Texan boys hide Playboys under their mattresses not carefully collected pictures of other men cut out of woman's magazines. So Jack twist had told himself the first time he ripped a page out of one of those magazines and stuffed it on his pocket, looking around to make sure no one had seen. The rest of the day Jack jumped when anyone spoke to loud or touched him. He was so scared of the guilt showing on his face, of some one noticing. Every one on the streets seemed to be giving him weird looks, could they know? Could they see it? That night the silence of the dinner table had been to much to stand and he asked to be excused faking a stomach ache.
Jack lay on his small bed staring up at the white wash walls feeling the page burning a hole in his pocket. His mother came in once to see if he was all right and Jack pretended to be asleep. Once she closed the door he listened waiting for the sound of her foot steps to go away. Then he shot up in bed finally he couldn't take it any more.
Scrambling to get the thing out of his pocket as if it would burn him Jack took it out. The man had caught his eye because of his strong build, Jack had always found him self attracted to stronger men. Tentatively he folded out the crumpled paper and slowly flattened out the creases. He took a big breath his eyes finally allowed to scrutinize the page freely. Jack drank in the sight of the man's shirtless chest, his muscular arms and his tight jeans over well crafted legs, hips, and things.
Jack had looked at other men, he'd seen some naked too. But he always looked away, never allowing himself to look back. Now his eyes opened in wandered, finally allowed to look his fill. How could it be so wrong to want . . . to want to bed a man like this? If women could look at this then why couldn't he? Why wasn't he allowed to have the feelings he did?
His dads voice interrupted his thoughts, he was yelling at his brother again and some how the words transformed to what his dad had yelled at him only a few month ago, "Now you boy ain't gonna turn in to no cock sucking man fucker like them you hear me! Boy!" A tear trickled down Jack's face, he was disappointing his dad again just by having this stupid picture. He clenched his hands in to fists.
But he didn't crumple up the paper and burn it or throw it far away. Instead after a few calming breaths he unclenched his fists. Then he got up and put the picture under his mattress where no one would ever find it. There was no pleasing the old man so he decided he would go with what was pleasing to him.
...
"Jack?" David raised a questioning eyebrow holding up the picture. Jack froze in the door way. No. He had been found out. David. . . David who he was just starting to think he like would never speak to him again. He go down stairs and tell his father. . . his father. . .
The panic showed clearly on the boys face. David's remained impassive as the older boy got up. Jack swallowed, his hand clenched in a fist. He closed the door blocking the exit. He didn't want to hurt David, no he couldn't, but he had to act like he might. And maybe just maybe he could bully the boy in to silence. Or knock him out long enough to run away.
David walked right up to him, Jack didn't move trying to figure out what words to say to the boy. Should he plead or flee?
"You queer Jack?" David asked bluntly.
"No!" Jack retorted quickly, his voice shaking. "I don't know what your talking about." He shrugged his shoulders daftly.
"Oh Jack. . ." David's voice was soft and Jack looked up, a tear running down his cheek. He couldn't do it he couldn't hurt David, not David who he had so recently started having feelings for. "Jack. . ." David took another step forward and put a hand on the younger boys shoulder. The hand weighed heavy on Jack, knowing he may never feel his touch again, unless it was a punch.
"Please. . ." Jack whispered. "Please don't. . ."
"It's okay Jack." David said quietly as he moved to hug the younger boy.
"Stop!" Jack nearly shouted. He didn't want David's kindness if he was going to go down stairs and tell his dad. If he was going to leave him, Jack didn't want to. . . feel what he was feeling for David.
"It's okay." David whispered as he gently brushed his hand along Jack's cheek, tears falling on his fingers. Jack slapped his hand away. "Jack. . ."
"I don't need your sympathy."
David grabbed his face roughly making Jack look at him. David bent down and pressed his lips to Jack's. Jack stopped struggling as the older boy kissed him, a simple press of lips. He stood perfectly still, eyes wide open. It felt so good, heart was pounding out of his chest. David gave up, Jack wasn't responding. He let go of Jack's face and took a step back, not looking Jack in the eyes. "Me too." He whispered.
Jack saw the same hurt and uncertainty on David's face that a second ago had been his own. He felt like a burden had been suddenly lifted from his shoulders and with this new found joy he stepped forwards with courage, snaking his arms around the other boys slim hips and kissing him back, passionately.
...
The beats of the bar where thumping and even from out in the alley they could hear it. David pressed him in to the shadows quickly making sure that no one was watching. They kissed hastily as the danger sent adrenaline threw their systems.
Breaking apart David stepped back looking at Jack with hungry eyes. The music put an idea in to David's head and he grinned wolfishly. "Come on." He whispered drawing Jack further in to the darkness. "Put your hands here." David guided Jack's trembling hands to his hips. "There that's it." Jack relaxed a little stroking the rough fabric of the boy's jeans, and feeling swell of his ass beneath his hands. Then David began to move in time to the music rocking back and forth slowly.
"I can't dance." Jack whispered, fear creeping in to his heart. The younger man took his hands off David.
"Come on it's not that hard." David coaxed drawing his hands back and placing his arms around Jack's slim shoulders.
"What of some one sees us?" Jack's eyes where wide with fear.
"Don't worry the won't." David said soothingly. He started to rock a little more, drawing Jack closer to him as they started to dance. At first Jack couldn't keep the rhythm as he nervously glanced at the alley way every few seconds and his feet where like lead. Then David leaned in and rested his head on Jack's shoulder. "It's okay." He whispered soothingly and Jack began to loosen up slightly, moving in time with David's steps.
Soon they were spinning around the alley as a quick real was stomped out in their boots. David took his hand and yanked Jack too him. Jack spun David around in circles, and David let him lead for the first time that night. Their boots tapping out the rhythm in the dark alley way they lost them selves in the simple pleasures. Their hearts beating fast and their blood pumping fast, lips swollen from kissing so much.
As the night grew darker a love song ballad came on and they slowed down. Jack's arms around David's waist holding his tight and David's hands buried in his hair they rocked back and forth slowly lost in each other's gaze.
Jack parted with David at his diver way, walking three steps then running back for one last kiss. He crept back in to the house, through the window and pulled up the hank of rope he used to get in and out that night. Jack flopped down on the bed smile as wide as any clowns on his face. He was so tired he fell asleep fully clothed, feeling the best he ever had in his life, arms wrapped around the little wooden horse David had given him.