Oh boy... he's pissed. Well, that's an understatement... he's more than pissed... he won't even look me in the eye... okay... maybe this time I kinda acted a little... by my own... well, okay, another understatement... I completely ignored his orders... and I could have gotten myself killed. Right. Point taken Jack, you're right in this, but what else did you expect me to do? Wait by your side doing absolutely nothing as you ordered Carter to kill a whole new biosystem? You know I can't do that... I had to try to find another solution...
Lothan is astonished by the warm welcome the Enkarans are giving him... The Ruler won't let go off his arm... she's so happy they're finally going home... they're all so happy... they wish us to assist to the feast they're going to do tonight in celebration for their upcoming departure...
"I'm sorry, but we must leave... Carter, Teal'c, pack everything up"
Oooookay. What was that? Jack refusing to assist to a one hell of a feast? I open my mouth to protest but the look I receive from Jack changes my mind... no need to piss him more... I go to the Enkaran ruler to said our farewells and wish them health and prosperity in their home planet.
"Daniel! We haven't got all day! Get your ass moving!"
Yep... I guess a pack of his favorite beer is not going to cover it up this time...
I can't still believe the little sonova ... actually did it! What the hell was he thinking? Returning to the ship even knowing the bomb had started its countdown... Hell! When I saw him appearing after the bomb exploded in the sky... I don't know if I was more angry or more relieved to see him well... but what the hell! This time he's crossed the line... he's crossed the line so much he can't even see it anymore...
Yes, he saved two civilizations instead of one... but at what prize? He has to stop thinking that his life is less valuable than anybody's else life or one day he's gonna get himself killed for good.
When we returned to the SGC I run to the infirmary and to the showers... the less communication with him, the less chances to have the argument I know we'll be having sooner or later... me, particularly, prefer the later part... at least he had the sense to look ashamed and didn't open his mouth all the way back.
Maybe tomorrow I'll have a little conversation with him about chain of command and why you're not supposed to go to alien ships nearby to explode... but this will be tomorrow... when we're back at the SGC... when I feel like I don't wanna beat the crap out of him anymore...
Hell! He couldn't just let pass a night? No... of course not... I should have had known better... and I know that ignoring the doorbell is not going to get me anywhere... he has a spare key... and he know how to use it. I get up from the couch and I go to open the door. It seems that the little chat I was planning for tomorrow will be earlier than I thought...
He opens the door and suddenly I don't know what to say. His face shows how good he really is at playing pocker... this expressionless face makes me thing of the Jack O'Neill I first met. No good on going back there Daniel, no good at all.
"What do you want?" he spats talking to me for the first time since that reference about me and my butt get moving from the planet...
"Well... can I come in?" he's going to slam the door on my face, he's going to slam the door on my face, he's going to slam the door...
"Sure, why not?" he says as he leaves the door open and walks to his spare room. What? No 'Daniel, I'm not in the mood'? not 'Daniel, this is really not a good time'? I think I'm even deluded...
I follow him and after taking off my jacket I sit in the couch... while he is at the kitchen. He returns after a moment with two beers and handles me one. It is me... or Jack is being a little too civilized considering the circumstances? I don't know why, but I've got a bad feeling about all this... this seems too much like the calm before the storm... I hope not.
"Here." He says as he handles me the bottle. "You know, I was expecting you brought a pack of those at least"
I don't know if he's joking, he's face is still so expressionless.
"Well, somewhat I thought that a pack of beer wouldn't make it this time..." I try to sound casual... to keep it light...
"So, this meaning you're aware of how much have you screwed it up today, isn't this?" he replies sitting on the armchair in front of the couch. Okay, he is reproachful... but at least is keeping it calmed...
"Jack, I know I disobeyed orders..."
"Direct orders Daniel"
"Direct orders, right, but I was just doing what I thought it was correct" and I look at his face... oh God! I can tell you... the storm is definitely coming...
"And by doing what you thought 'it was correct' I couldn't do my job Daniel!" he spats bitterly. Okay, hello Miss Storm... nice too see you again. But... wait a moment! What the Heck is he talking...
"What?"
"Daniel, one of my jobs as your CO is to protect my team, all of my team. When we get captured and anyone of my team is harmed, I'm failing to do my job, but sometimes it's beyond my possibilities, like on Netu... but when you voluntarily go to a ship that's it's going to be destroyed soon... Dammit Daniel! I was the one who had to press the button of the bomb, knowing you were on the ship!"
At least a ray of light! Oh God! He thinks he would had killed me!
"Jack! That was not your fault! I decided to return to the ship... and you just did what you had to do" I try to reassure him.
"Daniel, I ordered Carter to built the bomb against Hammond's orders, and I nearly get you killed with it. How do you think I would have coped with that if you had..." he leaves the sentence uncompleted...
"Jack, I'm here and I'm alive... as will be the Enkarans and the new biosystem, that's what really counts"
"No Daniel, that's not what really counts." He replies almost shouting as he stands from the armchair and starts pacing up and down. "What counts is that you didn't followed my orders, and because you didn't followed my orders I almost got you killed... and don't come with the 'but two civilizations were saved instead of just one' stuff'"
"Jack, you disobeyed General's orders because you thought you were doing the correct. I disobeyed your orders for the same reason. Can't you see it?"
"What I see Daniel, is that you decided to do what you wanted, ignoring my orders, and the only logical explanation I can come for that, is that you don't trust my judgements" Jack says oddly calm, sitting again in the couch, finishing his beer.
What am I supposed to tell him now? I trust his judgement... of course I do! When we're in a danger situation, when we're stuck in the middle of a battle or when we have to escape from anywhere, I trust Jack with my life. But when it comes to moral conflicts... I really want to trust Jack, but sometimes, his ideas about what it's good and what it isn't are not the same as mine... and it's difficult to obey him...
"Jack, you're the man I would trust my life with without a hint of doubt, really. But you can't expect me to see everything under your point of view, because sometimes, it's so military that I just can't"
"What was that supposed to mean?" Okay... this I can explain.
"Jack, remember Euronda?" Jack sighs and looks at the ceiling. Yes, he remembers Euronda.
"Daniel, I told you there, I told you again at the base, and I'll told you again now: I behaved like a completely asshole, I was so focused on obtaining their technology I never asked the questions that needed to be asked and that you tried to ask until I told you to shut up. And I'm sorry, because if you had asked the questions when you wanted to, a lot of what happened wouldn't had..."
"Jack, I'm not asking for another apology here. What I want you to see, is that you've done it again, unconsciously, but you've done it again"
"You kinda lost me here, you know?" he's clearly far away from the understanding I want him to have.
"Jack, there, in Euronda, the problem was that you just saw half of the whole problem... and unfortunately, the wrong half part. I know, that the technology that Alar was offering was really tempting, really, but the fact that you didn't want to know about the ones they were fighting against, and all... there, in Enkara I felt the same."
"How? We tried reasoning with Lothan... but he told us pretty clearly Daniel: There was nothing he was going to do to stop the terraforming from the ship"
"I know, and you automatically decided that the ones you knew better, the Enkarans, were the 'good guys', while the lifeforms of the ship were the enemy"
"Daniel! They weren't even lifeforms! They were just tissues, For cryin' out loud!"
"See? That's what I'm referring!" I jump before I can stop myself.
"What?" Spats Jack back, in the same tone as me
"You just want to help what you can actually see, or touch, or you have previous contact with! The tissues of the ships were placed there in order to save them, and, one day, to start the biosystem again in a planet"
"but they had to choose the planet the Enkarans were on" Jack replied quickly.
"They had chosen the planet long before we sent there the Enkarans Jack! It wasn't after the ship has started his terraforming process that we brought the Enkarans there. If we look at that critically, the ship was first on the planet, so it should have been the ship we helped."
Jack stares at me withouth saying anything. I think he's finally getting my point. Not that I won't receive a lecture about chain of command and blah blah blah... but at least he's considering what I've said.
"Jack... I know that you considered protecting the Enkarans as your duty... but I just had to try and see both parts of the conflict. Can you understand that?" I say calmly.. no need to make the storm return.
"I suppose I do, Daniel" he finally says "but that won't change the fact I nearlly killed you outside there today"
"I know. And for that I apologize" I reply.
"How?"
"I'm sorry because I should have know what I was getting you into when I returned to the ship... I didn't really think that maybe you would be forced to press the button and made the ship explode... with me in it. I'm very sorry."
"And I suppose I'm sorry for being so stubborn that sometimes I just see and listen what I want to. I just hope you don't put me again in that situation" Jack replies looking straight into my eyes for the first time since I returned from the ship.
"I'll try not unless I have to" I reply. No good in lying to him. He can read me like an open book.
"Okay, fair enough for me" he replies
"for me too"
We stay quiet for a while. We've solved the problem, that's what it matters right now.
"Daniel?"
"Yes?"
"You know, you were right about the beers thing, about not being enough this time and all that, but anyway... next time you piss me rollaly off, and I know for sure there'll be a 'next time', you could leave the pack in your car and go for it after we've solved the problem, you know?"
I smile. And I'll try to remember next time, because in this I have to agree with him. There's going to be a lot of 'next times'.
FIN