Living While Dying

by Rhyno Holter

Collab fic with angel0wonder. "A friend who truly cares about me. That's what I always wanted, you know?...You're the first person who's even offered something like this… so you. If there were a person like you... that'd be wonderful."

A/N:

Angel - This story happened because I thought Kyubey would make a cute girl. Rhyno was awesome enough to have the patience to work with me while we worked on this. Don't worry, I'm still working on AHD!

Rhyno - I offered to do a collab like this one. Angel was nice enough to let me work on this instead of us doing two separate Kyubey stories with similar experiments. I think it worked out well.

---

Dying… it's the worst feeling.

Maybe that's not entirely true. But it still sucks, you know? All these IVs stuck in my arm, machines plugged in every corner. Such a mess! Understandable, sure, but that doesn't mean I like it. I don't know why they bother. But then, I don't even remember a time I wasn't attached to these things. I don't even know when was the last time I'd been able to walk out of this room.

A nurse walks in, all fake smiles and bright colors. Routine as always.

"Alright Absidee, how are we doing today?"

"Same as always, ma'am," I mutter hollowly, forcing a smile.

"That's good," she says as she takes the needle out of my arm. Good, she says. As if not being dead quite yet is good.

"What's on the schedule today, ma'am?" I ask to fill the silence as she cleans my arm up a bit.

"Oh, today is Visitor's Day," the nurse answers as she sticks the needle back in. Ow. Maybe she should be more careful. As she checks the equipment hooked up to me and jots things down on her clipboard, she goes on "Is anyone special coming to see you?"

"I… don't know." I mutter quietly. I didn't want to get my hopes up, but I couldn't help it just a tiny bit. Being a regular member of the terminal illness ward meant being isolated a lot of the time. The few friends I had have been dwindling, visiting less and less as time went on. Would any of them even remember it was Visitor's Day? I wish the nurse hadn't reminded me. Now I just feel… anxious.

"Oh, I'm sure someone will stop by," the nurse tried to assure me, as if it were her job. Maybe it was.

"Maybe." I try to keep my voice level, polite for the sake of replying. These routine exchanges always felt slightly awkward.

After she leaves I feel even more anxious. If someone did end visiting me, I should try not to look too much like an unhealthy vampire. I halfheartedly fix my dark hair and prepare myself to wait. And wait…

And wait…

My parents make their routine phone call to see how I'm doing. Yes, mom and dad, still dying. Sorry that you're busy. I know work sucks, but you've got to pay the hospital bills somehow. In the meantime, how about sending me a couple of new books to entertain myself with?

The most annoying thing about waiting was that painful twinge of anxious expectation in my chest every time I heard a set of footsteps walking down the hall, only to be let down when they went right past my door.

There's not much else to occupy my time with so I just stare up at the ceiling and listen to quiet ticking of the clock. As time went on the ticking seemed to get louder and the ceiling looked bleaker and bleaker until I feel an angry sting in my eyes.

I raise my head and bang it back on the pillow underneath my head. God. God. Why me? Why?! I did it. It's my fault. No one wants a friend as worthless as I am. They used to come, sure, but not anymore. No, no, not in a month or so.

I feel sick to my stomach and suddenly I have to fight the urge to vomit all over myself. Waves of pain wrack my body and my muscles seize up, and it's all I can do to not either scream or cry. So I just lie there for a long time, whole body clenched and trembling until the pain eventually ebbs away. When it does, my breaths are slow and shaky. It was one of those moments where I could definitively feel the shadow of death pass over me, and no one was here to bear witness to it.

You know what? Death doesn't scare me. Dying alone scares me.

"Hi there, Absidee," I hear a voice call to me out of nowhere. High-pitched. Unbearably cute. Okay uh, these drugs are really strong.

And then I realize it's not in my head. It's an actual voice. It actually exists. What the hell? Where did that voice come from? I look to the window and sitting there is a weird… cat-like thing.

"… Who are you?"

"My name is Kyubey!" There was that voice again, clearly in my head. I know it's coming from the weird creature sitting on the windowsill, but…

"…. Hello." I couldn't think of anything else to possibly say. The thing jumped from the windowsill and scampered up to my bedside, hopping up onto the railing.

"I understand you're dying," the creature – Kyubey – said in a blunt manner that made me blink in surprise. I don't remember the last time anyone made such a straightforward statement to me. "If you wish it, you can make a contract with me and become a magical girl! It would be a simple matter to wish away your illness."

The words had me reeling and confused. "Wish away… my illness?" I whisper.

"Of course! You have more than enough potential," Kyubey said matter-of-factly. "But it's all up to you. Would you be willing to wish that, Absidee?"

I stare at it silently for a few moments. If I had a mirror, I'd imagine I looked slack-jawed and stupid-eyed. After a while, I slowly shook my head.

"No thank you," I say quietly. I've accepted dying a long time ago. Changing that would mess me up. No, living isn't what I wanted. Not really.

"I see," the voice says expectedly. "I thought I sensed something inside you. But I can't force you. Is there anything you'd be willing to wish for?"

I rubbed my eyes with my palms, trying to comprehend the creature. "Okay, so. You want me to make a wish… why? What happens when I wish for something?"

"Why, your wish is granted, and then you become a magical girl!" Such enthusiasm in its voice, it took me by surprise.

"What's a magical girl? What…?"

"Magical girls are girls who hunt witches and bring hope to the world. It's my job to recruit magical girls, you see." Kyubey jumped from the windowsill to my bed, landing on my thighs. "We enter a contract. For granting your one wish, you are transformed into a magical girl and with your new powers, you fight off the witches."

"I… I see." My mind felt numb. Was this really happening? Oh my God. It's like something out of a fantasy novel. Suspicious, sure, but this… Kyubey thing obviously wasn't human. It wasn't even an animal, not one I could recognize, and its mouth wasn't moving when it "talked."

"So… you grant any wish, right?" I ask cautiously.

"Of course. I can grant even the most impossible of miracles! So, Absidee Anderson, what wish would you have that would make your soul gem shine?"

"That's certainly something to think about," I muse to myself.

"If there's something you want badly, and you're willing to accept a destiny battling witches, I can get you whatever you want."

"I don't care about destiny," I muttered. "That's just a word." I already had a destination in mind anyway, you know? I just wanted a companion. That's when an idea, seemingly silly in nature as it was, struck me. This bit of talk was the first real conversation I've had in a long time.

"I wonder…"

"Yes?" Kyubey's head titled to the side, eyes trained on me.

"...would YOU be my friend?" I ask.

"Is that really what you want?" That face. Does it ever move?! I can feel its eyes drill right into my soul. "Is that something you'd trade your soul for?"

And I thought about it. Is this what I want? My life was practically gone anyways. What did I have to lose, really?

"Yes. A friend who truly cares about me. That's what I always wanted, you know?" I lowered my head, trying to hide my face, my eyes. They feel heavy, though I'll never admit why. "You're the first person who's even offered something like this… so you. If there were a person like you... that'd be wonderful."

And that's when everything started happening at once. A loud buzz started to echo in my ears, and the creature started to glow.

"Your wish has overcome entropy," I vaguely hear, but the light is so bright, the sound so loud, I don't stop to think about it. "So here. Take hold. This is your destiny."

I open my eyes and see an orange oval in the middle of the whiteness. I reach out and grab it with one hand, then both, and hold it close to my chest.

I remember no more.

---

Ugh, that was the weirdest dream I've ever had. No joke. I struggle to lift myself up into a sitting position on the bed.

Oh gosh, the sun's setting already? How long have I been asleep? What was I even dreaming? Whatever it was, it felt so real.

I wonder…

"Nurse," I call. In no time at all one walks in, different from the one earlier today.

"Something wrong, Ms. Anderson?" Concern crosses her face.

"Nothing really. I'm just wondering… did I have any visitors? I passed out for a bit."

"Oh." Her concern turned to sorrow. "No, I'm afraid not."

Of course.

"Is there anything else I can help you with?" she asks.

"No ma'am," I answer. With a quick nod, she walks back out the door.

In the end, no one did show up, huh? I feel my fists clench a little. Am I really so shallow? To be so dependent on…

"Actually, Ms. Anderson," she pops back in to interrupt me mid-angst. "You do have a visitor to see you, if you're up and willing."

No way. "L-Let them in!" I can't believe what I'm hearing. A visitor, for me?

A stranger walks through the door, someone with hair fashioned into long white twin-tails and the oddest smile, not quite distracting from the reddest eyes I've ever seen. Whoever they are, they have golden hoop earrings hanging from their ears, and while extremely pale I can't really recognize what kind of features were before me. I wonder if he – or she? I couldn't even tell – was American? They're into such odd colors for their hair and eyes. The nurse gave me an encouraging smile and left the room, closing the door behind her.

"Hi. Err…" Something about this person looked familiar, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Still, a visitor for me!

"Hi there, Absidee." That voice. I recognize that voice. How could I forget it? But…

"You're… no way, no no no." When I try to cover my gaping mouth with my hands, I nearly swallow something small and metallic that I didn't even realize I was holding. It made me gag and I spat out what felt like jewelry, and I looked down at the fragile object.

"What… what's this?"

"That's your Soul Gem, Absidee Anderson." Still smiling. "I wouldn't advise swallowing that. There are more complications than benefits, I'm afraid. I don't understand why some magical girls try doing that so much!"

"Uh… huh. And you…"

"This is the product of your wish. I am now in a human form. As per your wish, I am… your friend."

The shock almost knocked me back out.

"How… and… what…" My mind threatened to implode from this… this peculiarity? Yeah, a situation like this deserves a weird word like that!

"Are you alright, Absidee?" she asks, not sounding all that concerned. I shake the weirdness from my mind.

"So… how does this work exactly? We're friends now? Just like that?"

"That's what you wished for, is it not?" Kyubey was sitting at my bedside.

"Well, yeah, but… Seems a little out of the blue, I guess. I don't even know you."

"You are referring to the bonding process that leads to the relationship you humans refer to as 'friendship,' correct?" Kyubey chirps. I hesitate before nodding. "I'm initiating that process now, of course."

"So… you're not really my friend right now."

"I am your friend."

"Yeah, I got that, I just mean you don't… really care about me?" There was a slight pause from Kyubey and I quickly spoke up again. "No offense, because it's not like I… care about you either..." I could feel my face getting hot, and I hope I didn't inadvertently offend this person.

"I'm initiating the process," Kyubey repeats simply. "Though, the process is one I'm not familiar with and will be acting according to what I have observed. By taking this form, I have also allowed myself to be open to the mental impairment known as 'emotions,' and by spending time exclusively with you, an attachment is bound to form between us!"

"Mental… impairment?" Needless to say this new 'friend' of mine isn't exactly leaving the greatest first (second?) impression. "I don't understand you, Kyubey."

"I could say the same for your species," the white haired Kyubey replies. "Then again, I've spent enough time on this planet to know that while you're not a particularly interesting or special human being, it is rather odd that you'd prefer my company over the company of another true human."

"I'm starting to see why," I mutter sarcastically. I rub the skin around my IV as a habit and take a breath. I suppose it is odd. I haven't had a real conversation with someone in so long that I can't help this underlying feeling ofjoy as I talk to this self-admitted alien. I could barely contain a smile. Kyubey's straightforwardness is refreshing, even if I can't wrap my head around this whole situation.

"So you said you were initiating the process of friendship, right? So how does this process go?"

"The first step was to establish communication with you," Kyubey was tugging at strands of her own hair curiously. "I think I've completed the first step. Now, we have to establish a connection with common interests!"

I nod slowly. Those steps do sound accurate when it comes to forming friendships. "Okay. So, what are your interests, Kyubey?"

Kyubey pauses – or freezes, rather, from the looks of it – before humming curiously. "It seems we have already come to an impasse so early on in our relationship!"

I couldn't help but laugh.

---

When I fell asleep that night, dreams didn't come. I tossed and turned, but I couldn't stop myself from thinking about the strange rabbit-creature and a girl with the smile. It had to have been a dream, right? It had to have been.

But she came back the next day. And the next day. Always smiling. Always trying to bond with me or something. I can't really… blame her. She wasn't bothersome, she wasn't hurting me, I did ask for a friend. It was better than being alone, after all. Her enthusiasm was certainly a breath of fresh air compared to the faces of the nurses I saw day after day. Her presence was certainly welcome, even if I couldn't quite understand her…inhumanness.

My mind lingered on that word for a moment, "inhumanness." Okay so, what exactly was Kyubey, anyway? Some sort of alien, right? But from where? And why was she here? She doesn't even know how to be a normal person! The first time I met her, she was this cat thing that could speak into my mind. Our conversation afterward led me to believe that her human form was not her natural one, so I wonder what kind of technology her species (oh god, too many Kyubeys to fathom!) had at their disposal to pull off such things. Or was it really all miracles and magic? It just seemed so odd, now that I'm actually thinking about.

If humanity could somehow tap into these abilities, the resulting advancements would be incomprehensible! People all over the world would shat themse —

"Hi Absidee!" She appears without warning, startling me and sending my heart rate crazy.

"Ah!" I try not to scream louder. "Where'd you come from?!"

"The window," she says, pointing in the direction of the wall.

I try to settle my chest down, and did not immediately register her words. "Don't surprise me like that! You gotta war—wait, the window?" It's the middle of the night right now and clearly past visiting hours! I huff out in disbelief. "You mean… no one knows you're here?"

"No, no one does today. Besides yourself, or course. I figured today it'd be more convenient for the both of us, since it's no longer visiting hours. I have something for you," She whispers delicately, trying not to upset me or draw attention to the world.

"You… do?"

She then holds out an intact block of ice. "Here." Her smile remains unwavering.

I stare at it, not quite sure what to make of it. "I… this is ice, Kyubey."

"Yes. I believe the ritual of friendship involves a breaking of ice. So, here you go."

I almost fall out of my bed trying to muffle my laughter. One of the nurses had to have heard me, but it seems no one did. Kyubey tilts her head in confusion. "It's just an expression, Kyubey!" I try to explain while keeping down my amusement.

"Of course I know that. It's an expression that derives from breaking ice to let ships pass through." Kyubey was still holding out the now melting block of ice in her hand to me.

"Great, then why are you doing it literally?"

"Literally accomplishing an expression would have a more meaningful impact. You won't accept it?" Kyubey wasn't looking exactly heartbroken, but I grasp the ice in my hand after a moment of hesitation.

"Thanks Kyubey. I appreciate it, I guess. Though I think we've already broken the ice, so you didn't have to… go to the trouble. " I don't know what to do with it, so I move my pillow to my lap and place the ice on it. Kyubey had successfully dismissed any thoughts I was having about her alien nature, but I was still curious about her and all I want to do was further break some ice with her, so to speak.

"So… what do you do all day Kyubey?" I ask, keeping my voice as low as possible. "You're not here all the time. I don't expect you to be past visiting hours, anyway."

"Correct. I've been contracting magical girls."

"Really?" My eyes widen. "Your body is all different now from when you contracted me. Do you seriously do it while you're… human?"

"Of course. Why not? More convenient this way, and I get to experiment with human interaction. I see nothing wrong with it."

I consider this briefly. "Okay, fair enough. But I have to ask. What's up with your smile, Kyubey?"

"My smile? It's polite to smile. It's nice to smile. People like it when you smile, do they not?"

"Yeah, your… rabbit thing smiled a lot too."

"Oh yes, I can't match my previous body's smile… but I've been practicing!" And then that smile turned into a toothpaste commercial. "See?" It was like sunshine emanating through every syllable. There was no way I could lie!

"It's really super creepy."

"Really? Hm." Kyubey didn't seem too bothered by that, but it's hard to tell. The smile doesn't fade at all. "Perhaps you could provide some input? It's odd, but contracting other girls has become increasingly difficult. It seems humans are more wary of their own kind."

"Makes sense. Even dumb teenagers like us get suspicious of those who go around offering wishes," I shrug. "But maybe that's why I can deal with you. You're obviously not human, even if you look it."

"That's why I need your input," Kyubey says with a questionable "exasperated" tone. "I'm not used to this form. Let me know which smile is the most disarming."

"Alright…" I agree while I eye Kyubey skeptically. The creepily cheery smile on her face widens to a strange grin. I suppress the urge to laugh. It was just so… off.

"Wider," I say in the most serious voice I can muster. Kyubey's grin widens, showing more teeth. "Wider," This was just too funny. "Wider, Kyubey, we need to go wiiiiider," I insist, watching Kyubey's face turn into an ear-to-ear grin.

"Like this?" Kyubey asks curiously.

"… Pffft." At that point I can't stop my laughter and just let it go. Kyubey maintains the super-grin while watching me laugh.

"I don't understand," Kyubey sighs, toning down the smile back to cat-like. "Usually humans laugh when something is funny. Did I do something funny?"

"Oh, don't worry about it, it's nothing!" I laughed until I coughed, and doubled over when it became hard to breathe. After calming myself down a bit, I pick myself back up and cross my arms. "So hey wait, where are you going today?" I ask.

"I'm staying here with you," is the nonchalant response I get.

"Wouldn't you need to…?" I think it over in my head. "I mean, it's not like it's visiting day or anything."

"I hadn't thought of that. But surely it's not a problem? I mean, you're not going to school, right?"

"I guess that's alright," I sigh. "But if you stay and get caught and people ask you who you are, you'll need a normal name."

"Kyubey's what I've always been called, though. I thought it was a normal name."

I sigh again. "It's really not. I guess you need a new name, huh? So… wait." I look Kyubey over. "Are you... I want to be sure. Are you a boy or a girl?"

"My species doesn't have gender. Does it matter?"

Immediately, I'm curious. How does a non-gender body work? Is there nothing at all in the downstairs department?

I shake my head before any more disturbing thoughts can enter. "...Okay, I'm just going to pretend you're a girl. Cassandra it is." I pick the name out of my head.

"I don't know. I'm accustomed to Kyubey. I told the nurses that was my name."

"Oh." They probably thought she was weirdest girl. "Well okay, maybe here and in private it can still be Kyubey, but Cassandra for public use, you know? Ooh, or maybe Barbie. Your smile reminds me of Barbie… and you said you don't have a gender, so it makes perfect sense!"

"I suppose that'll be alright," she says. "But there are more convenient ways to communicate."

"Really now?" I ponder for a moment. "Like what?"

Like this, her thoughts entire my mind. I know they were her thoughts because her mouth wasn't moving at all. No sound came from it. Nope, those words were definitely her voice echoing and bouncing around in my head.

"What the f—"

You're just worried that people will find me here past visiting hours or intruding, right? You don't have to worry. I can only be seen by who I want to see me. And if you just communicate your thoughts through me, I can read your mind and respond thusly. No talking, thus no way for them to know.

My head was spinning again.

"But I like talking," I complain.

"Then we'll talk," she finally said aloud. "What would you like to talk about?"

I think for a moment. "Since I had to make a contract… I mean, you said you've been contracting other girls, right? I'd like to know more about other magical girls."

Kyubey is quiet for a moment. "What about them?"

"Well… I haven't seen any around. You, you're the first thing from this… magical world I've even experienced. How come?"

"Magical girls would keep their identities a secret, I would think. No one aside from magical girls even knows about this world."

"No one but you," I point out.

"Because it's my job," she smiles innocently.

I feel a twinge of what had to have been jealousy, but I push the feeling to the back of my mind. "Well… okay. Wouldn't they know there's another magical girl now? Or… I don't know, how could I go about getting in contact with one of them?" I was thinking I could probably be more at ease with this world with another actual person to interact with.

"That wouldn't be wise." Her tone feels a little different this time around. It didn't sound friendly like she usually was, it was leaning more towards… threatening? But her smile remains the same so I wonder if I'm just hearing things.

"Why not?"

"Magical girls don't often get along. In fact, more often than not they tend to fight when they meet. There's often a prize on the line when they fight, and it can get extremely messy. But you don't need to worry."

"Eh? Why not?"

"Because I'm still here, and I'm going to fulfill the contract and be your friend!"

I grab my pillow and smother my face with it. A block of ice greets my face with an extreme cold, making it that much harder not to scream.

"Ah, it seems you have successfully broken the ice with your face!" Kyubey comments as if she just had achieved a victory.

---

"You'll need to hunt soon," she told me the next day.

"Hunt?" I look her face over, trying to understand.

"Yes. You're a magical girl now. You have certain duties. You have to fight witches, you see."

"Oh yeah, you did say something about that, didn't you…" I force a cough. "But I'm sick. Hospital, you know."

"Like I said, you're a magical girl now," she says coolly. "You can fight through it. And to be perfectly honest I think a little practice with your new body will do you good."

Her word choice seemed a little odd. "My new body?"

"Precisely! With your new magical girl body, ridding yourself of health problems will become second nature. Before you know, deflecting normal human bacteria will become the norm without you even having to make the effort – Hey, what are you doing?"

I had closed my eyes, and am now concentrating very hard to keep my life-sucking disease within me. "It's a part of me," I say firmly.

"Irrational behavior seems to be a part of most adolescent girls, and I can't really do anything about it," Kyubey jabs at my whole race in the most polite and jovial way possible. "I can only advise you against it. Moving on," she sniffs, "there are witches out there. You'd best be on your guard."

"I'm not really sure I'd know how." With a sigh, I look away from Kyubey. "All this talk, and I'm still absolutely clueless."

"That's understandable. But you will have to eventually. It's your duty now, your purpose."

Ugh. Such an awful way to phrase it, but she did tell me before I made my wish, right? A trade-off, in a way. How annoying. Maybe there's something I can do about it, though.

"I wonder… how about a bit of hands-on training, Kyubey?"

She leaped to her feet practically overjoyed. "Of course. I can arrange that."

---

If only I'd thought to question what she meant.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" I ask as loud as I can so I can be heard over the roaring wind. I'm standing on the windowsill of my hospital, the glass panes wide open for me to jump through from several stories up.

"It's perfectly safe," Kyubey's sure voice reassures me. "Provided you've mastered manifesting your magic in correlation with your surroundings, while simultaneously maintaining the magic you're using to move your body." I take it back, Kyubey isn't that reassuring!

"You know, this would be easier if you got off my back." I say in deadpan as I struggle to maintain my footing with Kyubey piggyback riding me.

"But I always ride my girls like this, and they never seem to mind."

How annoying. "You're not as light as Yoda, you know. You're heavy."

"If you just healed your body as I said, the weight wouldn't bother you as much."

"Just get off, will you?"

"Very well, Absidee." Kyubey slips off my back to stand beside me, wind sweeping her white hair around her head. Kyubey has a mock pout on her face as she brushes her hair behind an ear.

"Feels better with you next to me anyway," I say, pretty sure I can't be heard over the whipping winds, my own black hair being swept messily in different directions. Never could tell with her.

"Would you like me to hold your hand?" Kyubey seems to be having no trouble hearing me or being heard as she offers up her hand easily to me. I glance at her hand skeptically before I shyly accept the offer and grasp Kyubey's hand.

"Let's get going then, no time to lose!" Kyubey hops off the ledge cheerily as soon as I take the hand, dragging me along with her, and we're plunging towards the ground at a heart-stopping rate.

I admit. I shrieked... Just a little. But I instinctively know what to do, how to maneuver myself. It's odd, because I was never all that athletic and being sick lately I wasn't exactly in the best position to do anything physical.

But oh my God, that rush. Not just the air filling my lungs, but the feeling of blood through my veins. This… feels right.

---

A couple of repeats, jumping around and stuff, some experimenting. Time flies by pretty quickly considering all we did. It's sunset when Kyubey points out the time, and I'm just starting to feel exhausted. This… body is strong! It can handle a lot.

But a thought keeps buzzing in my head and I can't quite put a finger as to what. The reason I'm doing all this.

"Say, Kyubey…" I mutter as we walked through an empty part of town.

"Yes?"

"You said before, something about fighting… something. I don't remember, but we're fighting…"

"Witches."

"Witches?" I repeat. "You said I'd be fighting… witches?"

"Yes I did."

"Well, what exactly are witches? What's wrong with them? Cuz I mean," I think about it a bit. "Wouldn't… magical girls and witches be related? Are they like, pointy hatted version of magical girls or something?"

"Well if magical girls bring hope to the world, witches bring despair." Well, that doesn't really explain much. What does "bring hope" even mean, anyway? Am I supposed to go around doing community service or something? I felt like there was more to it than that, but I guess I would be seeing it for myself later anyway.

"O-okay, well uh. I've never heard of witches. Not real ones, anyway. Is that a new thing? Should I turn on the news?"

"They wouldn't be on the news. You see, not everyone can see witches, Absidee." She shakes her head almost dramatically. "Normal humans can't even see them at all."

An irritated groan escapes my lips. "How come?"

"They don't want to be seen. Similar to the way I don't let some people see me." She broadens her smile. "People do feel them though once they're trapped inside. But by then they're already under the witch's spell and when that happens… they almost never make it out."

"What do they do? Like… okay you said they bring despair." I close my eyes. "What do they do with the people trapped inside?"

"They target those who are truly suffering. They hang out around and are drawn toward places where human suffering is at its highest point. Hospitals like the one you reside in are among the most common places."

"Okay… so how do I find them?" My head is starting to feel painfully warm. "They won't ALL come to me, so…" I trail off, waiting for a response.

"Just tightly grasp at your Soul Gem," she says simply. I do so, clasping it tightly in my palm as warmth fills my hand.

But there was something there. An icy chill that was beckoning me to follow it. It knew where I was.

"I-I think I feel it."

"See? Now if you hadn't focused, but were walking in the general direction, you would have eventually felt it."

"And…" I breathe, "what do I do when I find it?"

"You fight it, of course."

"Just fight it? That's it?"

"Ultimately, you'll have to kill it." So calmly she says this. She must be used to it. Good grief, how common are these witches for her to be so passé about it? Then again, she's passé about everything!

"And what happens when I…" I struggle to say the word so I work my way around it, "defeat one of these… witches?"

"When you defeat a witch, they drop what's called a 'Grief Seed.'"

"That the prize you were talking about? The ones magical girls fight over?"

"Precisely. There are girls who are kind and honorable, but more often than not they will fight for it. The winner gets the reward."

I think about that for a bit. "What's the prize do, anyway? These seed things?"

"Well, when you use your magic, your Soul Gem dims little by little. Even just waiting around experiencing everyday life can be draining. Grief Seeds take away that darkness, that corruption, and restore your magic. They make your Soul Gem shine as brightly as before!" She chirps with a great enthusiasm, as though her information was the best thing ever. "All the more reason to fight witches!"

"Interesting." I add all the information up in my head and look down at my gem. "I guess I should go and kill this witch, huh?"

"That would be most advisable," she says with a certain finality.

What a busy day. Sigh.

"I would also advise that you bring out your magical girl uniform!"

"My what?" I ask blankly.

"Your magical girl uniform!" Kyubey repeats in the exact same tone for my convenience.

"I have a magical girl outfit? Oh god," I let out an odd breathy sort of laugh. "You've turned me into a Chinese cartoon. I'm freaking Sailor Moon now!"

"I don't quite understand what you mean," Kyubey says, looking at me. "But in any case, you shouldn't have any trouble bringing it out."

"Right," I say, my amusement subsiding. "Is there any dance or pose I have to do?" I ask just to make sure.

"Only if you want."

"Hmm," I forgo the posing, and just concentrate my mind on "bringing out" my magical clothes. She was right, it appears quickly with a flash of light, startling me. "Holy crap," I exclaim as I examine myself. Thankfully, the outfit doesn't resemble Sailor Moon, but it does feel sort of… alive. If I had to describe my new outfit in one word, it'd be "fiery".

"Good," Kyubey seems either eager or impatient, it's hard to tell. "You're dressed for battle. Now for your weapon."

"My weapon, huh," I say, a bit nervous. Of course I would have a weapon as well. I close my eyes and try to summon my weapon into my hands, and all I felt was a bit of energy. When I open my eyes, the weapon is already in my hand. I barely have time to hold it up to my face and examine it in awe before Kyubey taps her foot.

"Good, now you're ready to battle your first witch!"

"I'm so thrilled," I say half sarcastically, half nervously.

---

"Well… that was an embarrassing performance," I mutter under my breath.

Kyubey is carrying me princess style out of the labyrinth after swooping in and rescuing me from a witch's deadly blow. It was a rather poor debut as a magical girl and I can only feel mortified as Kyubey happily obliges to carry my weight.

"Put me down. I can walk," I mutter, face redder than I'd like to admit.

"Can you?" Kyubey questions, but obligingly lets me down on my feet. Unfortunately my legs fail to hold me up and I stagger to my knees as my chest convulses with painful wracking.

"You know, this would be so much easier on your body if you just healed it. The whole point of the Soul Gem is so that your body stays safe. Keeping your disease defeats the entire purpose."

I would tell her to shove it, but I can't speak through the bile at the moment. I wait a few moments until my shaking subsides, gulping in breaths.

"Kyubey… thanks for saving me."

"Not a problem, Absidee! It's my obligation to keep you alive until your wish is fulfilled."

"You're the soul of thoughtfulness, Kyubey." I grumble under my breath. I shakily get to my feet, kicking in my magic to control my body like a puppet on strings. If I do that, moving this sickly body around becomes much easier. "So you're saying that when my wish is fulfilled and we become friends, you don't have to save me?"

"Precisely!" Kyubey says, before a thoughtful look crosses her face. "Well, friends tend to try to protect each other, correct? Fascinating." I flick Kyubey between the eyes, and the girl blinks in surprise. "What was that for?"

"You think too much."

"Do I?"

"If you have to save me, save me because you want to. Deal?"

Kyubey observes my face curiously, as if weighing out the risks of this deal, which was quite worrying I admit. But she eventually nods and agrees. "It's a contract." What a damning choice of words.

I smile, dusting off my orange magical girl costume, my frilly dress, and head back the way we came.

"You're still going to try fighting it?" Kyubey asks in mild surprise. "You shouldn't needlessly waste—"

"I'm not going out like that," I say over my shoulder, my movements becoming more purposeful as I get used to moving myself with the aid of magic. I've been fighting off something way scarier than witches for a while now! "I have to show off to my friend so that she doesn't have to concern herself over whether or not she should save me."

---

Days became weeks. Weeks became months. Summer came at last, and in spite of everything... I'm kind of happy. I'm still learning. I'm still fighting. I'm still dying. It all became routine.

But at the same time, words become actions. Actions lead to victory, my first witch battle soon far behind me. My magical abilities grew with each battle, and I learned to use my magic as efficiently as possible. I'm not strong by any means, but I am sneaky and clever, and my knowledge of this world is only getting larger. Maybe I've been a bit careless every now and then, but even though I'm still stuck in this hospital, I'm experiencing a confidence I hadn't felt in what seemed like ages!

And at the center of it all was Kyubey. I never allowed Kyubey the choice of saving me again, and that determination pushed me harder than anything else. Everything is connected to that walking talking Make-A-Wish Foundation, Magical Edition girl. Isn't that a little bizarre? That a creature that couldn't exist, a world that shouldn't be real, would lead me to becoming… this?

As the nurse brings in what I think is supposed to be lunch, I decide I want to make it up to her somehow.

And then, just as soon as the nurse leaves, I decide I'm not really hungry anymore. I grimace at the bowl of simple green hospital gelatin set out for me. They say my condition has improved and I could try out solid foods again. But the last time they said that I retched my guts out for days, so I wasn't exactly tempted to venture back into the realm of questionably solid foods just yet. Just then, I feel a sudden cool breeze blow through the window.

"Hi, Absidee!" Her head suddenly appears at my window, and her enthusiastic appearance makes me jump and my heart monitor spike.

"Kyubey!" I really should see that coming by now. "Kyubey, I hope you realize you almost killed me just now," I chastise under my breath as my I try to calm my laboriously thumping heart. The surprisingly nimble Kyubey climbs the rest of the way through the window and murmurs an unapologetic apology.

"What's that?" Kyubey asks, pointing at the bowl.

"God's punishment."

She tilts her head slightly, concentrating her eyes on the green goop. "I don't understand."

"It's Jell-O, Kyubey."

The white haired girl pokes at the Jell-O curiously, making it jiggle. "Humans consume this?" Kyubey pokes it some more. "It looks grotesque."

"Not willingly, no," I bite back a giggle at Kyubey's antics. "I don't really want it. You want it?" I offer. I don't think I've ever seen Kyubey eat before. The other girl shrugs agreeably.

"I'll eat it for the sake of experimentation. I have yet to experience the taste buds of the human body. Maybe I can unlock the secret of why humans insist of stuffing themselves beyond capacity and beyond reasonable quantities."

"Right," I mutter, eyeing Kyubey in amusement. I only feel mildly bad that Kyubey's first experience with food would be with something as anti-food as Jell-O, but maybe I can get her to make a different face besides her permanent Barbie fake-smile face?

The jiggly substance makes its way past Kyubey's lips and she clumsily swallows it. "Oh my…"

I'm smiling now, I can't help it. Kyubey's unusually colored eyes blink rapidly, but still that smile never leaves her face, annoyingly enough. "Well, waddya think?" I ask cheekily.

"I seem to find the texture to be objectionable, and this is not at all a pleasant experience for me. I thought humans loved food," Kyubey takes another spoonful of the green stuff and sticks it in her mouth.

"Hospital food doesn't count as real food." I laugh. Kyubey's eyebrows scrunch up as she slowly works her mouth to consume the stuff.

"I see," Kyubey takes yet another bite, and I hold up my hand.

"If you don't like it, then don't eat it."

Kyubey swallows, her face thoughtful. "I acknowledge the feeling of dislike," she says. She takes another, even bigger spoonful. "Yes… This stuff is repulsive. Absolutely repulsive to my mouth." Kyubey starts shoveling the stuff into her mouth while I look on in horror. "Why, I dislike this food so much that I think I need a more… fitting word to describe it?"

"You… hate it with a passion?" I offer. Kyubey snaps her fingers and smiles widely.

"That's it! I hate Jell-O. With a passion."

"Uh… Good?" I don't know whether to be amused or confused. Why is Kyubey still eating if she hates it so much?

"Interesting!" Kyubey slurps down the remainder of the anti-food earnestly. "Do you have more of this hospital's food?"

"Down at the cafeteria, I suppose," I quirk a brow at the girl. "Why?"

Kyubey is licking her fingers and lips to get any remaining goop. "What a pungent feeling. I would like to more extensively experiment such matters."

"That sounds productive and everything…" I say in my best doubtful voice. "But wouldn't you want to try something that'll make you feel good?"

Kyubey places the spoon back neatly where she found it. "But that's why I have you, Absidee!"

My heart monitor blips when my heart stops for a few seconds. "K-Kyubey!" I say in protest, though I'm not really sure what I'm protesting exactly.

"What?" Kyubey tilts her head, observing me, as usual. "It appears I have flustered you for no apparent reason. Our perfectly normal human relationship is progressing nicely!"

"Perfectly normal, right, whatever you say, Barbie," I say as I rub my face with my hand. But I'm smiling like an idiot, and I can't seem to stop myself. I'm feeling weirdly shyer than usual. "Is that really true?"

"Is what really true, Absidee?"

My face feels a little hot right now. "Do I… make you feel… good? Like you just said?"

"You inspire no feelings of dislike in me," Kyubey informs me happily, and the answer kind of lets me down. "In fact, I find myself anticipating my time with you more and more," Kyubey continues, spurring me to look back at her. "I feel pleased that it is you who is guiding me through this interesting experience of having a human body. I learn fascinating new things every day, and I find it agreeable. Hmm," Kyubey muses to herself. "I do believe I have reached the stage of friendship where I particularly enjoy your company!"

"Good to hear that, I guess," I say, offering a shy smile. "I particularly enjoy your company too."

Kyubey smiles back at me, seemingly unaffected by that small admission. "That makes one magical girl."

I wonder what makes her say that. Was Kyubey not popular with her other magical girls? That somehow makes me happy, and I feel extremely selfish and greedy as I think that. But I can't help it. I want Kyubey all to myself. "Hey Kyubey, you think tonight we could go out?" I ask.

"We always go out at night," Kyubey informs me obviously. I roll my eyes and smile.

"Yeah, but all we ever do is hunt witches. I was thinking we could hang out or something."

"We're hanging around each other right now," Kyubey points out needlessly, making me want to reach over and whap the girl until she had natural human common sense, but I know that would be futile.

I take a deep breath, and pretend Kyubey is a little kid I have to explain obvious things to. "Yes, but normal friends would hang out at other places. Like eat together, or watch a movie together…"

"I thought those were dating rituals. Are you asking me out on a date?"

"No!" I say in a loud exasperated tone, throwing my hands in the air. "I'm just saying variety is a good thing!"

"Good, because that would violate the parameters of your wish for friendship," Kyubey says, merrily as ever. I feel extremely annoyed by that answer and grumble irritably under my breath.

"Relationships evolve..." When I realized how that sounds I quickly speak up again. "Not that I want ours to evolve beyond friendship, all I'm saying is that we should have some fun together." My face and voice soften. "I just want a couple of hours where I can be carefree. No hospitals, no terminal illness, no fighting witches. Just me," I point to myself, "and you," I say, pointing at the other girl with a shy smile.

"A reasonable suggestion," Kyubey says with a nod. "I don't see why not."

That evening, Kyubey and I take extra care to not make my presence missed at the hospital for a couple of extra hours. As well as magically rigging the machines I was attached to not to go off when I detached myself, Kyubey instructed me how to plant suggestion magic on the nurses. Just a nudge to get them to "look the other way" as Kyubey put it.

Feeling giddy at our escape, my only friend and I jump out of the hospital window together hand in hand.

Surprisingly there's some sort of festival going on tonight! We spot the lights and sounds from a distance and I insist on going there for our night out. I even splurge on magic to appropriately dress ourselves.

"You're expending a lot of magic tonight," Kyubey observes as I magically outfitted her in a pink and white dress.

"Don't worry about it," I murmur as I concentrate on getting all the details of her outfit right. My hands are on her shoulders and I'm channeling magic through my fingers, enchanting her outfit to look just the way I wanted it to. After a few seconds I'm decidedly satisfied with my handiwork and proceed to enchant my own drab hospital robes to appear as a nice blouse with rich red and orange hues and dress pants.

"Your soul gem is probably very dark right now," Kyubey points out, and is that concern I hear in her voice? I must be hearing things!

"Don't worry about it," I repeat, tying my hair up into a ponytail with my hands. "I'll just hunt tomorrow. No biggie!"

"Hmmm," Kyubey hums in seemingly displeasure about my blasé attitude regarding my magic. "That's not very wise of you. I advise you not spend anymore magic between now and your next hunt to conserve energy for battle—"

"Hey, didn't I tell you I wanted one night where I didn't have to worry about those things?" I say, all smiles and excitement. I'm not going to let Kyubey be a wet blanket about this!

"Not worrying and ignoring the reality of your situation are two different things," Kyubey protests. Oh, is that actual exasperation I detect there? Ha, Kyubey is kind of cute when she was worrying needlessly. Looking at her face I could think of a good way to shut her up.

"Perhaps if you took better care of yourself instead of actively trying to destroy your body, your magic usage wouldn't be such an iss—" I cut her off with a gentle flick of my finger between her eyes.

"I'm dying, big deal," I say with a self-deprecating smile. "Now can we go have some fun, please?"

Kyubey looks at me levelly before nodding. "I only hope they have Jell-O."

"What is with you and that stuff?" I motion with my finger for Kyubey to turn around so that I could do her hair too. She does an about-face readily, and I let myself touch her white silky strands of hair, releasing them from her default pig tails.

"Jell-O produces strong responses in this body. The only other thing that produces such a strong response is you," she informs me and I pause.

"I hope you're not saying that you like me for the same reason you like Jell-O. That'd be messed up!"

"Quite the contrary. I've told you before, haven't I?" She tries to turn her head to look at me, but I keep her head in place with my hands, a blush coloring my cheeks.

"Just checking," I say as I do my best to tie up her hair. I'm a bit clumsy and inexperienced, but I manage. I pat her on the shoulder to let her know I'm finished and she turns back to me. She's as pretty as a picture, the silly Barbie doll. I bet I look pale and sickly next to her, but I don't really care anymore. I just want to have so much fun with her until I drop dead, perhaps literally. Hey, death jokes! I really am in a good mood tonight!

"I wonder what the occasion is," I wonder out loud as we descend into the festivities. It's in a large park, and people have put down blankets on the grass and were lounging around, and there were random food stands and places selling sparklers.

"It's the eve of the fourth day of July. Independence Day, as you Americans call it," Kyubey informs helpfully, making me intake a breath of excitement. I hadn't exactly been paying attention to the dates of the calendar, I had no idea it was a holiday today!

"That means there's probably going to be fireworks!" I let out an excited smile. It's been a really long time since I've been present for a fireworks show!

"You humans do enjoy your exploding colored aerial shells." Again, Kyubey sucks the magic out of everything. Funny, considering she's kind of a bringer of magic. I see someone handing out sparklers and I quickly steer us in that direction.

We seem to be early, or maybe we were lucky because I found us an unoccupied spot on the grass under a tree in full bloom. I hand Kyubey one of the sparklers, an eager grin on my face.

"I don't understand the point of these items," Kyubey says idly while I stir up a little magic in my fingers to produce heat. "They serve no purpose at all. And what does it have to do with the American Revolution?" I light up my sparkler and Kyubey's bright eyes jump to it quite readily. "Ohhhh!" She seems perfectly enthralled.

I giggle and waved my sparkler around, Kyubey's eyes glued to it, and she even tires to swap it with her hand at one point. I figured she'd have a reaction like this. Some time ago I tried the same trick with a laser pointer and I had Kyubey chasing it all day. There is no better entertainment than exploiting Kyubey's minor cat-like weaknesses.

After I have my fun and the sparkler dies out I light up Kyubey's own sparkler, much to her delight. We kneel on the grass together, watching the bright sparks explode and disperse into the grass. But my eyes settle on watching Kyubey's face, completely enthralled by the shiny item in her hand, soft face illuminated by the light. I feel incredibly affectionate towards her at the moment, and if there's one thing I've learned from dying is that I shouldn't hold things back. Especially from my best friend.

"Hey Kyubey," I nudge her with my shoulder. "We'll be together forever, right?" I say in a very quiet hopeful voice.

The white haired girl manages to tear her eyes away from the sparkler long enough to give me a surprised look. "Impossible, even the cosmos doesn't have forever because of the imminent heat death of the universe." Kyubey's sparkler promptly fizzes out as if to prove her point.

I'm a little bewildered by her answer, but I shake it off quickly. "I know I can't live forever better than anyone, don't be such a killjoy," I say with a light laugh. "I just meant that I want to be friends with you for as long as I'm able," I say as sincerely as I can, looking right into those red eyes of hers. She holds the look for a few moments before she looks away, surprising me. Kyubey's hand goes to her chest for a moment, an adorably puzzled look on her face before she looks back at me, smiling a little wider than usual.

"I believe that's a sentiment I agree with!"

"Great!" I smile with relief. Kyubey could be a little hard to read sometimes, but I do feel like deep down she cares about me. The thought warms my heart and my face is probably becoming dorkier by the second, but who cares?

"The fireworks are going to commence soon," Kyubey says as she discards her spent sparkler stick. I feel renewed excitement bubbling up in me, but it's quickly overcome by a sharp familiar chill up my spine. I can feel the malicious presence of a familiar nearby. I try to shake off the feeling, wanting to focus on my night out with Kyubey. But as I look about me, at the children playing, and the families and friends sitting together and laughing, I know I won't be able to ignore this dark presence so close by to all these innocent people.

I stand upright, looking in the direction I sense it in.

"I was wondering if you were planning to respond to that," Kyubey comments, standing as well. "I'm going to have to advise you against it. It's just a familiar and you don't gain anything by fighting it."

"I'll gain some peace of mind," I respond promptly, already walking in that direction. Kyubey doesn't start following me until a few moments later.

"There's another magical girl in the area, she'll take it on," Kyubey tells me.

"Then I'll make sure it goes well."

"Abside—"

"Yeah, I know, other magical girls can be a threat," I say in slight exasperation. Kyubey had always warned me away from situations with other magical girls, and I never quite understood why even with the reasons she fed me. I'd like to think she was as possessive of my attention as I was about her, but that is probably wishful thinking on my part. "I just want to make sure. I won't be able to fully enjoy myself unless this is taken care of," I reason, leaving no room for Kyubey to object.

I follow where my Soul Gem pulls me, Kyubey right behind me. Is it just me or are the roads getting darker and darker as we get closer? Not just from the sun's setting, it was darkening way too quickly for that to be it.

Eventually, we end up barely able to squeeze together in an alleyway where the feeling suddenly goes away and a light flashes before us. I shield my eyes from the blinding light, and when it's gone a very pretty dark-skinned girl stands where I'm absolutely sure the feeling was coming from. Judging from her ornate outfit, she has to be a magical girl. Connecting the dots in my head…

"Oh," I say aloud, relieved. Remembering Kyubey's warning of how magical girls didn't usually get along, I added quickly "I'm sorry, I'll get out of your way." I'd rather my appearance here not be misinterpreted.

"It's alright," the girl says softly, rubbing her forehead. "No worries, no worries. Pretty sudden appearance, huh? It was just a familiar though. Pretty strong one, too. I.. I got it though. S'alright…"

"Thanks for understanding," I sigh. Guess we'll be able to return to the fireworks show sooner than I expected.

"Absidee." I hear Kyubey mutter sternly. I'm not sure I've ever heard her like that before. Was that apprehension?

"I… I feel funny," the girl in front of me says in a weird tone of voice, taking a single step toward me. Did she hear me? I take a step back, unsure of her intentions. She holds out her Soul Gem in her shaking hands, and I gasp at the sight. It's tainted so black that the swirling corruption seems to be a living thing inside it, trying to break out of the suddenly fragile shell. That's definitely not normal, is it? "I… I… h-help…"

"Absidee, get away from her," Kyubey tells me more urgently. But how can I? Can't she see this girl, whoever she was, is in pain? That something is seriously wrong with her soul gem?

"How can I help? Is there anything I can do? Surely I can do something t—?"

I stop mid-sentence when I hear her scream. It feels like my bones are going to freeze over. And then I see her Soul Gem shatter.

---

The labyrinth splinters and breaks apart. As it falls around me, fading from this world, I feel pulled back to reality. The cold and dark alleyway again.

Sweat is dripping from my forehead and my breathing is incredibly sharp. Shallow, even. I turn to look at those red eyes that betray nothing. I feel angry. I feel scared. I could hit something… or someone. I gasp a quick breath as my uniform dissolves into my hospital robe once more, the enchantment wearing off quickly as my feelings sink.

There's a pop and loud crack from the sky and I see an angry red firework exploding above our heads. The fireworks show has started without us, but I don't care to watch. It's background noise at best.

"Kyubey… why didn't you tell me about this sooner?" I ask, eyes wide with disbelief. All I can see is that other magical girl's soul gem turning into a grief seed before my eyes, and I powerless to stop it.

"You never asked." Kyubey answers easily, calmly, smiling that stupid off-putting smile that always seemed to amuse me, but now it was only giving me an uneasy feeling.

"Never asked?" I can feel myself flushing with anger. "I shouldn't have to ask for something like this! I thought you were my friend!"

Kyubey's smile twitches and finally, for the first time, falters as she regards me. "I am your friend, Absidee."

"Yeah, I thought so too. But you know, this was kind of a big fucking detail to leave out, don't you think?"

The edges of Kyubey's lips, constantly quirked up, slowly lower to a frown, like a mask slipping off her face. "I've never lied to you, Absidee," Kyubey points out. "Most girls never realize the connection between magical girls and witches. There's a lower chance of girls contracting if they kne—"

"No kidding!" I snap, unable to help myself. Her eyes are glowing redder than ever as a series of fireworks go off overhead. Everything she's saying is so detached, so alien, it never really sunk in until now. "But you could have told me! You should have told me!" Honestly, I feel more hurt by the fact that Kyubey kept me in the dark about it than with the actual information itself at the moment. "Did you not think I could handle the truth or something?"

Kyubey watches me silently for a moment before shaking her head and looking away, as if dispelling some notion. "They always react this way." Kyubey's upbeat voice sounds much quieter than usual, as if she were talking to herself. "Why did I think you would be any different?"

Those words hurt me, coming from a voice that sounded so unlike the typical Kyubey voice I've become fond of. "Magical girls become witches… Yeah, that sucks. It does. I just can't believe you lied to me about it."

Kyubey's head snapped back to me suddenly. "But I never lied, I just—"

"You kept the truth hidden from me, it's practically the same thing!" I yell at Kyubey. I've never yelled at Kyubey before and she looks slightly taken aback.

"Listen, Absidee," Kyubey attempts to smile her usual smile, but it turns into a confused grimace instead, as if she wasn't sure why I was mad or why she couldn't muster her default mode. "It's all in the effort of prolonging the lifespan of the universe!" She keeps speaking as her face struggled to settle on an expression. "Are you familiar with the term 'entropy'?"

"No I'm not, and I don't really care right now." I run a hand through my hair, feeling frustrated tears threatening the edges of my vision. "You have to go… I just… I don't know, I just can't stand looking at your face right now."

Kyubey lowers her head and I can't see her eyes, but she nods and turns away. "If that's how you feel. When you feel up to listening to my explanation—"

"Just go, please." I just shake my head slowly. And just like that, Kyubey walks into the shadows of the alleyway, disappearing from sight like some sort of specter.

I see the grief seed settle on the concrete a few feet away from me and a wave of nausea overwhelms me. There's no way I can use those things now! Now that I know… everything, now that I know how Kyubey lured me into wishing for friendship, only for her to rip it away from me now with this horrible reality.

And I just fall to my knees and start crying. I mean, goddammit. Was Kyubey ever really my friend? Was it just because I wished for it? I can't take thinking too in-depth about this! I can't handle the implications that all of our time together has been one giant lie! I feel more angry tears coming to my eyes and it's practically impossible to stop them, my feelings drowned out by the sounds of celebratory fireworks.

---

I don't remember how I got back to the hospital. I don't even remember crawling back into my bed. But I'm opening my eyes back in my room as sunlight starts to peak from behind the dark grey clouds.

Morning. Time doesn't stop moving forward, does it? Especially for me, I think, looking at my soul gem now. It's so dark now, almost as dark as that girl's had been last night… If Kyubey was here, she'd surely be disappointed.

Hmph. Like I care what that alien thinks now.

Pain seizes me so completely, so physically and so emotionally I cry out silently, but the machines connected to me do the screaming for me just fine. I can't move my body. I can't breathe. My chest wants to cave in on itself. I wonder if I'm about to turn into a witch right then and there or if the disease will finally claim me before my despair does.

It's almost hilarious. I didn't want to die alone, and now here I am on the brink of death betrayed and friendless. How fitting.

I thankfully black out just as I see nurses rush into the room and a breathing mask going over my face.

---

I'm not sure how long I was out. Time is such a terrible thing to base measurements on, I might have been there for days. Through closed eyes I can't tell if the light is from outside or from the hall or if it was just the ceiling above me. I am ice cold though, even with my sheets to keep me warm.

"Absidee, dear?" I hear someone call out to me. Such a familiar, soothing voice. It gives me the strength to stir slightly and open my eyes, mildly surprised I'm still alive. I open my eyes wider and see my parents standing next to my bed.

"M-Mom? Dad?" I croak weakly through the breathing mask on my face. I can't help myself; the smile on my face just seemed to creep its way into my voice. I try to sit up, shocked. I didn't expect to see them. I had parents? Oh yeah. A gentle hand on my shoulder stops me from rising though, and urges me to lie back down. Suddenly my eyes feel weak and watery.

"It's okay honey, it's okay," my mom hushes me as softly as she could, sitting herself on my bed and brushing away my tears. All the… feelings I had over the past few hours seem to spill out of me, the floodgates are open. Hours? This feels like it has been building up for weeks! I can't restrain myself, not anymore. "It's okay," she says, "just let it all out."

"We're sorry, Absidee," I hear my dad's voice. Calm, but with an edge. "We're sorry. We… I…" He huffs under his breath. "There's no excuse. We're so sorry. We're here now. We're here for you, dear. We're not going to leave you."

There's sincerity in his voice. They've never lied to me before. They're hard working, they care about everything it seemed sometimes. But maybe it was because of Kyubey that I forgot about them. They'd been away for this long. Why come back now? I felt bitter. Am I being selfish? Maybe a little. But damn it, damn it all…

No. No, damn Kyubey.

"Are you okay now?" my mom asks when I stop crying at the thought of Kyubey. I bite my tongue and nod slowly. "Let me have a look at you, honey."

I turn my head to her fully and look at her as she puts her hand on my face, giving me as reaffirming a smile as she does. It's almost like looking in a mirror, I look so much like my mother. Except for the crow's feet under her eyes, the dimples in her smile… we could have been clones, maybe. Well, maybe not so much anymore. Hospitalized, I probably got loads paler and thinner than I normally was. I don't know for sure.

"You're looking better, sweetie," my father adds. He is a big fellow, so tall that his form completely eclipses my view of outside the room. His hair is neatly combed to one side. "So much healthier. I'm concerned, I think I should be in here and not you." His moustache twitches as he smiles at his attempt at humor.

"That's… yeah," I hesitate to answer. I don't know what to say, or what they'd expect me to say. An awkward silence follows. It lasts all of ten seconds, when a doctor knocks on the door.

"Mr. Anderson?"

My parents shift their gaze from me to the white-coated gentleman at the door.

"May I have a word?"

My father walks with him wordlessly out the door beyond my line of vision. My mom, an emptiness glazing over her eyes, kisses my forehead and follows them both.

My eyes widen in suspicion. They've talked to the doctors before the last few times, and the last few times I know weren't fun conversations because I had gotten worse. But I have magic now. And since it's my life they're no doubt talking about, I think I have a right to know what's being said. I close my eyes and focus on their voices and soon their mumblings become loud and clear.

"—derson, thank you for coming to see me. I'm afraid... your daughter Absidee..." he breathes in slowly, trying to keep his professional tone. "I'm afraid she doesn't have very much time left." I hear my mother choke up at the doctors words. I can imagine my father putting a comforting arm around her shoulders.

"How long?" Was that my mom? I've never heard her sound so shaky before.

"It can be a few days or… a few minutes, really. She's a fighter, that one. It's a miracle she's even lasted so long with her condition."

"Don't you, don't you dare talk about miracles while she lays in there waiting to die!" There's my father's indignant anger. I probably would have been able to hear him through the wall even without the magical aid allowing me to hear this conversation.

"I apologize." The doctor doesn't seem at all phased by my father's tone. "It'd be wise to stay with her for now, get her comfortable—"

I stop listening there. I don't think I can take much more of doctors telling me about what I can already feel creeping up on me surely and steadily. They are probably being asked if they wanted to tell me or have the professionals do it. Doesn't matter, I know I'm finished. There's nothing I can do.

"Hey, Absidee?" I hear Mom call, her head peering around the open door. "Me and your father are going to step out for a bit. Okay? We'll be right back." Her eyes are a bit misty and her voice is still shaky. I can't say anything to her. I just nod, and she disappears once more.

And I'm alone again. I clutch my Soul Gem under the sheets, trying to keep myself together. I'm still not scared of dying. But I'm alone. God damn this worthless life, this loneliness. It won't ever go away. I deserve this. I can't help the cold feelings crawling its way into my chest and latching onto my heart.

Wait, that's too cold. That's too cold to be the already-freezing air conditioner, so what in the…

Oh no.

A witch? Here? It can't be me, can it? I feel my Soul Gem clutched tightly in my hands. There's still a hint of warmth, so it's not me. There's an actual witch nearby. Why is it here though? Kyubey did say they liked hospitals, all the sick people here whose despair they could feast on... Dammit. Dammit! Why now? There are so many people here who could die! Mom, Dad, so many others I've never met…

No! No, I can't allow that to happen! With my last shreds of magic, I'll defeat it. Or at least, lead it away from this place. That way if I fail or go witch myself in the process, I can save the people here. That's my last resolve, and I'll be damned if I died for nothing! I swear I won't fail!

I gather magical energies to me, forcing my limbs to move and I remove the breathing mask from my nose and mouth. "Kyu—!" I start, before I remember I'm alone. That I'm going to be on my own for the remainder of my dwindling life. I grit my teeth. Oh well. I gasp in pain as I force out the IVs once more and before they screech, I wave my hand violently to silence them. After a quick look at the door to ensure no one is walking by, I tie my magical energy to my limbs, forcing me to leap to my feet on the bed and make a huge jump to the windowsill.

I'd just been visited by nurses, so chances are that they wouldn't come again for at least a few minutes, I think. Not that it matters. I doubt I'll be coming back.

"Goodbye," I whisper behind me. At least I got to see my parents one last time.

I take a deep breath and dare to make the leap. With my magic, I'm able to land on the balls of my feet without denting the ground too much. Feels like it could have shattered my legs, but I'm able to exhale and move without crumpling to the ground so that's a good sign. I squeeze my Soul Gem, desperate to find the source of the witch. It slowly finds its target, but a general clue is good enough for me and I take off in the direction of the disturbance.

"Absidee!" a voice calls out behind me, and I sprint even faster because I dare not get stopped now. "Absidee, wait!"

The voice seems persistent, breathing deeply as they push their body to catch up to me. I'd hate to use violence, but at this rate I'm not exactly opposed to the thought as I recognize the voice.

"Absidee, please!" At this point I really can't ignore the voice and I slow my footsteps to a halt. She sounds so different, so desperate, it offends me. The anger from last night comes up all at once. I have to force myself to not turn around and do something I might regret.

"What do you want," I demand more than ask. "I told you to go."

"You told me to go last night. It's the next day," Kyubey says in her oh-so-logical way.

"Whatever. Why are you here?"

"You can't fight that witch, Absidee."

I turn on my heel, a snarl on my lips. "Why can't I? Why shouldn't I?"

"You never healed the corruption from your Soul Gem. You've used up too much magic. I… I can't let you."

Oh, so now you grow a conscience.

"Too bad. My family is in danger. Everyone here is. I have to do what I can. I'm the only one here to try and stop it." I feel my eyes start to tear up.

"Consider it logically tho—"

"I'm through with logic." I don't raise my voice, but I let the bile only just color my words with contempt. "I know you have a job to do. Worst case scenario, someone else will come along to fight. You'll find another girl, someone to replace me. That's what you do, right? Take girls about to die and give them a chance to live again, just to take it all away?"

I stun her and I know it, a smirk twisting my lips as I advance on her. "You're a monster, you know that? I should've known everything that came out of your mouth was one big ugly lie!" The words are spilling out of my mouth before I get a chance to think about them, but I'm taking pleasure in it, I'm taking pleasure in the fact Kyubey can't look me in the eyes, in the fact that I can see her face flush in shame and anger. "You'll never understand what it is to be human, you stupid alien freak —!"

I don't see Kyubey's hand, I feel it. Her palm slaps me across the face, stunning me into silence. My hand comes up to touch my reddened cheek and I stare at Kyubey with wide eyes. Gone was the smile, in its place was an upset expression, but one suffused with a grim determination I've never seen her wear before.

"It's the corruption," Kyubey finally says in a voice that is a little less than steady. "It's infecting your mind. It makes you reckless. It makes you say things you don't really mean. I've seen it a thousand times before."

"How do you know I don't mean it?" I push back with as much vehemence I can muster in my quiet voice. Kyubey bites her lip and shrugs, as if struggling with her thoughts.

"It's what I'm choosing to believe."

"How convenient for you," I say bitterly. We stand like that for a few moments, sullenly quiet as we realize how much things have changed between us in such a short amount of time.

"If you go… I'm coming with you," she finally says as she takes a step toward me.

I try to keep my eyes from staring at her in disbelief, but her words knocked the air out of me.

"Why? I'm not worth it. I'm just another girl to you, right? Another… thing to save the universe or something." I bite my lip to keep my frustration and fury from making me tear up.

"No. I disagree." She shakes her head. "You're not just another girl, Absidee. I'm your friend. You are my friend, Absidee!" She says her words with conviction, and I notice she's clenching her fists. "You were the one who wished for it, but I'm the one who experienced it. So take responsibility." She pauses as though looking for the right words. "I don't expect you to forgive me, but I do think it'd be in your best interests to let me come with you. I know more about witches than you… so I'm a rather valuable resource." I see a small smile creep onto her face momentarily before reverting to a frown. "Let me help you."

I can't really argue with her anymore; she pretty much has me beat. Annoyed that I'm so touched by her words, I sigh. "Fine. But after we're done… we're going to have a talk. A long talk. About everything." I intend to make myself clear.

"Of course. I won't hold anything from you." She smiles weakly, a smile I… I can't help but return. She reaches out her hand toward me and without thinking I grab hers. Together, we take off toward the disturbance.

---

Dying… it's the worst feeling.

I blink a few times, trying to adjust my eyes to the weird light. White to darkness. Then darkness to a murky gray.

Actually now that I think about it, I can't feel my body at all anymore. Did I die already? I hadn't even noticed. Weird, so much buildup and I don't even notice when I finally go under? Lame. It can't be the worst feeling then. I mean, I probably know more about this subject than most, so I'm starting to doubt.

And then my soul gem starts to crack and I realize I'm not quite dead yet.

Pain surges through my spine, lightning crawls through my veins and spreads to my fingertips and to my toes. God, fine, I take back the whole doubting thing!

So this is it, huh? Guess I'm going to die here. All alone, just like I thought.

My mind feels weird. Numb, quite unlike my body. Clouded. I can't really think straight. Wasn't there something important I forgot?

I think it's coming back to me.

Wait a second…

I blink and all I see is red. A familiar, comforting red.

"Kyu…" I whisper when I realize I'm looking into a pair of red eyes.

"I'm here, Absidee." Kyubey's voice. I missed it. I want to listen to that voice forever. "Hang on, I'll obtain the grief seed and you'll get better!"

It worked. My plan worked. The feeling of success elates me, I've never felt so relieved. My vision clears up enough for me to see the rest of her face, streaked with blood – wait, was that her blood?

I… I remember… oh no.

The plan did work… at first. I managed to lead the witch away from the hospital, but I didn't get very far. Only a few buildings away before I got cornered. It was a pathetic display on my part, but I was forced to put all of my remaining power into one last attack as the witch bore down on me fast. I didn't have any energy left to protect myself or dodge, and I doubted I was fast enough that my attack would hit the witch before the witch blasted me to pieces.

But Kyubey, freaking skinny Barbie doll Kyubey, threw herself in front of me and took the brunt of the witch's attack. It bought my attack the extra second it needed, and I was able to obliterate the witch. It faded to nothingness, but the damage was already done. I screamed out Kyubey's name, I reached out for her as everything went white…

And I blink back to now. Here she was. Though injured, she's still trying to help me. I try to touch her face, to reach her anyway I can, but my hand can barely lift off the ground. I only make it halfway to her face. Thankfully she sees my hand and takes it readily, squeezing tight. Really, really tight. Was Kyubey always this strong?

"Kyubey," My voice comes out a little stronger this time. "It's over."

"No," Kyubey looks anxiously about her surroundings, probably for that grief seed of the witch I barely managed to kill. "It's not over, there are still preemptive measures we can take."

"It's over." I repeat softly. I feel so tired. "Even if you purify my soul gem… my sickness will kill me. Don't you see, Kyubey..?"

"Nonsense!" Kyubey snaps down at me, and I almost smile. "Once you regain your magic, you can finally rid yourself of your ailments once and for all! It doesn't have to end this way!"

"You saved me, Kyubey," I say, a stupidly inappropriate grin touching my lips at the thought. "You saved me from that witch, just now…"

"Of course I did!" Kyubey's voice was getting louder and more expressive as she spoke and I don't think she's realized it yet. "I saved you because I wanted to, as pertains to our contract! Because I… I don't want you to die, Absidee!" I feel cool droplets hit my face and I realize Kyubey was crying. Kyubey seems to notice as well and her hands go to her own face, feeling the tears there and they seemed to distress her even further, her face crumbling and even more tears leaking from her eyes. "I-I don't understand, I don't understand you, I don't understand why it hurts so much… I knew you were planning on dying this whole time, and yet...Why..?"

The sight of those tears overwhelms me and I suddenly feel pretty damn horrible. "I'm sorry…" I murmur, my hand managing to reach her face this time around with more effort. I wipe a tear from her eye with a dirty thumb, smearing her blood across her skin and generally not being helpful at all. "That was pretty selfish of me, huh? That was a horrible wish for me to make, wasn't it?" I smile weakly at her. "I just wanted someone to care about me… And now that you do, I'm leaving you behind…"

My soul gem cracks further and I nearly screamed, the sensation awakening my senses for a moment just to experience a clear uninterrupted moment of excruciating Technicolor high definition pain. When the moment passes I feel Kyubey has gathered me up into her arms and is holding me too tightly again.

"Hey, Kyubey," I manage to croak out, even as my whole body feels tense and ready to start heaving out what's left of my humanity. "I know this is going to sound… super creepy or something, but…" my voice cracks from trying not to break down in front of Kyubey. "Join me?"

Kyubey's eyes widen as she looks at my face. "Join you?"

"You know… let's go together." I say, trembling all the harder, and I don't know if it's because I'm about to die or if I'm not confident enough to want to know her answer. "You won't have to contract anymore girls and stuff. Because… you'll be together, with me?"

"Together," Kyubey repeats, and she seems to be looking past me now, eyes wide and cold and considering. "Your sentiment would only make sense if there were any proof to a human afterlife."

Dammit, Kyubey's logic never hurt so damn much.

"I don't exactly have a lot of time here," I groan in pain and annoyance. "I think… I think I'm about to witch out in a second, so if you could just simply answer my question, I can sort of die in peace already."

"But…" Kyubey says the word quietly, her eyes closing as if she's giving in to a struggle inside her. "It's illogical and unfounded, but…" I hold my breath as she makes an effort to find the right words.

"Didn't I tell you before?" I cut in, trying to distance myself from the feeling of someone tiny having fun carving their initials on the inside of my chest. "I'm through with logic."

Her eyes lock back on mine and I stop breathing for a moment. She is smiling. That isn't new, but her smile is so… genuine. So sincere and human and beautiful I never want to look away. "I have no use for logic here either."

She picks up my cracking and crumbling soul gem in her hand. "Absidee, if you're going to insist on dying, the least I can do is not let you go like that."

I blink in confusion. What the hell is she talking about? She must see the pain and confusion on my face because she leans over me, her cold delicate hand touching my cheek so softly, and yet I still feel like the touch will blow me away. I weakly place one of my own trembling hands over her own to hold her there. Her face is close and her forehead touches mine, our waning breaths mingling.

Together, I hear her thoughts in my head and the comfort I feel from them is burning hot and coursing through my veins, maybe faster than the corruption and faster than the disease.

I love you. My thoughts are so clear and came pouring out to her. I love you, Kyubey.

"Please don't be mad at me," she whispers. "It's all I can do." She pulls away and I whimper quietly, unable to maintain a grip on her hand.

She holds my soul gem delicately in both hands, close to her chest. What in the world is she doing? Wouldn't that be a huge risk, don't Soul Gems turn into Grief Seeds? I feel like the pain is ripping me to shreds from the inside out now but still I watch. With a deep breath, the blackness leaves the Gem and surrounds it. It's as beautiful as stardust, but I can feel the… the RAGE, the DESPAIR, the EVIL in it. It isn't really stardust, is it?

"A massive amount of energy is created when a soul gem turns into a grief seed," Kyubey murmurs under her breath, brow furrowed as she concentrates the energy in her hands, squeezing the chaotic bundle smaller and smaller. "Energy meant to be stored. But if I absorbed it instead… theoretically…"

With another breath the not-stardust rises from her hands into the air, spiraling, swirling, taunting me with how much it could – would – hurt me.

But then she inhales it. Just one gulp. It goes inside her nose and her mouth and she swallows it.

"What the hell did you ju— "I start before I notice I don't feel the pain anymore. I don't feel anything anymore. At all. So bizarre. And is it me, or is my soul gem disappearing?

It's disappearing. Holy shit. As brightly as it's glowing, it's fading into nothingness. Wait, that isn't my soul gem glowing… it's Kyubey? No way.
But it is her. He body is lifting high off the ground and she too starts to fade away, her body breaking down into dust. I lift my head up as much as I could, trying to say words that I knew I shouldn't but feel I have to. No breath is left on my tongue at all.

It's too late. She's gone now. I lay my head down, eyes fixated on my still fading soul gem and I can feel myself slipping away with it, right behind her…

Maybe dying… isn't the worst feeling… as long as I can be with her…

---

How interesting. My human body truly had wished to die with contractee Absidee Anderson. I'd fully intended to.

Her body was found shortly afterward, and the resulting conclusion was that she had died of natural causes, even if the reason for her misplacement will forever be a mystery to them. The parents were informed shortly after, and they predictably grieved as human parents tend to do after a magical girl dies.

But I have spare bodies, of course. And I do feel rather pleased to have my mind back in my compact form.

With that wish, I had the rare opportunity to experience emotions and what being human was like. And the experience was… difficult to make sense of, to say the least. As our time came to a close, I was fully driven and swept up by those feelings Absidee produced in me. But observing my experiences now that I'm back to being mentally intact, those actions were entirely irrational. She was suffering before I contracted her, and yet ultimately my time with fourteen year old Absidee proved to be fruitless. She took up so much of my time and attention, it's a shame that she ended up not contributing to the cause of saving the universe.

In the end, I'm no closer to understanding these humans. My conclusion is that us Incubators never truly will, and it's safe to just dismiss the human condition as a mental disorder.

If I would've known the outcome beforehand, I wouldn't have bothered. And yet, my thoughts keep going back to our time together, insistently, like a broken record within my mind. Strange… perhaps wiping my memories of her case would help me continue to operate more sufficiently and focus on my cause?

Perhaps. But… what if I don't necessarily want to?

I don't get it.