Lost

She slid down against the door, finally letting go of all the tears that had threatened to overwhelm her for so long now. In long, shuddering, sobs, she thought of all the thing that she had lost; her best mate, her boyfriend, her friends, her sanity, her sister, and now, her parents. This year was supposed to have been so great, it was her final year at Hogwarts, she was Head Girl, she had a good boyfriend, and she could get over the loss of Sev easily, right? She had had all she needed in her friends Alice, Mary and Emma, and the only blemish on her life was James Potter and The Marauders, who actually seemed to be improving anyway. Now, Lily wondered how life had made such a turnaround.

First of all there was Sev. She knew that the Dark Arts had always had a pull on Sev, from his odd childhood hobbies to his mixing with Mulciber and Avery, but she was still haunted by that day when their friendship ended. The word still rung in her head. Mudblood. Such a small word, but such a disastrous word, especially in these times. Even almost two years later, she still couldn't get over that loss. Next to be lost was her boyfriend, William Tabb. She really liked him, and could've honestly seen herself spending her life with him. They'd been together since the end of 5th Year, but he broke up with her at the start of 7th Year. Lily was heartbroken, not even her friends could cheer her up. It was this that eventually led to the loss of her friends. Sick of all her moping and refusals to anything, her friends left Lily to herself, which did nothing to alleviate the situation. Normally, such events would drive a girl into depression, but for Lily, all that seemed to happen was insanity. Why was she insane? Well, it was simple. She had fallen for James Potter. Her worst enemy. Kind of. This year, James had matured a lot. He was Head Boy, and had stopped continuously asking Lily out, as well as seeming generally nicer.

She remembered how she and James had transitioned from enemies to friends and how she had eventually admitted her feelings for him. It all started on the train to Hogwarts.

She smiled as she walked into the Heads Compartment, excited to be going back to Hogwarts, and to be Head Girl. She wondered who would be Head Boy. Personally, she wanted it to be Remus Lupin, because he was obviously the best choice, smart, popular, thoughtful, kind, not too much of a trouble maker (that said, he was a Marauder, so you never know), a perfect candidate. That was why Lily was surprised to see James Potter walk in the carriage door, smirk at her, then sit down.

"What are you doing here Potter? Trying to ask me out again? Because I've told you: it's never going to happen," she snapped.

"And I will tell you, Evans, that I know it's a lost cause, and anyway, that was just a phase. And to answer your first question, I am here because Dumbledore made me Head Boy," James replied.

Lily was shocked, to say the least, along with another unfathomable emotion. She fell off her seat in shock, and this produced a big laugh from James.

"Yeah, that was pretty much Sirius' reaction to that bombshell" he guffawed.

It took Lily till that night in her new Head's Dorm to figure out that her 'unfathomable emotion' was hurt, hurt at being given up on by James Potter. It was in that moment that Lily decided to try and be friends with James, if he was willing to forget any 'feelings' he had towards her. Over the course of the year, James had lived up to Lily's standards of forgetting any of his 'feelings' for her, and the two became good friends. That was all ruined one sunny April afternoon at the Quidditch Finals.

The match was coming to a close. The Slytherins were going to catch the Snitch, because Gryffindor had lost it's Seeker early on in the match due to some filthy cheatin-unfortunate misplay. As long as a Chaser scored one more goal, though, Gryffindor could still win. At the moment, when Slytherin caught the Snitch, the two teams would draw. It, naturally, came down to James Potter, as the Slytherin Seeker dived for the Snitch. Lily was on the edge of her seat. Last year, she couldn't have cared less about Quidditch, but James had really got her into the sport (she was still hopeless on a broom), and he had specially requested that she come to this match.

James grabbed the Quaffle and headed towards the goal. After a few nail-biting seconds of dodging Bludgers and weaving through players, James reached the goal hoops. Time seemed to slow. The crowd's roar dimmed. James' arm moved forward, and the Quaffle flew towards the middle hoop. The Keeper tried desperately to get to the hoop on time and he missed the Quaffle by millimetres. The Quaffle soared through the hoop. Seconds later, the Slytherin Seeker caught the Snitch. Time sped up again, as the crowd roared. James ripped his shirt off and punched the air, too ecstatic to realise that the entire female Hogwarts population, were now cheering for an altogether…different reason. Even Lily found herself staring at James' toned Quidditch muscles, and found that James' chest was, in fact, very attractive. WAIT! Did, she, Lily Evans, jut admit that James Potter was attractive? Huh. She'd never thought about that before, being too busy hating him to actually look at him, but yes, dare she say it, James Potter certainly was very attractive.

From that day on, Lily started noticing her, now effectively one of very few, friend's good features. She saw his sparkling hazel eyes, and his trademark messy-yet-unfailingly-sexy, dark hair, and his easy laugh and brilliant sense of humour. She noticed how he genuinely cared for his friends, and would do anything for them, his general happiness and good humour, every nice quality James had, really. As much as it would have repulsed 11 or even 15 year-old Lily, she had no trouble believing that she had well and truly fallen for James Potter.

But it was no use. As James had clearly stated, he had no apparent interest in going out with Lily. That fact nearly killed her, along with the knowledge that she was the one that had constantly pushed James away, and probably caused the disappearance of his love. She might as well add that to the list of things that she had lost.

As for the final two things on her list of losts, Lily's family was the most recent. After finding out she was a witch, her relationship with Tuney had become rockier, because Tuney, Lily highly suspected, was jealous of her powers. Still, Lily had believed that she could turn to Tuney when she needed help. She wrote to Tuney to ask her advice on James, having no one else to go to, and she had gotten a frosty reply, asking Lily to please 'never try to talk to me again, especially with your petty problems, because I want nothing to do with you and your freakish world. And DON'T you DARE come to my wedding'. Her parents were the only thing she had left. Until now. This morning, along with her Daily Prophet, came a black envelope. In it was a letter which read:

'Dear Miss Evans,

We, at the Ministry of Magic, are deeply sorry to inform you that, in a raid against Muggles, your parents, Mr and Mrs AS Evans, were killed by wizards supporting You-Know-Who. We assure you that their death was instantaneous and relatively painless, and they were never subjected to the Cruciatus Curse. For your ease of mind, they were not attacked because of you and your wizarding powers, but in the random attacks spreading across the country. We are truly sorry, and have informed the school that if you need and help or time of studies, you may take them at your liberty.

Yours regretfully,

Vitrictus Simmer, Head of the Department for Muggleborn Protection'

Seeing this had made something inside of Lily snap. The last thing tying her to the world was ran from the Great Hall and went straight to her dorm. Charming the door to a special lock, she found herself in her current position, in a state of complete giving up, crying because she had nothing, nothing to do, or say, that could fill the hole that her lost things had left. Lily had no idea how long she sobbed for, nor how much longer it would last. It would last, she assumed, till she had nothing left, or died, or until-

A person or people were at her door. The charm on the door made sure she could hear them, but not the other way round, and only Lily could open the door. She could her them, trying to talk to her, but it wouldn't filter through her misery till one voice pierced her foggy mind.

James.

Found

James watched carefully as Lily's face paled, and she fled the Great Hall, a black letter clutched in her hand. He hoped that she was alright. Lily had been acting strange these past few weeks, mopey, nervous; melancholy even. He decided to talk to her later, during rounds.

As James carried on with his day, he forgot about Lily until she didn't show up for 3rd period Potions. He sat next to Lily, so he noticed these things. Odd, he thought, because Lily hates missing lessons, even when she's ill. By the time, at lunch, when his and Lily's friends were all asking where she was, as she wasn't in lessons, James started to worry. He remembered seeing Lily at breakfast, clutching a…black letter!

"Guys, I think something's wrong with Lily," James said.

"Well no, considering that she hasn't been seen since breakfast, which is totally like Lily, I don't think anything's wrong," Emma replied sarcastically.

"What I meant to say" James continued, shooting a glare at Emma," Was that she was holding a black letter this morning, when she fled from the Hall."

This statement was met with gasps. It was common knowledge, in these times, that a black letter meant death.

"We need to find her. She probably needs emotional help or something," suggested Mary. "That sounded less insensitive in my head…"she mumbled.

"Well fat lot of good you guys have been doing for that emotional help. She always moaning to me on rounds, saying you lot have ditched her," James said. He knew that Lily was having a hard time with her 3 best friends, and he wanted to try and help.

The three looked at each other guiltily.

"Well, she was being too mopey about that boyfriend of hers for her own good, but we thought she knew that she could come back to us when she got her happiness back. We may sound cold, but we really do care, y'know…" explained Alice.

"Still sound harsh to me," reasoned Remus from behind James, "But enough squabbling, let's look for Lily."

The Marauders present couldn't use the Map, with non-Marauders in the search party, so the groups searched manually. The library, the bathrooms, her favourite tree, and all the other spots that they could think of proved fruitless, until…

"Her dorm! How could we be so stupid?" Sirius cried.

Lily was definitely up there. Her door was locked and there was a faint glow emanating from the crack under the door. Not that the young students could hear or see anything, but it was obvious that Lily was in her room.

First of all, the groups of friends tried magically unlocking the door with spells like Alohamora, or even Dissendium. When that failed, they tried physically opening the door, but it was no use. Nothing seemed to be working. Finally, they settled on trying to talk to the girl inside the room.

First to try was Alice:

"Lily dear, are you alright? We're really sorry for how we've treated you, and want to help you." Silence.

Next was Mary:

"Lils, are you okay? We're all out here for you, even the Marauders, just please open up!" Nothing.

Then it was Emma's go:

"Lily Sophia Evans, you open up right now, or I swear that I will personally Confringo your door down woman!" No response.

Remus went next, being her oldest Marauder friend:

"Lily, I know something has happened to make you upset, but please, come and talk about it, I'm here for you" Nada.

Finally, it was James' turn:

"Flower, I know you're in there, and I'm not even going to bother asking you to open up, because I know it's useless, but please, listen to me. I know what it's like to lose someone close to you. Last year, my father died unexpectedly. We were out walking, and he suddenly collapsed. I tried to get a Mediwizard as fast as I could, but I wasn't quick enough. He died and if I was quicker, I could've saved him, but what I'm trying to say, Flower, is that you're not alone. If you don't come out, at least talk to us!"

After a minute, he was about to let someone else goad Lily out, but a voice spoke from the room, a small, broken voice.

"Only two people can come in."

"I'm going in, because I got her to talk first!" declared James.

After a group discussion, it was decided that Alice would go with James, as she seemed the most sympathetic candidate.

James knocked on the door, and it opened, revealing…Lily. Dishevelled, puffy-eyed, still-crying Lily, kneeling on the floor near the door.

"Lily, dear, what's happened?" demanded Alice, as soon as she and James entered the room. James backed this statement.

"My p-pp-parents were m-murdered by You-Know-Who," Lily hiccupped, bursting into fresh tears.

James and Alice immediately went to hug the distraught girl.

"I'm not gonna say it's okay, but I can say that I know what you're going through." James whispered into her hair.

"Don't worry, we're here now, you don't have to be alone," comforted Alice, "But I think you could do with a Calming Draught from Madame Pomfrey," she added.

"O-Okay" sniffed Lily.

"C'mere," said James, offering Lily a hand up off the floor.

Lily took his hand, and let herself be led by James through her door to the anxious crowd behind it. After a round of explanations, hugs and apologies, the group tiptoed quietly to the Hospital Wing, hoping that the people, now in lessons, wouldn't see them.

When they arrived at the Hospital Wing, Madame Pomfrey listened to the group of teenagers and bustled off to get a potion for Lily. When she returned, she carried two potions, and briefly explained that she thought Lily could do with some rest, and that she should take a sleeping potion along with her Calming Draught. With a nod of her head, Lily took the potion and headed back to her room. Under the watchful eyes of her friends, she took the two potions and went to sleep.

Later that day, after dinner, James got some leftovers from the kitchen, and went to check on Lily. When he knocked on the door, and got no reply, he started to worry that Lily was back to being a crying mess, or dead or something.

Cautiously, James entered the room, relieved to see that Lily was still sleeping. But not peacefully. She seemed to be having a nightmare. She was thrashing about muttering about "all the lost things". James put down his food, and rushed to wake the tossing girl up. Calming Draught. Yeah.

"Lily, wake up! It's just a dream!" he yelled, shaking her. She sat up gasping, looking about with wild eyes. Putting a hand to her face, she whispered:

"It's just a dream. It's just a dream. It's NOT A DREAM!"

James put his arms around the distraught girl.

"Shh, it's okay! What happened?" he asked. Lily was almost crying now.

"Th-The lost things. All the things I've lost over the last f-few years," said Lily into his shoulder.

"What lost things? Talk to me Lily, what lost things?" questioned James, trying to calm Lily down.

"Well, I lost Sev, my boyfriend, my friends, sanity, Tuney and… and my parents," Lily sniffed

"Tuney's your sister, right?" James asked. Lily nodded.

"She calls me a freak, and she refuses to let me go to her wedding," said Lily, apparently calming down.

"That's awful! "James exclaimed sympathetically. "Well the other things… I'm really sorry, but I can't do much about your parents. Apart from giving you the world's best hugs, of course, no matter what Sirius says!" stated James, trying to make Lily laugh. He succeeded. "Your boyfriend and Snivellus? Gits, the both of them. Always thought so," claimed James. Lily giggled. "Your friends have clearly been found. They never left you really. But your sanity? I'm fairly certain you lost that a while ago! Ow! Stop punching me! But seriously, I can do nothing to help your sanity. You're going to have to recover that yourself!" James finished.

"Oh you asked for it, James Potter!" Lily whispered, locking eyes with her fellow Head student. "In fact, you were the reason I went insane, because for a while now, I've been wanting to do this."

Before James could respond, Lily pressed her lips against his. It wasn't the best first kiss, it wasn't perfect, it only lasted for a few seconds, but it was their first kiss. Not to sound clichéd, it was…magical.

When they broke apart. James was the first to speak.

"Lily?"

"Yeah"

"Never, ever, find your sanity."

Yey! Another story!

Any characters you recognise belong to JK Rowling, any that you don't come from my own strange mind!