Just a little songfic that came to me while I was at work (I sing a lot in my head while I'm there) POVs Roxas and then Riku
I've got my things packed; my favourite pillow, a few bits of clothing that I really like, an old SLR camera I found in the attic a few years ago, my battered old copy of 'To Kill A Mockingbird' and my photo album, which mostly contained pictures of me and my best friend Riku. Got my sleeping bag and a back-pack with everything in it, ready to climb out the window. I sit on the windowsill and take one last look at the place that had been my only sanctuary in a world of pain. I feel a stabbing in my chest and a wave of sadness overcomes me. For a moment I think about staying but the sound of a glass breaking and shouting from downstairs makes up my mind. I can't stay in this house any longer!
I throw my sleeping bag out of the window and jump the short distance onto a branch of the tree outside my window. I climb down the tree, pick up my fallen sleeping bag and take one last look at my open bedroom window. As I look back I think about all the pictures and and pain I've left behind and all the freedom and fame I've gotta find.
I sneak around to the front of the house, ducking when I see the living room light still on. I sit underneath the windowsill, hidden from view if anyone looks out, and listen to my parents screaming at each other, mostly about me. My father saying that I'm a good for nothing delinquent and my mother was the reason I'm like this which is bollocks – she has nothing to do with any of this. I sit there and listen to their argument for a moment and I wonder how long it'll take them to notice that I'm gone.
Another glass smashes and I hear my mother scream as my father's fist collides with her face. I wipe away the tears that begin to form in my eyes – I can't take this anymore. I crawl past the window making my way to the front door and I wonder how far it'll take me to run away from him...life don't make any sense to me and I need to get away from it.
Standing in front of the door I take a letter I wrote before climbing out the window out of my pocket. I had addressed it to my father (he was the reason I was going after all). I open the letter and read it one last time – I had gone over what I wanted to say so many times and I still don't feel like I've got it right.
'I was just trying to be myself, you go your way I'll meet you in Hell. It's all these secrets that I shouldn't tell.' I've got to run away (although I couldn't bring myself to actually write that when I wrote the letter). 'It's hypocritical of you:- do as you say not as you do. I'll never be your perfect kid.' I've got to run away.
I'm sorry Mum, I think tears brimming in my eyes again as I post the letter through the letter box. I'm sorry I can't stay and protect you from him but I won't be his punching bag any longer. I turn away from the house, not looking back as I make my way down the street to my friend's house, finally feeling free for the first time in my life.
I tap on Riku's bedroom window a few minutes later. I'm sitting on the branch outside his window my things in the tree with me, I didn't want to run the risk of his mother looking out the window seeing my things and calling my parents. I tap again, slightly louder this time, and soon I see Riku turn on the lights get out of bed and make his way to the window. He pushes the window open and looks at me in confusion.
"Roxas, what are you doing here?" he asks, rubbing his eyes and running a hand through his long silver hair.
"Can I come in?" I ask. Riku looks at me and suddenly seems to realise that I'm sitting in a tree.
"Sure." he says and hurriedly steps away from the windowsill so I can climb in. I throw my sleeping bag in and climb in after it. He closes the window behind me and turns to face me.
"I'm sorry for barging in like this..." I say shuffling slightly.
"Rox it's fine. What's wrong?" Riku asks me. Now that I'm in the light he takes a closer look at my face, seeing a small purple bruise on my jaw. He takes my chin and gently, so as not to hurt me, tilts my face so that he can get a better look at it. "Did Ventus do this?" he asks.
"No." I reply. "Well it's not new anyway." It wasn't – my father made a habit of kicking me around when he was pissed off, which was practically all the time. "He was slapping Namine around again so I left."
"Do you want to stay here tonight?" Riku asks noticing my sleeping bag.
"Thanks but no." I reply. "I came here to say goodbye." Riku's jaw drops slightly and his eyes widen as he realises what I'm saying.
"Goodbye? What do you mean goodbye?" he asks when he finally finds his voice.
"I can't take this anymore Riku, I'm leaving." I tell him. "I'm running away." Riku stares at me for a full minute then goes and sits down on his bed, staring at a spot on the floor by his feet. I sit down on the bed next to him. When he doesn't look at me I place my hand on one of his, which have balled into fists. "Riku..." I begin.
"I don't understand Rox." he says finally looking up at me, tears filling his aqua eyes.
"I'm too young to be taken seriously but I'm too old to believe all this hypocrisy." I say. "I can't stay in that house and listen to Ventus spout all this bullshit about me while watching him smack Namine around and not be able to do anything about it."
"Can't you do something, tell the police or something?" he asks.
"They won't listen." I shoot back. "Ventus has a way with words and he's good friends with Aqua and Terra. I can't report him without them relaying it back too him."
"But..." Riku starts, desperately trying to concoct a reason for me to stay. He draws a blank and just stares at me trying not to cry. "You can't leave Rox, you can't let him win." I understand why he doesn't want me to go – Riku and I have been friends ever since we were children.
The first time I came to school covered in bruises he asked me what had happened, I told him I fell (the speech my father had taught me to prepare any time someone asked how I got them) but he didn't believe me. Riku was persistent and when I finally cracked and told him what had happened he was there for me. He let me sleep on his floor when I didn't want to go home, he cleaned me up when I turned up at his house at three in the morning with a split lip and cuts across my arms from broken glass and when I was with him he tried to help me forget how damaged the rest of my life was.
"It's not me letting him win." I sigh running a hand through the blonde spikes that I inherited from my father. I hate the way I look; spiky blonde hair and bright blue eyes that make me look like a shorter version of him – an exact copy. "It's me starting my own life away from him, where no one knows who I am."
"But what about Namine?" Riku asks, he's clutching at straws now but he knows how painful the thought of leaving my mother at the hands of that bastard is.
"I can't help her." I state and it's true:- I can't help my mother because she will always go running back to my father begging for him forgiveness. He broke her a long time ago and there was nothing anyone could do to help her now. "Ventus might be better now I'm not around – I swear he never wanted kids and only married Namine because he got her pregnant. You will keep an eye on her when I'm gone, won't you?" I add as an after thought.
"Of course I will," he says. "but do you really think leaving will make things any better?"
"It has to." I murmur. "He'll be happy when he finds out I've gone. I wonder what he'll do to my room, probably burn my things – purge the house of me, and I wonder how long it will take them to see my bed is made."
"A day?" Riku offers although I wasn't really looking for an answer.
"Maybe less if Ventus wants someone to take his anger out on. I sometimes wonder if he ever loved Namine at all, he just married her because he had to, and I wonder if I was a mistake." I say, my shoulders shaking as I feel tears running down my face. Riku puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into a hug as I cry into his pyjama t-shirt. Once I have no more tears left I wipe my eyes on the back of my hand and look up into Riku's face.
"So what do you want to do?" he asks me.
"I don't know." I shrug. "I might have nowhere left to go but I know that I cannot go home." Emotion overcomes me again and I place my head in my hands. "These voices trapped inside my head tell me to run before I'm dead, chase the rainbows in my mind and I will try to stay alive."
"What about Ventus?" Riku asks. "He needs to pay for what he's done and then you don't have to go."
"He will be found out eventually." I reply. "It'll come back to haunt him sooner or later, maybe the world will know one day but for now...Riku, won't you help me run away?"
"This life makes no sense to me." Riku sighs and runs his hand through his hair, trying desperately to think of reasons to keep me from leaving. "What are you going to do for munny?" he asks.
"I could sing for change on a Paris street." I shrug.
"You don't sing." he states.
"Be a red light dancer in New Orleans."
"And you really don't dance." he replies.
"I could start again," I say, not bothering to answer his question about munny anymore. "choose a family. I could change my name – come and do as I please." That is what I want more than anything – I want to get away from my father, my town and my whole crappy life. I can make it so that my parents will never be able to find me, even if they tried.
"Is this what you want?" Riku asks, his voice so quiet I'm only just able to catch it. I look over at him; his breathing is shallow and his shoulders shake slightly from the effort of trying not to cry. I place my hand on his cheek and turn his head so that he has to look at me.
"It is." I tell him. "It's the only way I can have any chance at a normal life." He turns his face I into my palm and I feel warm tears hit my skin as he gives in and silently cries. He looks up at me, his aqua eyes glassy from his tears.
"I'll come with you then." he says, a determined look on his face.
"I can't let you." I say placing my other hand on his face. "I can't take you away from you life – you still have the chance for a future, I don't. I've only got so long before Ventus kills me or I end up putting myself in hospital to get away from him."
"But I don't want to loose you." he tells me. "I don't want to imagine my life with you not in it."
"And I can't imagine not seeing you every day but I don't have any other choice." I reply. Riku sighs.
"I know you don't." he says. "It's just hard Rox, but if it will make you happy than you should go." I drop my hands slightly, is he really giving me his consent to leave?
"I hope it will..." I almost whisper. Riku takes hold of my hands.
"I don't want to say goodbye to you but I don't want to see you hurt anymore either." he says. I smile slightly – Riku has made this so much easier for me.
"I'll write to you all the time." I say softly. "I'll let you know that I'm ok."
"You better." he chuckles sadly and I laugh softly too.
"I should go soon." I say after a short pause as we both take in the fact that this is probably the last time we'll ever see each other. "I want to be in the next town by the time it gets light."
"Ok but hang on one second." Riku says as he drops my hands and gets off the bed. He opens the top draw of his desk and pulls out a camera and a silver chain with a small crown attached to it. He comes and sits down next to me, he takes one of my hands and presses the chain into it. I hold it up to my face and look at it properly. "I want you to have it...it remember me by."
"Then you have this." I say and slip off the almost identical silver chain around my own neck. We had bought them at a funfair Riku had taken me too after a particularly bad night of my father kicking the shit out of me. We were gone the entire day and my father was furious when I returned but I didn't care – Riku had given me one of the most amazing days ever, he had helped me forget my situation for a few blissful hours, and the necklaces were a memento. Riku's was a small crown and mine was a cross (it looked kind of like a ninja star). "Something to remember me by."
"I could never forget you Rox." he smiles, takes the chain from me and slips it around his neck. I slip his chain around my own neck and smile back at him. He puts his arm around my shoulder and pulls me close to his chest. He turns his camera on and holds it at arms length away from us. "One last memento." he says. I smile as he presses a button and the flash goes off. I take the camera from him and look at the picture.
"My eyes always look so blue in photos." I laugh softly.
"It's perfect." Riku smiles, turns the camera off and puts it on his bed side table. "One last photo together."
"I want one too." I say and begin routing around in my backpack until I find my SLR. I pull it out, take off the case and lens cap and hold it at arms length away from us. Riku assumes his previous position next to me. I take the picture and put the camera back in my bag.
"You sure you got it?" Riku chuckled remembering my first attempts at taking photos with that camera.
"Yeah," I give him a playful shove. "I'm that good." Riku smiles at me sadly and then reaches over and brushes my fringe out of my eyes.
"You should go." he says after a while. "If you want to be in the next town by morning you'll need to go soon and if you stay any longer I'm just going to keep trying to make you stay."
"And I thank you for that." I say I know he wants me to stay but he also knows that my mind is made up.
"One last try?" he smiles slightly. I laugh softly, I very rarely laugh and it feels alien to me.
"I'll write to you all the time." I say picking up my back-pack and swinging it onto my shoulder. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him into a tight hug. He wraps his arms around my waist and we both enjoy our last embrace before I leave for good.
"You better." he whispers into my ear before pulling away. I look up at him, seeing tears in his eyes and feeling my own beginning to prickle. I pick up my sleeping bag and go over to the window. Riku opens it for me and I perch on the sill.
"Goodbye Riku." I say "Maybe in a couple of years or so I'll be able to come back and see you soon again."
"Good luck Roxas." he says. "I hope you find some kind of happiness."
"Thanks." I smile, my hand unconsciously going to the crown around my neck. I jump the short distance onto the tree branch (luckily I've made this jump so many times I'm in no danger of falling). Riku leans on the windowsill and watches as I begin to carefully climb down the tree.
"What about everyone at school?" Riku asks in his last attempt to get me to stay.
"In the dead of night they'll wonder where I've gone but it will never go further than that." I reply. "If they ask, though, tell them I've gone somewhere warm." Riku smiles; I'd always said that when I left town I wanted to go somewhere warm."
I reached the bottom of the tree and look back up at Riku who is leaning further out of the window so that he can still see me. I smile up at him and press the crown around my neck to my lips, Riku does the same with the necklace I gave him. I tuck my sleeping bag under me arm and put my hood up to hide my recognisable hair.
"Goodbye Rox, don't forget me ok." he says and I can hear the catch in his throat as he begins to cry.
"I won't." I say back, my own tears beginning to make tracks down my face. I smile at him once more and he closes the window as I turn away. Leaving Riku is the hardest thing that I have ever done and it tears me apart that I may never see him again. I swallow hard – I need to be strong otherwise I'll die if I stay here.
I walk back up the road I had come down earlier – to get to the train station I have to walk past my house. I stop outside, on the other side of the road so I won't be seen, and take one last look at the place that had served as a prison for me. I see movement in the living room and I can just about make out the silhouette of my father slumping against a chair in the darkness.
"Wasn't it you." I say softly so that only I can hear although I'm speaking to my father. "Wasn't it you that made me run away." I turn away, turning my back on my father, my home and my entire life knowing that this was the very last time I would ever see any of them ever again.
I was just trying to be myself, you go your way I'll meet you in Hell.
All these secrets that I shouldn't tell I've got to run away.
It's hypocritical of you:- do as you say not as you do.
I'll never be your perfect kid – I've got to run away!
Life don't make any sense to me – it don't make any sense to me.
It has been six months since Roxas had shown up outside my window in the middle of the night telling me that he was leaving for good. At first I had been very lonely when my best friend had left, I closed myself off from everyone around me, but then I received my first letter from Roxas telling me that I was ok I began to revert to my old self again. I found myself some friends, none of them were as close to me as Roxas was, but he was half a world away now.
I'm up early for school, as usual, as my mother walks in to the kitchen. She gives me a smile as she flips through the mail. She stops suddenly and exclaims slightly.
"There's a letter for you Riku." she says passing it to me. I take the letter and as soon as I recognise the handwriting as Roxas' I tear open the envelope eagerly. Inside is a letter and a photograph.
I take a look at the photograph first, it is of three boys standing in front of the Eiffel Tower; a boy with spiky red hair and bright green eyes with small triangular tattoos underneath them, a boy with a sandy mohawk/mullet and a cheeky grin on his face and, in between the other two with their arms around his shoulders, was a boy with chocolate brown hair, and vibrant blue eyes that were so very familiar to me.
The boy in the middle looks so different from the one I had known but there is no mistaking that it is him. He is smiling as if he doesn't have a care in the world, he looks completely comfortable in the middle of the two men with their arms around his shoulders and he seems much more confident and at ease. I smile down at him and then turn my attention to the letter.
"Riku,
Guess what – I'm in Paris! Not singing for change though – I don't do the singing haha. I met these two guys when they were passing through Madrid about three weeks ago – I served them at the café I was working in and they asked me to join them.
They were back-packing around Europe and they asked me if I could show them more of the area. I showed them round some of the less touristy parts of town and they asked me if I wanted to continue travelling with them. I said yes and now we're in France! The guy with the red hair is Axel, by the way, and the guy with the weird hair style is Demyx.
We asked this guy if he could take the photo, we got talking and he joined us for lunch. His name is Zexion and he's going to be travelling with us as well from now on (I think Demyx kinda likes him, haha).
We're going to be staying here for a little while longer and then we're moving on to Berlin (I can't believe I'm actually doing this – it's crazy!) If you get the chance over the summer holiday you should fly over and join us – it would be great to see you. I miss you and I hope you're ok – on the back of the photo is the address we'll be staying if you want to send anything back. Hopefully hear from you and see you soon.
All my love, Sora xxx"
He's still wearing the crown around his neck – every photo he sends he is wearing it. He's changed his name and he's finally free from the hell that Ventus put him through. He, unfortunately, hasn't changed but now that he's away from all that Sora (or as I will always know him, Roxas) can finally have the life he's always craved and deserved.
My writing seems to have taken a bit of an angsty tern as of late but I hope you enjoyed it S-E x