Author's note: I don't own Harry Potter nor A Very Potter Musical nor The Chronicles of Narnia nor The Lion King. Hakuna Matata everyone. It means no worries. And I made it up that Lucius died by the killing curse. As far as I know.
Harry was in Dumbledore's old office. No, he was not the Headmaster. No, he was not the Minister for Magic. Hermione was the new Hogwarts Headmistress.
"Harry," she said, rushing into the room, breathless, "you'll never guess what I've just found!"
"Let's see," said Harry sarcastically, "Is it some magical object that Dumbledore left behind when he died that somehow relates itself to me, therefore will interest me, but I will not care too much about because its real importance to me will only make sense to me in the last five sentences of the book, but of course you already understand its value in the grand scheme of things and you just think I'm stupid at times like this and you are secretly laughing at me, right?"
Hermione stood dumbfounded, which is rare, because Harry was, for once, head on.
"The Pensieve," she managed before leading her old friend to a hidden closet in the Headmaster's chamber. There, in the middle of the closet, stood Dumbledore's Pensieve.
"I don't think that we should..." Harry began.
"Hey mate! What's this?" Ron said, jumping out of nowhere. "Oh, blimey, a Pensieve!" He pushed Harry and Hermione forward into it, and all three friends were soon swimming in Dumbledore's thoughts.
It was dark. Dumbledore was in a library, all alone.
"Hey Dumbledore! I thought you were dead!" Ron called out.
"Shhh!" Harry and Hermione scolded.
Suddenly, Dumbledore whipped out his wand and shouted "Avada Kedavra!" in Ron's direction, but it turns out that he was only aiming for a spider, right in front of Ron, who promptly fainted.
"Interesting," said Dumbledorem before taking long, careful notes.
Harry read over Dumbledore's shoulder.
Avada Kedavra curse
Research by Albus Dumbledore
Blinding green light followed by unblemished death. Could curse be teleportation to distant place? "Corpse" a fake?
The rest was too blurry to read.
Suddenly, Harry, Hermione, and the fainted Ron were pulled out of the Pensieve.
"What are you guys doing?" hissed Ginny, "And why do you guys never let me in on things. Ron, Mom wants you."
Ginny grabbed Ron, who was still unconscious, and pulled him out of Hermione's office.
Harry explained to Hermione what Dumbledore had written.
"A far off place?" she asked, "Where do you think that could be?"
"I don't know," responded Harry, "but there's only one way to find out. Do you still have Malfoy's address?"
Ding-dong! The door was answered by a house elf, who led Harry into the Malfoy sitting room. He was promptly served a plate of millefeuilles.
"Sir," a house elf addressed Harry, "Mr Malloy is here to see you,"
"Excellent," said Harry, "Oh, Malfoy, I'm here to test out this hypothesis for ol' Dumby, so just come back and tell me where you were teleported to, ok? Avada Kedavra!"
The last thing Draco Malfoy saw on this planet was Harry Potter asking his house elves for more millefeuilles and a blinding green light.
When Malfoy regained consciousness, he looked around. The land was red and barren like a desert. Almost like Mars, he thought to himself. Malfoy got up, dusted himself off, and went to try to find some civilization.
A couple of hours later, he came to a large castle, complete with four towers and a drawbridge and everything.
"Hello?" he asked tentatively.
"Rawr!" Suddenly, a gigantic lion pounced out of the tallest tower onto his back. Malfoy was stuck.
But then, suddenly the lion was ripped off his back by some unknown force. Squinting in the over-dramatic, literally blinding white light, Draco Malfoy discerned a tall man with a long beard. Dumbledore. Despite his reputation, Malfoy launched himself into the old Headmaster's outstretched arms.
"Where the unicorn am I?" Malfoy asked once the happy reunion had gotten old.
"Welcome," Dumby responded, "To Mars. You see, you don't always need a rocket ship to get to Pigfarts."
"Pigfarts? You mean like in the song?
Pigfarts, Pigfarts, here I come,
Pigfarts, Pigfarts, yum! Yum! Yum!
Daddy always hated that song..."
"Ah-ha! But not since I choreographed a whole dance routine to it!" Draco turned to see his own daddy, Lucius Malfoy, pirouetting gracefully behind him.
"Daddy! Oh, you would be so proud of me! I learned to use a urinal!"
"Ummm... Oh look, a Hippogriff," Lucius said nervously before darting behind Dumbledore.
"Oh, anyway, Malfoy, welcome to Pigfarts!" continued Dumbledore, "This is the Headmaster, Rumbleroar. He's got an interesting history, this one. Maybe we should sing it for you: (to the tune of AVPM song)
"I once was a King
I was a lion in his pride with my cousins, my uncles and my aunts,
I can't believe how cruel Scar are
And he pushed me so far
I almost died in a stampede
I know I didn't deserve being assassinated like this in A-frica
Can't take all of these Muggles
But despite all of my son's belief
I'm still alive!
"I ran away to an enchanted place,
Until I got hunted by this witch-
Then these kids came
And saved the day
So I gotta get away while I can
Gotta get back to school
Gotta get a diplomat
So everyone knows I rule
"Back to wizard-lions and witch-lions and magical beasts
To Hippogriffs, dragons and to four course feasts
It's all that I love and it's all that I need at
Pigfarts, Pigfarts!
I think I'm going back.
"Back to spells and enchantments, homework and pens,
To GRumbleroar!
HAslanpuff!
RMufasaw!
SBad-guys-without-a-name-in!
Here is the place where our story continues at
Pigfarts! Pigfarts!
Pigfarts! Pigfarts!
Pigfarts! Pigfarts!
I so went back!
Lucius Malfoy was doing the jazz hands, and Remus Lupin and Tonks and Mad Eye and Hedwig were there. Even James and Lily Potter were there. Except...
"Hey, Voldy my bro, man!" Dumby pulled over a gaunt, thin man with a mutilated face.
There was someone missing still...
"Why. So. Sirius!" a black dog morphed into a man before Draco's eyes.
"Look, this is great, guys, but what I really need now, is a rocket ship with enough fuel to get me home... And Hermione Granger of course. Hey Voldy, didn't you promise me a rocket ship?" said Draco.
"When the technology is available!" he retorted.
"Fine, well then I guess the only way to get back, is to die again I guess."
"I'll do it!" Dumbledore said
"No let me!" cried Lucius
"Daddy?" said Draco
"Fine, I'll do it!"
"No," said a voice, "let me,"
All eyes turned to the source of the voice.
Dobby.
"But Dobby, I thought that you were really dead," said Draco, breathless.
"Dobby has the power of awesomeness on his side. And some of master's love."
With that, Dobby raised his wand, the one allowed to him on Mars, and cried out, "AVADA KEDAVRA!"
With that, Malfoy was, to say the least, sent back home to Earth, only to find that Harry had already eaten all of the millefeuilles. Oh well. If only he had a time turner now.