Author: Loz
E-Mail: loz06(at)yahoo(dot)com
Rating: T
Category: Neil.Andrea...Who else?
Spoilers: So minor it shouldn't ruffle any feathers.
Archive (if applicable): www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net(slash)loz06 Feedback: The good, the bad and the very ugly it's all appreciated. Summary: It's finally happened, Neil's left Philippa and he's moving in.
Disclaimers: Song belongs to the Honeyz and finally I have no ownership of The Bill.
I can't believe you're here with me,
And now it seems my worlds complete,
And I never want this moment to end.
Andrea awakens to a door slamming, it's late, after midnight, well after midnight.
She pulls herself up off the sofa, body protesting having been in the one awkward position for too long.
Another car door slams.
She's a few floors up but with the window open like it is now she can hear the traffic below.
There's no traffic now, just the car door slamming that woke her up.
She pushes the sheer curtains aside, just enough for her head to fir through.
He's here.
He has a bag, a large bag over one shoulder as he heads towards the front security door.
The orange lights on his car blink as it locks.
She steps away from the window but continues to hold the edge of the curtain.
He's here.
The bag signifies something permanent.
Something at times she never believed would happen.
Between two books she has a photo of them together.
It's o.k to pull it out now and put it on display.
And she does.
Staring at it until there comes a knock on the door.
She goes and opens it immediately, not caring that he will realise she's waited up.
He has battle wounds, not physical ones, there's no blood gushing, but she can tell he wasn't permitted to just walk away without a fight.
"I wasn't going to come tonight, it got later and later, I kept thinking you'd be waiting and Philippa was just stalling and..." He stops, there are tears trailing down her cheeks.
"I'm glad you did." She smiles through a gentle bite on her bottom lip. But it doesn't hold back her flood of tears.
"Hey." He soothes. "What's wrong?" His bags thumps to the ground, misreading her outpouring of emotion. He looks a little alarmed.
"It's nothing." She breaks out immediately into a brilliant smile and brushes away the tears from the bottom of her eyelids.
He leaves it at that and beings her tenderly into his arms.
"I just can't believe you're here. I can't believe what you've given up with Philippa for me. That you want to be with me." The words rush out though she doesn't expect him to cup her face gently and speak his words so affectionately.
"It's nothing compared to what I'm gaining with you."
"Can we just stay standing like this." She asks. "...forever."
The look on his face questions where she is heading.
"I had imagined time and time again that this would never happen and at the same time I'd picture how this would happen..."
"And this is so much better."
Neil gives a small chuckle and presses a kiss to her mouth. "I'm glad I exceeded your expectations." He runs a hand down the side of her hair.
"We don't have to go any further inside right, we can just live in this moment." She asks.
"Nope afraid not." He pauses. "Because it only gets better from here."
"Neil I want you to know something."
"What?"
"I don't think I've ever truly been in love until I met you."
"Me either."
I close my eyes and still I see,
My dreams become reality,
And now I know how it feels,
To be in love.
He's awake, not quite sure of the time but the curtains have just started to glow with a glimmer of the morning sun.
He hasn't been to sleep.
It's not because of the bed, he's slept here many times before and his mind isn't darting through a multitude of thoughts.
Just one.
He looks back at Andrea who's curled up on her side facing him.
Her hands in a loose fist near her chin.
It's not the first time he's laid awake all night like this.
There were nights with Philippa when he desperately wished even prayed things were different.
That the nights spent on seperate sides of the bed would end and good night would not be the only words uttered in the dark.
He desperately hoped for a way out, someone who could shed light on his cold and detached marriage.
And he found her.
Sleeping opposite him now.
Till a few moments ago when she shifted, mumbling something pleasantly incoherant.
The one he had longed for.
There were more important things than unpacking when he arrived.
He slides out of the warmth, being careful to replace the covers around her.
The morning cool hits body parts usually protected from such shocks but he doesn't hurry.
Especially after he has the dark velvet in his hand.
It's lost in the early morning inky light but the ring stands out, the way Andrea does to him.
He'd been debating for days whether or not to ask her.
It may be to soon.
But he has something to say that she needs to hear.
And he's done waiting.
I've finally found what I've been looking for,
And now I know I'm going to love you more,
Hold me tight cause it's always been you.
Her eyelids flicker, deep in a REM cycle, deep in a dream. When she wakes she'll only recall for a few moments her dreams.
But for now it's vivid. It may not be colour but she can see each figure plainly before her.
They come and go from her presence, in the strangest situations with the oddest guest stars and props.
They roll out one by one, not necessarily in chronological order. Every old boyfriend from her sixth class crush and her first kiss to the biggest mistake she ever made.
She's at work, at home, in public and they find her.
And one by one they disappear. Sometimes she doesn't even realise, they're just there involved in the most bizzare situations and then they're gone.
The last person to arrive is Neil.
She turns around and he's there.
Her eyes open to the faint morning light, she instantly remembers she was dreaming.
Scenes come back to her in disconnected frames, she can only recall the general gist of the dream.
Then Neil's presence comes back to her.
He was there, moments before she woke up she decides, as though her waking denied him the ability to walk away, as those before him had.
He wasn't about to walk away anyway she knows.
He's what she's been looking for.
It never was Smithy or all those other men she'd dated,
That couldn't be clearer to her.
Though she never really knew what she was looking for in a man.
Until she found Neil.
She may have overlooked him if she had a criteria.
She doesn't remember moving away from him but quickly closes the distance between them.
She slides under his arm and snuggled closer to him.
He seems to hold her tighter, instinctively she assumes.
She's not aware he's awake.
A feeling of contentment fills him.
One that should act like a wonderful anesethetic.
Yet he thinks about how he knew so early on, that it was never going to be just a fling.
He was well past that.
It became clear to him she was what he'd been hoping and wanting in his life.
That it was Andrea no Philippa.
He can't stuff this up like he did with Philippa.
He refuses to.
To think that you were always there,
To be my friend and wipe away my tears,
And now it's clear that it's always been you.
The tiny hairs down his arms and legs stand up as the cool runs through him like a wave running up the beach. He pulls the duvet up higher, careful to ensure it covers her as well.
She's prepared to do so much for him.
She wasn't prepared to lose him for anything.
He had requests, maybe even demands, deal breakers which he refused to back down from and she was willing to go along with them, even though they directly impacted on her job...her life.
The protection of him and his job was up most in her mind, so they could be together. It was then he truly understood just how much he meant to her and he realised she would be there for him through whatever difficulties were to come.
He pulls the duvet a little higher, she's the one for him.
She was feeling cool and she wonders how he knew.
She shouldn't need to wonder.
He sensed something was wrong when Bruce was pressuring her. He was so concerned by the sniper events.
In the beginning at the community party and the bomb, though she was dazed she felt him pick her up and carry her to safety.
He came to visit her in the hospital and there was something on his tongue then. Something that he wanted to say but couldn't, didn't.
He worked with her, let her investigate, took on her ideas, included her in CID cases...encouraged her.
Recognising they had become more than an affair.
He'd always been there for her.
Even when his situation didn't allow him to be physically.
She hated that he wasn't there but deep inside of her she knew he yearned to be.
It was always him.
Sometimes you don't expect that friends,
Can become lovers in the end,
Only God knows what the future will bring.
"You remember the first time I met you?" He asks quietly, he's known for a while she's awake, the subtle shift in her breathing and actions a total giveaway to him.
Her head immediately disappears under the duvet and she laughs.
"What?" He asks pressing his face into the back of the duvet cover where he imagines her head is.
"That day, my hair, my makeup...I was so nervous."
"You knocked a stack of files over." He finishes for her.
"I was hoping you wouldn't remember." Her head appears as she rolls over.
"I didn't until then, all I could remember was meeting this beautiful woman and being so incredibly attracted to her."
"Shut up." Andrea blushes, unseen in the morning dull.
"As the weeks went on you impressed me professionally as well, you and I agreed on our approach to policing. I found myself unable to stay away."
"Me either."
"I was just thinking now who would have thought when I heard uniform had a new PC that she'd end up such a part of my life."
"And me with the handsome, driven, dedicated and ambitious senior officer. The probationer who was meant to learn the ropes not fall in love."
"My life changed that day..." He pauses and Andrea tries to find his facial expression but it's shaded. "In the most wonderful way and I look forward to whatever comes next because I know I have you with me."
"Neil when you say things like that." She sighs and puts her arms around him, her body next to his.
So hold me close and don't let go,
Cause this is love boy don't you know,
And we're going to be together for eternity.
"Andrea." He starts hesitantly, distracted by her proximity, warmth and slight brush of contact.
"Shh no." She politely silences him. "I love you Neil."
"I love you too." He presses a kiss on the top of her forehead but he's not about to let her stop him from saying what he's decided he wants to.
"Just hold me." It's not something he's about to refuse.
"I have something I want to say, something I want to ask you. Some things I know about us and some things I want for us."
I prayed so many nights that you would come my way,
An angel from above to light my darkest day.
"You have no idea how many nights I lay awake...I wasn't happy, clearly. I felt trapped where I was but longing for something more. Someone better in my life."
"Better than your life with Philippa?"
"Yes. I wanted warmth and affection, I missed that. I missed needing someone and someone needing me. I was looking for something more and..."
"You found me." Andrea finishes.
"No...yes. But I don't want you to think I saw you as this new and vulnerable probationer, someone I coul easily get what I wanted from, so I took advantge."
"I never thought for a minute." Andrea says softly and seriously.
"True in the beginning it was just some fun but I fell in love with you. You were more than a distraction from my fledgling marriage though. I wanted to be with you everyday like I was with Philippa. To come home to you."
"Neil." She stops him.
"Wait."
A love so strong it can't be wrong,
It's with you that I belong.
"I can't believe how strongly I feel for you. I don't think I've ever felt like this before with anyone. I've never had any of these things we share before..."
"And you're like a kid in a lolly store."
"Simple things we share, like now."
"Talking in the dark, we did that plenty of times over the phone."
"But the only times here like this I was saying goodbye. I don't want to have to do that anymore, I feel like I want to be here with you, that I belong here...so I'm going to ask you..."
"Neil, it's o.k you don't have to ask."
I've finally found what I've been looking for,
And now I know I'm gonna love you more,
Hold me tight cause it's always been you.
To think that you were always there,
To be my friend and wipe away my tears,
Now it's clear that it's always been you.
She gives him a strange look.
"We agreed days ago you'd move in. I stood by the window practically half the night waiting for you to arrive."
"No, I wanted to ask if..."
He fumbles in the dark.
"I know this is not the ideal situation and it's not the way I imagined and it's most definitely not the way you would have imagined it."
Neil fumbles again, this time turning over to turn on the lamp.
Eventhough it comes on at the lowest setting it takes a moment for their eyes to adjust.
This time, this time, I'm gonna make sure it turns out right,
I wanna be your everything and by your side for the rest of my life.
"I promised myself a while ago, that night I was wondering the corridors of Sun Hill at some ungodly hour that if I was going to leave Philippa for you or anyone else, I wouldn't make the same mistakes I had in the past with her. Right here and now I'm making you that same promise."
"You don't need to promise me anything Neil. I know who you are. I know what you want, in life and from us."
"You might not know I want this quite so soon." He replies cryptically.
"I want to be with you, I want to be there for you, I want to love you. I want you to be the reason I get up in the morning and leave work early to come home at night. I want you to be my everything and for me to be yours."
This love, this love, feels the way that love should be,
Look in my eyes and realise, there's no disguise cos I'm in love with you.
"I don't think you have to want those things Neil, we already have them."
"This feels so right, like it should. I thought what I had was good as it gets but with you Andrea..."
She smiles looking down at the sheets, she fingers the edge.
Gently he lifts her chin.
"Marry me Andrea, I love you."
I've finally found what I've been looking for,
And now I know I'm gonna love you more,
Hold me tight cause it's always been you.
To think that you were always there,
To be my friend and wipe away my tears,
Now it's clear that it's always been you.
I've finally found what I've been looking for,
And now I know I'm gonna love you more,
Hold me tight cause it's always been you.
To think that you were always there,
To be my friend and wipe away my tears,
Now it's clear that it's always been you.
I've finally found what I've been looking for,
And now I know I'm gonna love you more,
Hold me tight cause it's always been you.
To think that you were always there,
To be my friend and wipe away my tears,
Now it's clear that it's always been you.
The End