Yes, I am on a two month hiatus, but I had an idea for a one shot which I would love to write when the idea is fresh in my (non-criminal) mind.
Anyways, this is effectively how the idea came about:
Me: *Watching the promo for Fate*
Me: Is that Morgan's kid from a one night stand? *Looks it up*
Me: No, that's Rossi's kid.
Me: Hang on a minute... What if all of the main characters had a kid, and they love to play being BAU agents? *squee*
So, yeah. I hope that you enjoy this! I don't normally write fluffy stuff, so this may not be as good as some other fluffy stories.
NB: I don't own Criminal Minds, though I do own several of the characters in this one shot. Hopefully, this will be cute and stuff! Pairings will be left vague- you can decide who gets with whom. Whilst illogical, it is an AU for a reason.
"Miss Ruby?"
Agent Ruby Summers turned around, and saw the six year old Amy Reid looking at her.
Ruby recognised that look. It was a 'I want to know stuff now' look. The look she gave to every single BAU agent when she wanted to know more about forensic analysis, or blood spatters, or the love life of Agent Anderson (long story.)
"Yes Amy?" Ruby asked kindly, looking into the little girl's eyes, "What do you want?"
Amy flashed a massive grin at the Agent, "You see, I know you have a passion for forensic science, and I needed to borrow your expertise..."
"You're speaking too quickly." Ruby interrupted, "Can you explain it more slowly?"
Amy nodded, "We need to borrow your forensic science expertise. Can you help us?"
Ruby paused. Who was this 'we'? And why would they need to use forensic science? Ruby was getting more confused, but intrigued, by the second.
"I'll help you, but what do you want me to do? And what is it for exactly?" Ruby eventually asked.
Amy replied excitedly, "It's for a case!"
"A case?" Ruby asked quickly, "What source of case?"
"Well..." Amy began.
Previously
Seven children sat around the table, waiting for the briefing to begin. Their parents were busy with paperwork, so they had been left under the care of Agent Anderson for the day.
Big mistake.
The children had got bored. Very bored. And that's why...
"We have a case." A ten year old Jack Hotchner began in a serious tone.
A seven year old Henry LaMontagne muttered sadly, "Someone knicked the last chocolate biscuit! I was saving it for mommy as well, and someone stole it!"
"Whoever this person was, I think that they must have a chocolate fetish, as who else would eat the biscuit?" Amy asked quickly.
"Er, someone who's hungry?" A five year old Travis Morgan stated the obvious.
"Wha fish?" The youngest of the children asked curiously. Little Hannah Prentiss had been made an honourably BAU agent, even know she didn't entirely know what was going on. Instead, she was more focused on hitting Travis on the head with her rattle.
Travis wasn't enjoying that one bit. Hannah was quite strong for a girl her age. Which is why he snatched her rattle away from her.
Hannah started to cry.
"Trav, give Hannah her rattle back!" Lily Garcia demanded.
Travis replied angrily, "But... But... She was hittin me with it!"
And from there, the whole meeting fell into chaos. Travis and Lily were fighting. Arthur Rossi was taking bets on who would win the fight (The odds on Travis winning was 2/1. The odds on Lily winning were 5/4). Hannah was crying, with Amy and Henry trying to calm her down.
Meanwhile, Jack was burying his head in his hands. He wanted to play BAU agents so badly, and they were refusing to listen to him! He wanted to pretend to be his daddy, and run a really successful team of profilers, and yet...
"Quiet!" Henry shouted, and all of the agents looked towards the blonde haired boy, "In fighting will get us nowhere! Let's get out there and find out whole stole the chocolate biscuit!"
The rest of the children nodded enthusiastically, and turned towards their leader for instructions.
Jack smiled, before muttering the immortal words:
"Wheels up now. Amy, get Ruby to fingerprint the biscuit tin. Lily, find the security camera footage of the person taking the last biscuit. Hannah and I will interview witnesses. Travis can kick a door down and arrest the bad guy and Arthur can profile all of the bad guys."
Everyone nodded again, before they set to work trying to solve the mystery of who nicked the chocolate biscuit.
"You nick Bisky?" Hannah asked innocently.
"No."
"Where were you ten minutes ago?" Jack inquired.
"Coffee break."
"Bisky near cough! You nick Bisky!" Hannah accused the person in front of her.
Strauss sighed, "Hannah Prentiss, I did not steal this 'Bisky'. I went out to the local coffee shop opposite the BAU building. Here is the receipt of the latte that I ordered."
Jack looked at the receipt, before confirming its validity. "Hannah. She's innocent. Let's go and interview someone else."
Hannah nodded, though she was still glaring at Strauss, expecting her to start breathing fire.
When Jack saw this, he quickly grabbed Hannah and ran out of the room. He did not want to anger Strauss.
Meanwhile, Strauss watched the two children leave the room with an amused expression on her face. Watching them play at being BAU agents reminded her of her own children when they were younger, as they liked pretending to be BAU agents also.
Strauss just hoped that they would find the biscuit thief, so that they wouldn't interrupt the lives of the real BAU agents.
"Okay, so I just have to cover the biscuit tin in fingerprint powder, and then dust off the powder, and here you go!" Ruby smiled, "Here are some fingerprints."
Amy took photographs of all of the fingerprints on the jar, "Can we run this in for analysis? After all, the likelihood that the unsub is a FBI agent is 100%, which means that their fingerprints will be in the database. Whilst I doubt that we have any clear fingerprints, it would be a good idea to try."
Ruby nodded, "Alright. I guess it wouldn't hurt to try."
Arthur walked around the BAU building, studying every single agent in there. He was trying to narrow down the amount of possible suspects, so that Lily could narrow it down further.
Which he'd find easy to do. After all, his father had practically gossiped about every single agent on their floor.
"Lactose intolerant." Arthur thought, looking at one of the female agents. He remembered asking his father about it at the annual BBQ, when he noticed that the agent was avoiding milk like the plague.
"On a diet" He thought again, looking at a slightly chubby agent. Arthur wondered at times how that agent managed to pass the physical test every year.
When Arthur saw his favourite agent, he thought to himself "Allergic to eggs." His favourite agent saw him observing her, so she walked up to him.
"Arthur, what are you up to?" She smiled.
"Trying to narrow down the amount of suspects." Arthur replied deep in thought.
"Am I one of these suspects?" She inquired quickly, curious about what Arthur was doing.
Arthur shook his head "No. Your allergy to eggs means that you couldn't have nicked the chocolate biscuit. Do you have any ideas?"
"I haven't seen anyone in my team eat a chocolate biscuit today." She paused, "So, if I were to hazard a guess, my team is innocent."
Arthur smiled, said "thank you" before leaving his favourite agent's team alone. After all, investigating the innocent was a waste of time.
The man muttered, "Believe me, I didn't not eat the chocolate biscuit!"
"Liar!" Hannah shouted, "You got choc on your tie! You eat Bisky!"
"It was a chocolate cupcake that Garcia made." The man replied, "Not a biscuit."
Hannah replied, "I no get cupcake. I wanna cupcake!"
"Rossi, I believe that you're innocent." Jack quickly replied, "I guess that we'll leave you to your paperwork, and we'll try to find the true unsub."
Rossi replied, sounding amused, "Okay, you do that. Good luck kiddos!"
Agent Anderson looked into the room, before swearing to himself. The kids weren't in there. He was meant to look after the kids and they had all gone.
He quickly calmed down. Don't panic. If he panicked, the profilers would pick up on this, and work out that their kids had gone missing.
He didn't want seven angry profilers on his back. The last time that happened didn't end well...
Anderson walked around the BAU building, pretending that everything was normal. Meanwhile, he was frantically looking everywhere, trying to find one of the children. If he could find one of them, then he would be able to find he rest of them.
Until he saw Reid's goofy grin. Anderson turned around, and saw Travis Morgan doing... Something. Anderson didn't know what, but if Dr Spencer Reid was smiling about it, then he wouldn't stop Travis from doing it.
"What's going on?" Anderson asked quickly, "I have been looking for them for a while. They left the room they were meant to be in, without saying where they were..."
Spencer Reid smiled, "They are pretending to be BAU agents. They have a case and everything!"
"What's the case about?" Anderson asked.
"Someone stole the last chocolate biscuit." Spencer replied, "Don't tell them, but I know who did it. I'm not telling them, as they probably want to work it out themselves."
Anderson laughed, "I'll let them continue with it, if that's okay?"
Spencer nodded, "Of course! They are not doing us any harm, and it is cute to watch them trying to work it out. It's better than doing paperwork all day."
"You're right there." Anderson laughed, before he watched Travis try to work out who the unsub was.
Henry saw Amy run towards him, looking excited. Henry realised that she must have found something that would help them with their case.
"Amy, you found something?" Henry asked eagerly, "Do we have an unsub?"
"There was a single clear fingerprint on the biscuit tin, and I ran it though the database, and I found a match!" Amy replied eagerly, "The fingerprint belonged to Hotch! Jack's daddy nicked the chocolate biscuit!"
Henry paused, "I'll tell Jack and Hannah. They'll go and interview him, and see if he really is the biscuit thief or not. If he is, he'll have to buy a biscuit for mommy."
Amy nodded, "It's only fair that they do so!"
Henry quickly hugged Amy, before walking out of the room in order to find Jack and Hannah.
Meanwhile, Lily Garcia was sitting on her mommy's lap, watching CCTV footage in order to find out who nicked the chocolate biscuit.
"No. No. No. No." Lily repeated to herself everytime someone walked into the room and didn't touch the biscuit tin.
Garcia smiled to herself, "You'll see who stole the chocolate biscuit soon, kiddo. Soon, we will have our unsub!"
Lily smiled happily, "Yay! We just have to wait for the perfect..."
And it was at this moment that Lily watched the chocolate biscuit being stolen and eaten. She gasped.
"That's the unsub! That's the unsub!" Lily muttered enthusiastically, "We just need to get him!"
"Have you worked out how you are going to get him?" Garcia asked.
"Travis is gonna kick a door down and arrest him!" Lily muttered, exaggerating the whole affair, "Just like his daddy!"
Garcia rolled her eyes, before replying encouragingly, "You do that. I would love to see it."
Lily smiled, before running out of the room in order to tell Travis who the Unsub truly was.
"Dad, we found your fingerprints on the biscuit jar. Did you eat the last chocolate biscuit?" Jack asked quietly.
"Yeah, Hotch! You made Hen sad!" Hannah added angrily.
Hotch muttered, "The chocolate biscuit I took was not the last one. There was one other biscuit in there. If Lily and her mother have watched the CCTV footage, they would know that."
"Do you know who did it?" Jack asked.
Hotch nodded, "I do, though I'm not telling you. I'm leaving it to you guys to work it out. But it isn't me."
"You bustin justice!" Hannah angrily muttered, "Bad man! Bad Man!"
Jack chuckled, "Hannah says that you're obstructing justice."
"It's only a..." Hotch began, before Lily burst into the room.
"We found the unsub! We found the unsub!" Lily merrily shouted, "Travis is gonna get him, and then we can tell him off for nicking the last chocolate biscuit!"
Hotch smiled, "I guess it's the end of my interview?"
Jack nodded, "Yeah, let's get the unsub."
The unsub sat in his office, trying to finish the paperwork that he needed to do. He hadn't been out of the room since he had eaten the last chocolate biscuit.
He knew that the kids were onto him, especially if his Baby Girl had assisted with the investigations. Pretty soon, he would be expecting at least one of the kids to come into the room in order to apprehend him.
Until then, he would keep himself busy by finishing his paperwork.
BANG!
What was that? It sounded like someone had tried to kick the door down sadly failing to. He immediately realised that Travis had been the one sent to arrest him.
Knock Knock Knock
"Come in." The unsub shouted to the person who had knocked on the door. The door slowly opened, revealing Travis and Henry holding toy guns at him.
Travis began, "Daddy, you're under arrest of stealing a chocolate biscuit, which Henry was saving for his mommy."
"You don't have to say anything." Henry continued, "But what you do say will be used against you as evidence in court."
Derek Morgan laughed, "You got me, you got me. I'm the one who stole the last chocolate biscuit. I apologise for not realising that Henry was saving it for JJ. You can arrest me now."
Henry got out the pair of handcuffs, before putting them on Derek's wrists and leading them out of the room.
The rest of the BAU team were watching the conclusion to the case play out. After Derek had been dragged out and forced to sit of the chair, JJ interrupted.
"Travis. Henry. Please release Derek from his handcuffs." JJ began, "After all, he needs to be there too when we take you guys to have cookies and cake."
Instantly, Derek Morgan had been released from his handcuffs, and the BAU team and their children left the BAU building in order to have a lunch break as a family.
And JJ did get her chocolate biscuit after all.
Yeah, I had a little bit of fun writing this. I hope that you enjoyed it! :)