilmore, will you marry me?"
Rory Gilmore would run. Rory Gilmore would be too scared to marry him.
"Yes."
But Rory Gilmore wasn't Rory Gilmore anymore.
"I do."
Rory Gilmore was now a Huntzberger. And Rory Huntzberger knew what she wanted, and she went out and got it.
END.