This is a tribute to my fallen friend Ashley,(the original darkangel) and an indication my writing skills Ill miss you girl! you are my Alli!
I stood looking at myself in the mirror, not recognizing the girl whose reflection stared back at me. Her blue eyes were lifeless, and still. I heard my mother call me from downstairs, Sav and his parents were waiting for me.
I walked shakily to the bottom of the stairs, my knees felt like jelly. I had cried so much I didn't think there were any tears left to cry. I saw Sav standing in the doorway. He walked over to me and pulled me into a bone crushing hug. Somehow I found more tears to cry, they poured out like rushing river, unrelenting in its path. I sobbed violently in him arms as he lead me to the car. His parents were the same as me. We headed to the church and I walked in with sav still supporting me. There was a lot of people there. We got to the front of the church and I looked at my best friend lying there motionless and cold. I died a little more inside. I wanted to shake her awake. I had it planned in my mind
"Alli wake up, this is not funny…..please you have to wake up, I need you, we were supposed to be each others maid of honor at our weddings Alli. YOU WERENT SUPPOSED TO LEAVE ME….you promised!" in my mind I was shaking my best friends shoulders trying desperately to get her to move. I was screaming those words to her between my sobs.
In reality I was being held close to sav. I was crying so much at first I didn't notice him shaking uncontrollably as well. We supported each other as we sat in the pews. The reverend came out and started his speech.
"Today we gather in sadness, we have come to say goodbye to Alli Bandari, a beloved, daughter, sister and friend…."
The reverend continued but I wasn't listening I was flashing back to the night I got the call.
It was late one night and Alli was on her way over to show her the new car her parents had just bought her, because she just got her license. Alli hadn't come over she was two hours late. I tried calling her but it went straight to voice mail. I was starting to get worried. I was about to go and call Sav because I was getting nervous. He didn't pick up either. All of a sudden I heard a knock at the door I ran to answer it thinking it was Alli, instead I saw saw standing there on this cold October night
"Sav?" I said confused
"Clare….can I come in….we need to talk" his voice was all choked up so I let him in.
We sat down and he looked at his feet
"what's…..up…Sav" I asked cautiously
"It's about Alli" he started slowly
I could feel my heart slowing
"what about her….where is she, she is really late getting here" I said
"shes not coming" he said in very small voice
"what….why" panic instantly overtook my voice
"Clare…there was an accident" he said his voice wavering
"An….accident…OMG…ALLI?"
He just nodded
"What happened is she ok?" I was more panicked than ever
That is when sav broke down
"shes dead Clare" he said tears freely flowing down her face
" NO….Your lying…she can't be" I stuttered in disbelief.
"Clare , she was on her way to see you when she was hit by a drunk driver" He began….i was in shock
"the driver sideswiped her and sent her spiraling…..he just drove away and wasn't caught until miles later" he said still shaking violently
"you mean that DRUNK BASTARD kills my friend and doesn't even come out with a scratch…..that is BULLSHIT…" I continued ranting like that until he moved over and pulled me into a hug.
About 20 min later Sav had to get home to his parents, I can't even imagine how hard this must be on them. As he was leaving he asked
"would you like to come to the funeral"
"yes, when is it…" I said quivering from the cold outside and my shaky resolve
"in a few days…I will tell you the day when I have one" he said as he hugged me on last time and headed out the door.
After he left my parents came rushing downstairs, they had overheard everything from the hall. I collapsed into there arms and cried myself to sleep. This was NOT supposed to happen, she wasn't supposed to leave me…what was I going to do without her.
"and now Clare Edwards would like to say a few words"
I snapped back to reality and walked to the front of the church. I received supportive looks from my parents, Sav, Eli, Adam…..and the rest of degrassi
"Alli Bandari was my best friend in the entire world, sure we had our fights but she understood me like no one else in this world ever could.
I still remember the day she got me into the most embarrassing situation I have ever been in, in my life. We were in class and she had put a vibrator in my bag and it went off in class, causing a lot of commotion, we had found it at a friend's house and she accidentally took it with her. When the teacher pulled it out I was mortified and she thought it was hysterical…."
I could hear small snickering in the audience, I even smiled inwardly to myself
"She always had my back, when everything in my world came crashing down when I was dumped by an ex of mine…..she was there though it all telling me I could do better…..she had such a personality about her that NOONE could ignore….and trust me I tried sometimes…she was just an all around amazing girl and this world will be at a loss without her….I know my world is…I love you Alli and I will never forget you as long as I live"
I finished my short little speech and laid a friendship bracelet I had given her on me coffin and walked back to the seat. Sav put his hand on my shoulder , the speeches continued then the reverend asked us to form a procession as we walked to the grave site. Alli's coffin was carried by her father, sav, my father and drew….we got there and the reverend had more prayers for us to say, and her friends and family put roses on her coffin… then I heard the reverend say
"Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
For dust you are and dust you shall return."
We all stand together in grief on this cold October day as we watch our beloved daughter sister and friend being lowered into the cold ground. People start to walk away with tear stained eyes and clothes, I stay there until everyone is gone, I told Sav to leave and be with his parents….they needed him. I sat in front of the new grave. After what felt like forever I must have gotten cold because I was shivering
I felt someone sit down next to me and put a coat on my shoulders I looked up
"Eli…what are you doing here still" I asked with no real emotion.
He put his arm around me and pulled me into him,
"I saw you stay back and thought you could use a friend"
"thanks…..how am I supposed to go one without her…." I asked Eli
"Clare….do you remember earlier when you were giving your speech about Alli"
I nodded
"THAT'S how" he said gently
"huh" I said not following
"Clare you need to focus on al the funny and embarrassing things you guys did to each ther, and how great a friend she was….trust me when I say, you will never stop missing her, but the pain goes away with time…. You just need to focus on all the great things….trust me I know….remember when I told you about Julia…..i was hurting and I still am, but then I found you and it helped me….you can keep going forward, your not alone" he said smiling at me
I smiled at him…the first smile I had on my face in days. It was starting to get dark and I didn't want my parents to worry so I started to get up
"I should get home my parents will be getting worried"
"ok, do you want a ride" he asked
"yea thanks" I said
As we were walking away I turned my head and whispered
Goodbye Alli. I love you.
As I followed Eli to the car.
I don't know how I will survive this but I knew Eli was right, it would just take time.
Ashely in real life was killed by a drunk driver on her way home from work, so PLEASE if you know anyone who is thinking about driving drunk or has done it in the past PLEASE remind them that all it takes is ONE split second to ruin family and friends lives...just one measly second, to change someones entire world and rip out there heart.
EVERYONE PLEASE THIS HURTS SO MANY PEOPLE SO PLEASE DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE!
R.I.P. Ashely ( the original darkangel)