Secret Longing, a death note fanfic

Secret Longing

Light & L

I had been watching him for some time. He always did things in his manner of panicked, manic order.

Sweet always at his side, with in close consumption range, their normal effect of sugar rushes and frantic movements, never hindering his capabilities and thought processes. It almost seemed to calm him. Make him work better and with more pacing. It amazed me. Watching him work through his own mental dance, the one I hoped to outsmart. He was to be my greatest enemy and my best friend, maybe more.

That thought made me uncomfortable, every time I had it. I was supposed to consider him my enemy, my one true foe, in many ways my equal, but he was not, he could not read me as well as he wanted to. He did not see our dance the way I did.

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He never saw me looking at him. My actions covered by my sugar rushes. Or that is what I told myself. I watch him to learn, another lie. I watch him because he was my enemy, and my friend. I am sure he is the one, he is Kira, he is the reason I am here. What a place to be, with in arms reach of the one person that would make my life complete. That thought is taboo.

Complete, what does it mean to be complete, to have come to the conclusion of something, to find the end one is looking for?

What is the end I am looking for? Happiness, safety, sadness or some sort of contentment?

With him I think it could be all; all at once. It is odd to think like that, to think that one could complete and destroy me at once.

We had been working in close proximity with each other so long that our scents now mingled. He always smelled of sugar, of sweet duress, the perfume I wanted to smell forever.

I could not think that, he was my enemy.

My worst most hated enemy, and the one that I wanted to stay with during the night, wrapped in an embrace, sleeping, staring, warming, clinging to, and understanding. My thoughts betray me.

He controlled me, I controlled him.

We were two sides of a very different coin. I must move to outwit him, make him mine, rule him. I would have to be strong. My thoughts could not stray to him in any other sense than that of someone working against my powers towards good.

He is the ultimate enemy to my ultimate goal.

His voice follows me wherever I go. He has taken residence with in my head. Unwelcome and forbidden to leave, I would not allow it.

How could I think of my enemy this way? I could not, and yet…

He is my enemy; he cannot be taken in any other light. His voice with its deep and varying inflections play in my head like music of the darkest places. I want to be next to him, curled around him, listening to him, breathing the same air, telling our secrets, understanding. My thoughts betray me.

He controlled me, I controlled him.

He is me but opposite, we are like twins that have never met, our thoughts similar, almost the same, but the temperament is different. His darker, mine not at all light. I could think of him as nothing less than my enemy, the number one on the list.

The one I must destroy, take his power, not to make it my own, but to make the world belong to itself again.

We are enemies, hated and deceptive. We are together in our thoughts, we are longing for something. We will outwit one another and in the end be forgotten and left in sadness.