Hi! I'm back! My last Noragami fic got a really great reception (In my opinion, at least, since I'm a new writer and to me, a handful of reviews and follows and favourites = AWESOME). And I just read the chapters that recently came out (THREE chapters in two days, FRIGGIN AMAZING), which are about Yato's past, and I love them - I can't wait for the next chapter! Then I got a bunch of inspiration for it, and bam! This was born!
Thank you guys so, so much for all the attention you've given my stories, all the follows and favorites and REVIEWS, and I hope you enjoy this one too.
Warning: Spoilers, mentions of blood.
It starts as a game
Father says that he's a god, and that his name is Yaboku. Gods are born from people's wishes, father says, and Yaboku was born from his.
He's playing in the garden, pulling the wings off a dragonfly, when father calls him. He gets up and runs, bare feet pounding on the cool, hard ground.
The dragonfly lies, helpless and forgotten, where he left it.
Father has a girl with him, and he says that her name is Mizuchi. She's pretty, 'specially her eyes, which are so dark they're almost black, but lighten to a brownish, almost-purple sort of colour at the bottom, like the break of dawn over the darkest night. She's got silky black hair, too, which falls nicely to frame her small face, and the plum-coloured ribbon that ties her gi matches her eyes.
When father says he's giving her to Yaboku, and that she's a good child that will make a good vessel, her pretty eyes look distressed, and they cast a desperate, confused look at father.
Yaboku doesn't like that, but then father distracts him, telling Yaboku that he's a god, and that being a god, he should know how to summon a shinki.
He doesn't get it, 'cos how would he know how to do that without being told? But at the same time, he does, and as he stares at the girl, who is a good head taller than him, he just knows what to do.
He lifts his hand, pointing a finger at Mizuchi, and begins to speak, the words falling from his mouth without any thought.
"My name is Yaboku. Here, relinquish thy name in death, and become my servant bearing the name I bestow. Thy name is it's reading, thy vessel, it's sound."
He doesn't know how he knows this, but he does, and the words just leave his mouth, as if they have a life of their own, his mouth moving on autopilot.
"By my decree you become my shinki, thy name is Hiiro, thy vessel, Hi."
He thrusts his hand in the air, letting a single command fall from his lips.
"Come, Hiki!"
She vanishes in a bolt of purplish-pink light that zigzags in the air towards him, and he instinctively throws his hands in the air. A cool wooden handle hits his palms, and he falls backward, the momentum knocking him off balance. Ignoring the soreness in his bottom, he blinks up at the sword that he now grips with both hands. Father kneels behind him, touching the transparent, crystalline blade with a finger, and it parts. It's water, Yaboku realises, and it moves like it's got a life of it's own.
Hiiro giggles in his mind, and it's the first time he hears her laugh. it's a clear, tinkling little sound, like a crystal bell in his mind, and she says that of course it does, after all, it's her, remember?
It does have a life of it's own. It's Hiiro, his shinki, and his first friend.
Father asks him if he knows what his father wants of him, and Yaboku says yes, because of course he does, it's all father has ever really asked of him.
It's to cull the herd. With so many humans here, there's a lot he can do, and he says so. In his mind, Hiiro is curious, wondering what they're gonna do.
He runs off, smiling and dragging Hiiro on on the ground behind him. She skitters, and slices razor thin cuts on the ground, and Yaboku likes the sound the blade makes as it cut the ground. Hiiro just smiles at him in his mind, and asks what they're gonna do.
"Cull the herd." Yaboku replies, raising her high as he reaches the first person. He swings her down in a shimmering arc, and feels a tug as he slices through the man's back with a spray of blood and entrails. The scarlet liquid coats his face and gi, and Hiiro comments on how pretty the pattern it makes is.
They move on to the next person, and they soon devise a game, to see where they can cut that sprays the most blood, or if they can get both the head and the stomach in one fluid motion. Yaboku likes playing with Hiiro - she's so much fun! She cuts everything real well, nice and sharp, and every slice is easy, with barely any resistance.
He cuts down everything and everyone, killing horses and people alike, and when they've killed the last person, he lets out a breath, tired but so, so happy and satisfied. Father will be happy, and Hiiro likes their game, so that means they'll all be happy together.
When father scoops them up and praises them, Hiiro smiles, and it's a pretty smile, like her eyes, sweet and calming and gentle.
And Yaboku knows that this is all he'll ever want - father's praise, and Hiiro's smiles, they make up his whole world.
It starts as a game. His name is Yaboku, and his shinki is Hiiro. They are just two children, having fun in the playground that is their world. Their father is simply "father", and Yaboku sees no use for a mother - he's never had one, and he turned out fine. It's wonderful, because father says they'll never die, so they get to spend their whole lives playing together, full of fun games and bringing father souvenirs to make him happy.
Yato loves it when he makes people happy, he loves it when he's praised or rewarded, because all children want that, god or not. He's always so, so happy when father is proud of him, and Hiiro is awesome, she kills people so fast and easy, she's like a cheat code in their game. 'Cept she's not a cheat code - she'd got lots of talent, that's what it is, and Yaboku's got plenty of talents too, father says.
Father says Yaboku and Hiiro are good kids, and Yaboku believes that, too. Culling the herd is the right thing to do, and bringing back souvenirs is what makes father happy and proud, so he is a good kid.
After all, what kid doesn't believe his father?
It's their special game, Yaboku's and Hiiro's. They play and play, and get better and better. They learn how things work - you slash at the right spot in the neck or stomach or gut, and you get a nice spray of blood, plus an instant win. It's good if you want to make patterns with the pretty crimson liquid, but if you want to take something, it's bad, 'cos you'll spoil it. They learn how to kill people fast, and how long it takes for a typical person to drown.
Practice makes perfect, people say, and so Yaboku and Hiiro practice every day - it's fun, after all, so why not? It's not like there's anything wrong with it; if there was, father would say so. If it makes father happy, and it makes Hiiro happy, then there's nothing that could possibly be wrong with it, Yaboku thinks.
Father says it's fine for him to play however he likes - just remember to bring their old man some souvenirs.
He believes him. Father is always right, and if father is happy, he's happy too.
They've done well in their game today, Yaboku and Hiiro. They've run through a village and killed all the people, and they even found a smaller person inside one really fat person's tummy; fortunately, it had its ears intact. Yaboku holds the tiny ear carefully, 'cos it's the smallest ear he's ever seen, and that makes it extra-special for father.
They're gonna be praised again today, Yaboku just knows it. They've done an amazing job in their game, the strings of ears that hang from the ceiling prove it, as does the blood splattered all over Yaboku's gi. When he gets home, father will chide him for not washing it off earlier, but father's always laughing as he says so anyway, and Yaboku suspects that father quite likes seeing the pretty patterns the dried blood makes on his gi.
Anyway, it doesn't really affect him much, and Yaboku can't be bothered to wash the gi while he's still playing with Hiiro - nothing should spoil their fun. So the blood stays, and it doesn't matter to Yaboku, because father doesn't mind it, and father's always right.
A rumour is spreading, that there is a pair of demon children running wild, committing murder and taking ears as souvenirs. Two men discuss it in the rain as Yaboku and Hiiro watch, the full-grown adults trembling as lightning splits the sky and strikes the earth. The two children exchange identical, mischievous smiles, lacing their fingers together as brilliant blue eyes meet dark, purple-brown ones.
"Come, Hiki!"
Their game's really fun, and father's not like the rest of the boring humans - he doesn't stop them from playing and make them do boring work; instead, he sends them out with a smile and praises them when they bring home souvenirs. And they get to do whatever they want - he's a god, father says, so he gets to do anything he likes.
When Yaboku first befriended Hiiro, father had brought them to town, to show them something cool. He'd pointed out how people always had to pay the shopkeepers for stuff, then told Yaboku to go grab whatever he liked. Yaboku had gone right up to a shop, and helped himself to some fruit. Then he walked back to father, fruit still in his hands, and asked what he was to do next, and how to pay the shopkeeper.
"You don't have to." Father had said, laughing, and as Yaboku had stared at him, he'd elaborated. "The thing about gods," his father explained, "is that they can do whatever they want."
Yaboku believed him, because father's always right.
Always.
He meets Sakura, and then suddenly, the rules of the game that he and Hiiro and father have laid out are rewritten, the clear lines blurring until he can't tell what's what. Yaboku can't tell the wrong from right, black from white, and yes from no anymore. Because father says "yes", but Sakura says "no". Father says "white", and Sakura cries "black". And when father says "right", Sakura screams "wrong".
She changes the rules he's lived by, and nothing is the same, because he wants to please Sakura, but father's always right, isn't he? And everything's changed and confusing and he's lost.
He has one more person he loves, one more person to please, so he's scared but happy at the same time, and that's another blurring of the lines, two emotions that used to lie far apart, distinctly different, now mixing into a strange, bittersweet emotion that sits in his gut, making his heart pound and stomach spin, twisting into loops, and he can't tell whether to laugh or to scream.
Finally, he bottles up the laughing and screaming when he's with father and Hiiro, but he laughs when he's with Sakura.
He never screams.
Sakura hurts him, in a way that Hiiro has never done - she cries and makes his heart hurt, makes it ache so bad and his head feel like it's gonna split in two. But Sakura also makes him feel really happy, in a way that's different from father and Hiiro. When she smiles, there's a nice, comfortable warmth in his chest, and his heart swells so it feels like it's gonna burst. It's nice, and it's slightly different from how father and Hiiro make him feel.
The feelings he gets when father praises him, Hiiro smiles, and Sakura laughs are different, but not one is inferior to the others - Yaboku likes them all.
Sakura keeps getting his name wrong, keeps confusing his name for Yato, but it's not half bad. Yato is like a nickname, another method of calling him, and when Sakura attaches "sama" to his name he can oversee the error.
He's never been respected before, so the first time she calls him Yato-sama, his eyes light up, and he feels as happy and proud as he's ever been.
It's as good as father's praise, and he begins to wonder if Sakura is like a mother.
Maybe mums are more important than he'd thought.
When Sakura smiles, she lives up to her name - it's like a blooming flower, happiness budding in her face, until it opens, bright and wide.
It makes Yaboku's heart and chest feel warm, and he feels like he needs to show her how much he likes her - he loves her so very much. So he throws himself into her chest, pressing himself into her warmth.
He feels embarrassed, though, and he's not sure how to explain himself or his actions, so he just yells "Boobs!".
Even the sting of her slap doesn't cool the warmth in his heart.
They watch fireflies together, and it's the first time he's ever seen the tiny creatures. They buzz around, like tiny, down-to-earth shooting stars that zip through the darkness of the night, and Yaboku feels a peaceful sort of happiness, a warm glow which doubles, triples, and increases tenfold when Sakura says a few simple words.
"I'm grateful you are the one who named me, Yato-sama."
He smiles, so, so happy, his face illuminated by the glow of the lightning bug. Sakura doesn't know how grateful he is that she's his shinki.
He doesn't kill the creature this time, he lifts his hands, and watches as it flies up over the field.
He's happy, and his world has expanded to include the warmth of Sakura's smiles and happiness, adding to father's praise and Hiiro's smiles.
He'd never played his special game with Sakura before. He thought she'd love it - Hiiro always enjoyed it. He thought she'd cheer and laugh and smile, and they take the ears and string them up and bring them to father, and father would praise them and Sakura would smile and Yaboku would be happy. They could play together with Hiiro and be best friends, and Hiiro would have a mother too!
'Cept it didn't happen the way he'd wanted. Sakura had been sad and scared and disgusted and angry. She'd stabbed him, and Yaboku had collapsed, gasping, whimpering, writhing in absolute agony as fire washed over his body, licking at his veins and chest and lungs, and he couldn't breathe anymore - he was hurting so bad.
"R… Revert, Sakura!" He gasped. It was his only hope, that she'd be able to help him, 'cos that's what mothers did, right?
But when she reverts, and he begs her for help, she's not listening. She's gasping and sobbing, and her eyes are wide and huge and horrified, and she asks him why he killed that man.
He wants to say that it was because he'd thought she'd be happy, that she'd laugh and have fun and play along with his game, but he can't, because she's not listening, and he hurts too much to talk anyway. He's burning, and his body feels like it's being torn apart, the muscle stripped off his bone and limb separating from limb. He swears that he can almost feel his joints being ripped apart, his flesh tearing molecule from molecule, and he can hardly breathe, let alone speak.
Sakura gasps that she can't, and trails off, standing and turning and walking away, leaving him on the cold ground, and he gathers the strength to call out to her, to ask her to wait, but she keeps going, and he sees tears in her eyes.
He doesn't get it - she was supposed to be happy. Why's she crying again?
A fresh wave of agony washes over him, and it hurts, it hurts hurts hurts! His body and his heart and everything hurts!
There's an akayashi in the shadows.
"Smells good…" It says, and Yaboku knows needs to get away, but he can't, and as darkness drags him down, he knows he is doomed. Sakura hurt him, and left him in this position, and she's hurting and crying too, but he doesn't know why. He only knows one thing:
He feels abandoned, but it is all his fault.
It started as a game, but it ended in tears.