A/N: This one's a little odd—it's all dialogue. Hopefully it's not too hard to follow. :D
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"Ron, we can't keep doing this."
"Can't we?"
"We're going to get caught, and you know it."
"We've been lucky so far."
"Exactly! The odds of being found out increase every time we do it!"
"Do what?"
"You know what."
"Yeah, but I just wanna hear you say it."
"Honestly, aren't you ever going to grow up?"
"Are you suggesting that I'm immature?"
"Well, if the Quidditch robes fit…"
"Ho ho, you're a bloody riot, you are."
"We really should stop, Ron."
"We can't stop!"
"Of course we can, don't be silly!"
"Hermione, it'd be cruel of you to stop now. I'm all worked up!"
"You can cool down."
"But that's not good for it…you don't know what it does to a bloke to get all aroused and then be denied like that."
"Oh please, do I look like I was born yesterday?"
"No, and thank god, because you wouldn't be sexy like this if you'd been born yesterday."
"Now who's the riot?"
"C'mon, Hermione, if we don't it'll fall off from disuse!"
"Oh my god, you're so full of it! Disuse!"
"Yeah, and then wouldn't you be sorry?"
"I'm sorry now."
"Oi, that was mean."
"You're right. I'm sorry."
"Forgiven."
"Er, what exactly are you attempting to do, Ron?"
"I'd have thought it was obvious."
"We can't do that standing up!"
"We can give it a try."
"I don't think so!"
Knock, knock.
"Gram? Uncle Harry wants to know when you two are coming out of there."
"Violet! We'll be out soon, dear. I'm just helping your Grandfather find his chess set."
"Shit! Busted."
"I told you so!"
"Well, you don't have to rub it in."
"But isn't that what you've been trying to get me to do all this time?"
"Very funny. Stop making jokes at my cock's expense!"
"You dragged me away from Christmas dinner and shoved me into a cupboard so that you could fondle me like a randy teenager. You deserve to be teased, Ronald."
"Well look at how you're dressed! You can hardly blame me!"
"You mean this apron with the gravy and flour stains all over it?"
"You've got it tied suggestively."
"You are completely hopeless, you know that?"
"You love it."
"I love you."
"Love you, too. Damn, you smell good enough to eat."
"It's the gravy."
"Listen to how witty you are! I had no idea I'd rubbed off on you so much!"
"And now we're back to the rubbing."
"Yes, please."
"Ron, look. We need to get back out there. I promise we'll pick up right where we left off when everyone's gone home."
"You promise?"
"I just said I did, didn't I?"
"Just double-checking."
"Hopeless."
"Mad for you."
"Good."