And when the daylight comes I'll have to go
But tonight I'm gonna hold you so close
Cause in the daylight we'll be on our own
But tonight I need to hold you so close
She lay in bed, alone, cataloguing all the reasons that he was never meant for her. Tonight she acutely felt the emptiness, the absence of him in her bed. The bed seemed too large without him.
As if magically summoned by her yearning thoughts, her door slid open and there he was. For a moment she feared he was an apparition, but then he spoke as he shifted uncertainly from foot to foot.
"Is this a bad time?" God, no, it was never a bad time, she wanted to wrap her arms around him and kiss him passionately and never come up for air. But she kept her voice even.
"I was just thinking about finding someone to share my company." She wasn't going to mention that someone was him. "Come in." After a moment's hesitation, he sank onto the bed, rolling onto his side like he was made to fit the space next to her.
"We were never meant to be together." He whispered, sliding an arm around her.
"I know." She whispered back, even as her spine tingled at his touch.
"A captain and her first officer…it wouldn't have been right." Fuck that, she wanted to say. Fuck protocol and propriety and the unspoken rules of Starfleet. Kathryn Janeway was not one to breach protocol, but she would have breached a thousand protocols, defied a thousand orders to be with Chakotay.
After a long while, he pushed himself reluctantly off her.
"I should go." He said, avoiding her eyes as he pulled on his uniform. "I have a breakfast date at 0700 with….Seven." She nodded, biting her lip to avoid crying out for him.
"Of course." She breathed deeply, willing her broken heart not to show on her face. "I understand." She watched his retreating back and finally allowed a single tear to slide down her cheek.