Disclaimer: So far, I own nothing. I barely own myself. As for Naruto, Masashi Kishimoto owns everything.
She stared after his retreating figure.
Just as always, he'd gone and come back in a flurry. He came to protect the village and left to protect himself. It was the only explanation she could find for his departure.
At the gates, holding the bentō, she watched him leave. Her fingers gripped the boxed lunch tightly but, because she'd run out of chakra, she couldn't even scratch it. She'd been attending all day to sick people, and upon hearing of his arrival, she'd run for the boxed lunch she made every single day in the hopes of giving it to him, so he'd remember her in his travels. Every damned day she made his favorite food –omusubi with okaka and tomatoes– and every day, at the end of the day, when he didn't visit, she'd eat the bentō for dinner. And she hated okaka, but she ate it, because she didn't want to waste food.
Sighing, instead of trying to break the container, she hugged it to her chest.
The sun finished setting. The man she'd loved for more than half of her life was gone, and he hadn't even spared her a glance.
It hurt.
The wind blew one last time before she sighed, looking down; she stared at her rough fingers that held the food. It seemed that she would never stop eating omusubi with okaka and tomatoes. Not so long as she held onto her love for him.
Turning from the entrance to the village, she hugged the bentō to her chest, not caring that all of the food was mixing inside. It'd all end up in the same place anyways; besides, it tasted terrible to her no matter what. Yet she still made it with love. For him, who had said it was delicious.
"This tastes great. Will you make it again for me?" he'd complimented, and at his question, she had foolishly nodded. She'd reasoned with herself that, so long as he knew someone awaited him with a warm dinner, he'd always want to come back. She'd taken his comment seriously, had over-analyzed it, and had reached the conclusion that one day he'd come back. For her.
So as she walked to her own home, bypassing running children and avoiding shouting vendors, she came across all of her teammates, her fellow warriors, and her heart hurt. To see them together; her hand in his, while he pointed excitedly to all the shops, and she smiled at him with soft, white-blue eyes, looking like she finally knew the meaning of happiness. She saw her, her old rival in love, complaining loudly to the quiet, paper-white boy, who listened dutifully so he could later think of all her words… because he loved her, and wanted her to keep loving him forever. She saw him, the lazy boy who thought everything was too annoying, letting himself be dragged by the girl of the sand; for all the boy had hoped for a quiet partner, he'd gotten the girl he had first sparred with to become an even greater ninja. She saw the dog-crazed man following the cat-crazed vet, two matches made in heaven and hell, united by the infinite love they had for non-human beings. She saw them all and then saw herself, holding the bentō, and she despaired. Her love wasn't even average; it simply wasn't.
Thinking, thinking, thinking… She thought so much she nearly cried, out in public, but she held it in. She managed, but the price to pay was her attention.
"Ow!" The man in front of her complained, rubbing the spot on his chin where her forehead had struck. Paling, she realized whom she'd hurt.
"Oh, I'm sorry! I wasn't paying attention," she rushed to apologize, the sand ninja makeup-less for once. He was very handsome, she noticed. Actually, the three siblings of the sand were.
"Obviously," he mumbled, but didn't look angry, so she relaxed. He noticed her still holding tightly onto the boxed lunch. "That still has food?"
She nodded.
Speculative, his eyes trailed behind her, seeing the opened village doors. Then he saw her shaking shoulders and downcast eyes, a frown set between her brows. Frowning as well, he realized whom she must've been waiting for. Everyone knew whenever the roaming shinobi would be back; the energetic savior would buzz around, saying he'd be asking for a match. The match never happened, since the boy that sought redemption would come and leave unnoticed. He was supposed to be dating this girl, last he heard. At least, that's what the sand ninja had heard from his sister. Secrets never lingered in the wind.
Sighing, he extended his hand.
"Can I eat that?" He asked, making the pink-haired girl look up curiously. "What did you make?"
"Omusubi with okaka and tomatoes."
He made a face.
"I hate tomato, though. Can I eat the rest? I'm really hungry and I left my money at my sister's."
Blinking, she told him she'd eat whatever he left behind. Nodding seriously, he motioned towards the empty park, and they both made their way to the swings, where she opened the lid and handed him chopsticks, apologetic for the mixed ingredients.
True enough, the puppeteer ate all of the food, leaving only the tomato. But she didn't mind, as he'd already eaten what she most disliked of the meal. For once, the food didn't leave her wanting to vomit. She simply felt drained. Drained of chakra. Drained of energy.
Drained of love.
"How often do you make this?" he asked her, once she was done eating and had put on the lid of the bentō.
"Every day," she said quietly, shamefully, looking at her feet. She knew she was wasting away her life on a man who thought he had to seek redemption elsewhere. Elsewhere, but with her. She wanted to be with him, the love of her life. Instead she was here, having dinner with the man who once aided wage war against the village hidden among the leafs. No, she did not hold a grudge against any of the siblings. She rather liked them, especially the red-haired boy who had grown without understanding love. But she loved him more; the self-declared avenger.
"Hm…" answered the dark-haired man, and nodded finally. "For him?" she nodded, seeing no point in denying it. "I see. Then how about sharing the food with me? It's pretty obvious you don't like this kind of food. I offer to eat whatever you don't." He offered with an uncharacteristic kind smile. She understood his proposal, and she rather liked that he didn't criticize her over her incessant desire to please a certain man. Everyone knew. Everyone thought she was foolish. He probably did too. It didn't matter, though.
For love, she'd bloom every time she felt his presence, and she'd scatter every time she felt him leave.
The months went by. Seasons changed and the nights fell later. Her hair grew, and every time before cutting it, she'd remember how she'd thought he liked long hair. But she'd never grow it out for him again. It was pointless and only made her suffer. It only reminded her of how weak she'd once been for him –and now, she wanted to be strong. For and despite him.
The day of the wedding came. Not hers, of course, but of the hyperactive ninja and the blushing girl. Maybe, the girl had loved her now-husband even longer than she had loved the boy seeking redemption. But her old teammate was kind, unlike the man that held her heart. Her old teammate sought to protect his heart –which was the blushing girl and the village. The man that held her heart sought to clean his soul –but by doing so, he filled her with darkness that started from the bottom of her feet and had risen, wrapping around her heart. In the mornings, all she saw was a jealous girl who lacked the only love she'd ever cared for.
In the wedding, her mouth smiled, but her eyes died. He'd promised he wouldn't miss the wedding, not for anything in the world. And yet he did. Both teammates had been tremendously disappointed, but the boy who held the Nine-Tailed Fox had a wife and a ceremony to get back to, while all she had was a broken heart to nurse.
"This seat taken?" the man who'd been by her side these months asked, and smiling tiredly, she shook her head, motioning he could take it. He paused, fixing his tie, and leaned back. Again without makeup. "Were you waiting for him?"
She didn't need to answer. He knew.
"For how long must you torture yourself before you let go?"
"I will wait forever."
He smiled sadly.
"No, you won't. You can't. That is not living. Life waits for no one. Death waits for everyone. People cannot live for love, but neither can we live without it. You've only ever had him in your sights. When will you let go?"
She didn't want to ever let go.
Sighing, the man's head snapped up when his brother-in-law and sister called him over. Standing, he fixed the tie one last time, looking at the lonely girl.
"Does he even know about your bentōs?"
No, he did not.
She was left staring at the broad back leaving, wondering when everyone around her had gotten wiser, and she had gotten dumber.
It was a few weeks after the wedding that she decided to stop making lunches. Around that time, the puppeteer asked her on a date, and having no good excuse, she accepted. Why would she have said no? There was no one to oppose the relationship. Not even the unlikely hero had any objections, despite watching with pained eyes how the girl he'd once loved but had no chance with gave an opportunity to an unlikely, but good, fellow. The yellow-haired ninja's only concern was with his best friend and his possible reaction. Either there would be chaos, or the pink-haired girl would suffer indifference, something even worse than hatred.
So the kunoichi and shinobi went on dates. He had assured her that he held no special feelings for her, or at least not yet, but he enjoyed spending time with her. Plus, he said; she was surprisingly good at cooking. The bantering was always light and, better yet, he never expected her to laugh too much, or smile too much, or touch too much.
He didn't expect her to suddenly stop missing the wandering ninja.
They'd taken to training among the trees during the afternoon, and afterwards, they'd walk hand-in-hand throughout the village. She didn't feel so lonely anymore, but her heart was still too wounded. Despite this, she appreciated his constant effort to make her feel good, and she made him, in return, his favorite for lunch: hamburger steak. She didn't bring it again, but she still made the omusubi with okaka and tomatoes –but she left them in her kitchen, resting against the window. As though waiting for the day he'd come fleeting through the village, and would see lunch awaiting him.
If only.
Then May came, and it was his birthday –so she invited him to the park, and handed him a small cake that had the kanji for 'puppet' written with frosting. He was two years older, and every once in a while, it was really obvious just how much better than her he was. He'd stood by a beastly brother and had always put family first. His team was his family. Already, and just in that, he was much better than she could ever hope to be. She thought of all the stupid things she'd done for love. And she knew he would never.
"Happy birthday," she handed him the cake. "Your sister says that if you keep talking to your puppets, you'll be friendless. But there's always next year," she said, smiling teasingly. He huffed, cursed said girl, and accepted with a thank you the pastry.
"This is very good," he complimented. "I didn't know you baked cakes, though."
She shrugged.
"I normally don't."
They kept talking for a while; in fact, they talked for so long that the sun set and the moon rose high in the sky, until the girl yawned and stretched.
"Well, it seems like it's no longer your birthday," she said sleepily, but gave him another smile. "Still. I hope you had a nice day today." She stood up, scratching below the headband.
He stood as well.
"I did, thanks to you." Then he hugged her tightly. Surprised, but too tired to feel anything but warm, she accepted the affection.
"You've been great to me, it's the least I could do." She answered, and he smiled lightly and grabbed her hand.
"Come on. I'll take you home."
Nodding, she let him guide her, sleepiness making her rely on his arm. She walked and walked, and finally they made it to her apartment, which she started renting as soon as she had saved enough money. She loved her parents, but she was already old enough to live on her own.
At the door, he kissed her forehead.
She blinked in surprise.
"I'm going back to Suna come morning. I'll be back in a month, but only if you tell me to. Ok?"
Her heart dropped. Selfishly, she didn't want him to leave.
But she said nothing, just nodding weakly.
"I'll miss you." She replied honestly, earnestly. She wanted to convey her gratitude.
"Me too." He gave her a final smile, and then he disappeared.
She sighed.
"Goodbye, Kankurō."
She entered the apartment, and had to hold back a scream.
There, sitting at the head of the kitchen table, was the love of her life.
"Sasuke." She breathed, shutting the door behind her. The lights were still out, but she'd recognize his silhouette anywhere. She toed off her boots and approached, slowly, the table. She really hoped that this was not a genjutsu, or a dream.
"Sakura," the voice she longed for acknowledged; lightning flashed, followed by thunder. A storm was coming. The brief moment of light was enough for her to see Sasuke's face; normally calm and collected, it was marred and twisted with an ugly emotion. He only bore a whole into the wood in front of him, his hands in front of him clenching and unclenching.
How could she not have noticed his powerful chakra from a mile away?
Right. Her mind was simply in another dimension.
"What are you doing here?" Sakura asked finally, not approaching him further.
"What, aren't you glad to see me?" he asked, rather roughly, uncharacteristic. She frowned.
Of course she was glad to see him.
"That's not the question."
Huffing, she saw him roll his shoulders.
"I came to get a paper. Then I saw you weren't home, even though it was after ten. I went to look for you." He said, and somehow, she knew where this was going. "You were with him, Gaara's brother."
"Kankurō," Sakura said, unnecessarily. Obviously, the Uchiha knew the name, but didn't want to say it. "His name is Kankurō."
His distaste was clear.
"Will you ask to see him again?"
Suddenly too tired to say anything but the truth, she answered.
"I might."
He shot up, throwing back the chair at the same moment a flash lit up the room. He was suddenly in her face, breathing down on her.
"So you'll pick him, someone you clearly don't love?"
She stood her ground.
"By now, I'm not quite sure what's worse: being with someone I don't love, or not being with the one I long for." She glared at Sasuke. "Kankurō at least tells me when he'll be back. Better yet, he's here when it counts. For instance, he was at Naruto's wedding." She glared even harder, wakefulness returning to her by the second. "Remember Naruto? Your best friend, the guy who never gave up on you? Who lost an arm for you?" Sakura held back tears. "He was devastated, you know. He thought you would at least pull your head out of your ass for long enough to attend the ceremony. He and I both."
"I'm paying for my sins. You know that's why I don't take you; because they aren't yours to burden yourself with."
"I know that," she snapped, furious. "But I also pay for your sins; the loneliness is killing me, Sasuke. While you find redemption, I find darkness. It drives me mad to miss you so much, and yet every time you come back, you never visit me. How can I believe in us, if you've never told me you loved me? How could I believe those words, if you had, if you've never showed me you liked me? Either you don't miss me as much as I miss you, or you don't miss me at all."
He crushed his lips to hers, clashing their teeth together, holding her head with one hand and her waist with the other. She tried pushing him away, but he just held on with more strength.
"Let me go," Sakura cried, her headband hanging from Sasuke's fingers now. With messy hair and tears streaming down her face, he saw her with the next flash from the storm. She was beautiful; she was breaking. "Why can't you let me go, Sasuke? Haven't I loved you long enough? Isn't it time you make up your goddamned mind about us?"
Without noticing, he already had her pinned to her bed. She didn't fight him; she'd never win a physical struggle against the man.
"You haven't," he answered, kissing her ear. "You still have many years left to love me, and hate me for loving me. Hate me for assuaging your loneliness when you're on the verge of leaving me, and hate me for not assuaging your loneliness when you've never loved me more."
He leaned his forehead against hers.
"I love you, Sakura." He whispered, brushing a light kiss on her lips. "And believe it or not, during my travels, the thing I seek the most redemption for is for hurting you."
Then the hours passed in a flurry of movement, gasps, shredded clothes, tears, screams, scratches and blood. She fell asleep in his warm arms and woke to cold bed sheets.
Walking with a simple bathrobe to the kitchen, she noticed the empty bentō lying on the counter. Devoured.
She made peace with it.
She knew that she'd keep making a bentō every single day, in the far-fetched hope that one day, she'd catch up to him as he left the village.
As he tried leaving her.
Hiya, Leah here. Um, it's been a while, Naruto fandom. :D I just watched the last Naruto movie, and I must say I was terribly moved to tears. Sakura's love life makes me feel especially good about mine; I mean, it doesn't get much worse than having your best friend get married without having even confirmed your relationship status with the love of your life (with said person being absent). I guess a part of me wishes Sakura to have her happy ending, having pined for Sasuke for so long; the other part of me feels bad for her, because it must be horrible to have your feelings returned but being unable to do much about it. This guy is gone pretty much always. I wonder if he trusts her enough to leave her for so long, or he's indifferent enough towards her feelings that he doesn't care much either way? He's so hard to understand. He never clears up his feelings, and yet it's obvious he feels something for Sakura. But is it the kind of love that should be worth the hassle?
Anyways, long ramble over. If you liked the story, favourite it! If you disliked it, tell me why. :D (So long as you're not rude, of course) If you want to read something else from me, I have a couple of stories from InuYasha and another from Naruto (NaruHina).
Leah.