Here is my Christmas fic. Happy Holidays to be politically correct.
A Merry, Awkward Christmas!
Squidward Tentacles angrily stormed over to Sandy's tree dome. His only desire was to get in at least an hour of practice, in solitude. But alas! In the instrument's place was a note from his unintelligent neighbor, Patrick. It was full of misspellings and grammar errors. From what he could make out, Patrick had 'borrowed' it because he wanted to play some music for Sandy's Christmas party, later that night.
"Like that idiot even knows how to play," Squidward grumbled to himself. "He probably used it as a backscratcher! Note to self: be sure to disinfect it." The octopus arrived at the door, grabbed a water helmet, and shoved it onto his head. Once he is inside the dome, he sees SpongeBob decorating Sandy's tree. He was hanging a wreath on her door. The squirrel must be inside, as he didn't see her. He approached the sponge, and addressed him. "SpongeBob, where is that thing you call, 'friend'?" SpongeBob turned around upon hearing Squidward's voice.
"Hi Squidward!" SpongeBob greeted, happily. "Wanna help us decorate?"
"I would rather have my stomach pumped! Where's Patrick?"
"Here I am!" Said Starfish cheerily announced, peeking his head out of Sandy's window.
"I want my clarinet back, you dolt!" the octopus stated.
"Sure thing. After the party."
"Not 'after the party.' Now!" Squidward was losing his patience.
"But, Squidward," SpongeBob protested. "We need it to spread Christmas cheer."
"Christmas cheer? Now I really need my stomach pumped." Just then, the door opened, and Sandy appeared. She was carrying a big box of Christmas lights.
"Howdy, Squidward," she greeted, setting the box down. "What brings you here?"
"Determination to get back what's mine!" He answered. "Patrick stole my clarinet."
"Borrowed," Patrick called, from the window.
"Oh, c'mere. I think I can help you get it back," Sandy said, pulling Squidward aside. Patrick was suddenly next to his friend, holding the clarinet. "You're doin' great, SpongeBob. Keep at it." She was about to tell Squidward her plan, when SpongeBob's voice interrupted.
"Hey, Patrick. Look right above Sandy and Squidward."
"A branch?" Patrick said, confused.
"No, below the branch." The squirrel and the octopus simultaneously, looked up. To their horror, they were standing right below a dreaded holiday plant. The mistletoe hung by a branch from Sandy's tree, which was over their heads. "You know what that means!"
"If they eat it, they'll die," said Patrick.
"No, silly! They have to kiss! It's a tradition." SpongeBob informed. Sandy and Squidward blushed.
"Well... I don't usually like Christmas... S-so I don't..." Squidward stuttered, obviously trying to get out of the situation. The idea wasn't exactly appealing to Sandy, either.
"Yeah, and... I'm sure the rule doesn't apply... to sea..." She tried.
"No excuses," SpongeBob warned, tauntingly. Sandy was starting to regret telling SpongeBob every last detail about his holiday. If it was even possible, their faces turned even redder.
"Hey, Squidward," Patrick called. "If you kiss her, I'll give you your clarinet back." Squidward sighed. He really wanted his clarinet back, but he didn't know if he could kiss Sandy, in front of these imbeciles. True, she wasn't half as bad as the rest of the uncultured, idiots in Bikini Bottom, but he was still hesitant. If it was the only way, then this surely couldn't be the worst thing in the world, right? He figured the quicker they had it done with, the sooner he would have his most prized possession.
"Waddaya say?" He asked the squirrel. "Let's just get it over with, so we can move on with our lives." Sandy was reluctant about kissing Squidward, but she wanted out of this situation as soon as possible.
"Fine," she agreed. "we'll make it as quick as possible." Squidward leaned in, but forgot he was wearing a water helmet, He removed it, as he could hold his breath for a while. Water splashed onto the lawn. Sandy's heart quickened, and her stomach lurched. Their lips touched. Both of them felt fuzzy inside. Their eyes closed, as they felt the moment. SpongeBob and Patrick watched in amazement. After a few seconds they broke apart. Squidward gasped for some water. Sandy reacted quickly, and refilled his helmet. Once it was back on his head, he took in huge gulps.
"There," he said, after he caught his breath. His and Sandy's cheeks were still flushed. "Now, gimme that!" He marched up to Patrick, and snatched his clarinet. He was about to leave, when Sandy's voice stopped him.
"Wait, Squidward." His tentacle had the doorknob halfway turned. He spun around upon hearing her. "Um... Would y'all wanna come to my Christmas party tonight?" She asked. "You could supply the music."
"Uh... sure," Squidward answered. He exited into the ocean, leaving his helmet behind. Sandy giggled once he was gone.
"Alrighty, boys. Let's get back to decoratin'." SpongeBob and Patrick are too shocked to answer.
Butterflies flapped around in Squidward's belly, as he made his way home. He of all people, agreed to attend a Christmas party, after kissing Sandy Cheeks underneath the mistletoe, and he actually enjoyed it.
So waddaya think? Reiew! No flames please. And Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkuh, Happy Yule, Happy Kwanza, Happy Saturnalia, and whatever else you celebrate!