The mission was suicide and everyone knew it. It was suicide, even for Wade Wilson. But when Deadpool hears that it was HIS Baby Boy has been kidnapped? It's about to be Chimi-Fucking-Chonga Time.

AKA this is the first time Peter has seen his the famous anti-hero Deadpool fight.

AN: [White Box] and {Yellow Box} in their respective boxes. AKA the voices that chill in Deadpools head.

"Breaking News-"

"Boring!"

I shouted at no one in particular. I was currently standing in Spideys apartment, waiting for him to get home. I had bought him tacos, because he is too broke to buy them himself. I would simply leave them here, once the door started jiggling, because sadly, my presence bugs my Baby Boy.

Which makes me super sad, because I actually love the kid. But he hates me so,

"-recently a teenage boy has been kidnapped-"

[Blah, blah, blah]

{WHO CARES AGAIN?}

"I don't know, but Petey better be home soon, 'cause the tacos will be cold soon,"

I say with a pout.

[If he's late, can't we just eat the tacos?]

{BUT WE GOT THEM SPECIFICALLY FOR PETEY PIE!}

[Yeah, but why waste a good warm taco?]

{WELL, YEAH, BUT-}

"-the kidnapper has requested The Avengers or The X-Men to come save him, or any type of superhero. We do not know if-"

{THE AVENGERS?}

[Ha Ha Ha! Why would you call for the X-Men, they suck]

"-the boy has been identified as a college student, studying photography, and biology, by the name of Peter Parker-"

"PETEY!?"

I shouted. The boxes were shouting viciously around in my head as the tacos were thrown unceremoniously across the room as I threw myself out the window.

{WAIT DUMBASS!}

[Where are we going!?]

"Right, duh,"

Once I landed, I began my climb back up to the apartment, sliding in through the window.

"Okay, creepy warehouse twelve on creepy warehouse street in the creepy warehouse part of town. Let's go!"

Then I re-threw myself out the window landing in a perfect roll on the pavement.

People 'bout to become un-alive.

"Hello, my main man,"

"Hello Mister Pool, where are we going now?"

I grinned and told him the general direction of the warehouse. He smiled and asked me,

"And why are we going there Mister Pool?"

I sighed, looking out the window sadly. Checking my pockets and rifling through my duffel bag filled with various guns, bullets and straps, picking various ones to attach to my side and shoulders.

"Well. You know the kid I'm in love with,"

"Mister Parker?"

I nodded with a small smile on my face.

Petey was just the cutest, with his little nerd glasses, and his lanky arms. And his pretty brown hair and pretty brown eyes. His straight jawline and nerdy personality. Always tryna correct me when I make a Star Wars joke. When he gets all excited about science and whatever. That time he let me come with him when he went to take pictures of the New York skyline. He was so cute that day. Getting all excited as the colours in the sky changed, pulling out his camera and getting in weird positions to take a photo. The wind rustling his hair. He didn't want me there, but the boy sure knows how to suffer. And his pretty pink lips would always be turned in a frown when he saw me in his apartment, and how he'd try not to smile as I give him some tacos. And his little feet.

[Not to mention that fine ass he's got going on]

{AMEN SOUL SISTER}

"Mister Pool?"

"Sorry, right, well, he's just been kidnapped so-"

"-Are some bitches going to die sir?"

"Shh, sh, not the d-word, it sounds ugly, but Oh-ho yeah, bitches gonna un-alive. Big time,"

He just laughed, turning a corner.

{GET THE BIG ASS GUN!}

"Which one?"

[No, no, no, closer, no, actually, YES!]

I grinned. The boxes sure knew how to pick 'em. So do you, mister writer lady sir.

I lifted the gun up as we pulled up at the creepy warehouse part of town.

"High five me bro,"

He held up a hand and we high fived. It was great.

"Okay, perimeter check,"

[Since when have we ever done one of those?]

{THIS IS OUR PETEY DUMASS! WE GOTTA MAKE SURE EVERYONE UN-ALIVES, BUT HIM!}

"Yellow's right, gotta make sure Baby Boy is okay,"

Stealthily, I walk around buildings checking every corner, listening for any movement or people talking.

Creepy Warehouse one has zero people.

Creepy Warehouse two also has zero people.

But Creepy Warehouse three has a couple going at it.

{YEAH!}

[Shut up Yellow]

Ugh, who cares about the boring Creepy Warhouses, gotta get to my Petey.

So using my teleportation abilities I made it to the roof of the Creepy Warehouse Petey was in.

Shit.

Three guys, one on a skylight, one guarding a door, one patrolling the roof.

"Okay, time to actually do stuff, so if you guys would shut the fuck up, that'd be grand,"

{BUT WAAAAAAAAADEY}

"Sh!"

I shouted, probably louder than necessary, and got the attention of dumb guard one. He held his gun up, pointing it in front of him as he stepped around carefully. He walked directly past my hiding place, so I come up behind him and wrap an arm around his neck, locking him in a choke hold, before slapping my gloved hand over his mouth and nose.

He started struggling, kicking and thrashing around before his movements got less jerky and desperate and more, sleepy and dead.

[Oops]

Gently laying him on the ground I pick up his gun, a fairly decent one I suppose, and begin rounding the corner to face guard on the skylight. Okay, simple tackle, break his ribs in a step, should be simple.

I get ready to tackle him, running and gliding through the air, ignoring the laws of gravity for a moment as I dive tackle him to the ground and the little bitch squeals. Suddenly a gun shot was heard and there was a hole that went straight through my right lung.

"Motherfucker!"

I stomp on the kids head beneath me, hearing it crack, before turning around and straight armed barely even watching, and shooting door guard once, twice, thrice, four times in the head.

{OOPS}

[That probably alerted the other guys, good job Wade.]

Rolling my eyes, I sneak over to the door, listening for any more guards. Nothing. Grinning I make my way down the stairs, hoping that the stairs weren't creaking. Under the stairs was a two guards, slowly waking up the steps.

{SEE, YOU DUMASS, THEY HEARD YOUR FAT ASS MAKING NOISES!}

"Shut up,"

I hissed, silently sitting on the railing, pulling my katanas from their places on my back, I did a silent flip, landing in between them. Before they could notice me I stabbed them both in the gut and sliced up through their chest, neck and head.

[FATALITIES!]

{AWESOME!}

I begin my truck down, before noticing that I can get in the roof, without alerting any guards, or accidentally stumbling in on a bad-guy meeting.

{REMEMBER THAT ONE TIME WE DID THAT AND THEY TRIED TO KILL US?}

[Shut up Yellow!]

I began walking in the rafters, massive industrial lights hanging from the dusty ceiling. Looking around I could see what looked like dozens, at least six dozen guards, all carrying guns and standing around uselessly, in a lazy circle. They were faced outwards some pointed toward doors and others just leaning over to check around creates and cars.

{CHIMICHONGAS!}

[Yellow.]

{RYAN REYNOLDS!}

[Yellow.]

{MONOPOLY!}

[YELLOW!]

{AM I ANNOYING YOU WHITE? AM I REALLY ANNOYING YOU?}

[SHUT UP YELLOW!]

{MAKE ME!}

"Shut up! You guys aren't helping!"

I hissed. In the middle of the circle I could see a skinny man in a white suit walking around talking for no real reason, until I saw who it was he was talking too.

My beautiful Baby Boy.

[Isn't Spidey just the cutest thing?]

Trying to ignore the boxes blabbering on and fighting in my head, (thanks writer, you are just, just awesome), I crawled along the rafters getting a better vantage point of my Boy.

He was covered in bruises, cuts and blood. His glasses were cracked and laid on the ground beside him. His pretty brown hair was matted and had blood and dirt messed in it. One of his pretty brown eyes had swollen and closed up. His shirt was torn and dirty, along with his pants. His back pack and all its contents spilt everywhere. His pretty mouth was covered in an unhealthy amount of blood, but the beautiful barstard had the biggest smirk.

{PETEY IS SO CUTE!}

[We taught him well.]

"Okay guys, what is the plan of attack?"

[Okay, so you should pick them off one by-]

{-WE WORK BETTER WHEN WE DON'T HAVE TIME TO THINK! JUST JUMP IN THERE!}

"That's what she said,"

{YES!}

[You are not actually considering this are you?]

"You underestimate me White,"

I dived pulling out a gun and shot at least three people on my way down, landing on a crate. Suddenly everyone opens fire at me and pain erupts through almost every limb and asset I have. A shot to the head and I'm out.

Waking up moments later, I find I am next to Petey and he's holding my head in his lap.

"You're an idiot Deadpool,"

"Shh, don't tell anyone,"

I hope he caught my drift as I whispered that. He didn't raise his voice or even look surprised just continued to whisper worriedly, a tiny bit of blood coming out of his mouth. Even like this he was still beautiful.

"This is suicide. Even you would die. I'm not worth it Deadpool,"

I felt my face harden at that.

Spidey didn't think he was worth it. He didn't think he was worth me risking my life for him. How dare he think that. He's worth being saved time and time again. And I would die every time, no matter how much it hurts, if it mean he will be safe.

"Challenge accepted, Baby Boy,"

Peter frowned a little bit at my statement or the nickname, or both, before I started slinking around the corner, trying not to draw attention to myself.

These guards were the worst guards I've ever met.

I get around a corner, checking all my rounds of ammo, seeing if they'd taken my katanas, when suddenly I hear a,

"WHERE DID HE GO!?"

From Mister Bad Guy. I looked around the crate to my Baby Boy, who was just smirking, with his blood stained teeth.

"You think this is funny Parker? I have the power to tell everyone your identity. I wouldn't be laughing,"

Peter stopped smiling and glared at him, before being kicked in the face, blood spraying from his mouth.

[Wait?!]

{MISTER BAD GUY KNOWS PETEY IS SPIDERMAN?!}

"Now they all have to die, are they even holding a ransom?"

[The TV didn't say anything about a ransom, remember?]

{KILL! KILL THEM ALL! KILL! KILL! KILL!-}

"WELL? WHAT ARE YOU STANDING HERE FOR? FIND HIM!"

The guards scrambled around me, running in various directions.

"Okay White, what should I do?"

[Oh so now you listen to me?]

"Just shut up and help me, Petey's life is on the line!"

[Okay! Okay, so, we should use our awesome swords, to silently un-alive as many people as possible.]

{THAT IS THE SMARTEST THING YOU HAVE EVER SAID!}

Yellow and White began bickering and rolling my eyes I unsheathed my katanas. Crouching down I began my mission of killing as many people as possible without being noticed.

Kind of like Assassins Creed.

[-That reminds us, we should get an XBox]

{YEAH XBOX ONE! XBOX ONE! XBOX-}

"Shut Up!"

I hissed quietly, slicing a guys head off in one swipe.

I got about five, six guys when someone finally spotted me, opening fire immediately.

I took off running into a various hallways as I heard more and more footsteps running behind me.

I took a right into a room, which was probably the stupidest thing I have ever done. Hiding behind a crate I carefully look over to see about two dozen guys, guns all pointed at my hiding place.

"Hey guys-"

I stand up and they shoot at me. I sit back down and throw my arms up.

"Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah. Guys calm down,"

"Why should we?"

"Excellent question Fancy Pants, because I am proposing a truce,"

Someone grunted from the crowd.

"I can regenerate, like, really well. You know Wolverine?"

I hear various grunts in response.

"Well I got a healing factor that makes Wolverine go like, 'Uh, I wish I had Deadpool's healing factor, Bub',"

"And we're supposed to care?"

I popped my head over the crate, hands still up and wiggled my eyebrows. My voice was like ice as I said.

"You don't,"

They shuffled around uncomfortably.

"So You can go now. . ."

I ran my hand along the crate gently, tiptoeing my fingers across it.

"Or, I can pick you off. One. By one. By one. And no matter how many times you kill me,"

I smiled sweetly, my voice returning to its normal, crazy tone.

"I'll be okay!"

That was enough to get all of them bolting down the hallway. I follow them stopping when I hear Mr Bad Guy screaming,

"Where are you going?!"

"He's crazy!"

"This is not what I signed up for!"

"This is Bullshit!"

"I'm out!"

I grinned when I heard the door slam shut. I casually walked out shooting some of the lights hanging from the ceiling so they went out.

The remaining guards looked around in panic. There were only two lights left, shining on my Spidey and Mr Bad Guy.

Suddenly there was an explosion outside. I climbed up the walls, getting on the rafters and shouted at the group of people below.

"Did I forget to mention the bombs I planted before I came in here? Silly me!"

{THAT ONE LOOKS LIKE HE IS ABOUT TO SHIT HIS PANTS!}

[Did they really think that we were going to let them go free? We did say they were gonna die.]

"Super true White,"

I responded loudly. I was making my way around the rafters (What the hell Writer? What's your thing with rafters?) when I decided now would be a better time than any to drop down on the bad guys.

I land on someone's shoulders, their head between my legs. I hook my feet under both of his armpits and lean back, lifting him off the ground and over me. But before I go completely over, I use both my guns and shoot two guards. I landed on my hands, flinging my legs backwards and unhooking my feet from his armpits, as he flew across the room into the side of the wall, a sickening crack as he lay completely still.

I run straight at another guy, just as a bang goes off. I don't move and I feel the bullet whip past me, breaking my ammo strap, bullets flying everywhere.

Turning to the poor kid that did it, his gun still smoking I shouted,

"WHAT THE SHIT?"

One. Two. Three. Four. Four bullets wasted on some kid. And seeing as I have lost majority of my ammo, that was probably the stupidest thing I could have done. Hitting myself in the head with my gun a say,

"Bad Deadpool. Bad Deadpool,"

I look in front of me, seeing someone line up the shot. I stop my toddler-like pacing and bashing myself in the head with my gun to point said gun at him.

Pulling the trigger I grin.

"Good Deadpool. Very, very good Deadpool,"

{HIT THE GAS, KILL THEM ALL AND WE CRAWL AND WE CRAWL AND WE CRAWL!}

"Good idea Yellow,"

I say as I dive and then crawl away, to ovoid the sudden onslaught of bullets from the remaining fourteen Bad Guys.

[Check our ammo.]

"Mmkay,"

I looked in both guns, one had five, the other three. Great. Eight bullets. Fourteen guys, plus Mister Bad Guy. Fifteen.

"Okay fellas,"

The gunfire ceased.

"I only have eight bullets and there are fifteen of you, if you don't want to die, leave now,"

I said cheerily.

No one moved.

What a shame.

I put one hand on the crate and fling myself over, bonnet sliding across it, shooting one guy in the face. Running across the illuminated area, I dive for the darkness.

Moving quickly I get to the other side and roll over a car, managing to trip one guy in the process. As he went down, I place one foot on his gun hand, breaking it, before standing on his chest. One guy starts coming at me with a knife, so I go to choke slam him, but change my mind in a split second.

Instead I grab his knife arm, karate chop his shoulder, which sent a shock through his arm, making him drop the knife.

One guard begins to line up his shot, as I turn knife kid in front of me, protecting me from the bullets that fly past.

My human shield falls to the ground in a crumpled heap, just as the kid on the floor, knocks my feet out from under me.

He had somehow become aquatinted with the knife and immediately made a stab at my head, which he was right on target and felt the cool metal, slice through my brain. I hear someone gasp somewhere in the distance.

Sighing I turn to the slightly blurry knife kid and grab him by the neck.

Pulling the knife from my head, and shivering in disgust as I feel my cells join back together to create flesh and bone, I hold it against the poor, terrified and mildly nauseous kids head. I say in my best Heath Ledger impression.

"Why so serious?"

He looks at me, almost as if he doesn't get my reference before I plunge the knife through his skull.

I look around and see Mr Bad Guy lining up a shot on my Petey, who was looking at him with wide doe brown eyes.

"Not today,"

I whisper shout, stumbling, my disorientated head not quite sure why all the quickness is necessary. I throw myself on top of Peter just as the bullet passes out of the barrel. It rips through my side like fire, then a second one through my still healing head.

It burns and I feel like I could pass out right then as another one passes across through the left side of my chest, right through to the other side on the left.

"Ow,"

I spit out sarcastically as Peter looks up to me, concern, fear and desperation in his eyes.

"It's all good Petey,"

I say with a small smile as another bullet passes through my leg.

"But that is quiet enough of that,"

Even with my blurry vision and the sarcastic comments from the boxes I manage to shoot someone a few times.

[Five left. Use them wisely.]

{BOOM! BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!}

A small trickle of blood falls from my mouth and Spidey has a tear roll out of his eye.

"Shh, hey, I swear I'm fine,"

He smiles sadly, but it turns into more of grimace.

Suddenly there is laughter and we both look over to see one of the guards, a flame thrower now in replacement of his gun.

"Man you guys fight dirty,"

I gently pick Petey up, ignoring all or my organs reorganising and creating themselves, and run. Gently placing him out of relative danger.

"COME AT ME BRO!"

I shout as I run around a jeep. Everything was less fuzzy and hurty, so I decided now would be an excellent time to be a total smart ass.

Flame thrower guard began setting up his said flame thrower as I began shouting again,

"COME AT ME BRO, THINK YOU COULD BEAT ME IN A GUN FIGHT!?"

He pointed it at me and let it rip. Flames licked at the side of the crate I was standing on an I watched as it began to ignite in flames.

"This is actually pretty cool,"

I flip off the crate and he follows my movements, flames way to close for comfort, and I kick one kid in the stomach.

He falls back into his friend and I pull out my katana, slicing both of their stomachs open.

Thing is, as I did this, I totally forgot about Flame Guy, who directed the blaze at me, just as I turned. The flames engulfed me and the two kids on the floor.

"Fuck,"

This shit hurts. I fall to the ground, feeling a part of my mask burn away with the flames. I pat it down and commence the Roll part of Stop, Drop and Roll.

I roll away, shooting someone in the head.

That's six down, nine to go.

Four more bullets. Damn son.

I charge toward three unsuspecting guards, who all think I am still in the blaze, probably dying.

"Hello? Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and saviour Jesus Christ?"

They turn around weapons ready, shock and fear etched into their features.

"No? Okay then,"

Katanas out, I plunge one into some guys stomach and he falls. The other two pull out they're meat cleavers and go to cut me at the same time.

My swords go out, stopping them from doing any damage. This goes on for multiple minutes, I lean back and do the full on matrix thing, jump the leg slice, everyone. I'm sure it looked cool.

Flame Thrower Guy finally realised I wasn't in the blaze and turned the blaze on us. I shove the two kids forward, straight into the flames and hear them scream in agony. Man I feel you.

[Okay, take out Flame Guy.]

"No shit!"

I run up and jump on a crate, pushing off the side and roundhouse kicking Flame Guy in the head, sending him spiralling to the ground. I put my swords back where they should be and shoot him in the head.

I blown on the barrel, the smoke flying everywhere and I grin like a manic, which to be fair. I am one.

That's nine down, six to go.

And Three bullets.

I quickly dispose of three of them, a quick decapitation here, a nice shot to the head there and a finally hand to hand combat, where he knocked me down and I did that cool get up thing.

You know, where you're on your back and you put your hands behind your head and spring up on your hands, eventually landing on your feet?

Cause that's what I did.

Then proceeded to shove him into the flames.

There was one guard left, who just gave up and ran away. Straight into one of the bombs I set up earlier.

I was aware how horrifying I must have looked.

Some of my gross scarred face showing, blood trickling from my mouth and maybe my nose. My suit was burnt in various places, at some point the guy I was fighting pulled out a knife and jammed it all up in my ribs, so there was bound to be some more blood pouring out of that.

My brain was all fuzzy, so I was probably walking super slow and dramatic, like a zombie.

One bullet left, my katanas slightly melty looking and covering in blood loosely held in my bloody hands.

Man was I tired.

I walked up to where the white suited man was, dropping my melted katana and reaching for my gun instead.

"Didn't think anyone would be able to do it,"

He said, slight awe and confusion in his eyes and voice.

"Duh, I'm fucking Deadpool. And you, you motherfucking, shitnut, douche canoe, bitch ass Fucklet, owe me some mother fucking tacos,"

His eyes widened in surprise.

"I-I what?"

"You fucking heard me, you little jizz donkey, fuck rudder, shit sipping concoction of a dick sucking fish. You owe me some motherfucking tacos,"

He gulped.

"And you better fucking pay for my Petey's medical bill,"

He shakily pulled out a credit card and gave me the PIN number.

"I've been waiting for like, one thousand words for this moment,"

He gave a confused look as I winked at the writer, who blushed profusely from where they wrote. He looked around as I stepped on his chest, placing the cool metal of the gun against his forehead and pulled the trigger.

{THANK FUCK FOR THAT!}

[Thank fuck indeed.]

"Wade?"

I turned around to see Peter, laying exactly where I left him. I scrambled over to him, getting on my knees beside him.

"Petey, are you okay?"

He smiled, a tiny bit of blood dribbling from his teeth.

"Aww man, your parents are gonna kill me when they realise what happened. Man I'm supposed to protect you from shit like this. You need to be more careful. Fuck. This is all my fault, I didn't finish this mission for that guy and they knew about you somehow. I swear I didn't do anything-"

"-Wade-"

"-Damn it I'm such an idiot, I am the worst person ever. They should have shot me a few more times. Speaking of shot, did they get you? Let me check-"

I started patting him down, checking his cuts and stuff, keeping up my worried blabbering,

"-I should really take you to the doctor, but then they'll ask what happened, and then they'll ask who I am and try and make me a hero and that's not good for business. Like you know? Any way, it doesn't seem like you got shot-"

"-Wade-"

"-if you did I'll go and machine gun someone's ass. Did you get shot? Did Mr Bad Guy do something to you? I know he kicked you a few times in the face, which by the way was super rude and I can't believe he would do something like that. Who kicks someone in the face? Especially, my Baby Boy, the sweetest thing ever. Who would try and mess up this pretty face any way? I mean-"

"-Wade just shut up for two seconds-"

"-That son of a- What? Oh, sorry, yeah I can stop talking. I must be really annoying, just, let me pick you up and I'll take you to the hospital?"

I went to lift him up, but he slapped my hand away, showing one of his very slowly healing cuts. I feel myself deflate a little. He didn't need me any more. He would heal up nicely, the police will help him out, and I'll just be another, irrelevant character in Spiderman's Amazing life. Like always.

"No thank you. I should be good. After all these years, I've never seen you fight,"

I shrugged sheepishly,

"I don't normally let people see me do what I do and live, so this is kinda weird for me. You can't like, tell anyone about how crazy my methods are, none of them were planned at all, like. I'm not like Bruce Wayne and the Ninjas,"

Peter just shook his head smiling. I looked at his pretty eyes as I trailed off. They were happy, but tired and filled with something else. I don't know, emotions are hard.

One of his hands slowly reached up to my singed mask and he gently cupped my jaw.

"And after all this time, I've never seen your face,"

I pulled away slightly and put a hand over the exposed skin self consciously. He frowned slightly, a little bit of sadness on his face.

"Yeah no, same thing, people who see my face generally die at the end of this. That and it's really gross, the stuff of nightmares really. I've actually seen someone throw up before. Like it's all scarred and messy, and scares children and adults a- wha-what are you doing?"

"Something I should have done years ago,"

He grabbed the back of my mask and gently lifted it over my face, I couldn't register what was happening until it was fully off and he had let it fall to the ground. I ducked my bald and gross head and hoped he hadn't seen how gross I am.

[Now he's going to run away screaming, because you're so gross.]

{YEAH WE PUKE AT THE SIGHT OF YOUR UGLY MUG!}

[Why would anyone want to willingly look at that?]

I felt my head go down lower as the continued insulting me.

But then there was a warm hand on my jaw, the other snaked around my neck and he made me look at him. His face was extremely close to mine and I could feel his breath on my scarred lips.

"Beautiful,"

He whispered before leaning in and gently pressing his lips to mine. It was just a brush of lips but I felt my eyes go wide as his close. He pulls back slowly, arms dropping as he frowns.

"Sorry,"

He mutters amongst other things that sound vaguely like 'Stupid' and 'Look what you've done!?'.

I sat for a moment before putting a hand on either side of his cheek, gripping them lightly and pulling him in for the best kiss of my life.

Do you know what's worth fighting for?

When it's not worth dying for?

Dos it take your breath away?

And you feel yourself suffocating.

Hey guys so that's my first Spideypool fic. I hoped all you nerds, like myself enjoyed it. I will be taking requests, for one shots, and I can write anything, although I kinda suck at smut, so just bare that in mind in your requests.

There can be no powers, Aunt May, Superfamily, no scars Wade, Scarred Wade, older Peter, Young Peter, whatever you want just give me some details and I'll write about it.

And please review, it makes me happy. Also that would be a good place for me to access your request!

So yeah.

Toodles!

Umm.

That's about it.