Ke'ev:
Ziva is not sure what day it is. She is hollow and senseless. She hates the feeling, her skin stinging with sweat and wounds both old and knew.
She sees her mother's scolding face in her mind, the soft words seeming so far away, 'You went and got yourself dirty again.'
Ziva is dirty, and so are the men here. They are all one color at this place, the color of the desert sand. Ziva is not a clean little lady like her mother would have wanted, here. She is messy and crude-looking.
Sadly, Ziva does not care.
--- --- ---
The man who is torturing Ziva is cruel and heartless. Ziva can see it on the outside, and the jagged scar on the left side of his chest only proves Ziva's theory more.
Ziva is many things, but she is not heartless.
--- --- ---
'Your father will bargain for you.' The man says the next day. Ziva can barely bring herself to scoff.
'I do not think so.' She responds, voice full of scorn.
The man smirks, and Ziva hates him even more. She did not know it was possible to hate someone so much.
'Your father does not care about you?' He asks, and Ziva wants to kill him. But shackles holding her hands do not give her the pleasure.
'No.' She says simply instead. It is the truth, no matter how much it hurts. Ziva's life is about hurt at the moment, and it is nothing new anymore to know that she is doomed. Her father will not come for her any time soon.
The response is cold and chills Ziva deep into her bones. One word can have so much power, 'Good.'
--- --- ---
Ziva tries not to think about her past or her future in this place. She only focuses on the present. The numbness that is slowly growing stronger has become quite an interesting thing. Ziva constantly wonders if she will just go so numb that she dies. But, death can never be that pleasant, not in a place like this.
Ziva will be numb until her death, and that is when the pain will begin.
--- --- ---
The numbness grows stronger, and Ziva wants her ability to feel something, anything back. So she thinks of NCIS, Gibbs…Tony.
Tony. Ziva thinks of his smiling face, his crude jokes and annoying movie references, bringing them into her mind.
…Nothing.
Abby- with her bouncy, giddy ways and the hugs that would frighten even a python away.
…Nothing.
Tali. Ziva thinks of Tali's face before the bomb blast, thinks of her little sister laughing and acting like the child she was. Ziva would usually have felt something at the thought of Tali.
…Nothing.
Religion.
…Nothing, all the gods forgive her.
Killing Ari.
…Nothing.
Her own looming death.
…Nothing.
Ziva feels nothing at all, but she is not at all worried anymore. Instead, Ziva lets the numbness takes over as she leans against the wall of her cell and laughs.
--- --- ---
'You will be trapped in a place of burning sun.' Ziva says aloud the next day. She remembers the words of that gypsy from years ago.
The words are correct. In the desert the sun burns, and Ziva is trapped.
--- --- ---
The man comes back again, and says nothing. He simply kicks Ziva and hits her until she is lying, curled in a defensive ball, on the floor of her stone cell.
Ziva realizes as she lies there that she is not bulletproof, invincible. There is one thing out of many that Ziva is. She is human, with fragile bones and a body as light as air.
It sounds like she is a bird. Ziva would have not minded being a bird. As long as she could fly away from everything.
--- --- ---
Ari was afraid of butterflies, how they could fly with their fragile wings and not fall from the sky. Ziva always made fun of her brother for his fear, knowing it was not his worst one. Ari was more afraid of becoming like their father. Ziva's half-brother did not want to become such an evil person. Sadly, he did.
Tali was afraid of thunderstorms. She would cry as a child whenever a rare clap of thunder would shake the house. Ziva realizes that the sound of the bomb that killed her little sister, her best friend, sounded exactly like a loud boom of thunder as it went off. Tali was killed by her greatest fear.
Ziva is afraid of failure, and here she is after failing an important mission. It is an odd fear to have, but Ziva is cursed with it, and she must deal with always worrying about not succeeding at something. But, as she lies in the hot, muggy cell and goes over her thoughts, a rock drops in Ziva's stomach.
She is going to be killed by the thing she fears most, just like her siblings.
--- --- ---
Pain. Ziva is aware of it again as death looms more imminent. Her shackles cut into her skin, the burns from many cigarettess being put out on her body fleck her skin, and Ziva has no vision available out of her left eye. It is swollen shut from countless slaps and punches that made Ziva shudder.
Than man has not been in Ziva's cell for days, and she wonders if she is just being left to rot for all eternity. It will not come as a surprise if she finds out she is. Ziva is uncooperative, and these Somalia-terrorist men like cooperation. Ziva is the wrong person for them to have, and she has already sworn that she will die before giving up any information about NCIS.
Dying is a real possibility, and Ziva welcomes it. She had nothing to live for. But the urge to keep living is still there, and Ziva has no clue who to listen to. So, she focuses on the pain. Ziva focuses on the burning, the constant ache everywhere. She focuses on the throbbing and pounding, the constant muscles spasms. Ziva focuses on the worst of everything.
Ke'ev. Pain. It was all that existed anymore.
--- --- ---
-Fin-
That was depressing, but fun to write. It's a different style than I usually use, but I kinda like it.
This actually came from a dream I had, which was about the part with Ziva saying her father does not care about her, and the man who is torturing her saying, 'Good.' I remembered it this morning, and was like 'o.o MUST WRITE.'
Reviews make my world go round, seriously.