Penelope sat in the cold hotel room ready to complete the final part of her plan. She needed to do something to help mend her broken heart, before there was nothing left to fix. She pulled out her laptop and began to write the hardest letter she will even have to:

Dear Handsome,

Frist let me apologize for this letter. I know you will think I am taking the easy way out with not confronting you in person. Just know that my heart just couldn't take it anymore. You are the most amazing kindhearted person I have ever come across in my life; the past 10 years have truly been a blessing in the fact that I knew you. You are not just some badass FBI agent; you are so much more than that. It's probably one of the main reasons I fell in love with you way back in the beginning.

I know this letter is selfish on my part, but I just can't do it anymore. I look at your life now with Savanna, and I'm happy for you, I really am. All the signs point to you asking her to marry you… I just can't be there for that. Every day I wake up and pray that today won't be the day you announce your engagement. I might be able to put on a front whenever you are around, but hearing those words will probably kill me. So, here am I cutting it off at the pass. You will be marrying her, having beautiful, smart children with her… while I watched from the sidelines. I just couldn't do it.

I knew I loved you when I first met you, I didn't know I was in love with you till right before Battle when you made me realize a man in your league would never fall in love with a woman in mine. Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with that… it's just society. I should have seen it coming if I were being honest with myself… I knew this time would come… you falling in love, starting a family, the happy ending you deserve. You're meant to get your happy ending, Derek. I just wish I was strong enough to have guarded my heart from you. When Kevin purposed, you pushed me to marry him. That should have been my first sign to start placing the walls around my heart, but like a foolish teenage in love, I just pushed it aside and fell more in love with you each day. When I think back at our lives together all the signs point to a young foolish girl pinning after the handsome jock. This isn't a movie, not everyone gets their happy ending.

The girls, though I love them; used to feed me happy endings with you all the time. That might be why I never could love a man with my whole heart… I was always waiting on you. Foolish me, I was always the one who started our flirty banter, from the names to the explicit things I would say I wanted to do to you. Only once it was started by you when you told me to 'looks up Sexy and God in the dictionary'. I just pushed more and more for that type of interaction with you, when the most you would ever do is call me Baby Girl.

As I sit in this hotel room, I can't help but wonder what could have been different? The Jock and the Nerd don't become friends, it's just the way of the world, I'm okay with that. I have to be. The past month or so I made you believe Sam and I were still together. I didn't want the pity looks of "Oh poor Garcia, she failed again" so I told no one and acted like everything was fine.

Each day hearing your stories about the night before slowly started to kill me; I needed to make a change for myself. My heart needed to start to heal… Hell, 10 years of loving someone will probably take a while to get over, but I have to try. I probably never will though. My only hope is that I learn to live without you in my life. It's the only thing I can do to survive.

By the time you get this letter I will already be gone. Yes, the team knows and I forced them to keep it from you until I could get all my affairs in order. Please don't be mad at them, don't be upset, I made them keep their silence. I know that I will soon become a distant memory for you. Remember the good times, the movie nights, late night phone calls, the dancing and joking. The times we spent together are the happiest moments of my life.

I love you Derek Morgan, more than a woman should love a man that's heart doesn't belong to her. I am writing this to say Goodbye; I wish you all the luck in the world. Don't push people away. Keep the ones you love close to you.

I am going to leave you with a lyric for a song called Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy. It might help explain what I might not have been able to say here.

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Why can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I love you Derek Morgan. I will always love you.

Love always,

Penelope

She printed out the letter and whipped the tears from her eyes. She knew she was being a cowered for not facing him. The team had told her to just "Talk it out with him. You might be surprised at what you find out." She knew better, even if he tried to make her stay, it would just be out of comfort nothing more. He would eventually go off with Savanna and leave her broken hearted.

Her checkout time was approaching. She kissed and folded the letter and made her way to the lobby. She placed it in the outgoing mail and made her way to the airport.

AN: I do not own anything about CM or the song Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy. I am still working on "Finding Home" but this would not leave my mind all day so I needed to get it out. The next chapters will go back to her telling the team and their reactions to Derek getting the letter. Let me know what you all are thinking. Thank you for the support.