I never knew you could feel so empty.
Empty like an aircraft hanger. Filled with space, nothing there. Air and dust but no substance. Like an empty iron shell that could crumble at the smallest touch. No beating heart or pumping blood, nothing left just emptiness.
Like a part of you is missing.
A limb, an organ, like part of you isn't there any more. No not a part of your body but a piece of your soul. Its been sucked out, torn away. Squandered into nothing.
Nothing left of your heart.
Like you've given all you can when you havn't really given anything at all. Not had time to properly love, to give all of your self to one person. To be loved back.
No one to turn to.
No one to turn to in times of trouble. When I need someone the most they wont be there. I have to make new friends build new bridges. Carry on as if nothing has happened, but carry on in a new place.
No smile to react to.
I'll never see that smile again. My last memory of a broken smile, not a real happy one. One of discontent and disappointment.
No hands to hold.
Never will I be able to feel those strong fingers in mine. No steadying grip. No reassuring pat, no encouraging push. No hands ever again.
No eyes to gaze in to.
Oh those eyes.
No more. I must let go. Carry on as if I was always me, this person I'm not. Never to have loved that man, the man doesnt exist. I've never met him, but he will always be in my mind.
Never forget, never.