Joanna McCoy had been on the Enterprise for little over a month now. She had quickly become friends with the senior crewmembers and Sickbay staff. After most shifts, her father Dr. Leonard McCoy, would find her on the main Observation Deck.
"Gives me a place to think" she says. Ever since McCoy had visited Joanna on Starbase 8, he had been wondering if anyone else had come to see her. McCoy walked to the Observation Deck after not seeing Joanna at dinner. She was there sitting on the floor, cross legged with a book on her lap.
"Hiya, kiddo." said McCoy, teasingly.
"How's it hangin', daddy-o?" quipped Joanna right back at him
"We missed you at dinner, so I figured I'd find you here." said McCoy as he sat down next to her. "When did you start wearing reading glasses?"
"Oh, these"? said Joanna as she held up a pair of wire rimmed spectacles. "Started wearing them around 12. Kept reading in the dark with a flashlight"
"You don't take Retinax for it?" asked McCoy
"I can't. My doctor perscribed it when my eyesight started to go bad, but I had a particulirly nasty reaction to it. Jim ain't got nothin' on me!" said Joanna, laughing.
"Sorry I asked" said McCoy, teasing. "So, why weren't you at dinner? Not like you to not socialize. Everybody enjoys having you around, if you're worried about not fitting in"
"Oh, no no. It's not that, I just had an idea and came up here to see what it would lead to. But, I kinda wanted to be alone for a bit." she said.
"What's on your mind, honey? You can always talk to me" said McCoy, reassuringly
"Well, I was talking to Chekov today and he mentioned that his parents had recently got divorced." said Joanna.
McCoy almost winced at the word. It immidietly brought back memories industrial strength bleach would never wash away. He then decided that it was time for Joanna to know the whole truth behind his own divorce. She has asked him about it when she was a child, but he always avoided it.
"Honey... there's something I've been meaning to ask you for a while now." He put his head down as he spoke.
"What is it?" said Joanna, concerned
McCoy started to get a bit choked up but the words finally managed to come out, "Did your mother come to see you on Starbase 8 ?"
Joanna shot up and turned away from him, like she couldn't bear to look at him. She walked over to the window.
"Yes, she did come to see me and it's a experience I would prefer to forget." snapped Joanna
McCoy stood up and walked over to Joanna, "What happened?"
Joanna spun around to face him with a look that could make a Vulcan cringe, but it went away as she leaned back on the bannister.
"She came to see me about 2 days before my transfer. I was really happy at first cause I had been wanting to see her. But, the words that came out her mouth next made me want disown myself."
McCoy thought to himself *This is not going to be good.*
"What did she say to you?" he asked
"Let me give a bit of backstory first. When she found out I had applied to Starfleet Medical and had been accepted, she was pissed. She was so mad that a Klingon would be terrified to go within ten feet of her. I didn't know why she was so mad at first, then I realized that it was because you were in Starfleet. In her own little way, she tried to turn me against you, but obviously to no avail."
"So, she comes to see me on Starbase 8 after hearing about the terrible experience I had just been through. And, because she's my mother and would do anything to protect me, she tries to buy me out of Starfleet. Asked me to resgin my commission and go back to Earth with her."
McCoy stared at Joanna with a look of shock. As a father, he also would do anything to protect her, but would never ask her to refrain from doing something he knew she was good at and could hold her own in. He never knew Jocelyn to steep that low over anything.
"So, I told her that there wasn't a force in the universe that was going to keep from doing my job or keep me away from seeing you again. I left it at that and we haven't really spoken since."
McCoy instinctively leaned forward and hugged Joanna. It really was amazing that she managed to stay, or at least appear, relatively happy after everything she had been through. At just 20 years old, she had been through more emotional turmoil then most people go through in their entire lives. Now that they were together again, McCoy hoped he could prevent the list from growing.
As they parted, McCoy could see the anger in Joanna's eyes slowly fade away as she emotionally prepared to face the next question.
"Did she ever tell you why we seperated at all?" he asked tentively.
"She told me part of it after I kept pressing her. That's why I stopped talking to you for a while."
*That explains it. I probably should've guessed* thought McCoy as Joanna spoke. During his first year on the Enterprise, Joanna was in her final year at the Academy. Every 2 weeks, she would write or send a video message to him. McCoy has gotten used to seeing them until one day, they stopped coming. He thought it was because of the distance the Enterprise was from the nearest starbase, but Uhura had assured him, that wasn't a factor. It was about six weeks he waited when finally, he was able to have a live video feed to Joanna. When he asked why she hadn't spoken to him, she just said "I don't want to talk about it, please"
"The reason you never heard from me was because I was so furious with both of you. I honestly couldn't believe the two of you had been so stupid."
Joanna turned around to the window and stared in space, "I couldn't believe that mom had been so selfish. Doing what she did to you and me. But you didn't help the matter either by ignoring her and not helping to take care of me."
After having years to think about it, McCoy had known what he did was wrong and he regretted it every day of his life. The fact that he had missed his own daughter's childhood by running into space was enough to drive someone insane.
McCoy put a hand on Joanna's shoulder and spoke,
"I know what I did was wrong and I depise myself for it. I know just saying sorry isn't going to fix this one bit" He turned Joanna around to face him, "I want you to know that I'm here for you now and I'll never leave you again for as long as I live."
Joanna looked into her father's eyes and saw that he was being honest with every word he said. This was the person she had idolized as a child and she knew that they would be together no matter what happened.
"Saying sorry won't fix it entirely, but it does help to hear you say it. Now I think it's best if you told me your side of the story."
*A Long Time Ago*
24-year old Leonard McCoy is an aspiring young doctor about to start a residency at a local hospital in Atlanta, Georgia. His wife, Jocelyn, had given birth to a healthy baby girl named Joanna 3 years before. Leonard enjoyed every moment he spent with his daughter, but there was a rift forming between him and Jocelyn. They had always had a little tension between them and they figured having a child would ease it a bit. Turns out, it made the tension worse. Tonight's fight was somehow different from previous ones. It seemed more bitter and angry. Jocelyn had found out Leonard had been spending more time with Nancy Crater.
"Why have you been hanging around that bimbo?!" said Jocelyn.
"Because, recently, she's been a damn sight more agreeable to be around then YOU!" . Leonard screamed the last word.
"I'm not dealing with this tonight" he said as he began heading for the door.
"If you're sleeping with her, why lie about it? You're usually so honest about everything else!" said Jocelyn.
"Is that what you've concocted in your head?! You honestly think I'm having an affair?!" said Leonard, flabbergasted. "We may be fighting more than usual but it's not going to compel me to have an affair."
It was true; Leonard had not been sleeping around with anyone. He was too old fashioned to cheat on his wife and mother of his child.
"Well, you stay out till all hours of the night and sometimes you don't even come home. What was I supposed to think? All you do is come home from work, have dinner and go to sleep, without once, really talking to me. You don't help me with Joanna or do anything around the house" said Jocelyn as she turned away. "I can't keep doing this, Leonard. I think it's best if you go somewhere else tonight."
"Fine, I will." said Leonard as he stormed out of the door.
Jocelyn cried herself to sleep that night. Ever since they got married, there had been a little tension between them. Not enough to make them not love each other, of course, but because Leonard had devoted so much time to studying, Jocelyn tended to feel lonely. Then, they decided to have a baby, thinking the task of raising a child together would bring them closer. When, in fact, it had begun to drive them apart.
The next day, Jocelyn took Joanna to the local park for a walk. As they were crossing the grassy knoll, a gust of wind blew the little hat off of Joanna's head. It landed a good 10 feet away, only to be picked up by one Clay Treadway, Jocelyn's old high school boyfriend. They hadn't seen each other since Leonard had bested him at a school dance.
"Joce, is that you?" said Treadway as he walked over.
"Clay….. Um… How… How have you been?" said Jocelyn, nervously.
"Not bad. I've been appointed as a special envoy for the Terran Embassy. On my way to becoming an Ambassador for the Federation" said Treadway.
"Yeah, I had heard about that. Congratulations" said Jocelyn.
In school, Clay had been more of an athletic type then academic. It was partly because of his family's status that he managed to graduate. And Jocelyn wouldn't have been surprised if they had a hand in this as well.
"Is this your little girl?" said Treadway as he knelt down to give Joanna her hat back.
"Yes, she's just turned 3 a few weeks ago. Her name is Joanna" said Jocelyn.
"She's already got her mother's beauty. Well, I had best leave you two to your walk. It was really nice seeing you again, Joce." said Treadway, as he turned to walk away.
"Yeah, it was nice seeing you too, Clay. Good luck at the Embassy" said Jocelyn, uneasily.
Later that day, Leonard finally came home.
"I'm sorry about what I said last night. I went and stayed with Merlin last night." He said apologetically.
"I'm sorry too. We can't keep doing this, Joanna woke up in the middle of the night, wanting to see you." said Jocelyn.
"Do you think we should see somebody?" said Leonard.
"If you think it'll help, sure. Anything is better than nothing." said Jocelyn.
"I think I can get in touch with an old med school colleague we could go see." said Leonard.
"I'm ok with it if you are." said Jocelyn. "Can you help me set the table, please?"
They had dinner like a normal family for once. No arguments or anything. They chatted about the day and Jocelyn mentioned she had talked to Clay at the park.
"Oh really, what's the old helmet head up to recently?" said Leonard, mischievously.
"He's a special envoy for the Terran Embassy. Said he's planning to become an Ambassador for the Federation." said Jocelyn.
"Didn't think he had it in him, his family must've pulled a hell of a lot of strings to get him that job." said Leonard.
"Yeah, I kinda figured the same thing. God, even when we were dating, he always seemed a bit slow to understand things." said Jocelyn. She started staring off into the distance randomly.
"Joce, honey?" said Leonard, trying to break her reverie.
"Yeah, sorry." said Jocelyn, suddenly.
"You seem distracted tonight. What's on your mind?" said Leonard.
"It was just weird seeing Clay again. After all this time." said Jocelyn. "He's changed so much from what he used to be like."
"Probably still hates me for showing him up at that dance." said Leonard, almost proud with himself.
"Seriously?!, You're really just going to assume that? Seems like the only person who hasn't changed much is you." said Jocelyn, angrily.
"Okay, okay. I'm sorry." said Leonard, taken aback by the sudden outburst. "What was all that about?"
"Nothing." snapped Jocelyn. "I'm just… on edge about yesterday"
2 weeks go by and things improve a bit, but there is still a lot of tension between Leonard and Jocelyn. Leonard had left early in the morning for work and dropped Joanna off at his mother's house for the day. He said "You need a little break from mothering for a few hours. Doctor's orders" So she was home alone, relaxing. All of a sudden there was a knock on the door. Jocelyn opens the door to see Clay Treadway standing on her porch.
"Hiya, Joce. I was in the neighborhood and figured I'd say hello again." said Treadway with a smile.
"How are you, Clay?" said Jocelyn, suddenly very happy
"Is Joanna here? I think she may have left something at the park." said Treadway, while holding a tiny pink bow.
"No, she's at her grandmother's for the day. Leonard took her on his way to work this morning." said Jocelyn as she began to lean on the doorframe, almost seductively.
"Would you like to come in?"
Leonard walked home quite briskly, like he was in the best mood of his life. He had finally got in touch with his med school colleague, Jack Williams. Jack majored in psychology and was now working as a therapist. As he walked, he thought quietly to himself, *We'll finally be a proper family* He was more than ready to apologize to Jocelyn and re-kindle the spark that drew them together in the first place. When he finally got to the house, he ran up the stairs and pushed the door open.
"Hiya, honey! " He proclaimed loudly.
But Leonard wasn't greeted with the sight of his wife, but with an image that still haunts the darkest parts of his mind. The image of Jocelyn, with Clay Treadway, in HIS house was forever burned into his mind. Jocelyn was lying down on the sofa, with just a shirt covering her.
She shouted, "Leonard, wait!" as he shot out of the house as fast as his legs could carry him. He thought about getting Joanna and leaving with her, but decided against it. He found himself going toward Nancy Crater's apartment. When he arrived, his face was covered with tears running down his face. Nancy did the best she could to console him, but it proved to be a useless gesture. The very next day, Leonard applied to Starfleet.
Joanna McCoy stared at her father with a look of shock, "That's the side I never heard. You never did have an affair with Nancy, did you?"
"No. No, I didn't. I didn't even start really spending time with her until after I left." said McCoy, solemnly. "I can't even begin to say how stupid I was before it happened. And I've regretted every day I've spent away from you, running from my own demons."
He took Joanna in a hug and spoke quietly, "I've hoped and prayed that you would forgive your mother and I. I don't feel that I have the right because we gave you every reason to hate us."
As he spoke, Joanna pondered her father's words. True, she had the fury of a raging supernova when her mother had told her side of the story. But, some part of her knew she couldn't stay angry at them and could never fully blame her father. But, he hadn't been the one sleeping around, but he hadn't helped the relationship by neglecting his family. Joanna broke away, to face her father.
"Well, I'm happy to say that you never had to hope or pray because I forgave both of you long ago. You are my parents and I am your daughter. Nothing or no one in the universe can take that fact away from us. You guys raised me enough to the see good in everyone." said Joanna.
"I can't see a reason in hating the people who created me because of their own young stupidity. Even when I was little, I never held a grudge against anyone."
McCoy gazed at his child, full of more pride then he though a human was capable of feeling. The fact that Joanna had been through so much emotional turmoil by this time in her life and still became the smart, caring person he knew her to be, it was nothing short of remarkable.
So, the two of them spent most of the night on the Observation Deck, just talking and gazing at the stars. Joanna finally fell asleep and not wanting to wake her, McCoy picked her up and carried her to her cabin.
McCoy finally felt like a father for the first time in so many years.