This may come as a surprise, this story. Hell, even I'm surprised. I kind of sat down, went 'I'm going to write a Sherlock/Boosh story (as I promised one of the readers of my other fic) and it just kind of happened. So... no plan, no plot, no idea what the hell I'm doing... Good luck to you, dearest reader. Good bloody luck.
Just so you know, I know nothing of the geography of London, so I just guessed.
Enjoy, anyways :).
"C'mon, Howard!" Vince urged, pausing mid-strut to turn to his friend, who was several paces behind, dragging a suitcase the size of a small horse.
"I'm going as fast as I can," he puffed irritably, drawing level with the younger man. "I still don't understand why we needed another flat in the first place."
"I told you, Leroy's aunt's been trying to rent this place out for years. It'll be nice to have a holiday home."
"A holiday home? Vince, we're two miles away from our real home, not two hundred!"
"Just shut up, will you? I think we're here. Where's the map?"
Howard handed it over grudgingly. He had been navigating for the first part of the trip, until he directed them to the wrong bus stop. After ending up on the wrong side of the Thames, Vince had demoted him to Map Keeper, rather than Map Reader.
"Yeah, it's just down there. Look." Vince pointed to a sign on one of the buildings at the corner of the road. "Baker Street. We're looking for two-two-one."
"Two-one-three," Howard pointed out, setting off again. "It's only a few doors down."
They passed two-one-five, two-one-seven and two-one-nine, until two-two-one loomed in front of them. With its large black door and white brickwork, it looked no different to the houses they had just passed. As they knocked, a rather flustered woman hurried out of the cafe next door. She was sporting a flour-covered apron and her short hair was unkempt, but she smiled warmly at them.
"You must be Mr. Noir and Mr. Moon. I'm Mrs. Hudson- I own the premises. Leroy told me to expect you today."
"Call me Vince, yeah? And this is Howard."
"Lovely to meet you both."
She shook their hands politely, then gave a sudden laugh.
"What am I doing? Let's get in off the street."
A key was produced from the pocket of her apron and she unlocked the front door, stepping inside and inviting them in after her. Vince followed willingly, shooting Howard a grin that he failed to return. Inside, the hallway was dimly-lit and old-fashioned, with a wide staircase to the left and a short hallway to the right, leading to two doors. Mrs. Hudson paused.
"There's two other tenants aside from me and yourselves. One of them is a lovely gentleman, John Watson. He's a doctor, very respectable. It's the other one you want to watch out for- Sherlock Holmes. He's quite blunt, but his heart's in the right place. At least, I hope so." She gave an unsure smile. "He can be a dear when he chooses to. It's the noise that'll disturb you, if anything, although I don't expect you can hear it downstairs."
At this, Howard shot Vince a look that told him he was going to receive a telling-off later. Vince just shrugged it off- it didn't matter; he had already got his way.
Mrs. Hudson hadn't finished talking.
"I live behind that door there," she said, indicating the one that lay dead ahead at the end of the hallway. "Do you want a cup of tea before I show you down to your flat?"
Vince looked to Howard, wanting to decline but not knowing how without being impolite. Howard, it seemed, was on the same page but understood the more grown-up social niceties that had always evaded Vince.
"That sounds lovely, but we'd really like to settle in first. Of course, we'd be happy to take you up on the offer another time."
"Oh, yes, of course." Mrs. Hudson looked slightly put out, but recovered quickly. "Well, my door's always open should you fancy a cuppa. Metaphorically, of course, so don't go getting any ideas."
She wagged her finger at the pair. Vince grinned at her joking demeanour, already taking a shine to her. He understood why Leroy favoured her over the rest of his family.
"Anyway, you boys are through here."
She turned and headed down the hallway, turning to the door that lay in the wall on the right.
"This door locks," she explained as she pushed it open, "but it's up to you whether you close it as your actual door is at the bottom.
Vince and Howard followed her down a small set of steep stairs and into another hallway. A window was set high in the wall at one end and a small amount of dim daylight leaked through, although most of the lighting came from the bare bulb swinging overhead.
"I've recently had it refurbished," Mrs. Hudson explained as she led the way to the only door, half-way down the wall. "There was some business with Sherlock- he's a detective, you see- and one of those criminal mastermind types. After that, I thought it was time to push for residents. You're the first offer I've had, unfortunately, that's why I accepted so quickly- I would have preferred to meet you first. It all ended up in the paper, not good at all, you know how they exaggerate..."
She tailed off, leaving the men to try and digest what she had said as she unlocked the door and then handed Howard the keyring with what Vince presumed to be all the necessary keys on it.
"That's yours now."
Without further ado, she pushed open the door and allowed them inside.
The first thing that sprang to mind was green. The walls were a curious shade of mint green, which Vince immediately took a dislike to, the carpet was a kind of light moss green and the curtains on the high, small window were dark green. The furniture was black leather and wood (Vince didn't know what type, but he expected Howard would fill him in later, disinterested as he was) and four doors led off into what must be the kitchen, bedrooms and bathroom.
"At some point," he said to Mrs. Hudson, trying to hide the distaste in his tone, "we have to talk about redecorating."
"Oh, do what you like, dear," she returned carelessly. "What with the damage Sherlock has caused upstairs and your generous offer for the rent, I can't exactly say no. It would be nice, though, if when you decide to leave- whenever that might be- you leave it in a fit state for the next residents. By then there might even be more interest, you never know."
Then Howard took over, asking all manner of practical questions about water, electricity and the appliances that Mrs. Hudson had already fitted. She had, it seemed, thought of everything and when Vince grew tired of the boring conversation and began exploring, he found a kitchen with a cooker, fridge-freezer, microwave, kettle, and washing machine, two bedrooms decorated in cream with a bed, wardrobe, mirror and chest-of-drawers, and a bathroom with blue tiles and white porcelain fittings.
When he returned to the front room, Howard was shaking hands with Mrs. Hudson, who turned to Vince.
"I was just saying, I need to get back to the cafe. They're short-handed and the lunch time rush is on. It was nice meeting you- I hope you'll be comfortable here. If you need anything, you know where to find me."
"Yeah, thanks, you've been brilliant."
He shook her hand and stooped to give her a peck on the cheek accompanied by a little wink, which made her giggle.
"You cheeky sod, I'll have to keep my eye on you," she teased, swatting him playfully.
When she had gone, Vince turned to find Howard glowering at him.
"What?"
"Even old ladies, Vince. Really?"
"What?" Vince widened his eyes and tried to look innocent, but his grin broke through. "She's just really nice, that's all. I was being friendly."
Howard 'hmm'ed, and Vince knew he was annoyed because Mrs. Hudson was clearly going to favour Vince.
"Just don't get too attached. Our home's above the Nabootique, remember?"
Vince rolled his eyes. "Shut up, you peanut. Come on, let's get unpacking."
So that was sort of setting it up.
Will I update soon? God knows :L. All I know is that Sherlock will show up in the next chapter, so... stick around?
Oh, and review! Pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase? :D.