Lover Lay Down
By Andrea
Rated M
Standard Disclaimers Apply
Author's note: So… I've been wreaking my head these past few days trying to come up with SOMETHING, especially when I haven't written ANYTHING in almost a year (now that I think about it, it was for last year's CoL). Then I thought I could just do a fanmix and be done with it. But no, no can do. Suddenly, I started writing and writing (yesterday afternoon, cuz work has been a killer), but I still wanted to do the FM… So, I ended up with… this. A fanfic with a soundtrack. I just hope it's not too confusing. I didn't know how else to format it without disrupting the flow. Oh, well…
A little about the songs: I'm a music junkie. I alone own over 400 CDs, have over 12,000 mp3's in my computer, and I know one of these days, someone's going to come knocking on my door to put my lights out. Kaput for me. But! For the time being… Every song was chosen carefully, according to what part of the story it was supposed to describe. Truthfully, in most of the cases, I found the song first and it led me to the next passage. There may be music up there that is not my favorite and/or I may not even like at all, but its melody, lyrics, depth, everything about it was just perfect. I even tried not to repeat artists (because I swear Muse and DMB are going to be the death of me!) What I'm saying is that this isn't a music rec thread or whatever… Each song is meant to make you feel nostalgia or love or anger or whatever, as you go through each passage of their lives together.
Ok! Enough babbling!
(Italics are lyrics).
Warnings: Not proofread.
.:His masochistic tendencies:.
Breaking, Anberlin.- She was tempting, bewitching. It killed him that she would smile so wantonly at him, the full curves of her lips tilting, her eyes darkening, her delicate, pale hand curling against her throat in such a wonderful way; he knew she was teasing him. She got breaking hearts all but down. And yes, it killed him, because why would she smile at him with so much hunger in her dilated eyes, and yet still accept a dinner invitation from some random guy who had his days counted?
Map of the Problematique, Muse.- The ache she caused him, killed. The days seemed endless, one after the other, they mended into never ending streams of seconds, a sick cycle of monotony, a carousel of torture and pain and loneliness. The weather was blistering, scorching his skin where his vest didn't reach, burning the soles of his feet as the heat seeped through his insulating boots. When will this loneliness be over? One hundred and seventy-three more days to go. And the soldier braved on.
The Other Side, David Gray.- Sometimes he did hate her. He was vulnerable, weak, a coward. And she was utterly oblivious. Sometimes he wanted to destroy her, eradicate her from his life, where she would no longer inhabit every single corner of his existence. And now the floodgates cannot hold all my sorrow, all my rage. Yes, because sometimes he hurt so much, sometimes he felt he would hyperventilate and suffocate and die, drown in a puddle of his own spit. Truly, because sometimes she was selfish, when she behaved like a child, crying and immature, she would leave him. He shatters, breaks into a tiny million bits of crystalline heart tissue. He did want to hurt her on purpose. Still don't know what love is, but he was sure that if he were in love, he wouldn't want to pack his things and run, behind her back so he wouldn't have to face her tears. Because this was becoming too much, too soon. And he was scared. Yes. He was definitely a big-time pussy.
Black Dove, Tori Amos.- He used to think her a broken child. The street he lived on as a kid was sunny and green and happy. He remembers her pink bicycle on her front lawn. But he was ten, and she was nine. There was something so tremendously fulfilling about reaching the double digits. It didn't matter that in a few months she would be ten, as well. It didn't matter. He still had a couple of months left to gloat and feel superior. Two days ago he would have knocked on her door and demand that she ride with him, but ten-year-olds didn't associate with nine-year-olds. It just wasn't done. Then six years later, when her parents died, her upgraded bike (still pink) long forgotten on her front lawn, he lost her. She never let on how insane it was, and just like that, she was lost. Some aunt came to live with her, and once when he went out to ride his brand new bike, a wicked one that twisted his ankle months later, he saw her sitting outside her house on the curb, her knees drawn to her chest, hiding the pale nakedness her dancing hair refused to cover. She held his hand. His heart beat like an engine out of control. He found her again… just like that. You're not a cop-out either.
Brand New Day, 40 Foot Echo.- They had a fight. It also isn't the first fight, or the biggest one for that matter. He still doesn't understand what went wrong. She's tired of him at last. But two weeks have gone by, and no word. He hasn't reached out, either. Never thought I'd be the one to bring you down. Was that it? How does one know when it's done? And what about the five years he'd invested in that relationship? What more was there to it? They already lived together. They had a dog. More or less like a having a kid, right? I wonder what it'd be like to carry on. She only comes by to check if the dog's fed and well-treated, conveniently when he's not around.
You Could Be Happy, Snow Patrol.- Two more weeks, and one month has gone down. Still no word. Is it too late to remind you how we were? There's no family to call. She has no one else, but him. He tries her coworkers and people he knows she knows. No one knows. No one knows. I should've stopped you from walking out the door… He should've just asked her to marry him and get it over with. It's not like he hadn't thought about it before.
Breathe Me, Sia.- He was so tired. So alone. So desperate and heartbroken. Three months. And the worst part is there's no one else to blame.
Fall to Pieces, Velvet Revolver.-The entire line of his jaw itches from the many-days' worth of beard growing like a guilty reminder on his face. He's been thinking about changing the bed sheets for a couple of days now, and maybe swipe a little at the coffee mug rims long since dried on the living room table. I keep a journal of memories. He's also been thinking about picking up her shoes off the floor, where they've been laying for almost two months right next to the front door, right where she left them that last night when she came home from work, the most radiant smile on her supple, pink lips. She was always smiling. It was time to put his feet in the water.Will I find you?
Lonely Road of Faith, Kid Rock.- He found the milk she bought him, and the razors, too, among the dozen tiny little things she got him. Archimedes would remain oblivious; the poor thing still thought she only cared about him. And to think he was jealous of a damned pup. Four months, and still no word. And though I walk through the valley of darkness since she left, it had taken him one week to realize he couldn't live without her, and several weeks more to be at peace with that revelation. He was waiting for her to come back. He was just bidding his time. And if the sun don't shine, would you still be mine?
.:Her rollercoaster heart:.
Sleep, Azure Ray.- Choking. She remembers herself that last night she was ever alone again. She was choking with her pain. Almost a year after her parent's tragic death, she'd wished every single night since then that she were able to join them, and forever leave the solitude that wished to swallow her whole. Now these years locked in my drawer were all she had, snippets of frozen memories, no longer vivid and colorful, but fading and graying and dying. She wanted to die. Who would miss her? Her father's sister who didn't even deserve to be called aunt, who looked down at her and blamed her every day for her parents' death, or maybe the neighbor's cat who insisted on serenading her every single night, robbing her of precious blinks in between tears? No, no one would miss her. And so she stripped herself from her pain and her memories, and sat on her curb, staring at the line of trees, wondering. Silver flashed, the scraping of metal on cement distracting her a moment while she regarded the blade in her hand. I can't speak to you, but she watches him near. He looks at her with wonder and happiness. So I'm reaching out for the one because no words come out and he accepts, bringing her into himself for the very first time.
Behavior, Majandra Delfino.- She was a masochist. She really, really was. It's probably why people said one had to be willing to make sacrifices for the sake of one's relationship. How many more sacrifices would she have to make, how much more time would she have to dedicate for him to realize that she was tired of living in this frozen torture? She wanted so much, she knew he had so much more to give… but he was always afraid. Scared witless to let her in. Yet, despite all his shit, all his letdowns and mood swings and even despite all the times he's shut her out, she was irrevocably still, one-hundred percent in love with the bastard. It's all your crazy, messed-up ways that bring me back. She could sacrifice a little more.
Come On Close, Jem.- Oh, at the beginning it was difficult. She was a nutcase, dependent and needy. She knew, even though he never said a word. It was the classic "I like you, you like me, who will make the first move?" kind of relationship. They danced around each other for almost two years. He's the kind of lover that the ladies dream about and she herself had more than one or two fantasies about him, too. He used to take her out every week; he always had a new girl on his arm, buzzing like a damned fly around stale food. It was sickening. But she was in love. This loving is all for you. And in the meantime, she would tease him and do it my way, keep your eyes on me; accept dates and touches and maybe even a few kisses. She slowly broke him. Later she would wonder if that was the right thing to do.
Serenade, Steve Miller Band.- Life was tough, but together they were perfect. They both knew it would be, right from the start. We're lost in space and the time is our own. She knew it in her heart, when he would smile or chase her around their apartment, his laughter made her think corny, his body made her blush like a schoolgirl, his kisses cease one and all thought process. She couldn't help but smile in arrogant satisfaction whenever she left her apartment, to hear the gossipy busybodies that were her neighbors, whispering about her man, how perfect and gentlemanly and handsome he was. Their comments on his ass made her smile. Did you feel the love that was in the air?
Beloved, VNV Nation.- Then one day, she just left. My thoughts touching every second that I spent waiting for you. But poor Archie couldn't be left behind. Who would name a dog Archimedes, anyway? Only he would. And so she sneaked back every chance she got. It was for the dog. She convinced herself that the milk, cornflakes, toilet paper, razors, and all the other things in her grocery bag were for the dog, too.
.:The world is Technicolor behind closed eyes:.
Universe & U, KT Tunstall.- When they met, it was short of cosmic conspiracy. He was almost waiting for someone—anyone!— to pop out of nowhere and slap him in the back with an "I told you so!". You know there's no need to hide away. First time he's ever been to the supermarket—surely, what's a man to do without Mr. Bubbles (surely he was losing his mind!) and some 409 (he finally decided to clean the grill)—and there, smack in the middle of aisle 7, he found her comparing All Bran vs. good ol' Cocoa Puffs. It was always the same outcome; she's always had a sweet tooth after all. She looks up. His heart stops, and Mr. Bubbles goes crashing to the floor. We are building bridges and he's reaching out, straining, dying, fading as her eyes widen and she half turns, her body tensing as if readying for flight. I can feel everything you do, even when you're miles away. But she stays and he lives. And when she smiles, tentative, shy, afraid and elated, he soars.
Taste, Lorna Vallings.- It was the first night of the rest of their lives. He could taste it in her kiss, feel it in the strength of her legs around his hips. Would I be addicted? He was a starving man, surging into the depth of her eyes, the luminous blue orbs, so dark they were black with her need, her chest expanding with the forceful breaths she was panting to inhale. He closes his eyes at the ambrosia of her scent, the sweet nectar enveloping him like a force of nature out of control, surrendering him to her will, bringing him to his knees in front of her, his goddess, his hell. And she smiles, laughs and flies, because she can't understand the total need and trust and love in his eyes, their pupils dilated as they hungrily rove her body, his hands busy in their task of baring her, removing the last of her clothing and letting it sail like a plume in the wind. Would this hunger ever cease? And in the darkness, the rustling of skin moving over skin, his hands cupping her thighs, his tongue licks the deprived path of her folds, you are the cliff that I walk and she's crying out, her back an arch of pleasure so stinging it weakens her knees. And when she falls, he falls with her, colliding in a mass of limbs, excited and delirious and fulfilling. The dying embers of day wane into darkness at last, and in its ebony cover, she reaches for him, that protruding shaft of arousal, sleek with his need for her, his chest contracting savagely in anticipation. And when her lips—those luscious, soft lips—close around the head, his taste exploding on her tongue, a full-throated growl, wicked, needy and carnal in its hunger falls from his slack mouth in a plea for mercy or punishment or maybe both. Perspiration covers his godlike features. And finally, in the depths of her soft, yielding body, he loses himself, never to be found again.
Bonus tracks:
Dave Matthews Band – Lover Lay Down
Blue October – Ugly Side
Ash – Shining Light
Link: ht tp:// www. 4shared. com/ dir/ 12844685/ f1ccb0e9/ sharing. html (for individual tracks and zip file / remember to remove the spaces!).
Songs that made brief appearances but never made the cut (in case you're interested): Sarah McLachlan-Possession; Dave Matthews Band-Gravedigger; Live-Pain Lies by the Riverside; 7th House-Gypsy Queen; Howie Day-Trouble in Here; Jewel-Foolish Games; Secondhand Serenade-Broken; Maria Mena-Our Battles; Elton John-Tonight; Pink Floyd-Time, Matchbox Twenty-Hand Me Down, among others!