Hey! Another one-shot idea that has been locked up in my head for too long. I am a firm believer that Jack and Kate had something pretty significant going on right after they were chaotically 'rescued' from the Island. Signs point to that all over the place (Kate reporting Jack's whereabouts to Hurley at his birthday party, Kate front and center at Jack's father's funeral, etc…). So I decided to dive into a pivotal Jate interaction on the deck of The Searcher. This is dedicated to my Jate soulmate Yas. I love you. Enjoy!
Kate watched as the slender rays of moonlight played on the surface of the wall across the room. She lay beside Aaron in one of the small cabins below in The Searcher, running her fingertips over the soft, ticklish patch of peach fuzz on his head as he slept. He was curled up right beside her, his head gently placed aside her bosom, the need for warmth and physical contact so primal and normal for babies in his novel state. From the moment she unceremoniously snatched him out of Sawyer's arms, the urge to protect him reawakened with a vengeance. Before, when she held him while Claire busied her hands with laundry, she was nervous, timid, and uncomfortable, ready to pass him back to his mother, where he belonged, almost immediately. Now, she was all he had.
There was no Claire. She was gone. She'd vanished without a trace, and now she had to be his family, if not for the upcoming questions about his birth that would come to the forefront, but for herself. She was venturing back into a life where she had no one. Life for her before the crash was empty in every corner, every crevice and the small, defenseless child that slept so peacefully beside her was all she really had too, and still, he wasn't hers. She didn't know what she was thinking telling herself, convincing herself that she could take care of Aaron, that she could pass as his mother, especially with all of the past demons she still had left to slay. It wasn't all that scary to her, not as much as she thought it would be. She already knew who she had in her corner no matter what, someone who was as dogmatically loyal as he was incredibly stubborn. Jack.
She wondered when he actually planned on coming down to rest. She kept one intent ear peaked on Aaron and the other reached out for on any sign of Jack traveling down the narrow hallway, but she could hear nothing. Her body wanted to succumb to sleep, but her mind wanted to know what was taking him so long. Maybe he was thinking through his plan, what he would tell the others, how he would persuade them to lie about the Island. She wondered what they would think about his willingness to misinform the world about everything that happened to them, and most importantly, those who were still alive on that God forsaken Island. Locke was never stupid, a little too spastic where the Island was concerned, but he chose Jack for a reason, he knew that if they had to lie about the Island; Jack would be the only one who could convince them, only Jack didn't see it that way.
He showed her so often that he needed her support primarily. 'If it's just me, they're never gonna go for it. So I'm gonna turn to you first. Are you with me?' It always thrilled her to know that she was his partner, his equal, his conduit to the people, the bridge that allowed him to negotiate and come to an agreement with those who were sure to go against him. He knew he wouldn't have lasted as the leader without her, many devastating moments when he wanted to throw in the towel and bow to defeat, her encouragement and allegiance kept his spine erect, his jaw set. He could do it, when she believed that he could. If he could ever believe that this shot-in-the-dark plan could work, he would need Kate to help him sell it, and she never failed to deliver. Ever.
She finally made up her mind. It was time to go up after him. Once and for all. She secured Aaron's small frame against the bunk's railing, praying quietly to herself that he would stay right where she left him, and went up after Jack.
She reached the deck in seconds, the night sky dark, massive and the water, in the distance and very well near, shimmered under the dull moonlight. She turned a small corner and caught sight of him. His long legs dangled off of the curt bench, while the rest of his body laid reclined over the rest of it, one forearm covering his eyes. She lightly moved over to him, one hand lightly shaking his shoulder.
His eyes popped open and he rose with a start, ready to spring into action before he could think twice.
She brought her hands to his shoulders, urging him to relax. "It's okay. Everything's okay. It's me."
He must have been having a pretty bad dream. He had that disoriented, confused, flustered look in his eyes, she noted.
Jack finally caught his bearings, and noticed a figure slumped over next to him, her curls spilling over her shoulders, dangling next to both sides of her face, her hands cupping his shoulders soothingly. Kate. He sighed a breath of relief when his eyes found hers. Blotches of tiredness shone under her eyes. He looked around, the voluminous ocean bed stretched for miles over the steel railings at his back. A rhythmic, calming tide rocked the boat lightly, small waves created an orchestra of serenity that did nothing to settle his worries.
He finally cleared the bile from his throat before he spoke, his voice full of sleep, slurred. "Hey."
"Hey." She said with a tired, half-cocked grin.
He rubbed at his eyes with one hand. "I must have fallen asleep."
He moved to sit up fully, almost colliding with Kate, who still hovered guardedly over him. His eyes met hers again, and there it was. That unquenchable ember that words failed to describe. That massive swell of mystic, gravitating synergy that always surrounded them, but they never had the guts or time to talk about, to feed into, to surrender to. They were both tired as hell and still sparks flew. He still noticed the tender flush of her cheeks. She detected how his hair now stuck up and out in various directions, his obvious handiwork. She had to say, she loved the longer look on him so terribly, the urge to run her hands through the unkempt mess pulled at her. Kate was the first to look away, deciding that it was time to move, give him space to sit up, to try to communicate to the butterflies in her stomach that immediately took flight the moment he opened his eyes. She shyly tugged a curtain of curls behind her ear.
"You sound surprised. You've been through a lot recently. We all have." She reasoned.
His hands came down to grasp his side. His appendectomy wound. The last time she checked it, he had just came back from tracking the freighter. The stitches were ripped, and it didn't take a medical degree to know that once that happened, it could easily get infected. He didn't look sick, she thought to herself. Just tired, incredibly tired. She reacted to him immediately. "Jack—"
"I'm okay. It's just a little sore." He said, his breath whistled through gritted teeth. He did what he could for it with the first-aid kit that Penny found for him. The gauze pad and medical tape were still secure around the sensitive area. He finally noticed that she wasn't holding Aaron in her arms, not this time. "Where is Aaron?"
"I put him down below, in my cabin."
"Your cabin?"
"Yeah, they're four of them. Right down that way." She pointed to a dark hallway that led to the small bunked cabins.
"Damn. Four? This boat is bigger than I thought." He said, making her laugh.
"I was lying there with Aaron and I noticed that you hadn't come down yet. I thought I'd come up to see what was taking you so long."He didn't respond. He just bore that look, the one she knew all too well. The clock was ticking in his head, loudly. He was running out of confidence that what he proposed, lying about the Island, was the right thing to do. She could tell that he was second-guessing himself.
"What are you thinking about Jack?" She asked even though she already knew.
He blew out a long stalled breath. "We're about to lie to the free world, Kate. Not only about how we were rescued, but how we lived, and who made it out alive. It's big and it's dangerous. I'm not even fully convinced that I can actually go through with it. It's easy to sit here and plan it in my head, to ask you to back me up, to go through the argument that I plan to give the others in the morning, but what if I can't sell it? What if it doesn't work?" He asked, and then let way to light laughter. "I guess Sawyer would be better suited for this type of long con, huh?"
"We'll make it work. You're honest and forthcoming by default, Jack. You don't have it in you to mislead another person, especially the public. Deception is not your strong suit, and that's a good thing, but here, now, it's our only chance to help them."
"I don't know why I trust Locke about this, about lying about the Island, but I do. How can we justify leaving our friends behind like that? Claire, Juliet, Jin, Sawyer…we could try to—"
She knew what was coming next. The man never knew when to fold. "I told you, we can't go back, I won't go back, for Claire, for Jin, for Sawyer, for anyone. They're gone."
He shrugged, feigning indifference he didn't possess at the moment. "Things looked a little unresolved…"
She heard the jealous tinge ringing in his tone immediately. Why was he pushing her into Sawyer's arms? Is that where he really believed she belonged? If it were, then why was she sitting here with him, standing by him as he concocted a plan that had a snowball's chance in hell of actually working in the grand scheme? Because she trusted him, he was the only person in the world she trusted, and she learned from her years on the run, absolute trust was so hard to come by.
"If I recall correctly, Sawyer kissed me, not the other way around. There was nothing to resolve on my end. And I distinctly remember the first time we kissed; I made the first move." She said with a laugh, pleased with the challenged spark of opposition in his eyes.
He cocked his head to the side, an amused, slanted grin on his lips. "And if I recall correctly, you ran away before I could do anything about it."
She never thought that anything would have been done about it. She usually found herself making moves on Jack, small efforts to flirt, tease, to be near him, and he had no clue what she was up to, like he hadn't felt the fire-breathing attraction she had from the start. It often discouraged her from listening to what her heart was telling her.
"You never came after me." Her eyes clouded with memories of the seconds that ticked by after she'd ran away from him, the distance that she initiated. She actually went back to the hatch after some time to herself in the jungle to talk to him, but he hadn't come back yet. He hadn't come back until the very next day in fact, and by then, she'd lost her nerve.
He closed his eyes, his head shaking. "I never knew you wanted me to." Usually when someone retreated, they wanted some time, some space. He had no idea that Kate thought the exact opposite should occur. God, how she purposefully confused him. Turned him inside out, upside down, distorted his way of thinking, and usually made things much harder to grasp. But she wasn't the only one to blame for that.
"Did you want to?" She asked.
He didn't need a second more to think about it. The answer was simple, as easy as breathing. "Yes." With that one word, the stalled breath she was holding rushed from her lungs. He could actually see the tension in her shoulders subside. "I told you, Kate. I wasn't sorry about that kiss."
She bit her bottom lip, squelching the smile that threatened to shine through. "Neither was I."
He groaned, bringing his hand through his hair again, which only made it messier and more tempting to her twitchy fingers. "Then why did you say you were?"
"I don't know!" She huffed, frustrated with herself. She closed her eyes, opening them when the truth seeped through. "I thought that was what you wanted to hear, needed to hear to make things right between the two of us again."
She swallowed hard, the emotions rising inside of her choked her, but she spoke over them. "I missed you."
He turned to her, the unshed tears in her eyes made his throat close up. "I missed you too."
They wasted so much time, made so many mistakes. The only kiss that lay unresolved was the one they shared so long ago amid the bright greens and florid yellows of the jungle. It took everything inside of him to resist running after her, and took everything she had to ignore the urge to turn around, to face him. He didn't have the slightest inkling about how much that kiss had moved her, how his reaction pinned her in place, and made her feel naked, exposed, grounded. Then it changed. He looked surprised, uprooted, ripped into shreds, so she ran. She didn't have a clue how much he needed her, how much it hurt to stand there, instantly reminded of her by the taste of her on his lips, how much it burned to see her walking around with Sawyer the next day. It was like she was taunting him with what she'd opened up inside of him, so near, but still so far out of reach. Then the bout of missed opportunities kept mounting; their capture by the Others, the silence, the anger, the regret. He was tired of being so helpless against what he had every ounce of power to decide for himself.
He would take the chance now; he wouldn't allow himself to be in a passive state of longing for her any longer. He had to show her.
"So, if I kissed you right now, you wouldn't run away?" He asked on a shaky breath.
She shook her head slowly. That was all he needed and he had to trust it.
He filled his palms with her freckled cheeks. Her green eyes looked so magnificent, beaming lovingly at him, caressing his face with their intensity.
He leaned in slowly, giving her ample opportunity to change her mind before they breached that barrier again. This time, neither of them would have anywhere to hide. A mellow, calm breeze blew over her face and she closed her eyes, preparing herself for the gentle brush of his lips, but this was unlike anything she ever anticipated. He took the reigns in a way he never had before. He set the pace, slowly pulling at her lips with his own, and then he swept her away, but willing himself not to want too much out of the moment. She reacted instantly and he discovered that he wanted everything she had to give and then some. She leaned into him, urging him onto the thin slate of the bench, his arms wrapped around her small waist as she climbed over his thighs, her hands colliding with his upper chest.
Kate thought she knew what it was like to be kissed, to be completely ravished without a shirt being lifted over her head, without jeans being unbuttoned and pulled down her hips. She thought she knew what it was like to feel everything, passion, desire, rapture, from a kiss, but she was wrong, in every way that counted. This was the epitome of what she thought she knew, snatching everything from her until he was the only one left. Things went into overdrive at the drop of a hat. Hands caressed everywhere, kisses came frequent, warm and wet, the pressure of his mouth lessened when her lips demanded control. They melted into this like they'd done it for years and not just once before. He pulled away from her slightly, a wince whistled through his teeth. She was so engrossed in him, she hadn't given a second thought to his injury, her thigh pressing against it tightly.
"I'm so sorry." She apologized, moving to rise out of his lap.
He quickly grabbed her hips, trapping her so that she couldn't move any further. "It's okay. I'm okay." He pulled her back down to him.
She couldn't help but smile at his impatience, his worry that she would leave made him all the more desperate for her to stay. She saw the meaning in his eyes. Stay. Here. With me.
Their mouths slipped and slid lazily then gained tunneled focus while their tongues dueled. He caught her plump bottom lip between his teeth, bit down with practiced tension and gingerly released it on the edge of a frustrated moan that funneled through her open mouth, before she closed it over his again. Suddenly everything stopped. She regretfully pulled away from him, meeting his eyes, satisfied to find the same searing blast of want in them. They both knew, without word or warning, that it wouldn't happen tonight, what they both wanted, what they always wanted, that physical consummation of what their hearts always knew for themselves, couldn't possibly happen on this deck, in the dead of night, when anyone could come up from underneath to witness.
She leaned down again, her palms cupping his cheeks then her fingers coming up to comb through his hair. Her forehead brushed over his, the tip of her nose nuzzled next to the bridge of his as she calmed herself down. She concentrated on her breathing, which decelerated in tempo the longer she was able to painfully resist the man whose kisses scorched a path from her mouth to the sensitive juncture of her thighs.
She slowly rose from his lap, his eyes never leaving hers. She wordlessly extended her hand and he gladly took it, rising to follow her towards the cabins below. She closed the door behind him and moved onto the bed first, lying on her side while bringing Aaron back into her embrace. Jack still stood by the bed's edge, waiting for a sign, some final signal. Kate smiled up at him from her reclined position. How was it that he knew exactly what to do in every feasible life-threatening situation, and could kiss her to the point of crazed madness, but when she led him to her cabin, with the intent for him to lie down and rest, he was utterly clueless?
She sat up slightly and took his hand into hers, her eyes pleading with him to lie down, to rest with her and Aaron. He felt the meaning of her touch, read the urgency in her eyes. Stay. Here. With me.
This, he knew, was where he belonged, with her, and for the time being, with Aaron, this precious infant who was orphaned so unjustly. He cautiously slid onto the lithe mattress, the wire springs creaking under his weight. He turned on his side, meeting Kate nose to nose, with Aaron placed tightly between them. Jack looked down at the sleeping child, who still napped peacefully, even amid all of the obvious movement around him.
He brought a curled finger to the rosy skin of his cheek, lightly caressing it. He was warm, healthy, resting without any effort or assistance. He was okay. "You were right. When he's out, he's out."
"Told ya so." She yawned.
She then felt his large hand travel up and down her arm, and he never made any attempt to retract it. The comforting weight of that secure, certain hand was what made sleep easier to come by, her mind was now ready to rest, because she knew that he was with her and that he would rest too. Her eyes began to drift close, but she couldn't let them just yet. The sight of Jack next to her, the moonlight that once played on the surface of the wall now highlighted his handsome face, the green and brown specks in his eyes sparkled and dimmed when he blinked. It was like a dream, a dream she'd dreamt a million times before. A dream she recognized, a dream she didn't have the strength to deny herself any longer. Whatever was to come, she would be okay with him by her side. They would brave the storm together, as they always had.
"Goodnight Jack."
Before he could say the words back, she was gone, her mind and body finally succumbing to sleep in perfect unison. She had fought it off just long enough. He stared at her for awhile, taking in her rapturous beauty. He swiped gently at the messy curl that lay over her cheek. It finally struck him in that moment, what he had done. They were finally off the Island. He made himself the internal, solid promise to get her off of that Island and he'd done it, at the great expense of some of their friends. Somewhat selfishly, he needed Kate more than he needed to feel guilty for that, and he felt incredibly guilty, but he had to sit it aside for now. Now, there was sleep.
"Goodnight Kate."
His eyes drifted close, sleep coming swiftly and completely.