Disclaimer; Nabisco corporation owns Oreos
Chris owns Mulder and Scully, I just borrow, but I always return them, reluctantly of course
Authors note; semi-sequel to the Grape conspiracy, don't necessarily need to read…but if you would like to, by all means go for it.
The X-files
The Oreo Conspiracy
Mulder and Scully entered her apartment. He had gone shopping with her again, although he loathed it. She bought too much and they always had to walk just because the store was close by. He still hadn't found a way to get out of going shopping with her, but that didn't mean he didn't still try.
She walked into the kitchen to put her groceries away. Mulder let her. He decided it was fair trade, he carried them, she should put them away, but really the truth was she didn't want him to touch the items anymore, for the sake of his sanity.
He smiled at the memory of the conversation they had a couple weeks ago. It was his most brilliant plan, but since she knew that is was just a ploy to get out of shopping, she now made him go every time and she accepted no excuses. She was just punishing him, but he also knew that she was enjoying it.
He walked into the kitchen. Scully gave no acknowledgement that he had entered her kitchen. She only looked at him when he started to riffle through her grocery bags.
"Stay away from my fruit," she said sternly and then turned back to putting some stuff in the refrigerator.
He gave her a sarcastic smile and continued to look through the bag.
Finally he found what he wanted, buried at the bottom of the bag. His bag of Oreos. He pulled them out and headed back into the living room, hoping that they weren't crushed.
He sat happily on Scully's couch. He looked at the bag and noticed that it had a new design. Now the bags had a convenient flap on top. He guessed it was so that it would be sealable fresh. He also thought that it was a stupid design because it was difficult to keep the bag open, when the flap kept trying to close and seal while he was trying to eat. He was also annoyed by the fact that when it did fold back it decided to stick to his arm. It took all his nerve to not just rip the damn thing off.
Finally he gave up fighting it and just tried to enjoy his cookies anyway. He deserved them.
He was lost in his euphoria of sweet indulgence when Scully came into the living room. She looked at him in disbelief and slight amazement as he ate one cookie after another without thought. She saw he had already finished one row and was starting on the second.
"Oh my god, Mulder are you going to eat all of them?" she said loudly.
Lost in his own world, he turned to her startled, but as he did the blasted sticky tab got stuck to his arm and flung the rest of his cookies on to Scully's pristine carpet.
Both looked at the spectacular mess.
"Mulder!" she reprimanded, quite loudly.
"Don't worry Scully, the cookies are still good," he said getting on the floor to start picking them up.
"No, not that, my rug, it's ruined," she said trying not to yell or get mad.
Mulder looked at her floor and realized it was true. Chocolate crumbs being smashed into a white rug never was good news.
"I can sweep it up," he offered looking up at her timidly.
"No, it will only make it worse, I'll vacuum it, but still, I have to have it cleaned, and you're paying for that," she complained.
She walked off to her hallway closet.
"It's not like anyone cares, I never noticed how clean it was or wasn't," he grumbled as he continued to pick up the cookies.
He laughed lightly as he thought 'at least her floor is clean that I don't have to worry about my cookies'.
"What's up with you," she said annoyed.
He quickly became serious, "Nothing, I'm just sorry, but you know Scully, really this isn't my fault,"
She looked at him incredulously, " You are not going to blame me for this, you're the one who bought the stupid cookies and started eating them in my apartment,"
"No, far from it, I was going to say, it's not my fault, it's the company, Nabisco," he said seriously.
She looked at him for a moment, "So you're saying I should send them the bill when I get my rug cleaned?" she asked, "No, I don't buy it, you will need to explain this one to me."
"Oh, I can, well let's start with the fact that these cookies are really good," he said now sitting back on her couch.
"Okay, let's start there and this better be good," Scully warned.
He just nodded, "All right, well these cookies are very tasty that they are hard to resist, and even if you aren't a cookie or chocolate person, Oreos are still the best damn cookies ever, so no one can resist them, so in truth because they were so good, me seeing them at the store, well I had to buy them," Mulder said.
"Oh come on, Mulder; and that still only proves it's your fault for spilling them, you bought them," she said crossly.
"Yes, but because I had to," he reminded.
She tried to still be angry with him, but the smallest of smiles flitted across her lips.
"All right, you don't buy that argument…" he started but Scully interrupted him.
"I don't, but do try again," she said.
He glared lightly at her and then started, "Okay, it's still the company's fault because not only are they good, but they are priced perfectly, and then when they allow the stores to put them on sale, well now anyone can really afford them," he said, "And well you know our salary, well, when they are on sale, I don't feel so bad buying them, and they were on sale today, so I had to buy them, and it helps that they are still good cookies,"
"Okay, so it's the corporation's fault, because they make them good, and price it well, so you are being brainwashed into buying them?" she asked in disbelief, but was still amused by the conversation.
"As hard as it to believe, but yes, I am being brainwashed, along with millions of other people," he said.
"So it's a world wide conspiracy to control the eating habits of the people, for what, Mulder?" she asked.
"I didn't know, until today," he said enigmatically.
"Oh?" she asked causally.
"Well, I ruined your rug, and that's because of this new design of the bag, well they make it like it will help you, you knew supposedly this sticky tab will keep the cookies fresh and it's more convenient, but I know it won't keep fresh long, after a while it will lose the stickiness and then you will have stale cookies, and then you will have to go and buy more, so then you will spend more money on their cookies," he stated seriously.
"So they purposely make the bag like this so that the consumer thinks that they are getting a good deal, but not really because if they don't eat the cookies in at least two days, you lose the cookies and will have to buy more, so Nabisco is trying to rob all of us, just in a subtle way that we don't believe it's robbery?" Scully recapped in disbelief.
"Hey, Scully, you get it, that's exactly correct," he smiled.
She just shook her head and looked at him scrutinizing.
"So, there, because the cookies were good, and on sale, and because they needed a new design for the bag to make it more convenient, you know that damn sticky tab that stuck to me, oh and because I am brainwashed by the company to buy their product, if not for them I wouldn't have needed to buy the cookies, so it's Nabisco's fault that your rug was ruined," he said complacently.
"Okay, so you're brainwashed by a cookie company, but now you're onto their diabolical plans, and that's why I should let you off the hook with this one?" Scully asked.
"Yeah, I think I might need treatment or something," Mulder stated.
"Oh, I completely agree with you on that," she said and then laughed.
Mulder only watched her, amused.
Her laughter finally subsided, she looked at Mulder, "You would think I would have learned by now,' she said shaking her head.
"What?" Mulder asked confused.
"That, one; I should really stop asking you to go shopping with me," she started laughing again, "Don't worry, Mulder, because of the argument you made, I'll take care of the rug,"
"Good argument, huh?" he smiled.
"No, but just because you put so much dedication into that theory, even though I know you know it was completely ridiculous," she smiled.
"Well, in truth, I was just winging it, but then I started to think about it, and I really think it could be a world wide conspiracy, maybe I might bring it up to Skinner, come on Scully, what do you say we open up an investigation on this new theory?" Mulder said dead serious, "It could be interesting,"
Scully looked at him, incredulousness clear upon her face, but was glad to see that he was kidding or at least she hoped, "Sure why not, we don't have much to do lately,"
"Really?" he asked surprised.
"Mulder," she said firmly.
"Yeah?" he said.
"Just finish your cookies,"
Note; I only wrote this because I had a bone to pick with Oreos, I hate the new bag, my cookies went stale, and my bf's arm did get caught on the sticky tab and almost dropped the cookies,
After writing this, I felt better, sorry if you find it incredibly stupid, and that I used Mulder and Scully as my outlet
thanks for reading. Still love Oreos though.