"Oh how lovely," Mr. Loud exclaimed, "My brother and his family are coming over from Russia to visit us.
"Oh how lovely," Mrs. Loud agreed.
Lori looked up from her phone. "We have an uncle in Russia?"
"Yes. My brother Liya moved to Russia and met Alexandrovna, his wife. They had a child over there, Lennin I think his name was. Lennin is about Lincoln's age, I believe." Mr. Loud explained.
"Okay," Lori said and went back to her phone. Lori and her parents were at the table, with the rest of the family elsewhere.
"When will he be in town?" Mrs. Loud asked.
Mr. Loud squinted at the computer in front of him to better read the e-mail. "Let me see," he mumbled while reading. Suddenly the door swings open and lightning crashed. "They arrive now, I believe." Mr. Loud said.
A boy that looked to be twelve years old marched in. He had very short dark brown hair and wore a black suit with a dark red tie. "Hello," the boy said, he had a thick Russian accent, "I am Lennin Loud. You must be my audience known as family. Very nice to see you, pupils."
"Pupils?" Lori questioned.
"Yes, Pupils. Do you not know English, because I wish I didn't," Lennin said.
A man came in laughing and put a hand on Lennin's shoulder. The man looked like Mr. Loud, but with a full head of thick hair and a thick beard to match. "What a boy I have, ay Lynny-boy," he said with a slight Russian accent.
"He seems pretty smart. Good at English too," Mr. Loud said. "So, Liya, how have you been?"
"Good, good. Want to go somewhere more comfortable? I could tell you all about the cold barren chunk of land that is Russia."
Mr. Loud laughed. "Sure, follow me," he said then they both walked up the stairs together talking.
A woman came through the door, she had short black hair, a really muscular body and looked like she was seven months pregnant. Mrs. Loud went to the pregnant woman. "Do you need help with anything?" she asked.
"Net, no spasibo(Нет, но спасибо)," The woman said. "Menya zovut Alexandrovna, ty, dolzhno byt', moya sestra v zakone, Rita (Меня зовут Александрова, ты, должно быть, моя сестра в законе, Рита)."
Lori and Mrs. Loud looked at the woman in confusion. Lennin sighed. "My mother said 'No, but thank you. My name is Alexandrovna, you must be my sister-in-law, Rita'," He said.
"Oh," Mrs. Loud said, "How do you say 'I'll show you to your room'?"
"You don't," Lennin said, "You just do the action, and mother follows. Mother, follow."
Mrs. Loud smiled uncomfortably and walked towards the spare room with Alexandrovna close behind. "Lennin, bud' milym(Леннин, будь милым)." Alexandrovna called back as she walked away.
"Ne bespokoytes', ya sdelayu ikh kommunistami (Не беспокойтесь, я сделаю их коммунистами)." Lennin replied. Alexandrovna smiled in approval and disappeared around a corner. Lennin looked at Lori. "You are Lily, are you not?" he asked.
"I'm not," Lori said.
"Good. Okay Lily, show me the brothers and sisters."
"My name is Lori, actually."
"Why did you lie to Lennin? In mother Russia, if you lie to Lennin he say 'Prishlo vremya umeret'(Пришло время умереть)."
"What does that mean?" Lori asked.
"Not of importance to mere child. Come, I will be shown the brothers and sisters, no?"
"Who are you calling a mere child?" Lori asked, sounding angry.
Before Lennin could reply, Lynn walked through the still swing wide open door. "Weirdest thing, I was at football practice when all of a sudden lightning and snow started ruining everything," Lynn complained as she walked in and took off her cleats. She had snow on her shoulders and helmet. "Who's this?" she asked, noticing Lennin.
"Hello, I am Lennin Loud. Are you Lincoln?" Lennin asked.
"Wow, that accent is so awesome! Where are you from, Lithuania? Or Bosnia? Or Georgia?" Lynn asked excitedly.
"No, I was birthed in mother Russia," Lennin replied.
"Do you play any sports?"
"I wrestle bear with my own hands. The bears all cower at Lennin's skill."
"Sweet," Lynn said.
"Hey Lynn, Lennin here wants to see all of our siblings," Lori said.
"Hey, no problem bro. Wait, are you related to us?" Lynn asked.
"Yes. I am a cousin of you all," Lennin replied.
"Cool! So, Cuz, you've already met Lori. I'm Lynn, Lincoln is my brother. Wanna see him first?"
"Yes, that would be good," Lennin said. Together Lennin and Lynn walked up the stairs and went to the room furthest down the hall.
Lynn slammed open the door. "Hey Lincoln, we have a Russian cousin that wrestles bears!" She exclaimed, scaring Lincoln.
"We have a cousin? When did he get here?" Lincoln asked.
"Five minutes ago. I have to say, not the best five minutes of my life, but tolerable," Lennin said.
Lynn laughed. "Isn't he funny. Oh, you should meet Luan!" Lynn said and slammed the door shut, leaving Lincoln decently confused on what just happened.
Lynn and Lennin walked down the hall a bit and Lynn slammed open another door. "Oh, good, Lynn. How good is this joke? 'My sister told me to stop acting like a flamingo, so I had to put my foot down.'"
Lynn started laughing like crazy. "I do not understand, what is a flamingo?" Lennin asked. "Is it one of your states? I hear that they are united."
"It's a pink bird from Florida," Luan explained.
"Who is Florida? Is it one of your pathetic women?"
"Umm, no," Luan said. "Lynn, who is this?"
"I am Lennin Loud, cousin to you capitalists. Now, I see rest of the children." Lennin said and closed the door to Luan's room.
"Okay, who do you want to see next?" Lynn asked.
Before Lennin can answer, Lola and Lana came out of a room. "How dare you use one of my dresses to clean up filthy bathroom water!" Lola yelled.
"Hey, the floor was wet and that's a slipping hazard. Leni could have died," Lana argued back.
"Use a towel!"
"We were out of towels. Besides, you have, like, twenty of all the same dresses. Loosing one isn't that bad," Lana said. Lola looked furious.
"Indeed," Lennin said, surprising the twins. "In fact, with nineteen dresses, you give eighteen or ninteen to government. You, hatted one, can do the same."
Lola and Lana stared at Lennin. "Who is this?" Lola asked.
"I am-" Lennin started.
"This is our cousin, Lennin. He's from Russia," Lynn said.
Lennin glared at Lynn. "You die now," Lennin mummbled, but not loud enough for anyone to here.
"Russia?! Do you like getting dirty?" Lana asked excitedly.
"My entire life is dirt. I do all the dirty work in Russia," Lennin replied.
"Awesome!" Lana exclaimed.
"Oh great," Lola mumbled sarcastically.
"Now, if you excuse me, I hate you all. I will find someone less utterly terrible. Good bye," Lennin said and started walking away.
"That was rude," Lola said.
"Nah, I think that's just common Russian talk," Lynn said.
Lennin walked down a hall and opened a random door. Inside was two beds. The bed with black sheets had Lucy on it. "Hello," Lucy said, reeding a black titless book, "You are a Russian cousin of mine, aren't you."
"Yes," Lennin said. "I like you. You have little personal posessions." Lucy didn't answer, she was busy reading. Lennin looked at the stack of books at the side of her bed and noticed one inparticular. "Oh my Russia! You have Communist Manifesto! You my favorite person, moy luchshiy drug (мой лучший друг)!" Lucy ignored Lennin, then Lennin saw something that made him revile in discust. "You have Mein Kampf? I hate you. I kill you and your entire family."
"Oh, that book. I got it free at a book sale of the dark arts. My friend said it was good, but it really wasn't. Same with the other book you have," Lucy said.
"I hate you less now, but you are still my least favorite of these Capitalists. I take this book, and burn this one with my own hands. Good day," Lennin said and walked out, holding Mein Kampf like it was poisonouse.
"Weird kid," Lucy said and turned the page on the book, "I like him."
A/N: Reveiw