A/N: Rated M! Possible one shot, tell me what you think I should do.
Disclaimer: I don't own The Hunger Games Trilogy.
Summary: Guilt. Lie. Truth. Fear. All of this goes through her mind as she looks him right in the eyes. Nothing is wrong. "Nothing." Katniss lies to Peeta on the train, never revealing that it was an act. Catching Fire AU. Katniss isn't a super bitch at the end of The Hunger Games. :-) Rewrite of a few important pieces of dialogue.
Follow, favorite, review…
-RC
"Great job, you two. Just keep it up in the district until the cameras are gone. We should be okay." I watch him head back to the train, avoiding Peeta's eyes.
"What's he mean?" Peeta asks me.
Maybe it was his face.
Yeah, that's what it was.
He looked so confused, so worried. And I don't know what came over me when I said it but I did. "Nothing." I was lying but a part of me couldn't bear the thought of facing the world without his smile.
It was just a debt. That's all.
"What are you talking about? He obviously meant something by it Katniss." He said, looking at me incredulously.
I felt bad. None of it was real. But I just couldn't break his heart.
"Nothing. He-" I took a deep breath and looked him directly. I expected my usual jittery speech whenever I lied. It didn't come. Surprisingly it came out smooth, sounding surprisingly truthful. "He's drunk. Don't worry. Nothing's wrong. Let's just head back inside. Please."
I'm assuming that's when the seed planted in his head. He followed me back onto the train looking unconvinced. But I think he finally let it go when the car began to drive again and I firmly planted my lips on his, a 'good night'. He smiled against me and let go before kissing the top of my head. It was so genuine that by the time he turned away and headed back into his compartment leaving me alone, I felt suffocated by the guilt. I laid back, knees bent above the bed, and placed my hands on my forehead. I breathed deeply, attempting the even out my rapid breaths but it was of no use. Why did I do it?
My mother sits across from me, throwing Peeta and I curious looks as I stare off into space, ignoring the people who sit at our dinner table. Prim prattles on happily as she recounts her day at school to Peeta. He put up with her, seemingly very interested. Although, by now, I shouldn't expect anything less. In fact, he probably is interested.
I notice Haymitch's pointed stare at our interlocked hands, like I have been the past two months. He never says anything to me- to us- but I know he's surprised- probably as much as me- by my actions. He looks at me sometimes with his eyebrow scrunched in thought. Even when I send him a scowl, his expression never changes. He's confused, lost in thought I guess.
I don't even realize when he leaves, lost in a memory- a very particular memory that I can't get out of my head.
His eyes shine when he smiles. It distracts me sometimes. I see Prim in him. Maybe that's why I couldn't hurt him. He is still in the animated conversation with Prim. I always get strange feeling when I see him like this. It's like an ache. And when he looks at me, full of love and adoration, I can't help but wonder if this is the way my father looked at my mother. He is too good for me, and I can't hurt him. I wish no one ever could.
It's weird to feel so protective over someone other than Prim. Okay, so maybe I don't love him the way he loves me, but I feel about him the same way I feel about Prim- brotherly… but that's not right either… it's different. When we all get up to wish Peeta goodbye as well, he pats Prim on the head- brotherly. He give my mother a quick hug- like a son. And then I walk across the lot to his door and he embraces me. Okay, I could get used to this. But of course, something tugs at me when he releases my form.
It isn't until I feel the cool air emitting from his house, that it occurs to me. So I tug his arm back to me and stand on my tip toes, face to face. I grab his jaw and lean against him, before finally bringing us together. His lips are velvet and his hand on my hips are firm. It was usually like this. Nothing too far. I'm sure he does this mostly for my sake, but I'm grateful nonetheless. His hands never roam. He just makes me feel safe.
Definitely not brotherly though.
It took a week or so for me to get used to my bow again. The polish left me without my calluses. My finger are soft again and it's a curious feeling. I'd been so long since my hands were like this. I bothers me, definitely. But part of me is glad not to have some particular scars. Sometimes, when I'm out in the woods at night, alone, staring at the stars, I feel as if they've stipped me of my identity. They've stripped the woods from my body. Other times, when holding Peeta's hand, or looking at Prim, I think it's the most empathetic thing The Capitol has ever done. I think of Clove, how it felt as the blood leaked out of my forehead and how lightheaded I'd been. How nauseous. How angry she was. How frightened we were. How I thought both me and Peeta were going to die in that second.
It wasn't something I like to think about.
And I didn't really want a physical reminder.
Of course, as grateful as I am for the polish, it couldn't remove the emotional scars, which may have been part of the torture of it all. I see Rue in my dreams at night. Even if it is a calm one, which I get on occasion, that doesn't change the fact that just the thought of the girl causes a lurch in my stomach.
My hands shake as I sit down. I ran all the way out here from my room and yet I have no recollection of the journey. I could remember my dream, and it wasn't pretty.
I was surrounded by black, yet I could see my reflection in the mirror that stood before me. No light emitted around me yet my face was covered in an eerie red light. My nude form stood before me and my protruding ribs glared at me. The scars all came back. The most noticeable on my thigh. The ugly gash, forever a lighter pink color than the rest of my tan skin, caught my attention. I remember the hurt, the blood.
Before I know it, an angelic blue light replaces the red. A searing white hot pain seeps to the bone and the blue is soon replaced with white. My thigh, now purified, is gleaming perfection.
It continues on like this, I remember how and where I go the scar, the pain comes, the blue, and then the white. It isn't the worst nightmare I've ever had, it only gets demented when I see Peeta beside me, his hands reach out and trail my skin. It's not necessarily sexual, but I flush anyway and my body reacts. I moan.
Somehow, we end up on his bed, the pale blue cover clumped at the foot of the bed and my bare back against his white sheets.
'You're perfect for me now.'
It's faint and it echoes all around us as he litters me with kisses. I never imagined what he looks like naked, but the body before me is practical, well muscled, but not over the top. I pant, my breath coming out in ragged gasps as he touches all over my body, ignoring the one place I really need him. It feels like an eternity before his lips trail from my neck and begin lavishing my breasts, His mouth is warm and wet as it latches onto my nipple. My back arches up and I sigh contentedly. The groan he gives in return settles deep within me and soon I'm on the verge of begging him to take, the make me feel again.
But when he lazily gazes at me- the love in his eyes- I flip us over and take control. I refuse to look at his face again. I use him. His unyielding giving. And I just take, take, take. When I grab him in my hand, I lead him into me and gasp. It feels good, and my copious arousal eases him into me easily. It overtakes my senses and as I rock my hips against him, my moans fill the room.
He fills me up with pleasure. I really want it.
I want him.
He grabs my waist and he moves us to the other side of his king bed. The cool fabric adds to my pleasure and his thrusts begin to become rough. His fingers dig into my skin, and he groans.
In and out.
In and out.
My nails scratch down his back as he hits that one spot, I cry out.
His groans get louder and I clench around him. He begins to grind against me, hitting just above… and oh! God, if feels amazing.
He soon grunts and spills inside me.
And now, I'm even more confused.