A Little Bit of Happiness
By: Black Illusions
Ah...sorry if Crawford is not...how should I put this, um, is not Crawford-like. I have tried. Please just use constructive criticism, not flames. It would be much more beneficial in that sense, and I could edit the story to its needs. And, ah, another sorry if a character seems "Mary Sue."
Disclaimer: I don't own any Weiss Kreuz characters. I do, however, own this story and storyline, and any characters that do not appear in the show. This is a work of fiction, and any resemblance to people living or nonliving is purely coincidental.
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Stage One. Who I Am Hates Who I've Been
Who I am hates who I've been
And who I am won't take the second chance you gave me
Who I am hates who I've been
'Cause who I've been only ever made me...
Brad Crawford rolled over on his side to glance at the digital clock on his dresser. The neon green numbers read 3:13 a. m. He felt a heavy feeling in his chest, a sense of dread, if you will. It was an alien emotion, an uneasiness that had crept over him when he was brushing his teeth. It continued to creep up while he lay in bed, and did not allow him to sleep at all. He felt as if tomorrow would sneak up on him if he closed his amber eyes and crossed the border into his sub-consciousness. The barbed wires he thought he had cut through may have wrapped themselves around him too tightly. So tightly, that he was at a point where there was no freedom of movement, and the sense of dread crushed his chest and he could no longer breath, suffocated by the restriction itself.
The darkness pressed tighter to him. The silence and the long hours gave his mind a chance to wander--something he did not exactly enjoy doing. It lead to thoughts he did not want to think, emotions he thought he had shut off and locked away. Like the girl sleeping in the room next to him. She was so beautiful to him, so carefree and innocent. Her eyes sparkled when she smiled...
The girl took his hand in hers and led him through the snow. Tomoe? No, that wasn't right, he thought. Fujimiya Aya? No, that wasn't right either. The girl was smiling, but he couldn't make out her face. He wanted to ask who she was, so he opened his mouth.
"Slow down! My hands are going numb!" was what came out of his lips. What? Why can't I ask?
"Yeah, yeah," the girl said. "Fine, we'll stop and get some coffee, if you want."
"Sure, okay. If you say so," he replied. The girl continued to lead Crawford on through the snow-covered city. They stopped by the beach, gazing at the blue-gray waves. He stared at his gloved hands, snowflakes falling to them and disappearing as they melted into the black material. He shivered slightly and turned to look at the girl. Once again, he opened his mouth to ask who she was, but instead said, "Let's go get that coffee. We still have errands to run, remember?"
He shivered again, and was about to say the girl's name...
Crawford awoke to find he had kicked off his blankets. He sat up, bright, morning sunlight flooding his room through the thin slits of the blinds. He glanced at his clock. Six in the morning. He sighed. Tomorrow did sneak up on me... he thought to himself.
The American stood up and entered his bathroom with his clothes in one hand and the towel in the other. He turned the tap on after undressing, letting the hot water pound on his forehead for a few minutes. It felt nice and quiet...serene was the word he was looking for. After a few more minutes of letting the water flow and push roughly against his skin and head, he finished his shower and dressed--his usual morning rituals. As he searched for his glasses, he remembered he had left them still sitting on his bedside table. Crawford stepped out of his bathroom, hair still dripping with water. His vision focused on the girl standing at his bedside, staring through his glasses.
"They're so thin," she said to no one in particular.
She gasped when she suddenly noticed him advancing upon her. She backed into the wall as he snatched the frameless glasses from her hands. The girl tripped and he stuck out his arm to catch her before she could face plant into the floor.
"I…I'm sorry, Crawford-san," she said timidly, her cheeks turning red.
Her eyes trailed up across his bare torso, which was covered in scars. Realizing what she was doing, her eyes snapped back down as he helped her up to her feet. He put his glasses on and crossed his arms.
"What are you doing in my room, Miss Sakura?" he asked her patiently.
"I... I, uh...I mean Nagi...he old me to tell you that--er---breakfast is ready," she sputtered out, trying to control her racing heart. Why did she feel like this around him?
"I'll be out in a few minutes. Don't come into my room unless I let you in, understood?" he snapped back at her, shooing her out of his room.
---Crawford's Point of View---
I sat back down on my bed to dry my wet hair. My life is a constant routine of pain and sorrow. It's my fate, I suppose you could say, decided upon in heaven. Again and again, I suffer, only to live and find another sorrow, like an endless Mobius strip. The wheels of God's machinations never cease.
I watched the Sakura girl walk away and out the door. That's right, I thought to myself. Break her heart. Tear her to pieces. Be as cruel as you can, so she'll never return the feelings you're having. So hard to gain, so easy to lose. I finished drying my hair, running my fingers through it as a means to comb the raven locks.
There is no hope for people like me, I say to myself. There is none at all.
I noted the razor on my desk and picked it up. I could become like Farfarello. A cutter. I sighed and opened a drawer, throwing it into the wooden box and slamming it shut. I put my shirt on and walk out to join Sakura for breakfast.
Like hell I'll ever become like Farfarello.
---End of Crawford's Point of View---
Sakura set a bowl of fried rice and another bowl of miso soup in front of Crawford before sitting down across from him. "Have Schuldich-san and Nagi-san already gone?" she asked, trying desperately to make a stab and conversation.
"Probably. Nagi has school, and Lord knows what it is Schuldich does during the day," Crawford replied bluntly.
Sakura became quiet again as the American went back to poking at his rice. He ate some and drank some, and then just stopped for a little while before starting up again.
"So...have you...have you ever been in love, Crawford-san?" Sakura asked, making one, final attempt.
"That's a rather odd subject, don't you agree, Miss Sakura?" Crawford asked. "Why bring that up all of a sudden?"
"Well, I was...I was really hoping that... um," she sputtered. Why did she ask that? Now she'd really done it. "Hoping that you would know...you know...a little about it, since I'm not exactly sure if I'm in love or not."
Crawford suppressed a snort with difficulty, letting out a small cough instead. "If you're doubting your love for someone, then it's probably just a long term crush," he said. He continued dismissively, "Love is nothing more than adrenaline coursing through your body from a sexual or physical desire of another being. That's my view on it, at any rate."
"How can you say that? Love is not anything like that! It goes deeper!" Sakura exclaimed.
Crawford crossed his arms, staring at the girl over his frameless glasses. "Miss Sakura, even if my views were not like that, nothing would be any different. Considering the profession I've chosen, do you honestly think that 'falling for' or 'loving' someone would be safe?" he asked cruelly.
Sakura's cheeks gradually turned a tint of scarlet, from both embarrassment and a tinge of anger. "I'm sorry, Crawford-san. I thought even you could love someone," she said.
"Sorry, but that won't ever happen. I have never loved anyone, and I most likely never will," he replied. His words seemed filled with sorrow, and his amber eyes more so.
"But how? How can you live like that?" Sakura mumbled, her anger lost and replaced by sadness from his words. "Without anyone."
The oracle could feel his temper beginning to rise. This girl was so irritating! "What is with you and your obsession with 'love'?" Crawford asked, a touch of annoyance in his voice. He crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, surveying the young girl across from him. She gazed back at him, a scowl marring her pretty face.
"Well, excuse me for wondering! I'd like to know what it's truly like to be in love! I thought maybe you could love someone at some point in your life, even for the briefest moments!" she snapped back. "Sorry!"
Crawford stood and dumped what was left of his food into the trashcan. He remained silent as he set it down in the sink, before heaving a heavy sigh. He closed his eyes. "Miss Sakura, loveless is how my life has been, and loveless is how it will stay. I have no need for such emotions. Let's just leave it at that," he answered stiffly.
He paused at the doorway to his office, glancing over his shoulder at the younger girl. "Don't cry. I don't want to see it."
---Sakura's Point of View---
I watched as Crawford-san walked to his office, pausing at his door and telling me, "Don't cry. I don't want to see it."
The door clicked shut, and I thought about what he said. The coldness in his voice was gone, and it was less forbidding than he made it sound. I half wondered if I was looking too deep into it. Why had I asked him that? That was so stupid of me! And to snap at him like that...well, I've never been one to truly be angry at anybody, but I've never met anyone so...so...arrogant!
His answer hurt, too though. It hurt me so much when he said he didn't love anyone. And it hurt me when he asked me about my 'obsession' with love. His voice...it pierced me deeper than any bullet he could have shot at me. All he cared about was himself. He didn't care about Weiss or Aya-chan, or Schwarz….or…or me. He didn't care about me either. A tear rolled down my cheek, landing on my hands. Why didn't he care about me at all? He was polite, yes, but so very cold. Not like Schuldich-san or Nagi-san at all. Why couldn't I make him smile like he was really happy? And…and why did I care so much? The tears wouldn't stop coming.
"Oh, God…it hurts…it hurts so much…" I whispered. "Make it stop. Please, make the hurting go away."
Why did this man, who had assisted in kidnapping me, hurt me the way he did?
---End of Sakura's Point of View---
Crawford stood right inside his office, the door slightly ajar, enough to hear Sakura's quiet sobbing. He knocked his head against the wooden doorframe, listening to her.
"Oh, God…it hurts…it hurts so much," he heard her whisper. "Make it stop. Please, make the hurting go away."
At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to go to her, wrap his arms around her shoulders, and wipe away her tears with his lips. It was all he wanted. But it was such a silly impulse. It was just a simply ridiculous thought that he would ever love her. He couldn't allow himself too. It would be too much for either of them to bear–he could never be with her. That's just how it was. Innocent girls like her don't date assassins like him, he told himself. It was true he could break her, make her his whenever he wanted to, but he wouldn't. He didn't want to. If Sakura was to love him, Crawford wanted her to love him for who he was. He sighed softly and shut the door, locking himself in.
A moment's peace, he thought to himself. All I want is a moment of peace. He collapsed at his desk and began typing up his report. He worked like that for an hour, the only noise in the room being the clicking of the keyboard keys. He took a rest and stretched, yawning. He opened up his door a crack, seeing Sakura cleaning the sink still. She was quiet as Schuldich walked into the room and leaned against the sink, watching her and talking to her. He couldn't hear the conversation very well, but caught small bits of it. Suddenly Sakura flushed scarlet and finished wiping the counter and turned away.
Crawford frowned and went back to his office. He wondered what it is that Schuldich had said to make her so flustered, but he shook away the curiosity. He glanced around the room and sighed, eyes resting on the piano. He hadn't played for a while, even if he owned one. When could he ever have the time? He strolled over to it, brushing a finger over the ivory keys and clearing a light layer of dust. Crawford tapped out a key, trying to see how much he could remember. He sat down and began playing a faster tune, his long, slender fingers flying across the piano.
Sakura peeked into the room, seeing Crawford playing the piano with grace and ease. He was so handsome, she thought, sitting at the piano straight backed and serene, playing the song. She inched in further, wanting to watch more. After a few minutes of this, she was all the way in the room, the door shut behind her. Crawford seemed so drawn into his playing that he did not notice her entry, and continued to perform. When he finally looked her way, he gave a slight start, his hand slamming down on one several keys at once. At once he stood up, knocking over the bench he was sitting at. It hit the ground with a loud 'thud.' Sakura jumped at the noises.
"I-I'm sorry, Crawford-san," she said. "I was just listening…"
Crawford shrugged his shoulders as he bent down and picked up the bench, setting it back on its legs. "It's fine, Miss Sakura," he said shortly. "I haven't played in such a long while, that I just felt like I needed too."
"I didn't know you played the piano," Sakura replied timidly. "You're really good at it."
The American shrugged his shoulders again and sat back down. "I began when I was five years old. My mother started teaching me, and when I expressed a slight interest, she sent me to a class. I never really excelled with the class, though," he said. "I wasn't ever the greatest, as big as a disappointment that was to me. I was always beaten."
"By who?"
Crawford sighed as his fingers began to play another song. "Her name was Zephira Mitani. We called her 'Zeph' or 'Zephie'. She tutored me every now and then when I was having some trouble," he admitted. "I was never very good in the first place. I merely liked the way the piano sounded, and wished I could make sounds like that. Zeph was a truly gifted individual. She was always doing something with music or with books. The house she lived in had an enormous library of books!
"There were all kinds of books in all kind of languages. The two of us often spent our time during high school and college in there. We would skip out on classes and read books all day," Crawford continued.
As he recalled his tale of the books, memories flashed through his mind, as if in a slideshow. Pictures of him and Zephie sitting on the couch together, his head in her lap and both of them reading. He could remember Zephie talking to him about music and books always, and he would sit and listen to her ramble on about a song she wrote to a book.
"Wow…" Sakura whispered in awe as he told his story. "She seems wonderful. Did you love her?"
She thought this a very silly question, especially after their little battle earlier in the day about the subject, but was surprised at the older man's reaction to it.
Crawford laughed bitterly, but it was not directed to Sakura. "I might have. Or maybe it was just a crush. I don't really know at this point. Besides, what did I tell you?" he asked. He switched subjects to avoid conflict and the uncomfortable subject. "I played a few other instruments, as well. Guitar, violin, and the flute. But my mother never approved of the guitar. She always enjoyed much more classical instruments instead."
For a while, there was an awkward silence between Crawford and Sakura. Only the song was heard, but that too faded fast as it ended. After a moment, Crawford stood up and sighed, scratching his head and his amber eyes closed. Sakura looked at him.
"Crawford-san…about what you said earlier…" she began. "What…I mean…are you happy the way you are? Living your life like this, I mean?"
He opened his eyes and gazed her. "I suppose," Crawford paused for a moment. "As has been established, I live and I work. That argument earlier...it was such a waste of my time. It was really unusual that I lashed out at you like that. I don't really do pointless things. I'm content. I'm sure..." Crawford paused again, looking at Sakura. "I'm sure I'm more content than anyone."
Sakura watched as he began to walk toward his desk. "Then...you should look happy when you smile," Sakura said softly. Crawford turned to look at her, a bit baffled at what she just said. Sakura's fists balled, her knuckles turning white. "I'm sorry, Crawford-san. I'm sure that it was pointless...even though...Crawford-san, but I didn't think that it was a waste of time at all! Talking to you...just like this...I thought maybe you kidnapping me and us meeting the way we did and talking the way we did, I thought it meant something. Because...I was happy that I had met you! I'm sorry!"
Sakura turned to leave, glad to have had her rant session. She thought...just a little glimmer of hope...that she had meant something to Crawford. But she knew that deep in her heart, she meant nothing to him. She wouldn't cry in front of him, though. Again, for the second time within the same day, her heart ached like nothing she had ever felt before. Even when Aya told her he rejected her, even when she had her kidney removed, even...even when she shot the man she claimed to love. When she shot Aya. But that pain held nothing to the one she felt even now.
"Miss Sakura," Crawford said suddenly.
The girl jumped, a little startled at his sudden calling of her, even after she had just shouted at him. "Um, yes?" she asked, half-afraid of what he was going to do to her now.
Crawford kept his piercing, amber eyes locked with hers and he moved towards her. She backed away a step, afraid. "Sakura...you don't have to pretend either, you know," he said softly. His voice was not forbidding as he came near to her. "I apologize, Miss Sakura. I spoke without really thinking about it. Please forgive me."
"What...um..." Sakura could not find words to reply to this. What could she say? "What do you mean, 'pretend?'" she asked, deciding to skip responding to the latter of his words.
"You don't have to laugh when you're sad, Miss Sakura," he replied, stepping away to go back to his desk.
"Um…but, Crawford-san…You told me you didn't want to see me cry, so I…" she told him, smiling.
But Crawford could see the tears already beginning to fall from her amethyst eyes, in crystal droplets. He didn't like the fact that she was crying, but he didn't like the idea of her hurting either. If crying would take away the pain, then she should cry, he thought. Sakura flung herself into his arms, burying her face in his chest and crying. "I'm not…I'm not wrong am I? Right? Aya-san? Crawford-san? I mean…I'm doing the right thing for him…I'm really in love with him, aren't I?" she sobbed quietly into his chest.
After a few more minutes of crying, Sakura calmed down and rubbed her eyes. "I'm okay, Crawford-san. I'm sorry…"
Crawford entwined his fingers with hers, gently touching the side of her face. He caressed it with gentle fingers. Sakura's heart beat uncontrollably as she flushed red, staring into his eyes. Yes, he was cruel, but now…he didn't seem so much like it. She felt…a sort of attraction to him. Sakura felt comforted by his touch, protected by his embrace. She closed her eyes as his tongue wiped away her tears on her cheeks and her eyes. It wasn't rough or forced. It was gentle as he licked her tears away gently, the salty droplets sweet on his tongue and lips.
"Crawford-san?" she said his name uncertainly, her eyes growing wet again as her lips came closer to his. He stopped for a moment, looking at her and then beginning to lean in. "Crawford…san…"
He suddenly pulled away, hearing Nagi return home and Schuldich coming toward the office door. The red headed German poked his head in. "Hey, Nagi's home. We're gonna go out to get some lunch, you want to come with us?" he asked. "Oh, sorry. Was I interrupting something important?"
He emphasized the last word. Crawford shook his head and went out the door, leaving Sakura in the room alone. Her heart still beat wildly and her skin still tingled where he licked her as she stood by herself in the empty room. Glancing one last time at the piano behind her, she walked out as well, her mind still lingering on the moment.
---Crawford's Point of View---
It would be so foolish to fall for the Sakura girl. Everything I've ever done would be for naught if I fell for anyone at this point. And I almost ruined it. I almost ruined everything in that single moment. I was so close to letting her know, to telling her all of it. So the only way I can stop this was to act detached, devoid of emotion.
It's weird. I'm still lingering, but you'd think I'd be the first to leave. But I'm not. I'm the last one left. I watched as Sakura ordered something to eat. We were sitting in an old fashioned Japanese restaurant, our shoes sitting at the edge of the booth. I sat in the corner, just watching. I wasn't very hungry, and I refused to eat anything and settled with just drinking some water.
"So what were you guys doing in there?" Schuldich asked, nudging Sakura.
Sakura's face went blank for a moment and she glanced at me from the corner of her eye. I just lowered my head and looked way, taking another sip of water. I couldn't bring myself to meet her gaze–her trusting, sweet, beautiful gaze.
"Who said that you have any business in what they do?" Nagi asked.
"Who said I was talking to you, Nagi?" Schuldich threw back.
"Calm down," I snapped with an air of finality.
The beauty of being the leader is that the team will listen to you and shut up when you say so and have a migraine. I was in an irritated mood, and I was not up to dealing with another of Schuldich and Nagi's quarrels. I leaned back against the wall as Sakura mouthed, "Thank you," to me. I merely took another sip.
Act detached, and you'll never fall for her. Break her, tear her to pieces, and never let her know how you feel.
The beauty of being human is that you can go to sleep and wake up to a fresh start.
The sin of being an assassin prevents this human ability.
---End of Crawford's Point of View---
Sakura sat on the bed in her room, leaning against the window frame and staring blankly out to the night sky. The ritual was tomorrow, Schuldich had told her. He had been glancing suspiciously at the two of them; and why wouldn't he? Crawford had been avoiding the young girl all day. She heard her door open and shut, and shoes clicked against the tile floor. From the sound, it was either Crawford or Schuldich. She concluded it was Crawford, for Schuldich would have said something by now.
Crawford set a white dress at the end of her bed and was about to leave when Sakura timidly called out. "Crawford...san..."
The oracle turned toward her. He could not refuse her if she called to him. "What do you need, Miss Sakura?" he asked distantly. Be as cold as possible. He was slightly baffled when she held out her hand to him.
"Stay with me for a little while...please...?" she asked, as shy as before. She was afraid of him and in awe of him. Crawford was afraid of himself. What if he couldn't stop himself this time? Schuldich was out doing God knew what, Nagi was locked in his room...there was no one to stop him this time around. But he could not refuse Sakura.
"Let me lie down for a while then. I've been running around all day. I was about to go to bed..." he mumbled, trying to make up an excuse. To his dismay, the girl shifted on the bed so there was more room for him to lie down. Crawford sighed and nodded, crawling next to Sakura and dropping down onto his back. He rested a forearm on his forehead and closed his amber eyes, heaving another sigh. The girl followed suit and sat down next to him.
"Remind me again why I'm here with you?" he said coldly. Sakura's hand found his and it sent shivers up his spine. She examined his palm, allowing her fingertips to run lightly over the lines and creases in his flesh.
"I've been alone all day, Crawford-san...I just want some company..." she mumbled. Crawford nodded and sighed. She looked at him. "Umm...about yesterday..."
Crawford turned his head away, so he was looking at the digital clock on her side table. "I don't want to talk about it," he mumbled. He was ashamed of his behavior. Of his inability to control his own emotions, to keep them in check. And even now...
Sakura let go of his hand and he shied away from her. She pulled her knees up to her chest and continued to gaze out the window. There was silence again, and Crawford was about to ask if he could leave when Sakura spoke.
"Crawford-san...I'm scared."
"What?"
"I'm afraid of what tomorrow will bring," she whispered. The tears began falling again, and Crawford was reminded of his own thoughts. But Sakura continued. "I'm afraid of this ritual thing that I'm going to go through...I'm afraid that if I come out alive, Aya still won't love me, or it would have all been in vain..."
She buried her face in her knees, the only sound being a gentle sobbing. Crawford sat up and rested his head between her shoulder blades, for her back had been to him since he had entered the room. Her sobbing continued and the older man wrapped his arms around her curled form, holding her close to him. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm sorry." He was simply at a loss for words to say to her. He did not know how to comfort her at all.
Sakura turned to him and looked Crawford in the eyes, tearful and sad. It was such innocence... "Crawford-san, what I'm afraid of most is that I'm doing this for someone I don't really love."
Crawford had no words to say to her. What could he say to her? Should he assure her that she really did love Aya and that she was going to be okay? Why should he, when he...no, to even think it would make it all too real for him. But what Sakura asked of him surprised him. He really did hate surprises, and somehow, this girl managed to surprise him an awful lot...
"Crawford-san, kiss me."
"What?" The second time he'd said that, and he was beginning to sound like an idiot. "Why do you want me to do that?" he added hastily.
"I just want to see something."
Both their hearts were pounding in their chest so loudly that it was a surprise neither of them heard their hearts. But there was a ringing in Crawford's ears. What should he do? If he did...if he did kiss her, what then? Everything would be told with his kiss. She would know...she would know. But he could not refuse Sakura.
"Only if you stop crying," left his mouth. Sakura looked surprised for a moment and then nodded. Crawford let out a soft sigh and leaned toward her, trying to make it seem like he didn't care.
"Wait."
Crawford let out a groan, more of disappointment than of frustration, but he tried to mask that. "What now, Miss Sakura?" he asked. Sakura scooted closer to him and touched his lips with her fingertip.
"What you did yesterday...do it again," she whispered. Crawford was only half surprised, but he tried to hide his wanting. He had a feeling he knew where this was going, but he could not refuse Sakura. Not at all.
Crawford's tongue flicked out and licked her fearful tears away again. They felt cool on his lips as he licked them away. To his surprise, Sakura's hand was at his neck and she let out a sigh as he pulled away, ready to just simply kiss her quickly and get it over with. But he did not expect Sakura to meet him halfway.
Sakura's lips tasted wonderful to him. Sweet and soft against his, Sakura was unable to control herself for the briefest of moments. The two parted, both surprised, and both in awe. Crawford's lips had been warm...not cold, as she half expected them to be, though that had been what he was aiming for. The two were merely inches away, and Crawford was finding it hard not to kiss her again.
"Now what...?" Crawford asked almost uncertainly. "Did you see what you wanted to see?"
"I don't know..." Sakura admitted. "I wasn't sure what I was looking for in the first place. Did I want it to be wonderful? I don't know..."
Now Crawford either had to kiss her again, or pull away permanently. And he did not want to do the latter. "I guess that means we'll have to try again," he muttered. Crawford kissed her again, this time touching her cheek gently with one hand. Sakura laid a hand on his jacket, unsure of whether to push him away or pull him closer. Crawford's free arm wound around her waist and he lowered her onto the bed, letting her head rest on the pillow as his tongue attempted to deepen the kiss. It tasted her lips, asking to be let in so that he might taste the rest of her mouth. Hesitantly, unsure of what to do, Sakura's lips parted, allowing Crawford's tongue to dart in and begin exploring.
In the meantime, her hands had gone to his hair, running through the raven locks lovingly. They were soft, and sifted through her fingers like silk. Her skirt and clothes grazed against his skin as he slipped his hand from her waist to her hair. Disappointment washed over them both as Crawford withdrew his tongue and parted for air.
"Should we be doing this...?" Sakura asked softly, stroking his cheek. Crawford pressed his lips to her neck.
"No," came the simple reply.
"But?"
"I don't care."
Crawford leaned against Sakura's ear, supporting his weight off of her. "You're beautiful," he whispered, lips brushing against her ear. "More than anything I've ever seen."
And Sakura knew that she loved him too. She wrapped her arms around him. "Thank you, Crawford-san."
Crawford's lips met Sakura's again, and the two became lost in their world. No one else existed...not Schwarze, not Weiss, not Eszet...not anyone. Only the two of them. Sakura's bra grazed against his hand as it explored under her shirt, and she allowed it with a soft sigh as he kissed her. What would her parents say if they knew what she was doing now? They would surely call her a slut. But Sakura was in love with this man. Would it matter to her if her parents did not like him? He was responsible, and trustworthy...to her, at least, if not to anyone else.
Crawford parted from her again, and gazed at Sakura. "Sakura..." he whispered. He thought of how to phrase the question. "Do you..."
Sakura knew what it was he was asking. Did she want to have sex with him? It was a yes or no question, but she was plopped in the middle. Yes, she did. No, she didn't. Yes, she wanted to have sex with him. But that would be irresponsible and impulsive of her. But she loved him. Why should she save it for another man? No, she didn't want to have sex with him. It would be the responsible thing. What if she was impregnated? Then what? What would she do then? How would she explain that? She was torn, and Crawford waited patiently, entertaining himself by kissing her on different spots of her shoulders, neck, and chest and seeing how she would react. A different level of sighing, and slight gasp for a sensitive spot...
Sakura looked at Crawford and gave him a slight nod, kissing his lips lightly.
--Sakura's Point of View--
I found out what Heaven was truly like. It is when you are lying beside the one you love, all clothing simply a heap on the floor beside you. And there's a white-hot ecstasy running through your body that burns wonderfully each time he touches you, each time he kisses you. And you can feel everything he does to you, and it all feels so ridiculously sweet.
"Crawford, wait," I whispered softly as he entwined his fingers with mine.
He gazed at me with his beautiful amber eyes, so deep that I felt I could drown in them. "I've been waiting for too long now. If I wait any longer, I'll die," he replied with equal softness. He kissed me gently, and I could feel his body heat on mine. It felt so wonderfully warm.
And in this situation, my body seemed to know what to do, without even bothering with my brain. My shirt came of and he dropped it to the floor, along with...my bra? When did that come off? I didn't care at all. I freed him of his several layers of shirts as he kicked off his shoes, and there was nothing better than the feeling of his skin against mine.
We were going forward fast, and my body stopped consulting me at all. My body wanted him near and even deeper than that, I knew. I had agreed, and he was going, and I was going. His lips were against my lips, and his chest against mine. Everything was off, and we were both bare and vulnerable. Crawford pulled the blanket over us as he gazed at me, as if to say, "You're beautiful," which he said several times before. I had never wanted anyone so badly in my life.
And the two of us were simply together.
--- End of Sakura's Point of View---
Sakura awoke in a slight daze, feeling Crawford still next to her. He was still asleep, she could tell. Snuggling closer to his chest, she felt safe and warm. Nothing could ever replace that feeling. There was something sticky on both of them. But it was refreshing. He wrapped his arms around her in his sleep, holding her close to him and murmuring something.
"Crawford-san..." she whispered. It suddenly dawned on her that, though they had sex, he had never once told her he loved her. She knew it was rather implied. But what if...?
"Nnngh...what is it, Tomoe?" he mumbled. His eyes remained closed as he snuggled closer to her for warmth. Sakura felt his body press against hers again, and she felt longing. But she pushed it to the back of her mind and spoke.
"Crawford...I love you," she whispered softly to him, pressing a gentle kiss to his lips.
Crawford's amber eyes opened and he smiled, knowing what she was getting at. "Do you think I don't love you?" he asked quietly, sliding his hand to her waist gently. It seemed to her that if fit perfectly in the curve.
"I just wanted to tell you that I love you," she said.
"You're not doubting it are you?" he asked. He pulled the blanket over their heads and kissed her gently again and again, trailing them down her neck and shoulders. "I love you, too."
Satisfied, Sakura said nothing more to him and curled up close to her lover, not wanting to get up. But they both knew that this would eventually come to an end. If my feet hit that cold floor...it'll be all over. Everything will be over, and we'll be eaten alive by the fake linoleum.
And yet that's all there was left to do.
––––––––––
End notes: Hope you enjoyed the re-edited version of this chapter! I think I've matured a little in my writing at least, and I've got the second chapter coming up soon. Yay!
Lyric credits:
"Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" by Reliant K