Faith… that is an interesting word. It's not a long word, it only has five letters, but when you combine those five letters in that certain pattern, you produce a word that holds too much power.
Faith it has the power to both heal and to hurt. I thought my faith in you was justified but now I am beginning to believe that my faith may be misplaced. I have given you so much and all that I ask for in return is for you to have faith in me. Why is it that you cannot seem to find even a little bit of trust for me? Do you not have any left? Has this world stolen it all from you? Has the terrors that plague your dreams frightened it away? Is there a way for me to restore your faith? These questions terrorize me; they make it impossible to sleep without the aid of the liquid in this bottle that sits beside me. I want to help. I want to save you. Why won't you let me?
Save… that too is an interesting word. What does it truly mean to save someone? Is it even feasible? My mind screams no, but my heart has a voice that is even louder and that voice begs me to try. With that said, one's heart can only shout for so long until the mind over takes it and my heart is losing its voice. I intend to save you, often fear that I may be too feeble to fend off your aggressors. This fear consumes me. I hope that I can with stand whatever it takes for you to love me.
Hope… another curious word. The definition of hope or what I remember my 3rd grade teacher to have said it to be is, believing that it might be true or that it might happen. She always emphasized might. She also liked to tell me that I was utterly incompetent and that no one would ever want me.
I am not sure why I am writing this… I am not sure that you will even take the time to open this letter, let alone read its contents. You will probably just brush it off to the side, once you have read the senders name. Even if you do read this, you will probably use it to humiliate me. Maybe though… you will take the time to read my words and maybe you will realize that you feel this way too.
I hope… there that word is again, that you will read this. That you will understand this, me, what I am trying to convey to you. I would say this to your face, but if I did, I would lose my nerve. I would probably stumble over my words and you would just stand there with that smirk and the mischievous light that dances behind your dark eyes. So yes, professing my affections is probably best done by written word not messy verbal conversation. And even if you feel not as I do, maybe this letter will entertain you. I feel like I am running in circles, my thoughts are so jumbled that I am having a hard time writing them all down, but I will persevere.
I am leaving… I thought you should know. I am going somewhere, not sure exactly where, I am leaving tonight I know that much. The best-case scenario the on that, I can barely even let myself hope for is that you will be there, at the town's edge, waiting… for me, beg me not to go. You'll be there looking like a complete mess, too upset by the thought of me driving away forever to care about your running mascara, your smudged lipstick, or your unkempt hair and your disheveled clothing. I hope that, that is not just wishful thinking.
The more likely scenario is that you will be excited about my departure and that the only grief or aggravation you will feel will be caused by paper work you will have to do when you appoint Sydney for my job and the man in your life's anger and confusion as to why I left. I am sorry for any inconvenience this will cause you, any added hours at the office. I would love to stay to be here with you even if you hate me, but running is what I am good at, it is all I know. Maybe you will change that… probably you will not.
You have probably stopped reading this by now, if you ever started, but in case you are let me say this once more, I want to help you be who you were meant to be, I want to save you from the darkness you say consumes you, I want to be the only one that you let comfort you in the stormy night, I want to heal you from the pain of your past, I want to protect you from the demons that chase you relentlessly, I want to feel your body's heat against mine as I stave off the nights cold, I want to love you. I just want to love you… let me in… let me in my queen and I promise you will not regret it.
-Emma Swan
(P.S) the stations keys are on my desk as are my gun and badge.