title: hello goodbye
summary: there is something distinctly painful, china thinks, about reintroducing yourself to your ex-lover
characters: china, russia, and a brief, pointless mention of england
pairings: somewhat-onesided russia/china
rating: k
warnings: a whole lot of thoughts and a ridiculous lack of dialogue
1992
It hurt.
China knew he was being ridiculous. Absolutely absurd. After all, he had not seen Russia, had not been friendly with Russia, had not been anything to Russia for more than thirty years now, not since the Sino-Soviet Split, when they had parted after years of tension and mistrust. The most China had seen of his northern neighbor after that was in border disputes – hardly friendly encounters. So why is he so upset now? He is not supposed to care about Russia or anything that happened to Russia, because he had less than nothing to do with Russia.
But the problem was that he did care, cared too much for Russia, because even if he is China the nation, he is also Wang Yao, and he cannot forget the happy memories he shared with Russia, with Ivan. He remembers Ivan's smiles, his child-like innocence, his cheerful enthusiasm. He remembers his pain and insanity, remembers comforting him and being comforted in turn. And even though they parted with bitterness and pain, even though China remembers the hurt in their relationship, he cannot forget the good times they had. He cannot forget that they had truly been in love, and he could not deny that he was still in love.
And now, watching the reborn Russian Federation walk around (re)introducing himself to the other nations, China couldn't help the sadness and pain creeping into his heart. They hadn't spoken in decades, but it had seemed that the relationship between their countries had been getting better, and sometimes (or more than just sometimes, if China was really honest with himself) China had hoped that perhaps they could reconcile and talk and maybe be friends again, and he had wondered if Russia still loved him as much as he loved Russia. But now, it didn't matter, and he would never know. With Russia's transition from the USSR to the Russian Federation, Ivan had lost his memories.
Somewhere in the depths of China's heart, he knows he should be grateful that amnesia is all that has occurred. After all, he has seen many nations that have simply faded away with their dissolution, and with the turmoil the USSR had faced, it was a miracle that Russia had not done the same. Yet, China finds himself thinking bitterly, does it matter? Without his memories, Russia might as well have disappeared. It would have hurt less, because at least China would not have to deal with the pain of knowing that this Russia not only did not love him, but also did not remember ever loving him.
China realizes that tears have began forming at the corners of his eyes, and angrily, he wipes them away quickly with a long sleeve. This was neither the time nor place to show such emotions, such weakness, especially not as Russia finished "introducing" himself to England and began to make his way toward China. For a moment, China toyed with the idea of making up some excuse about sick pandas and leaving the conference, but he abandons it – he does still have some dignity left.
As Russia approaches, China notices a change in the larger nation's visage as he meets China's eyes – a slight furrowing of the brow, a slip in the bright, ever-present smile. For a moment, China hopes that perhaps by some miracle, Russia has remembered his. But then it is gone as quickly as it came, as Russia's expression returns to normal.
He is right in front of China now, only a couple feet separating the Oriental nation from his former lover. China feels his heart twist in pain, but he refuses to acknowledge it, and tries to put on a half-hearted smile.
A large, familiar gloved hand is extended, as Russia cheerily introduces himself. "Hello! My name is Russia. You are…China, da? It is very nice to meet you! I hope we can be good friends in the future, da?"
Everything about him is so familiar – the amethyst eyes, the cheerful smile, the childish voice. Yet at the same time, it is so unfamiliar, because Russia has not treated China like this in decades, not since before their split, because now, Russia is not treating China like an enemy or a lover, but like a stranger – because, China thinks sadly, that is what he is now. This is not his Russia, not Soviet Russia – this is the Russian Federation. There is a sort of finality as China finally accepts this, and though he can feel his heart shattering, there is a small trace of hope, because maybe this is for the best. Maybe now, they can have a fresh start, a second chance.
Maybe now, they can fall in love again.
He does not know how long it will, or if it will even happen. But he has lived for 5,000 years, and if there is anything he has learned, it is patience. So China takes the offered hand, and his smile turns more bittersweet, more real.
Goodbye, Soviet Russia, China whispers in his mind. I will always miss you, and I will always love you.
"Hello Russia. It is a pleasure to meet you too."
notes-
gaaaaaaah i hate the end. and the beginning. and this entire thing. just trying to get in the spirit of writing. any critique is very welcome!
some historical notes:
-the soviet union dissolved on december 25th, 1991. there was quite a bit of turmoil in the various soviet states before this.
-the sino-soviet split marked a divergence of soviet and chinese ideologies and a collapse of their relations. following the split, there were often border disputes and fighting between the soviet union and china. the split started in the 1950s (around 1956) and was complete by the 1960s
read&reivew~?