The two years without Sherlock were the two years that nearly killed me. It was like time had stopped, all I was doing was moping around in the flat and staring into space. There was so much I hadn't told him. How I really felt. The truth is falling in love with a sociopath is the hardest thing that I have ever had to admit to myself. But I could only accept it when he was gone, and I could never tell him how I really felt. How I feel now. Whenever I'm with Sherlock I want my time with him to never end, but I'm scared that one day it will, and he will never come back. I'm scared that one day I'll wake up and he will be gone, and then I can never tell him that I love him. That I want to be more than his best friend. Inside I am angry with myself; I have been for a long time. I promised after the first day that he was gone that I would confess my feelings to him if he came back. It's been a year since his return and I've not said a word to him. Sometimes I wonder if he knows, if he feels the same way. He doesn't mention it; maybe he's like me and can't express how he feels. Maybe he just couldn't bear to see me upset, maybe he never intended to return at all, but he loved me too much and couldn't stay away. That's unlikely, he said himself that he's married to his job and that love is a waste of time. To be honest I really don't know why he came back. I'm to scared to ask why he returned, in case the answer is too unbearable and I end up breaking down again. But what if he does have feelings for me? What do I do? My heart says tell him but my head says its an irrational idea. If he goes away again then I can never tell him. Can I really live my life with the thought that he might have loved me too? I don't think so but I need more courage. I haven't told anybody about these feelings. It's probably time to tell Sherlock that I love him, I must tell him. I must. Before it's too late…