Jill's POV

There are people who believe that everyone gets what they deserve. Good guys get the girl and saints get wealthy in money and heart, while jerks get mud dumped on them and villains get thrown in jail. The great force of the universe—whether it's whatever god supposedly exists or just plain old karma—ensures that everyone gets what is coming to them.

Some people actually believe that.

I, personally, think it's a load of shit.

Running a farm, of course, means that I have to get up before the sun in order to do all the chores that need doing—feeding the livestock, watering the crops, and so on. But lately, I have been getting up later and later. The chores still get done, of course; Takakura, a nicer human being than I deserve, goes over my work and redoes the steadily increasing stream of jobs that need redoing.

This morning, it finally comes to something that I have been praying would not happen.

Cliff is the one to wake me up.

"Jill."

I feel his hand shaking my shoulder, and I let out a half-awake groan.

"Jill. I have to go. Jill?"

I blink a couple of times, staring blearily up at my husband. "Cliff…"

"Please wake up, Jill. You have work to do."

With my eyes open, I spend a moment just drinking him in—Cliff. My husband of almost a year. His face is colored with worry.

Oh. He's still talking.

"Jill? I'm sorry. I didn't want to wake you. But I have to go…"

"Cliff."

Slowly, I push myself upright in bed, keeping my eyes on him. "I'm sorry," I say. "Guess I overslept."

Cliff bites his lip. He looks like he wants to say something, but obviously changes his mind, because what comes out of his mouth is, "I'll see you tonight."

He leans in, and our lips meet.

I close my eyes, trying my hardest to lose myself in this moment. Trying my hardest to pretend that everything is okay.

"There you are." Takakura pats me on the shoulder. "I was getting worried. You feeling all right?"

"Yeah, I'm fine." I look up at Takakura apologetically. "I'm really sorry you had to start my work, Takakura. I guess I overslept."

"It's no trouble at all," Takakura replies. "I'm going to head into town. You going to be okay getting the crops watered?"

"Yeah." I nod. "Thanks again."

Takakura nods in return, then walks around me and heads for the farm's exit. I watch him go. Then, with a sigh, I start walking over to the watering hole to fill up my can. With every step, I can feel grass and leaves crunching underneath my feet.

It's Fall.

It's getting colder every day. All of nature's pieces are starting to wither and die. In a short while, it will be Winter. Winter—the season of cold, when no crops grow. The season of death.

For me, it's Winter already.

After all the chores are done, I go back inside the house, where I stare unhappily at the fridge. I should eat something. I didn't eat a lot yesterday. But I didn't feel like eating then, and I don't feel like it now.

If Cliff were here, he wouldn't be happy with me. He'd be stubborn. He'd fight to get me to eat. If pushed enough, he might even try to force the food down my throat. That's the thing about Cliff—he's the sweetest guy I've ever met, and, at heart, one of those adorably shy types, the kind that blushes roughly every other sentence and tends to stumble on his words. But when it comes to something he's fighting for—I mean really fighting—he can be the most aggravatingly obstinate person ever. It's a side of him that doesn't come out much. I hardly ever saw a hint of it before we married, and even now it doesn't come up very often. Mostly, it appears when he's really worried about me.

He does that a lot, now. Worries about me. As impossible as it should be, it makes me feel even guiltier than I already do.

So I should eat something. A little. I go over to the fridge and open it, looking at the food inside. My eyes fall on a little cluster of apples near the front of one of the middle shelves—his favorite food after Finest Curry.

I take an apple out. When I bite into it, it tastes sweeter than anything I've had in a while, food or not.

I shut the fridge and close my eyes.

When I'm done with the chores, I really don't do anything else. Sometimes I go for walks. I never have any particular destination; I just walk to move, to keep moving. Sometimes I go back to bed and sleep for hours, hopefully managing to drag myself awake before Cliff gets home so that I can start dinner.

Today, I don't feel like doing either. I don't want to leave, but I don't want to stay here.

I could go visit someone. But that possibility is one I rarely exercise these days. Everyone I talk to gives me the look—a mixture of pity and sorrow. They all feel sorry for me. Even worse, they try to understand what I'm going through, even though there's no possible way that they can.

And no matter how much I lie about being fine, they never really believe me. They pretend to believe me just to make me feel better, but they walk away knowing full well that I'm not telling the truth.

I need someone who doesn't try to comfort me with empty words. Someone who doesn't give me the sympathetic look that I dread.

In short, I need a miracle.

"Good to see you, Murrey."

With a long sigh, I plop down next to Murrey, who is sitting under his usual tree next to the Blue Bar. His little money can is sitting next to him, and I toss a few coins inside.

"Th-thank you," he says to me. "That h-helps…"

I always feel kind of bad for Murrey. If I could, I would give him enough money to get him back to his old home and set him up with a mansion for him and his entire family. But more importantly, when I see Murrey, I have trouble focusing on my own problems. And Murrey himself, bless his heart, is far too concerned with his own problems to offer any help with mine.

"It's getting cold," I say offhandedly.

"Y-Yes…"

"It'll be Winter soon."

"Yes…"

We both fall silent after that. Admittedly, having a conversation with Murrey is a little difficult. But right now, that's fine with me. I have no problem just sitting here. It's kind of nice, actually.

A while later, the door to the Blue Bar opens, and Muffy comes outside. She sees me sitting next to Murrey and hurries over. "Oh, Jill! How are you?"

"Fine." I look up at her. "What are you doing?"

"Just getting ready for work." She glances at Murrey. "Oh, hello, Murrey. Are you coming in to eat tonight?"

Murrey gives a shaky nod. "Y-Yes. People drop some good things in there."

"Well, tell you what…The door's open; why don't you head on in and warm up? Maybe Griffin will give you some food. How about that?"

Murrey grins through his shaggy beard and stands up in a hurry. He grabs his money can so quickly that the coins I put in almost spill out. Luckily, he catches it and rights it in time.

"Th-thank you," he says to Muffy, nodding as he turns to me. "Thank you t-too." He heads for the bar and goes inside.

"I feel so bad for him," Muffy says quietly as soon as he's gone.

"Me too." I trace a little circle in the grass next to me. "So what did you want to talk about?"

"Oh, nothing, really. I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

I sigh. "I'm fine, Muffy. Really."

"Honey, you were sitting out in the cold, under a tree, next to Murrey. And you didn't look particularly joyful."

"I have to go." I stand up. "I need to start working on dinner."

Muffy bites her lip. "Jill."

"I'm making curry," I continue tonelessly. "It's Cliff's favorite, you know."

"Jill, wait. I'm sorry." Muffy looks so painfully apologetic that it makes me feel bad all over again.

"Muffy, you didn't do anything." I pat Muffy on the shoulder. "I really do need to go."

"Okay." Muffy smiles at me. "If you need anything, you know you can come to me. You or Cliff."

"I know, Muffy." I glance down the road. "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay." Muffy takes a step back. "Take care, Jill," she says.

She heads back to the bar, and before I know it, tears are falling down my face.

I don't really plan on making curry. I don't plan on making anything. These days, Cliff gets his own dinner separately from me, or eats at the Inn in Mineral Town, where he works. I don't know if he's doing it to help me—maybe he thinks my heart and soul will be healed if I have to cook less—or to avoid me.

Neither one is desirable.

Tonight, I take out a bowl of leftover tomato soup. I look from it to the kitchen. Then I take it and dump it down the sink. I put the empty bowl into the sink too.

Then I walk over to bed and crawl under my blankets, hoping—as I do every night—that when I finally drift off, I never wake up.

There are people who believe that everyone gets what they deserve. But I know that's not true.

Cliff does not deserve to have a wife like me—a woman so broken that she does not know how to put herself back together, how to hold herself up.

Takakura does not deserve to have a goddaughter like me—a pathetic excuse for a farmer who can barely get any work done anymore, who adds nothing but unnecessary burdens to an aging man.

And my daughter—my baby girl—did not deserve to come out of me dead.

story notes: on the chance that there is any confusion, jill's baby was stillborn. jill and cliff, obviously, are married. and yes, i know skye wasn't introduced in this chapter. he'll be coming along later.

also, for clarity: this story is based on the game "harvest moon: ds cute," in that skye and the mineral town characters appear. however, the layout of forget-me-not-valley is based on the game "harvest moon: a wonderful life," in that there is a vegetable garden near the blue bar, murrey goes to sit under the tree and beg regularly, etc. this shouldn't be overly confusing, but i thought i should mention it.

anyway, for an important reader message:

i started this story a while back, and i have a few chapters completed. however, as a college kid, i don't have time to go around writing stuff if no one's going to read it.

so, what i'd like you, my loving readers, to do is tell me whether or not you think this story is worth continuing. if it is, i shall continue. if not, i won't.

i don't mean to be annoying by doing this. i just honestly don't have the time to waste on something that isn't worth.

so, do let me know, yes?