The yellow light from beside the stovetop faded, then glowed bright with another power surge. Alexandria had power, sure, even if it was faulty sometimes. Better than being out where bathing meant you had to find a clean river and the extent of electricity was a battery-powered flashlight. I pulled the teabag out of my mug and wound it around the spoon, letting the liquid trapped in the bag drip into the mug.

Sugar was rationed pretty hard here, too. I mean, it's to be expected. Sugar's one of those things that's stupidly hard to process, especially in America where it's cold. But because I helped Olivia with the supplies, she'd always let me sneak some extra. She knew I had a fondness for overly-sweet stuff, especially tea.

I glanced up at the clock above the oven behind me as I stirred my tea. It was nearing midnight; the only sound from outside were crickets and the occasional frog or owl. I wondered if that was from inside the walls or out. If they were out there, they deserved to be making a racket, if they'd survived this long. I set the spoon down noiselessly on the counter and turned around with my tea.

"...Hi." I said softly, seeing Carl step into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes. He dropped his arm and looked at me with his head tilted.

"Are you okay?"

I took a drink of my tea. It burned my throat, but I swallowed it anyway. I shrugged and ran my free hand through my hair. "Sure. Why do you ask?"

I've been with this group for months now and really the only time I saw Carl without his dad's sheriff hat on was at night, usually when he was asleep. It was pretty hot in the kitchen, but he was still wearing the same flannel overshirt as always.

"Because it's…" His eyes looked outside, trying to gage the time. I jutted my chin towards the clock on the opposite time of the room and he followed, looking a bit embarrassed. It was okay; he wasn't used to being able to know the time again. "It's almost midnight and you're making tea."

"Mhm…" I mumbled into my mug, drinking from it again just to have a way to avoid conversation. I swallowed and nodded. "Well, it seems you're down here too, so… the question is, are you okay?"

Even in his half-awake state, Carl still had a good "don't bullshit me" look. "I heard you. I'm not a very heavy sleeper, you know that."

Yes, I did. I had the tendency to get up at night and roam around outside when we were on the road, and every damn time, without fail, he somehow managed to catch up with me. This was the first time since day one he'd questioned it, though.

"I'm fine, kid." I gave him a half-smile, wrapping my hands around the hot mug. His gaze strayed to my bare arms, but I turned them inward and he knew I noticed.

"We're practically the same age." Carl leaned against the wall, and from the dark circles under his eyes, I knew he hadn't been sleeping either. "I'm not a kid."

"In comparison to some of the people here, both of us are."

"Andy," He definitely learned his warning tone from his dad. I'd heard the same from Rick at least once a day when we were travelling, and now that we're not in as close of quarters, it became more common that I heard it from Carl whenever I'd do stupid shit.

"Listen, Carl, I'm fine. Really am. You can go back to sleep, I'll just…" I trailed off, shrugging, and readjusted my shirt. "I'll just sleep tomorrow night."

"You said you wanted to go over the wall tomorrow," Carl said, staring at me. His cornflower blue eyes were a lot prettier in moonlight. Better than my murky green-brown ones, anyways.

"I can do that without sleep." I promised, tapping my fingernails on my mug. He sighed.

"Don't try to do that again." Here's the warning tone again. "You have a really bad way of looking after yourself, you know that?"

I felt my face flush and gripped my mug tighter. "It was one time, just… just one time."

"It was enough."

"I don't want to talk about this."

"You never do, but maybe we should."

"Why?" I forced my voice not to shake. "So you can make me relive it? I was stupid, it-it was a rash decision, I… shouldn't have talked about it then, I was just… I was running on-"

"No food, sleep, or rest whatsoever. I know. I was there. And I don't… want you to relive that. Ever." Carl wasn't meeting my eyes now. "I'm glad you're trying now, Andy. That's all I was going to say."

Guess I shouldn't tell him about half my tea being vodka, then, huh?

When I didn't respond, he looked up. "Did you even eat today?"

"Yes," I said, lying through my fucking teeth.

"Good. Then now you need to sleep." I stayed quiet, staring into my tea. "It's not much, just a few hours. You don't have to be on your guard anymore."

"Once was all it took." I said softly. "Can we…"

"Andy," It was rare he used my name not in a warning tone. I looked up, only to see him step towards me, pull my mug out of my hands, and set it on the counter. I opened my mouth to question, but as I looked away, he wrapped his arms around me.

"I- what- what are you doing?" I kept my arms at my sides. He let go of me and stepped back.

"Better?"

"N-no… not… really at all, no."

He studied me for a moment. "...Want to go out?"

"Out?" I asked skeptically. This boy was still wearing pajama pants for god's sake.

"Over the wall," Carl shrugged, then grinned. "If I go upstairs I know you're not going to sleep, and I'm pretty awake now."

"And it's all my fault, ain't it?" I said, still a bit shaken but smiling nonetheless. He's such a fucking dork.

"You bet. Now, I'm gonna go change… you do… whatever it is you, uh... usually do."

"Alright kid, go put something on that's not so revealing," I put my hand over my heart and sighed dramatically, looking away. Carl, with literally no skin showing but his hands, neck, and head, chuckled.

"Sorry, your highness. I'll be back." He stepped out into the hallway and I listened for his footsteps up the stairs before I grabbed my bag from the living room. I slept down here anyways, so none of my stuff was far away. We wouldn't be able to get into the armoury, but you'd be surprised at how good I am at hiding shit. For example, nobody noticed my fire axe stashed underneath the porch.

After rummaging around in the small basket I put most of my stuff in while I was inside Alexandria, I shoved my lighter, pack of cigarettes, Swiss army knife, half-filled box of firecrackers, and water bottle inside my small bag. Then, on second thought, I grabbed a small coinpurse-sized bag and put that in my messenger bag too. Lastly, I picked up my glasses off the coffeetable and put them on. One of my lenses was pretty badly cracked, but I could still see out of them and that's all that mattered.

As I put my boots on, I heard (rather loud) footsteps on the stairs. Carl appeared at the bottom and raised his eyebrow. "Ready?"

I finished lacing my combat boots and nodded. "How long're we gonna be out there?" I asked, joining him by the door.

He pulled open the door and held it for me. I grinned and pretending to curtsey, to which he tipped his hat and smiled back. Carl closed the door softly behind us before speaking. "Not sure. Probably back before sunrise, or my dad will-"

"Lose his shit?" I guessed. Carl looked annoyed at first, until he saw the smirk on my face. He rolled his eyes.

"Sure, you can say that. And Maggie will be pretty worried about you if you're gone, too."

"Ah, yes. Maggie, the only one who cares about me." It was weird, walking through the streets in the middle of the night. We'd only been here a few days and it already felt rather homey. Regardless, it was very dark, quiet, and a little creepy in the dead of night.

"You know I didn't mean it that way." Even though we spoke just above a whisper, our voices were still rather loud. The loudest thing for a few miles, I'd say.

"Woe is me, the unlikable teen." I leaned against him, putting my hand over my heart as I did earlier in an hyperbolic way. Carl pushed my back upward with a shrug.

"Stop," He said in a half-groan.

"Still can't believe you put up with my shit, Grimes." He stopped and gave me a dull look at mention of his last name, then continued walking. We were nearing the wall before he talked again.

"Well, you know. Pretty strained for friends in a world where at least seventy-five percent of the population are dead or brain-eating monsters."

"Or both," I chimed in, then let out a little huff. "Asshole."

"Shut up," He let me go first and spoke a bit louder so I could hear him as I scaled the steel wall. "You know I care about you."
I swung my leg over the side of the wall, then tilted so far backwards that my back arched. "Yes, but do you looooove me?"

"Andy!" He scolded, having put out his arms to catch me, then looking thoroughly embarrassed. "Just get down so I can follow."

I snickered and climbed over, then dropped down elegantly, landing on both feet. A couple seconds later, Carl joined me, almost breaking his ankle on the way.

"Like a cat, ain't'cha?"

He adjusted his hat to avoid looking me in the eye. "Where to?"

I held out my arms and acted betrayed. "Wait, wait, you told me that you wanted to come out here, and now you're saying you didn't have an idea of where to go?"

"Well… there's a clearing a little bit west of here, but… walkers could be there by now." Carl gestured as he talked. I watched him with a sweet look on my face, and when he glanced at me, he stopped talking, rolled his eyes, and said, "Alright, what's your idea?"

"Now that you mention it…" I held back a laugh at the annoyed look on his face. "Was out here this morning- er, yesterday morning- and found a treehouse about a mile away. Must've been a hangout for some teens, cause I found some other shit there. Pretty useful, actually. Wanna check it out?"

"You're telling me you found something out here and it just slipped your mind to mention it until now?" He stared at me and I giggled.

"No, no, I was gonna show you it when we went out tomorrow, as a surprise and all, sooo… surprise?" Carl just stared more. "Aaaalright let's go check it out."

He nodded. "Lead."

I started off into the sparse trees southwest of Alexandria. We walked in silence for a bit- literal silence, since the owls had stopped and the crickets were fading as we went further outward- until I fell back to walk with Carl. "You know…" He glanced at me as I spoke. "Your footsteps are really loud. You should work on that."

"...I know. Someone told me that already." He didn't sound too amused, so I dropped the subject. A few more minutes of silence, and I felt a tug on the sleeve of my leather jacket. I glanced over and he held out his hand.

"...What?" He rolled his eyes and grabbed my arm, lifting my hand onto his. He knit his fingers with mine and dropped my arm. "... Oh. Sorry. But, uh… why?"

"Comfort thing, I guess." Carl shrugged a little, rather casual about the whole thing. I didn't mind. Holding hands could be platonic.

"Exactly how far away is this place?" He asked after a few more minutes. He had the tendency to move his hand every once in awhile, which I didn't mind. If you've ever held hands with someone you'd know it gets kind of sweaty after a bit and then it's just uncomfortable.

"About a mile. Twenty or so minutes. We're almost there, promise." I'd left small landmarks for this very purpose, things that only I'd recognise, like different herbs at the bases of trees and, at one point, a half-smashed cat skull. I pointed this out to Carl.

He wrinkled his nose. "Gross. What do you think happened to it? I mean, it's just a skull, there's no body or anything."

"Don't know, probably eaten by walkers or something." I stepped over a tree root. The trees were becoming denser, which meant we were hardly five minutes away now. "Ever wonder why in horror movies and books and stuff, there's always skeletons of victims? EIther skeletons or bodies. But I read out of a medical book awhile back that it takes eight to twelve years for a body to decompose completely. And even then, there's still some mushy bits and the bones wouldn't be the pristine white they're always described as."

"...Medical book told you all that?" Carl said with a smile. My face turned pink.

"Shut up, you don't know what I do in my free time."

I glanced over to see Carl wink and I groaned quietly. "Nasty."

A soft moaning from not far away made Carl let go of my hand and pull his knife out of the sheathe. I shook my head, speaking in a whisper. "Relax, kiddo. Another landmark."

I stepped ahead and pushed away some brush, revealing a small clearing. Two full-sized walkers shambled along underneath the large oaks holding up the treehouse, and beside the treehouse, about 15 feet off the ground, a walker was hung. None had noticed us. Carl shot me a look that made me narrow my eyes.

"Shut up. I'll get that one, you do the one by noose boy over there." Carl nodded at this and I gripped my axe tight, stepping back into the underbrush. Carl was less stealthy and just approached his, but still managing to dispatch it quickly. My footsteps, quick and quiet, were unnoticed by the walker, as she was focused on Carl's movement a few yards away. While her back was turned, I swung my axe hard at the side of her head.

The blade made a crunching sound as it sunk into her skull, but she went limp almost instantly. I let her drop to the ground and put my foot on her neck, wrenching my axe out of her head. I heard Carl snickering over the fussy groaning of the hanged walker and shot him a dirty look.

"Got something to say?"

"Never noticed how short you are before." I growled a bit and he held his hands up playfully. He did have over half a foot on me. I was barely 4'11", and he was at least 5'7". I came up to just above his shoulder.

"How old are you, again?" Oh, he was having fun with this. I drew up my shoulders and glared angrily.

"Keep laughin', Grimes, but you'll still be perfect height for me to knee your dick." While his smirk didn't fade, he sure did cross his legs a bit at the thought, which satisfied me.

"No, really, look at this-" He shoved his knife in the sheathe and approached me. Before I could do anything he swept me off my feet, picking me up bridal-style. My axe made a thunk sound as I dropped it in surprise onto the forest floor. He was thinner than I was and he was having no problem whatsoever holding me up.

"Put me down!" I protested, my face turning red. Carl laughed but set me back down on the ground.

"Wait, come here for just a second…" I snatched my axe off the ground and glowered. He beckoned me towards him and I reluctantly obeyed.

"...Wow." He measured with his hand from the top of my head to just above his shoulder. "You… are tiny!"

I smacked him in the side. He made a soft "ow" sound, but stopped teasing me. I huffed. "Now, Grimes, do you want to see the damn treehouse or are you gonna keep making fun of me all night?"

He was still grinning. "Well, it is fun… your face is completely red."

"Shut up!" I snapped, storming off towards the treehouse. Carl followed, having to run to keep up with me.

"Uh… Andy?" He asked after looking at the treehouse, sounding skeptical.

"Mhm?" I tilted my head and stared at him with a sweet smile.

"There's no ladder."

"Correct."

"How do we get up?"

I pointed wordlessly to the large white oak beside the treehouse, its branches so large it overshadowed parts of the treehouse and might have broken parts of the walls. Carl cleared his throat.

"Hope you're as good at climbing as you are at being smug, Grimes."

Before he could respond, I flounced over to the tree and made my way nimbly up the branches. Carl watched wordlessly as I then perched on the small porch before the doorway of the treehouse. I put my chin in my hands. "So will you be joining me?"

"I…" He looked at the tree. I snickered.

"It's not hard. Just don't fall."

"Oh, thanks." Carl said crossly, fitting his foot onto the lowest branch and pulling himself up. It took a couple mishaps for him to get the hang of it, but soon, he managed it and was standing beside me. I stood and stretched.

"Nice of you to show up, Carl." I plucked his hat off him and skipped into the treehouse. It was dark inside, but not so dark I couldn't see. My eyes were already adjusted to the darkness. I fitted his hat onto my head and looked around.

"Didn't think to bring a flashlight, did you?" Carl asked, as something hard and plastic beaned me in the arm. I recoiled as exactly that rolled across the floor. He grinned and turned it on, then set it upright by the doorway so the whole room was adequately illuminated.

"Fuckin' rude, just hand it to me next time…" I rubbed my arm and glared. Carl set his hand on the dilapidated couch-like thing in a corner of the room, then made a hm sound and sat down on it.

"It's dry." He commented. After looking around the mildew-smelling treehouse, I finally sat down next to him. I took off my bag and reached in, rummaging around for a moment. Then I paused, and grinned at Carl.

"Y'know how I said I found something interesting?"

Carl raised his eyebrow. I threw the coinpurse-sized bag at him and he held up his hands to catch. He gave me a curious look, and at my nod, peeked inside. A second later, Carl shot me a new look, one of a sardonic expression.

"Why are you like this," He tossed the bag back at me, ignoring my smug grin. I couldn't help but laugh.

"C'mon, man, not every day we get this opportunity."

"Andy, you already know I don't like you smoking."

I nodded. "Yes, true, but these are cigarettes, they're blunts, so it's different."

"I cannot believe you have an ounce of logic in your brai- fuck it."

"Yeah!" I cheered. "Okay, okay, so this has been here for like a couple years in a plastic bag, so it's gonna probably be pretty strong so this is the time that kindergarten skills come in handy and we share."

Carl rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah… You're the expert."

"I wouldn't say expert, really."

"Yeah, you're right. Drug addict is better."

I smacked his arm while in process of pulling out my lighter. He chuckled. "Just kidding."

"Nah, you're right." I found my lighter and lit up, then took a deep inhale and forced myself not to cough. A year of smoking shitty cigarettes and I'm still bad at it. I passed it to Carl, who was a bit reluctant, but ended up copying me.

"Man, imagine going back and telling ten-year-old you that this is what you're gonna be doing in a few years." I tilted my head back and couldn't help but giggle. "I mean, god… we're two teenagers getting high in a treehouse in the woods in the middle of a fuckin' apocalypse. How shitty can our life get?"

It didn't take long to get both of us high, but I decided to stop before our judgement was too fucked up. Just enough to get a buzz, not enough to forget that we can literally die at any moment.

"Is this what it's like all the time?" Carl asked, his fingers weaving through my hair. I was lying across his lap with my eyes closed, just enjoying the calmness of it all.

"Not always. Most of the time. But it's best to do this with another person, then it's like… I don't know. Better."

Carl mumbled a response, then said more clearly, "What're other drugs like?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. Other stuff. Like… LSD."

I snorted. "How would I know? I'm not that bad of a druggie. I prefer pot and painkillers over shit like that. Tried coke once and… god, that was enough."

"There's too many things there to ask questions on."

"Well, try anyway."

Carl groaned and, after about a minute, asked, "How does the painkiller thing work?"

I sighed softly as his fingers stopped petting my hair and were instead gently stroking the side of my face. He was doing that consciously, that I knew, but I kind of enjoyed it. "Not even sure, to be honest. It just… take a few and your pain dulls, right? Well, take a whole fuckton and everything goes away. I went overboard once and… couldn't feel anything. It was scary."

"Scary… huh." He stopped stroking my face and I sat up, then shifted so I was straddling his lap, facing him. His cheeks turned pink momentarily and I smiled, then leaned forward so my forehead touched his. I'd taken his hat off awhile ago and it now sat on top of my bag on the floor.

"...I never noticed you had freckles before." I said softly.

"Well, you've never been this close to my face before."

"Mhm… hold on a second, we'll resume this conversation then."

I tilted my head and pressed my lips to his. Carl's reaction was more mellow than I thought, probably due to the aid of the pot, and I felt his hands rest against my lower back as he pulled me closer. Soon, a soft kiss had turned into a kind of makeout session accidentally. As his hands set on my hips, something my friend told me years ago came to mind:

"Drugs and alcohol don't change a person's mind, it just enables them to do what they've been thinking of before".

Oh, god.