We arrived at the castle the following morning.
I rode with Jamie again, after I informed Dougal in a very stern matronly tone, that if he insists on not allowing Jamie to rest a bit and could not afford me the proper means to treat my patient; He at least could allow me to make sure he stays conscious during what was left of the ride.
Jamie on his end played his roll wonderfully (with such a flare for the dramatics that he has) and contrived himself to look bamboozled, bewildered and in a complete stage of disarray, so much so, that at one point I had to elbow him to not take it too far.
He smiled under his noise at me, nodded and went back looking exactly the same.
"….And ye're arse is a wee bit smaller too, Sassenach" he said disapprovingly as we arrived at the courtyard of castle Leoch "What have they been feeding ye at your time?"
Through very skillful caresses, done under the shelter of his plaid, we discovered that our bodies did indeed seem to regress to the exact state they were, when I first came through the stones.
Jamie's hand was perfect. Perfectly healthy, whole and elastic.
And once alone, I was sure that we would find that any scars that were left from his encounter with Black Jack or the scar left from Murtagh cutting off Randall's brand on him (Effing degenerate), will be gone as well.
"Well it was only six month after a very bloody, draining war, that I came here, and with me trying to get my head around returning so civilian life, handling all the fallout, finding a place to live at, building a life-"
And my outright nervousness at resuming my full marital life with frank and all that came with it, I thought to myself, but wisely decided better than to say that part out loud.
"I didn't have much time or appetite" I concluded.
"Dinna take proper care of ye, did he now?" Jamie said pleased "Donna fret we'll see to that"
Jamie was outright giddy and wringing on my very last nerve.
Ever since we remounted and were coming closer and closer to the castle, he was talkative, excited and very annoying.
I understood, truly I did. I knew that we could not have received a better gift then this breathtaking start.
Instead of a life of separation, we had a clean slate.
Instead of vaguely trying to figure what was to come, from my almost nonexistence and not accurate knowledge of events, we know exactly what will happen, when and how.
I was happy! Genuinely and profoundly happy!
But while deep emotions, such as these, made me experience content and serene happiness, they made Jamie jump out of his own skin, and in need to extricate all that built up energy into action, usually involving some sort of sexual act.
I could feel the hum of his body, glued to mine, eager to finally be alone with me.
He surveyed my body with his hands as best he could under the cover of the plaid, and I knew he was estimating exactly what to with it once he got me alone.
That part was fine by me as well, truly.
Only with the lack of capacity to perform any act of release on his part, for awhile at least; my dear, Wonderful husband could not keep his mouth shut!
He told me how inappropriate my wardrobe was and how he could not believe any man in his right mind would allow his women to go outside like this, that my hair was to smooth and short and how horrible that frank did not let it run wild and free, how I should be very careful with my glass face and how we needed to be clever and not let my deep love for him show - Which really wasn't a problem at this exact moment for I was quite sure all that was shown on my face was annoyance-
All a while Jamie persisted about how this and how… ho, who the bloody hell cares!?
I stopped paying attention at some point (it was important for his health that I do so).
By the time we reached the castle I was pretty much fed up and in need of space.
Besides, I thought a little vindictively, if he was so displeased with anything regarding me, he shouldn't be anywhere near me!
All around us the men were dismounting and the same reception as before was unfolding.
Old Alec came to joyfully greet the arrival of his dear horses more than the men, I looked up and saw Colum scrutinize me from above, through his study's window.
Ho dear, that needed to be dealt with as well, and again; I mused to myself and managed to exaggerate my exasperation further all by lonesome.
But first thing, first…. Mrs. Fitz bountiful figure and smile arrived from the side door of the kitchen.
A smile almost as wide as her heart, I thought, as I was staring longingly into the face that was welcoming the men so lovingly.
I could feel my insides calming.
When she noticed me, as before, I couldn't help but beam at her, wholeheartedly. Remembering what a true friend and comfort she was, when I first came; bedraggled and defiant at all that stood in front of me, trying so hard not to show fear.
I remembered the story I learned from Murtagh, about how she fought for me during my capture and trial at Cranesmuir.
It sprung in me the need to run and hug her.
I have always regretted never gotten to say goodbye to her.
"And what do we have here?" she came close
"Claire Beauchamp" I answered instead of Jamie this time, and curtsied slightly, wanting to show her proper respect this time.
I did learn something during my time here, after all.
At the last second, I couldn't help myself and took her hand in mine, holding it very lightly and said
"You must be Mrs. Fitz, I mean Mrs. Fitzgibbons".
She looked at me with complete bewilderment, but I didn't pause
"The men they told me of you while we rode here, told me how you would welcome and care for them and well" I stared sown at my bedraggled self "me" I added apologetically.
"Ho…" she muttered unsure what to make of this.
"Excuse my forwardness, but I simply wanted to meet the women that inspired such praises from those who know her" I smiled kindly.
"Ouch! Come now" she waved her hand as to minimize the complement.
"I wish very much for us to become friends" I endured kindly.
"Ouch, My dear" she was blushing, she did not get many complements, and I thought her very deserving of it "verra kind, verra kind of you".
At this Jamie interjected (how asked him) "Murtagh found her, Dougal said we must bring her along wi' us…so"
"So…" she repeated a bit wary, but resigned herself to her role "come wi' me, we shall find ye something to eat and something to wear that a bit more... well… a bit more"
"Thank you kindly, I don't usually look like this" I said apologetically again as we started to walk toward the castle.
A strong distinct cough stopped us.
Jamie coughed again waiting to be understood.
Unlike him though, I kept my mouth shout. see how he liked that!
"what a miss wi' ye than?" Mrs. Fitz enquired.
He stared at me waiting; I cocked my eyebrow at him and gathered my arms together, claiming complete ignorance.
I wasn't really going to let the opportunity for us to be alone pass, but I could make him sweat a tad (it was a very long ride).
He made a very distinct scottice noise, but I stood my ground.
"Jamie are ye ill a balach?" she was truly worried.
"Aye, I am" he said in clipped tones "and Mrs. Beauchamp has been saying how she has to attend to me properly, once we reached our destination. A matter of life and death she said" he added narrowing his eyes at me "inflammation, fever, swelling, she said"
He turned to Mrs. Fitz pleading for compassion "I was shot ye see"
she gasped
"Fell off my horse and everything" he added for dramatic affect.
I sighed and resigned myself to my role as well.
"Yes, I bandaged his shoulder, but I wasn't able to clean and dress it properly, I do must tend to it. Wouldn't want him to swoon again" I said only light mocking in my voice, but he heard it and his now perfect hand clenched.
"I'm a healer, a wisewoman, I know how to tend to such matters" I added, ignoring him and explaining to Mrs. Fitz, still not convinced face.
She considered my closely as before, and I wondered for the thousand time how rare were physician in this time?
"Jamie ye heard the lady, ye need tending. This way" she ordered.
Jamie was already at our heels before she finished her commands.
As we walked through the corridors of the castle and to the chamber that will be our-
I mean- my home for awhile, the feeling of déjà vu engulfed and moved me.
So much so, that I wanted to caress the walls as I walked.
This time it wasn't the memories of frank and me exploring a decrepit ruin that triggered it, but Jamie and me and our time in the castle.
Even the time before we married. Such innocent times against what's to come.
Even though we were surrounded by ill-wisher, sly devious minds that tried to control and manipulate us to gratify their own ambition and aspiration, they could not come close to events that followed them.
The watch, Wentworth, Jack Randall, The Duke of Sandringham, losing Hugh munro, King Louis, bloody Bonnie Prince Charlie and his ego-driven war, oh Lord, the war.
I had more on my list, and realization seeped into me.
For better or worse, right in this moment, we were far from these things, people and event. And we were together, our future not determined yet!
Whatever annoyance or prickliness I felt evaporated and by the time I looked at my, now, half naked husband sitting on a stool by the fire trying to be covered by a blanket by Mrs. Fitz, I felt so tender I could have melted.
Evidently toying with Jamie for five minutes was more than enough and too much for me.
I wanted one moment alone with him.
We stopped in the kitchen for all of the supply I needed, but I wanted to offer an olive branch.
"I want to give him a sponge bath" I declared "I mean, I must wash the area around the wound, not just the precise place. to make sure no other part is ruptured or bleeding internally… from the inside I mean. And for that I need to see the color of the skin when it is completely clean of dirt and muck" I said at her gaped mouth and bulging eyes at my request for provision needed for a bath.
"And I wouldn't mind having one myself" I added as an after thought, examining myself up and down and flinching in aversion.
"For later of course, after I'm done treating the young man… and I am alone, by myself, with no one around" I added promptly, for at this point she was clutching her chest and seeming either about to faint or suffer a myocardial infarction.
The scandalous expression on her face reseeded a fraction. And she nodded.
"Aye… of course, I shell just go and fetch some ewers then"
But then as remembering something she added "maybe for young Jamie I'll apply the washing …I mean ye… it willna be proper"
"It's fine Mrs. Fitz, I'm sure Mrs. Beauchamp as seen worse than my poor carcass or back" he said with a teasing smile "And I'm obviously no threat to anyone in my current state…. well maybe I am to anything ye can find in your heart to bring me to eat. To that, I canna guarantee that they would be any survivors or even crumbs left"
As always, Jamie knew what to say and how to say it and my reasoning was sound enough that she smiled, gave him a quick squeeze on the shoulder and went to leave.
She was so protective of him it almost made me love her more, if such a thing was possible.
I looked at her receding figure and thought; she, was truly the heart and soul of this place. The sun that kept all the little rats and their intrigues scatter back to their holes, when she shined.
I missed her so, amongst all the self-centered, vain, vapid people in Paris or at the fields of battles fought, hopelessly, under Charles's flag.
She would have been able to force all those nurses -wives listen to me and use my disinfected methods that could have saved some of the faces that would sometimes haunt me at the dark moments of regret.
"Thank you Mrs. Fitzgibbons" I said when she hurried toward the door. Could these mere words say all that I was feeling?
"Everybody calls me Mrs. Fitz. Ye may also" she said kindly and smiled.
Joy filled me to see that one future friendship I was interested in saving was beginning to form and I smiled back.
I didn't even hear the door clink before a hand descended on my nape, brought me straight into his lap, his mouth on mine. O Lord, that man could kiss.
After awhile he pulled me a little back from him, his forehead on mine, eyes closed as he let out a very long shuttering breath, as if he had been holding it forever.
"ye'll pay for that" he said breathless, opening his eyes slowly.
"What?" I was a little breathless myself not Perceiving his meaning.
"Outside" he said taking a long needed breathe into him, rubbing his forehead to mine.
"Hooo…." I smiled pressing my forehead to his, making him pull back a bit in a mockingly menacing manner " We'll you deserved that for all…."
He silenced me by kissing me again, I cradled his checks with my hands as his good arm made its way down my spine, grabbing my right buttocks and giving it a very firm squeeze.
That made me shriek and jounce slightly on his lap, which in return made him grunt in pain.
I broke off standing to my feet and returning to treat my patient, and not my husband.
"I should really tend to it, I wasn't lying, even then, about the complication involved, if not dressed and cleaned properly"
"So ye dinna just want me alone with ye, then?" he said amused "too bad, I did"
"Liar" I said chaffing back "you didn't want me to treat ye 'I'm fine' you said 'fend for myself' I seem to recall"
"Well….." he seemed shy all of a sudden "it was only…. Well ye see the blanket D'ye no?"
I was in fact just removing said blanket that was kindly wrapped by Mrs. Fitz to cover his back.
I was so accustom to his scars I would almost be shocked myself at others reaction to them. For me it was just Jamie, just part of the man I love. I would notice the scars as I would notice the shape of his nose.
I'd forget sometimes what it meant to bear these scars, what was done to him.
"It was only she could smell the fear coming off me, over you seeing my back" he said explaining the existence of the blanket, as if it was not obvious.
Then he added in a sad manner "So was I".
I circled from the back of him, to crouch in front of him "What?"
"She ken that's why I dinna want to come and let ye doctor me" he said with a rueful smile "otherwise I would have… well to have the chance to have ye lay your hands on me just for a little longer…. it did hurt the first time, but some of it felt…." He shifted a little in his seat to seemingly ease some pressure.
"You said, you didn't mind me seeing your back" I added feeling a tad affronted and not knowing exactly why "that I didn't make you feel pitiful'".
Then It donned on me;
It was silly, truly, but him claiming to have trust in me, without even truly knowing me; well I remembered it felt more than a little heartwarming when he first said it to me.
later during our lives together it was one of the things I said to myself to fortify the strong assurance i felt, of us belonging together.
To be told by him, that even before I fell inlove with him, or had the chance to learn through experience how to be with him; that I just knew instinctively how to treat him, to make him feel at ease with me.
That was important to me, for he knew very well from the start how to handle me.
He must have sensed the small pang in my voice, for he said apologetically "Well I dinna ken how ye would react before hand, now did i?"
I must have looked bewildered for he said
"I mean…. Christs, do you not ken what you look like Sassenach!? even covered head to toe with muck…. Ye still are…. I mean ye still are one of the most beautiful thing I ha' ever seen, not to mention all proper and dainty…. I mean I dinna think ye could have seen so many misfortune or ugliness in your life… even with a mouth that those not even belong to a wench working in a bawdy house" he ended with a winking smile, which for him meant the most owlish blink of a child.
Even though he was injured, seeing him half naked, large muscles glinting in the fire, looking very much as a big Viking hero returning from pillaging (he could pillage me any time), I was starting to feel a very distinct heat rise from my core.
But I just smiled, kissed his hand and went back to treat my Viking.
"Mrs. Fitz will bring the water and I will give you a very long, warm proper bath" I said re stationing myself at his back. I could not with good conscience allow neither me nor Jamie to go to sleep at such a state.
And knowing him, if I didn't take care of him he would just collapse and go to sleep dirty, hurt and alone.
I shivered thinking that, that's what must have happened Last time.
"Is it worse than before?" he asked curiously "ye dinna ask for it last time"
"Well the fear, terror and heartbroken loneliness I felt, last time, made my fall off my feet and go to sleep like this" I spread my hand displaying the foulness that was I
"Besides I wasn't married to you then" I added hugging him from the back and applying a small bite to his earlobe "phew" I spat the taste in my mouth
"I want my husband kissable. And now that there is no issue with proper conduct…"
I whispered in his ear and let my words trail off, letting him fill in the gaps with his very active imagination.
With that offer, He straightened in his seat, and I could feel more than see his face light up.
Then he winced from the pain in his shoulder and arm, his movement must have jarred it.
"I'm sorry" I came the crouch in front of him again "I should have already strapped that arm to your side".
"Ouch, I dinna like it the first time as weel" he said while I did so "another reason I dinna want to come with ye, I dinna want to be fussed over".
I was rapping the bandage around him, my hands coming around his waist and I was sited just between his legs, he smiled then and said "I dinna like to hinder my arm such, but I do so remember the applying of it"
His other hand came to my chin held my face up to him "Not lost your touch have ye?"
His said, face coming close to mine
"Your husband is a lucky man indeed" and his tongue immersed into my mouth, opening mine as his hand moved to the back of my neck-
Then I felt him wince again.
"What's wrong?" I said releasing my mouth for his.
"Nothing" he said inching toward me, eager to get back to our previous engagement, but I was backing a way
"No, come here" he whinged.
He was almost falling for his chair, leaning more and more to me
"I wanted so much to do that last time, please come here".
This was followed by a very low growl when I rose to my feet and went to his back
"What is it then?" I asked again.
"I was verra wrong 'obout the kind women part though!" he said grudgingly and waved his hand in the vicinity of the strap "donna ken, something grazed my skin there"
"The strap isn't positioned properly, I'll fix it"
He moaned at that, making it clear he did not care.
When I was done I touched his back tracing the scars.
"I wished we could have gone back to before he had ever done this to you".
I could hear him smiling but his voice held a remorseful tone in it.
"And be alone wi'oot ye all that time? Na lass, I need ye by my side, especially as how I would have been so scared, As I am now. Aye, nay knowing what was happening to me and to no have ye wi' me to explain and share the burden"
"You would have figured it out, I'm sure of it. And maybe it would have been worth waiting the time before me, so you…." I protested.
"There wasna a time before ye" he stopped me.
"Jamie" I frowned at him "you don't need to say that"
"I'm nat trying to humor ye, mo chridhe" he added indignantly "I have lived without ye, aye, but my life began the day I met ye." He rose to his feet and turned to face me/
"How can I make ye understand?" he cupped my face with his good hand, caressing me with his thumb "It is like I started to be aware of life, of my actions, feelings, decision, of what it meant to truly be a man, and I don't mean only the bedding" he gave me a wanton smirk, and one ruddy eyebrow shot up.
"Only when I had ye" he said so amorously "When I needed to protect ye, when I wanted to have ye, when I did have ye" the smirk widened "when I hear what ye tell me regarding things, when I can tell ye all the going on with me, all of my heart and mind" his face were serious now. His thumb caressing my lips very lightly.
"Aye, I have lived before, but I didn't truly feel it" taking one more, small step to me, he bent and very gently placed his lips to mine, skimming, gliding "I have lived before, but my life began with ye!"
What could I have said to that? How I wished I had something to say to that.
All I could do is look into his eyes beseeching him to see my heart, my feelings, my need for him. To hear the words I couldn't find but felt. To give him all he gave me.
I closed my eyes, one small tear ran down my cheek "I love and need you so much James Fraser".
"Really? Well that's verra good Sassenach" he smiled contently "Although" he added putting his forehead to mine and we swayed a little together "I'm afraid it willna matter if ye did or no. No It would" he corrected swiftly "but I need ye so much, a ghraidh, to much, to ever let ye go"
"Beside" he added after we stood there just locked with each other "there was no way I wouldna protect Jenny from those bastard that tried…" he choked a little at that "I canna see what I could've done differently, Claire. And I couldna imagine going through that again"
"Ho Jamie…"
"Dinna fash, lass, it's over and done wi'. Beside" he lifted his head from my forehead and was returning to his usual lighthearted manner "I have it, on good authority that the women I will marry, willna mind it so much" it was a statement but I heard the inquiry in his tone "And as she is the one that will see me the most times bare as a new born bairn" he said In a very inviting smile.
Wanting to answer this plea of confirmation, I sent one hand to his buttocks pulling him to me as he did many times.
"I happen to know" I said, sending my fingernail to his nipple flicking and circling imaginary circle on it until it stood taut and he closed his eyes and shivered
"On good authority mind you" I added mockingly, not stopping my motions.
"That your future wife adores, will adore, I mean, your body" my other hand trickled up and down his backside until I dipped it inside his kilt taking in a handful
"and will enjoy every part of you" using the hand on his chest I ran my fingers through the little short, springy hairs on it.
He was looking down at me, straight into my face, his tongue peeking outside a little.
Whatever Mrs. Fitz was about to bring him to eat, wasn't the only thing at risk to be devoured.
He was now looking at the hand on his chest.
"Jamie" I said stilling my hands on him, he raised his stare directly into mine "your beautiful to me" I said with all seriousness.
"Beside" I added with an unchaste look of my own, after a moment of standing there intense stares between us "I know for a fact that your future wife often feels as if she cannot control herself with the wanting of you"
He stood there not moving, eyes creasing into slits, fixed on my eyes and not moving.
I felt a rush go through my spine. An adrenaline zest that caused me to flash red all over and made my breath come short.
"You, bed, now!" he said abruptly, seizing my hand.
At the exact moment I was starting to be tugged to bed, came the sounds of heavy footsteps down the hall, and the voice of Mrs. Fitz talking to someone came rumbling behind the closed door.
"Be careful wi' the water lass, there hot. Ye willna be wanting to scorch yourself, not wi' dinner not ready ye…. Ouch, I think I left the stew too long, I must hurry to go back".
When the door opened, I was already by the window, Jamie sitting at his seat by the hearth. Each of us looking at different directions.
Which was understandably, much bizarre then if I stood near him, as we were when she left us.
So it was quite reasonable for Mrs. Fitz and the now coming in after her, Laoghaire Mackenzie to stop dead at the doorway and stare at us bewildered.
I sprung to them, taking the jugs, bar of soap and strips of cloth mumbling something about how we were waiting for them and how I couldn't do anything else until I could clean all the injured surfaces.
Yes, I thought to myself, that sounded plausible.
"Aye" she said still staring very oddly at Jamie, that wouldn't lift his head to save the world at the moment, and was taking very long deep breathes.
"Well, I thought it better to ask my granddaughter to help me carry all these water up, instead of troding back and forth" she added kindly losing interest at the wired Scotsman behavior and was helping me to put thing on surfaces around the room.
"Laoghaire" She indicated for the girl to come closer "Claire Beauchamp" she introduced.
The girl with the pouting face, beautiful long luxuriant yellow hair, perky round breasts and a very fleshy mouth that looked like a soft pillow waiting for someone to rest their lips on-
well we shall see about that!- emerged for the shelter of her aunt form.
She curtsy not even daring to raise her eyes at me "mistress" she said half choked.
She could be choked all the way as far as I was concerned; I thought very unchristian of me.
Well, she bloody hell tried to have me burned at the stake, for God's sake, how Christian could someone be? I was neither Job nor yet a martyr.
'Dance on your ashes' rang in my ears.
Yes, I was fully justified in my hate.
Besides, I reconciled my conscience, I did tell Colum not to do harm to the girl for vengeance sake.
I smiled back at the bowed figure and returned, as best I could, a polite nod.
'We have to be smart, canny and not let our feelings show', that was the main thing Jamie kept pestering me on the ride over. And I wasn't about to let him have the satisfaction of scolding me in a superior fashion that he so loved to do.
I had the best revenge after all, I reminded myself.
It was Sitting, boring into the fire and shaking with his wanting me.
Laoghaire was acting her best too, insufficiently to say the least, to not look at Jamie half naked, glowing and emitting all the testosterone scents and signals a big male animal exudes in order to attracts its female counterpart.
Not for you, you little-
I had to calm myself down and fast, me and my 'I'll tell you all my secrets, and no lies' face could not afford such thoughts or emotions.
Jamie sat there. The blanket was back, Covering only his back, I supposed he felt it improper and too intimate for her to see his scars. To see him. He did not trust her!
With a final glance at her, and seeing how I wasn't the only one that found his body appetizingly beautiful, I turned to Mrs. Fitz thanked her and assured her we didn't require anything, not a single thing more, and wasn't there a stew I heard she said needed her attention.
"HO" she exclaimed "ho dear, I must go, sorry Mistress, I must go" and without another look back she was out the door.
Laoghaire kept standing there, completely unaware of what just transpired.
"You should join your grandmother, my dear" I said, the acidity in my voice quite clear.
"What?" she looked up at me then tearing her stare so reluctantly from Jamie.
Then looking around she realizing her kin was gone
"What?" she said, complete boggled, wondering what had happened.
"I'll walk you to the door" I suggested helpfully in my tone but half throwing her out the door with my body.
"Ho, aye, thank ye mist….."
I slammed the door at her face and after a moment could hear her leaving.
As soon as the door's lock made a small 'tink' Jamie's good hand grasped my neck, turned me and took my mouth into his.
He lowered his arm scoping my right buttocks with his palm, gathering me into him in such a way a pin couldn't be inserted between us.
Once I was surely stretched tight along his body, his palm started exalting a few familiar maneuvers on my backside, alternating between squeezing, caressing and pinching.
"Jamie…." I gasped to let out a word
"Hush now" he ordered softly
"But what if som…..mmm" his mouth engulfed mine, his body starting to rub himself on mine causing me to swallow my words and omit a pleasurable sound.
"No one we'll come" he said growling slightly.
Finally releasing me and with a hand on my nape again he turned me to face the door.
He placed my palms, one by one, flat on the door. Poor thing, he only had one hand to use.
"Jamie. You don't mean…."
"I mean it just fine Sassenach. Now hush!" his hand left my second palm and was caressing her way down my arm, breast, hip, outer thigh, calf, sleeking its way to the hem of my dress and on to my bare skin, lifting it back up on my leg, this time caressing naked skin.
my dress complied with his touch and was obediently hiked up, staying put on my hips while his hand moved to a spot between my thighs, that by now was sleek and wet
"This isn't much a show of resistance" he said amusingly in my ear when he felt that.
" p" I said panting at every syllable, as two fingers were moving inside me, penetrating, Circling and wiggling.
My forehead was pressed to the door, fingernails scraping the smooth wooden surface making small scratching noises that were swallowed by me, omitting an array of sounds.
Jamie body was compressed at my rear and was vibrating with repressed amusement at my behavior and vocals.
"Careful!" l hissed "'vengeance is mine saith the lord'"
"Ho, really? ye have a really high opinion of yourself, Sassenach. Beside what do you purpose to do about it?" and he proceed in placing one fingertip at a very tender spot and applying pressure.
I let out a very deep groan.
The bloody bastard was laughing at me.
I started rocking myself with the rhythm of his fingers, moving up and down his body, rubbing. Inching myself at first but slowly gathering speed.
" i…..mmm" it was his turn to pant. He clenched his lips trying very hard not to get to excited "I'll g e t ye for this Sasse….. for the love of god, lift up my kilt!"
"Helpless am I ?"
"Sassenach! now!"
I obliged him, while opening my feet a little wider, I took my hands from the door, sent them back to bunch up his kilt while I caressed his unclad thighs.
With an idea springing to mind, I very lightly scraped his upper thigh very close to base of his yearning, with my nails
"I love ye so much" he quivered with such devoted earnestness in his voice.
I peeped at him over my shoulders. His eyes were closed, head throne back in sheer ecstasy, his face frowning a little as if he was trying to consecrate on only feeling the sensation of my touch.
Suddenly the door shook. I could hear someone trying to open the door. Thank to all that is holly, I locked it.
We froze completely staring at the door.
"Jamie, r'ye there man?" Murtagh voice came through the door.
"No, no, no, no, no" he whispered under his breath non- stop "no, no, no, no" he was trying to lift my dress and his kilt.
This done with only one hand was absurd.
whatever fabric he let go of, fall back into its place.
But, I supposed there wasn't much blood rushing into his brain at the moment, for him to realize that.
He did it twice to no affect.
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no"
"Jamie ssshh…" I whispered and addressing the door called out a little louder "yes he is, just a minute. I'm just finishing the bandaging and I'll come to open the door"
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no" he was giving me his best impression of a pleading puppy while I straighten my torn, dirty, crumpled remains of a dress "no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no"
I was leading him back to the small Stool by the fire
"No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no…."
I sat him down and he grabbed both my hands in his very large, strong one, with eyes begging me for dear life.
"What am I supposed to do!?" I hissed, pulling myself free of his clutching hand and reaching for the door "beside his your godfather" I remarked trying to shift the very accusatory look I was getting in the direction of his true culprit.
I heard a few more "no, no, no, no" coming from him before I opened the door, Which was now occupied by the always , but now much more than ever, grumpy, suspicious Murtagh.
"I'm so sorry" I smiled, in what I really hoped, was nonchalant manner "when Mrs. Fitz went out I must have inadvertently locked the door, I'm so used to doing that from where I lived before, so I just…" I shrugged praying for dear life that even if he didn't believe me, it will be the end of it.
I turned my back to him coming back to stand by the fire, pretending to be cold, so he couldn't see the face, that told a thousand secrets, and always against my will.
"And that would be oxfordsire you say?" he fallowed into the room
"Yes, of course" I half glanced at him, praying, that there are locked doors in oxfordshire, at present time, and good reason to do so.
"Aye….." Murtagh as always seemed suspicious but then, I guessed, realized he didn't care all that much who the hell I was, and he turned to Jamie.
Jamie was sulking, staring into the fire, refusing to look up.
"What's a miss then?" Murtagh was frowning inquisitively at him now, giving me some freedom, thank God.
"Nothing" he blurted angrily.
"I swear to ye, a gòrach, the way ye been these days….."
"It's the pain" I interjected helpfully "I swear, almost all the Scottish men I treated, deal with pain by becoming angry and grumpy" I laughed a little trying to make light of the situation.
"Have ye found yourself in many occasions treating Scots?" he asked and it was clear that the next question would be: where? In what circumstances?
How am I supposed to explain that?
The truth was, I was treating Scots on a battle field that hadn't happen yet!? Or should I mention that I was also married, for almost three years to one big accident prone Scot!?
"I …." I had no idea what to say.
But as always, no matter at what state he was in, Jamie always did come to my rescue.
"Ye wanted something of me?"
"Aye, Mrs. Fitz said to come and tell you, that Dougal says ye were to sleep at the landing up in the…." Then remembering I was there, stopped, cleared his throat "maybe I should just come and show ye, then? do ye' need help moving?" he made a gesture toward Jamie as if to grab him and let him lean on his shoulder
"no. I dinna need ye'r help, I….. I need to sit a minute".
At that I turned bolt right to my vanity mirror, my back to them so my now, very red face was completely covered
"whats wrong with ye?"
"Nothing" his tones roared a little as Murtagh advanced towered him, which made him freeze at his track "I just need a minute!"
"I'm afraid, I hurt him pretty badly" I turned back around, face, I really hoped under control "I mean, bandaging him, I had to prod the joint and clean an open wound, it hurts quite a lot" I hurried to explain myself "dizzy to. He needs a minute to recuperate" I added trying to help my man back.
"Aye, I'll wait wi' ye then" he answered starring at me.
We stood there for what must have been forever but probably only a few seconds.
The more I thought about the situation, the more I had to bite down on my lips which seemed to want to curl up if I allowed them or not.
That rewarded me with two looks: one of complete bewilderment, and the other, well Jamie's look was… Ho dear I was going to pay for this.
Then I decided what were the correct words here. That, hopefully, will redeem me In a very scary looking, flushed Scots eyes. And maybe pave the path for us to have more undisturbed time alone "The wound needs to be cleane y, that means every day, and bandages replaced. Its important to keep the wound irrigated, " I explained to Murtagh in my most mother hildinburge tone "so I'll need to see him once a day at least".
"Aye" it was a Jamie rising slowly on his feet smiling, very little, but smiling, I did see it.
"we should go….." but he remained standing looking at me. Neither of us wanted to part.
"Ye shouldna be scared mistress" he said, and there was a seriousness in his voice now "of anyone here"… 'as long as I'm with you' I concluded quietly in my head, knowing I was promised, again, what was offered to me almost from the first moment we met.
I swallowed and met his eyes directly "thank you. I won't" and hoped what he heard was simply 'I love you'.
His smile said he did.
"Coming then?" Murtagh was growing quite impatient of this spectacle.
"Aye" he said moving his feet in the direction of the door while Murtagh took sward, shirt and coat for him "Try to sleep a bit ye'r probably worn out, and sassen…. I mean mistress, watch yourself" he said as we stood shoulder to shoulder.
And with that the two of them were gone.
I did bathe after they left. Concealing brassiere and panties. Remembering how they were taken never to be seen again.
I also slept again until five o'clock the next day.
I Was fed the same hot broth, and clothed with all the essential undergarments and clothes that were required to make me a proper 18th century women.
And as I looked at my, this time very familiar, reflection in the mirror, Murtagh knocked at the door and beckoned to come and to the start of it all again.
Events progressed frighteningly the same. And I do mean the same.
Colum at the study, same lies from both parties.
This time luckily, for me that is, I was very much pleased to receive the lie regarding Sean Pitry, the tinker, and his assistance of my leaving.
I obviously did not want to leave in five days but he was not going to let me, so it was working quite nicely for everyone involved.
I got Jamie back; I wasn't living my life without him.
We will be alright; we would fallow the time line this time, not changing anything until the time was right.
Up until the wedding almost everything needed to stay the same, we know that much.
After that, we said we would sit, plan everything one by one. Make lists draw charts if need be, destroy them all after, of course.
But be thorough. so we could keep what we wished and avoid…. I shuddered at the thought of what awaited us in the shape of the things we wanted to prevent.
Jamie was right, we weren't trying to change a destiny of a war, a huge piece in history that was caused and will cause too many ripples, for us to be let to change such a thing.
We were only trying to change small things in the universe, and surely their was a reason we were brought back after all.
Thinking what we did try to change I shivered. It was one of my biggest regrets.
I tried to console myself that I suggested such a thing at the time, in the thought that it will be an active anchor to pull my, then, very broken husband back to life and I honestly did not know where else to go or do for him and all the people that we both wanted to protect and save... I really did see it as the best option.
I pushed such thoughts a way, we were together and we had a plan.
All will be well.
It was at dinner time, that my own husband decided to break our plan.
I had to remind myself I loved him and killing him will solve nothing!
I walked as before to the dining hall.
Suspicious looks and gossiped whispers – check.
A brief nod of recognition from Murtagh – check.
Dougal sitting me down in the main table – check.
Drinks – thank God in heaven, check.
More lies and investigation camouflaged has polite conversation - double check.
But thank the Lord with Rhenish.
ENTER one wayfarer husband – what in hell?!