This is my first fic. Ever. It was originally entitled "Quatres Confusion with his Sexual Identity" but I figured no one would read it if I called it that. Hehe. PG13 for minor cussing and yoai stuff. Yeah. I haven't even edited this fic so sorry if it completely sucks. ^_^ Oh yeah, a bit of OOC (or some might think, I dun though) and AU.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
The first thing I remembered about the morning was being awakened by his sweet kisses on my neck. It was a wake up call I was more than use to receiving. I smiled, but refused to open my eyes, continuing the game we played every morning. His fingers tickled my side, trying to get any sort of snicker out of me.
"Wake up Quatre." He cooed in my ear. "You slept in again."
"Bah!" I made some sort of incoherent noise and threw a pillow over my face. "I don't want to go to work today!" He laughed, and shifted his weight back to his side of the bed.
"Without you providing for us, Quatre, we'll be out on the street." I smiled from beneath my pillow. It was true, the only jobs the guys ever got were random acts of terrorism, which doesn't usually pay well. I don't mind it though. I like having the guys around. Especially Trowa....
I heard him untangle himself from the twisted sheets.
"I'll take a shower first." He told me. "Because you use all the hot water." I pushed the pillow from my face to give him a mock glare but he was already in the bathroom before I could. Oh well...maybe next time. I looked over at the clock on my nightstand. 11:15. Crap, I really did over sleep. I had a meeting with the some stuffy German Business men in two hours and, as Trowa said, I take long showers. I considered maybe skipping a shower, but in all honestly, I can't stand being unclean. Even as a boy! But...then again.... I never really had much time to be a boy, with the life style I led.
I yawned once more, shaking the sleepiness from my head and finally got myself out of bed. I than began to make Trowa and my bed, tucking in all the sheets, arranging the pillows just so...
I don't really remember how long it's been since Trowa and I began sleeping together. Whoa, wait. I didn't mean it like that! I meant, sleeping together as in the same bed. Trowa and I haven't made that other step yet. I don't know if we ever will. It doesn't matter; I just like to be close to my Trowa. That's how it ended up like this, the two of us sharing a bed. Just one night, the two of us stayed up together, talking, laughing like we usually do. It got into the late hours and we just fell asleep! It's been like that ever since.
Conveniently, just as I finish with my chore, Trowa is out of the shower. Fully dressed, wet bangs falling over his eyes. I wrinkled my nose.
"I don't understand how you do it..." I mumble, as I push by him into the bathroom. He laughs quietly, about as much of a laugh as you can get out of the guy. He's quiet, but that's okay with me! I know how he feels just by looking into his warm green eyes and believe me, that's about the warmest thing about him, personality wise. He, Heero, and Wu Fei some of the coldest people I've met but I guess it comes with the job description. Without Duo, this house would be like a freezer.
----
The warm water washed my sleepiness away and I was almost ready to start my day. Lets see.... 1:15ish, meeting with the Germen men, after that I have to go shopping for the guys...crap. I hope they made a list.
The bathroom door swung open, a blast of cold air finding a way to sneak behind the clouded glass and chilled my bare body. I shuddered.
"Hey Q!" Duo called. I could see his misty figure from behind the glass. Although he most likely couldn't see me, my modesty got the better of me and I grabbed the towel that was draped over the side and wrapped it around myself (real smart on my part since the shower was still running).
"Christ!" I mumbled. "Duo, what on earth are you doing?"
"Trowa sent me," He explained. "He said you better get out soon or else you'll be late for your meeting." I pushed the door open enough so I could poke my head out.
"What time is it?!" I demanded. The American rolled his sleeve up and peered at his watch.
"12:20."
"Crap!" I slammed the door shut. "Tell him I'll be right down, I have to get the soap out of my hair." Duo chuckled.
"'righty Q, I'll deliver the message." And he was out and, in true Duo fashion, leaving the door open behind him.
----
"Master Quatre," Rashid greeted me with. "The Sandrock is ready, whenever you are." I looked up at him from behind my wet bangs. (Allah, If my sisters find me in such a disarray before a meeting I'm a dead man!)
"Thanks Rashid." I say with a smile. I look over to see the Manguanacs putting the final touches to Sandrock. I sigh.
"Rashid, you guys really don't have to do this every morning." Rashid just gave me one of those fatherly smiles. You know, the ones where they don't say anything because they think they don't have too? My father use to give me that look all the time. Now its just Rashid and Trowa.
I climbed into the pilot seat and waited for the rest of the Manguanacs to scramble out of the way. With cheerful waves, they set me off for another day at the office. I find myself with another smile. I'm so lucky to be loved by so many.
----
"I'm glad that's over..." I mumbled, running my fingers through my hair. The meeting went well, but we weren't expecting anything else. Trade is open; no more tension between the two companies.... whatever else they said. My job is simply to keep the peace; at least that's what it feels like. It's hard to be a 17-year-old businessman.
Sandrock was in its usually place I kept it in the back behind all the trees. It's sort of like my own exclusive parking lot.
As I clamored up to the pilot seat, I was, as usual, going through the rest of my day. What else did I have to do? Oh yeah, shopping. Trowa was kind enough to give me the list before I left. Lesse.... eggs...flour.... chocolate chips...hmm...is Relena making cookies?
"Murderer!" Someone shrieked from outside of Sandrock. I looked up from the crinkled up piece of paper to the open door.
"Who the...?" Whoever it was swung through the open door, pushing me hard against the seat of Sandrock. Cold steel was pressed against my neck, warm breath against my cheek.
"Murderer..." She repeated in a growl, her hateful glare ripping into my soul. I didn't know what too say. Something in my heart told me she wasn't an enemy.
I guess she didn't want me to say anything, because before she did any more to harm me, she moved in close to my face, and pressed her warm lips against mine in... What I think was.... a kiss. I wasn't sure because this wasn't like how Trowa kissed me (I know I know. But I really have never been kissed by anyone but Trowa!). Although this kiss was laced with anger it was...gentler...sweeter...kind of like the ones that are written about in my sisters romance novels (not that I've ever taken the time to read one of those...). It wasn't meant to be of course, I got that as soon as she pushed the knife higher to my neck, close enough to draw a good amount of blood. She leaned back and gave me a crazed grin.
"It's like kissing a rose, don't you think?"
(Huh?)
"I...don't understand." I stammer. She sneered.
"Of course you don't, murderer." I furrowed my brows.
"What? I didn't murder you." She stared at me for a moment, long and hard, as if trying to figure out if I were serious or not. Then she did something quite unexpected...she laughed. Laughed hard. I mean, I thought I would hear her ribs crack! She let the knife fall from my neck while she wiped bitter tears from her eyes. Jesus Christ! This girl is nuts! I mean, its one thing to come bursting in here with a knife to my neck calling me names, she probably has good reason. But to sit in front of the one you're suppose to be killing and laughing too his face?! That's just weird.
I started to reach for the pistol Heero instructed me always to keep in Sandrock, but she must have seen me, because in one quick motion the knife was back to my neck, the glare finding its way back onto her face.
"Nice try, Blondie." She said. "I came here for a reason and I'm not about to pass this it up now."
"Why...?" I asked slowly, afraid of anything that might startle her.
"'Why?'" She snorted. "It shouldn't surprise me you don't know why." I didn't say anything. She moved the tip of the knife to the middle of my neck, and playfully spun it around her fingers.
"Quatre Raberba Winner..." She sang my name like a little canary; at least that's what it reminded me. It was cute, I thought. Yeah, I know there was a knife to my neck, but I couldn't help myself! No ones ever sang my name before!
"Quatre Raberba Winner," She repeated, "also known as Gundam Pilot 04 by military officials, right?" I didn't respond. She snickered. "Your silence speaks." (What's the deal with the riddles?) Just as quickly as the smile came, once more the anger spread across her face like a Venetian mask. She gripped the hilt of the knife, her knuckles turning an ugly yellow colour. "You killed the ones you were suppose to protect, Gundam Pilot 04..." She growled. She didn't mean....
"The...colony?" She brought her free hand up and grabbed hold of my chin roughly.
"Bingo!" She cheered. "Guess you're not as dumb as you look." She threw me backward against the chair again. She looked away from me for a moment, lost in a far away memory, the knife untangling themselves from her fine fingers, clattering to the ground. This time I didn't reach for my gun...
"My whole family was on that colony...friends...family...all murdered." She looked back at me, renewed. No more the psycho who had first charged at me but a child. A lost lonely child just trying to find where she belongs. I knew how that felt. I bet I looked the same way when my father was killed, maybe even when I was under the influence of the Zero system. "Didn't you hear them, Gundam?" She asked me, tears starting to fill her eyes. "Didn't you hear them cry?" Her chin started to shake as she fought to keep herself from sobbing. "I did. I heard them."
I didn't know what too say...what could I say? My usual escape was an apology, but what good did that do me now? I killed her family. Hell, I killed her! She's probably wasted her life trying to find me, readying herself to kill me. And she had every right too. Every right to take that knife and run me though. She was right. I was a murderer. All the apologies in the world won't changed the fact that I, Quatre Raberba Winner, am a cold, blooded killer, damned by our God to an eternity in the pits of hell.
"Why...?" She whispered. "Why Gundam Pilot? You were supposed to be protecting the Colonies!" The tears fell freely from their prison now, streaming down her pink cheeks down her chin. "What did they do too you?! Why!?" She threw herself at me, beating her fists into my chest. "Why?! Why?! Why?!" Her body was defeated by her uncontrollable sobs, and she collapsed onto me, clinging to my blood stained shirt, weeping on me. My own tears started to form, and I could do no more for her, or myself, than to hold her our grief.
-----
"This doesn't change anything Gundam," She said as I brought the tea to the table. "I'm still going to kill you."
"I know." I said, setting the teacup in front of her. "I'm sorry, but would you mind not calling me 'Gundam' in a public place?" I looked around Starbucks cafe warily. "You don't know whose about." She didn't answer me, so I took it as a yes. I sat down in front of her and opened one of the creamers the kind waitress gave me.
"May I be so forward as to ask your name?" I asked, watching the milk cloud my tea.
"Why should I tell you?" She replied harshly. I shrugged and sipped the tea.
"Fair enough." I set the teacup back on the dish and held out my hand. "I'm Quatre Raberba Winner," And than I laughed. "But of course you already knew that, didn't you?" She looked at my outstretched hand like it was covered in dirt or something. I didn't really expect her to take it, so I once again shrugged and put attention back on my tea, quietly taking note of the girl.
She was 17 or 18, just around my age. Short brown hair with deep brown eyes too matches. The colour in her eyes reminded me a lot of chocolate, with little bits of caramel that made her eyes even more beautiful than they already were. But sad. They had a haunting shadow over them, which if you looked close enough made you want to cry. You can see the tears locked behind her gaze that she refuses to let anyone see. I'm probably one of the few who have seen the Lady cry. I'm probably the only one who has ever had the misfortune to make her cry...
Dressed simply, and rather sloppily. A white shirt with various stains from Allah knows how long, and a loose fitted pair of gray pants, much the same as the shirt. She was a kind person, I could tell that. She wasn't the sort of person who seemed to be into the assassination business. Than again, neither do I. Funny how things work out for people...
I also noticed the finer details. Dirt beneath the fingers nails meant travel, dark circles under the eyes meant sleepless nights, the way she continuously licked her pale lips meant nervousness (it didn't take a genius to figure out why), and the way the tapped her foot against the floor meant she was anxious. For what? To kill me?
"Aina." I heard her whipser. I looked up.
"Excuse me?"
"Aina!" She repeated harshly. "Thats my name. Aina (last name)." I smiled.
"Thats pretty." I said. She rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, thanks." She went to look away from me again, but something seemed to hold her. Her brown eyes appeared to be stuck to me and although I didn't question it, it did make me sort of uneasy. The only other person who gave me that look was Trowa. You know, that look of 'There's something about you that I have to figure out. What is it about you, Quatre? What is it I don't understand about you?'
Well...maybe you never got that look. But I get it plenty from Trowa. And I never saw anyone else use it like this. And it was making me angry.
"What??" I snapped. She looked startled, which I didn't blame her for. I was startled too. I don't get angry very easily, especially not from looks. (And I get a lot of different looks from people.) She suddenly got very flustered
"N..nothing. I was just...I mean...it was..." I sighed. Now I felt bad.
"I'm sorry..." I mumbled. "I have no right to yell." She shook her head.
"No, its not that." She said. "I was just..wondering something stupid."
I stayed silent, expecting her to explain. Maybe she wanted too, because she did open her mouth to say something, but quickly shut it before the words escaped. She shook her head once more with more force.
"I have to get the hell out of here." She reached into her pocket and slammed money hard on the table.
"Don't think this changes anything between us, Gundam." She growled. "I will kill you." I nodded and took a quick sip of the tea.
"I look forward to seeing you around, Aina."
----
I went home with a sick feeling in my stomach. A feeling of incompleteness...if thats even a word. I came through the door, put the groceries where they belong and immediatly went to the music hall. I needed to get her out of my head, because I think she's the one who was making me feel this way. Everything about her...too her eyes, ("Hehe! Sort of remind me of a Goldren Retriever!..wait..thats not very nice of me to say..") the way she spoke ("..'I will kill you..' hm..sounds like Heero.) the way her hands curled so awquwardly ((eeck!)) around her coffee mug ("..like she were yearning for someone elses hands in there, but could only find her own. Wow...she had beautiful pianist hands..") too the way she kissed me...("Nothing like how Trowa kissed")........
Ugh, I had to get her out of there. I sat down on the piano bench, rolled up my sleeves, and started playing. What I don't know, I was simply making something up off the top of my head.
I always grew up with music, since I was a little boy. No matter where I've gone, I've always had a flute, violin, or piano as my escape from all this bloodshed. I think the piano is my favourite, although I may not be the best at it. Its the only thing where I can play and let my personal feelings come out. I never play for anyone, unless of course they come in to listen. When I was a boy, Rashid and my father always pressured me to write down my songs, but I never would. I couldn't! I couldn't imagine someone else playing my songs! They would get it all wrong! They couldn't possibly have the emotion I had when composing it. My father and Rashid just thought I was lazy, and I let them think that. It was none of their buisness anyway. The music was for me, and for me only. Atleast most of the time...
I heard the quiet footsteps of shoe on slate coming toward me. I didn't look up from the piano keys. I knew who it was already. If it were Heero or Wu Fei, they would have listened from the door way until I was done or until they got bored.. If it were Duo, it'd be a lot less...quiet. It was no one else, but Trowa Barton.
So not to disturb me, he sat down next to me on the piano bench. From the corner of my eye, I peered at him as he watched with great interestest as my fingers fluttered down the keys. Finally he spoke...
"The tune is sad today, Quatre." He said, strangely. Sort of like a statement, but really a question...if that makes any sence. Trowa was such a sneak when it came to conversation. I don't know how he does it, but he always gets me talking. Well, I saw past his tricks today.
I nonchalantly shrugged and continued playing.
"Not intentional." I said cooly. He leaned closer to me, and kissed my ear lobe. Although I would have rathered he didn't do this now, when I was having a personal moment with just me and my music, I didn't fight him. I just continued playing as usual, barely paying him any mind.
His kisses moved down my face, like cool rain drops. He brought his hand to my cheek, careful not to distrub my playing, and gently massaged it. Still, I paid no mind to him. So he let his fingers trace the edges of my face, to the middle of my chin...to the middle of my neck. He paused, and pulled away from me suddenly.
"Whats this?" He asked, keeping his fingers on the bandage that covered the wound Aina gave me. My playing stopped for a moment. Ach, I figured he'd find it.
"Nothing." I replied mysteriously, starting up from where I left off ("Seems like a nice place for a creshndo, huh?"). He glared at me from behind his bangs.
"Quatre..." He pressed, like I he was my father or something. ("Why does everyone want to be my father, suddenly?")
"I fell." I then answered.
"Where?" He came back with.
"Grocery shopping. On one of the shelves. I slipped." We were quiet, the only thing between us was me and my music. So I kept my eyes glued to the keys. As much as Trowa was annoying me right now, I hated lying to him. But I didn't want to tell him about Aina. I didn't want to tell him about how I killed her family and how I'm damned to hell because of it. I don't want to tell him how we went out for coffee, and how she had the sweetest brown eyes I've ever seen on a girl. I didn't want to try and explain the strange shadow that followed her, that kept her from opening up to me. And I certainly didn't want to tell him about was wondeful her kiss was, and how deep down, something in me wanted to kiss her back. Was it him? I don't know and I don't care. Because it hurt to think about these things. And right now I didn't want to do anything, but play my music.
Trowas hand fell gently on my shoulder, probably scared as I beat my anger into the ivory keys.
"Its okay Quatre." He whispered. "You don't have to tell me." I frowned. I made him feel bad. I had no right to make Trowa feel bad. I loved Trowa, I really did. I don't know why I felt this way, but it really was ripping me apart. The tearing hurt so much, that I nearly cried right there and then. But I didn't. I just took my hands off the piano for a moment, and turned to look into those shinning green eyes I fell in love with the first time I saw him. Like two, beautiful emeralds, gleaming and sparkling just for me! Because I never saw them like that when he looked at anyone else.
I loved Trowa. I did. So I don't know why I did what I did...
I leaned forward, and I barely kissed his lips at first. Just sort of a tease. But something forced me to do something strange. I kissed him harder. Hard but gentle. Forcefully, but with enough leway that I could recieve something from him. I was tyring to kiss him like Aina kissed me. That sweet, honey-dew of a kiss that, although it was poisoned with hatred, sent shivers down my spine to think of it. The good kind, like when I think about Trowa. Maybe I was trying to recapture Aina in Trowa, I don't know. It was all so strange to me, but I had to try. I had too.
When I pulled away, Trowa had the weirdest look on his face. He put his fingers to his lips as he stared dumbly at me.
"That was...interesting." I looked away quickly. Damn, what was I thinking?
"I'm sorry Trowa, I just had to see if..." See if what? I don't know. What was I trying to do? "I'm just sorry." I somehow felt him smile, and he leaned forward to kissed the top of my head.
"Its alright, Quatre. I understand." And with that, he stood and walked out of the music hall.
Trowa...understands? How can he understands? He has no idea! No idea what so ever!
"Oh Trowa..."
---
I didn't sleep well after that night. For the first time since Trowa and I started sharing a bed, I felt suffocated. I wanted out. All the things I use to love about my Trowa now drove me insane. Like when we slept, his arm was always drapped over me, holding me like a child would a toy. Or when we sit down to tea, how he kisses me in mid sentance. Although I don't know which is worse, when I'm talking and he interupts me like that, or when I'm talking and he answers with only 3 words.Allah, I hated that. Why didn't I ever relize it before? My relationship with Trowa wasn't the same, and I was afraid it might never be again.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
The first thing I remembered about the morning was being awakened by his sweet kisses on my neck. It was a wake up call I was more than use to receiving. I smiled, but refused to open my eyes, continuing the game we played every morning. His fingers tickled my side, trying to get any sort of snicker out of me.
"Wake up Quatre." He cooed in my ear. "You slept in again."
"Bah!" I made some sort of incoherent noise and threw a pillow over my face. "I don't want to go to work today!" He laughed, and shifted his weight back to his side of the bed.
"Without you providing for us, Quatre, we'll be out on the street." I smiled from beneath my pillow. It was true, the only jobs the guys ever got were random acts of terrorism, which doesn't usually pay well. I don't mind it though. I like having the guys around. Especially Trowa....
I heard him untangle himself from the twisted sheets.
"I'll take a shower first." He told me. "Because you use all the hot water." I pushed the pillow from my face to give him a mock glare but he was already in the bathroom before I could. Oh well...maybe next time. I looked over at the clock on my nightstand. 11:15. Crap, I really did over sleep. I had a meeting with the some stuffy German Business men in two hours and, as Trowa said, I take long showers. I considered maybe skipping a shower, but in all honestly, I can't stand being unclean. Even as a boy! But...then again.... I never really had much time to be a boy, with the life style I led.
I yawned once more, shaking the sleepiness from my head and finally got myself out of bed. I than began to make Trowa and my bed, tucking in all the sheets, arranging the pillows just so...
I don't really remember how long it's been since Trowa and I began sleeping together. Whoa, wait. I didn't mean it like that! I meant, sleeping together as in the same bed. Trowa and I haven't made that other step yet. I don't know if we ever will. It doesn't matter; I just like to be close to my Trowa. That's how it ended up like this, the two of us sharing a bed. Just one night, the two of us stayed up together, talking, laughing like we usually do. It got into the late hours and we just fell asleep! It's been like that ever since.
Conveniently, just as I finish with my chore, Trowa is out of the shower. Fully dressed, wet bangs falling over his eyes. I wrinkled my nose.
"I don't understand how you do it..." I mumble, as I push by him into the bathroom. He laughs quietly, about as much of a laugh as you can get out of the guy. He's quiet, but that's okay with me! I know how he feels just by looking into his warm green eyes and believe me, that's about the warmest thing about him, personality wise. He, Heero, and Wu Fei some of the coldest people I've met but I guess it comes with the job description. Without Duo, this house would be like a freezer.
----
The warm water washed my sleepiness away and I was almost ready to start my day. Lets see.... 1:15ish, meeting with the Germen men, after that I have to go shopping for the guys...crap. I hope they made a list.
The bathroom door swung open, a blast of cold air finding a way to sneak behind the clouded glass and chilled my bare body. I shuddered.
"Hey Q!" Duo called. I could see his misty figure from behind the glass. Although he most likely couldn't see me, my modesty got the better of me and I grabbed the towel that was draped over the side and wrapped it around myself (real smart on my part since the shower was still running).
"Christ!" I mumbled. "Duo, what on earth are you doing?"
"Trowa sent me," He explained. "He said you better get out soon or else you'll be late for your meeting." I pushed the door open enough so I could poke my head out.
"What time is it?!" I demanded. The American rolled his sleeve up and peered at his watch.
"12:20."
"Crap!" I slammed the door shut. "Tell him I'll be right down, I have to get the soap out of my hair." Duo chuckled.
"'righty Q, I'll deliver the message." And he was out and, in true Duo fashion, leaving the door open behind him.
----
"Master Quatre," Rashid greeted me with. "The Sandrock is ready, whenever you are." I looked up at him from behind my wet bangs. (Allah, If my sisters find me in such a disarray before a meeting I'm a dead man!)
"Thanks Rashid." I say with a smile. I look over to see the Manguanacs putting the final touches to Sandrock. I sigh.
"Rashid, you guys really don't have to do this every morning." Rashid just gave me one of those fatherly smiles. You know, the ones where they don't say anything because they think they don't have too? My father use to give me that look all the time. Now its just Rashid and Trowa.
I climbed into the pilot seat and waited for the rest of the Manguanacs to scramble out of the way. With cheerful waves, they set me off for another day at the office. I find myself with another smile. I'm so lucky to be loved by so many.
----
"I'm glad that's over..." I mumbled, running my fingers through my hair. The meeting went well, but we weren't expecting anything else. Trade is open; no more tension between the two companies.... whatever else they said. My job is simply to keep the peace; at least that's what it feels like. It's hard to be a 17-year-old businessman.
Sandrock was in its usually place I kept it in the back behind all the trees. It's sort of like my own exclusive parking lot.
As I clamored up to the pilot seat, I was, as usual, going through the rest of my day. What else did I have to do? Oh yeah, shopping. Trowa was kind enough to give me the list before I left. Lesse.... eggs...flour.... chocolate chips...hmm...is Relena making cookies?
"Murderer!" Someone shrieked from outside of Sandrock. I looked up from the crinkled up piece of paper to the open door.
"Who the...?" Whoever it was swung through the open door, pushing me hard against the seat of Sandrock. Cold steel was pressed against my neck, warm breath against my cheek.
"Murderer..." She repeated in a growl, her hateful glare ripping into my soul. I didn't know what too say. Something in my heart told me she wasn't an enemy.
I guess she didn't want me to say anything, because before she did any more to harm me, she moved in close to my face, and pressed her warm lips against mine in... What I think was.... a kiss. I wasn't sure because this wasn't like how Trowa kissed me (I know I know. But I really have never been kissed by anyone but Trowa!). Although this kiss was laced with anger it was...gentler...sweeter...kind of like the ones that are written about in my sisters romance novels (not that I've ever taken the time to read one of those...). It wasn't meant to be of course, I got that as soon as she pushed the knife higher to my neck, close enough to draw a good amount of blood. She leaned back and gave me a crazed grin.
"It's like kissing a rose, don't you think?"
(Huh?)
"I...don't understand." I stammer. She sneered.
"Of course you don't, murderer." I furrowed my brows.
"What? I didn't murder you." She stared at me for a moment, long and hard, as if trying to figure out if I were serious or not. Then she did something quite unexpected...she laughed. Laughed hard. I mean, I thought I would hear her ribs crack! She let the knife fall from my neck while she wiped bitter tears from her eyes. Jesus Christ! This girl is nuts! I mean, its one thing to come bursting in here with a knife to my neck calling me names, she probably has good reason. But to sit in front of the one you're suppose to be killing and laughing too his face?! That's just weird.
I started to reach for the pistol Heero instructed me always to keep in Sandrock, but she must have seen me, because in one quick motion the knife was back to my neck, the glare finding its way back onto her face.
"Nice try, Blondie." She said. "I came here for a reason and I'm not about to pass this it up now."
"Why...?" I asked slowly, afraid of anything that might startle her.
"'Why?'" She snorted. "It shouldn't surprise me you don't know why." I didn't say anything. She moved the tip of the knife to the middle of my neck, and playfully spun it around her fingers.
"Quatre Raberba Winner..." She sang my name like a little canary; at least that's what it reminded me. It was cute, I thought. Yeah, I know there was a knife to my neck, but I couldn't help myself! No ones ever sang my name before!
"Quatre Raberba Winner," She repeated, "also known as Gundam Pilot 04 by military officials, right?" I didn't respond. She snickered. "Your silence speaks." (What's the deal with the riddles?) Just as quickly as the smile came, once more the anger spread across her face like a Venetian mask. She gripped the hilt of the knife, her knuckles turning an ugly yellow colour. "You killed the ones you were suppose to protect, Gundam Pilot 04..." She growled. She didn't mean....
"The...colony?" She brought her free hand up and grabbed hold of my chin roughly.
"Bingo!" She cheered. "Guess you're not as dumb as you look." She threw me backward against the chair again. She looked away from me for a moment, lost in a far away memory, the knife untangling themselves from her fine fingers, clattering to the ground. This time I didn't reach for my gun...
"My whole family was on that colony...friends...family...all murdered." She looked back at me, renewed. No more the psycho who had first charged at me but a child. A lost lonely child just trying to find where she belongs. I knew how that felt. I bet I looked the same way when my father was killed, maybe even when I was under the influence of the Zero system. "Didn't you hear them, Gundam?" She asked me, tears starting to fill her eyes. "Didn't you hear them cry?" Her chin started to shake as she fought to keep herself from sobbing. "I did. I heard them."
I didn't know what too say...what could I say? My usual escape was an apology, but what good did that do me now? I killed her family. Hell, I killed her! She's probably wasted her life trying to find me, readying herself to kill me. And she had every right too. Every right to take that knife and run me though. She was right. I was a murderer. All the apologies in the world won't changed the fact that I, Quatre Raberba Winner, am a cold, blooded killer, damned by our God to an eternity in the pits of hell.
"Why...?" She whispered. "Why Gundam Pilot? You were supposed to be protecting the Colonies!" The tears fell freely from their prison now, streaming down her pink cheeks down her chin. "What did they do too you?! Why!?" She threw herself at me, beating her fists into my chest. "Why?! Why?! Why?!" Her body was defeated by her uncontrollable sobs, and she collapsed onto me, clinging to my blood stained shirt, weeping on me. My own tears started to form, and I could do no more for her, or myself, than to hold her our grief.
-----
"This doesn't change anything Gundam," She said as I brought the tea to the table. "I'm still going to kill you."
"I know." I said, setting the teacup in front of her. "I'm sorry, but would you mind not calling me 'Gundam' in a public place?" I looked around Starbucks cafe warily. "You don't know whose about." She didn't answer me, so I took it as a yes. I sat down in front of her and opened one of the creamers the kind waitress gave me.
"May I be so forward as to ask your name?" I asked, watching the milk cloud my tea.
"Why should I tell you?" She replied harshly. I shrugged and sipped the tea.
"Fair enough." I set the teacup back on the dish and held out my hand. "I'm Quatre Raberba Winner," And than I laughed. "But of course you already knew that, didn't you?" She looked at my outstretched hand like it was covered in dirt or something. I didn't really expect her to take it, so I once again shrugged and put attention back on my tea, quietly taking note of the girl.
She was 17 or 18, just around my age. Short brown hair with deep brown eyes too matches. The colour in her eyes reminded me a lot of chocolate, with little bits of caramel that made her eyes even more beautiful than they already were. But sad. They had a haunting shadow over them, which if you looked close enough made you want to cry. You can see the tears locked behind her gaze that she refuses to let anyone see. I'm probably one of the few who have seen the Lady cry. I'm probably the only one who has ever had the misfortune to make her cry...
Dressed simply, and rather sloppily. A white shirt with various stains from Allah knows how long, and a loose fitted pair of gray pants, much the same as the shirt. She was a kind person, I could tell that. She wasn't the sort of person who seemed to be into the assassination business. Than again, neither do I. Funny how things work out for people...
I also noticed the finer details. Dirt beneath the fingers nails meant travel, dark circles under the eyes meant sleepless nights, the way she continuously licked her pale lips meant nervousness (it didn't take a genius to figure out why), and the way the tapped her foot against the floor meant she was anxious. For what? To kill me?
"Aina." I heard her whipser. I looked up.
"Excuse me?"
"Aina!" She repeated harshly. "Thats my name. Aina (last name)." I smiled.
"Thats pretty." I said. She rolled her eyes.
"Yeah, thanks." She went to look away from me again, but something seemed to hold her. Her brown eyes appeared to be stuck to me and although I didn't question it, it did make me sort of uneasy. The only other person who gave me that look was Trowa. You know, that look of 'There's something about you that I have to figure out. What is it about you, Quatre? What is it I don't understand about you?'
Well...maybe you never got that look. But I get it plenty from Trowa. And I never saw anyone else use it like this. And it was making me angry.
"What??" I snapped. She looked startled, which I didn't blame her for. I was startled too. I don't get angry very easily, especially not from looks. (And I get a lot of different looks from people.) She suddenly got very flustered
"N..nothing. I was just...I mean...it was..." I sighed. Now I felt bad.
"I'm sorry..." I mumbled. "I have no right to yell." She shook her head.
"No, its not that." She said. "I was just..wondering something stupid."
I stayed silent, expecting her to explain. Maybe she wanted too, because she did open her mouth to say something, but quickly shut it before the words escaped. She shook her head once more with more force.
"I have to get the hell out of here." She reached into her pocket and slammed money hard on the table.
"Don't think this changes anything between us, Gundam." She growled. "I will kill you." I nodded and took a quick sip of the tea.
"I look forward to seeing you around, Aina."
----
I went home with a sick feeling in my stomach. A feeling of incompleteness...if thats even a word. I came through the door, put the groceries where they belong and immediatly went to the music hall. I needed to get her out of my head, because I think she's the one who was making me feel this way. Everything about her...too her eyes, ("Hehe! Sort of remind me of a Goldren Retriever!..wait..thats not very nice of me to say..") the way she spoke ("..'I will kill you..' hm..sounds like Heero.) the way her hands curled so awquwardly ((eeck!)) around her coffee mug ("..like she were yearning for someone elses hands in there, but could only find her own. Wow...she had beautiful pianist hands..") too the way she kissed me...("Nothing like how Trowa kissed")........
Ugh, I had to get her out of there. I sat down on the piano bench, rolled up my sleeves, and started playing. What I don't know, I was simply making something up off the top of my head.
I always grew up with music, since I was a little boy. No matter where I've gone, I've always had a flute, violin, or piano as my escape from all this bloodshed. I think the piano is my favourite, although I may not be the best at it. Its the only thing where I can play and let my personal feelings come out. I never play for anyone, unless of course they come in to listen. When I was a boy, Rashid and my father always pressured me to write down my songs, but I never would. I couldn't! I couldn't imagine someone else playing my songs! They would get it all wrong! They couldn't possibly have the emotion I had when composing it. My father and Rashid just thought I was lazy, and I let them think that. It was none of their buisness anyway. The music was for me, and for me only. Atleast most of the time...
I heard the quiet footsteps of shoe on slate coming toward me. I didn't look up from the piano keys. I knew who it was already. If it were Heero or Wu Fei, they would have listened from the door way until I was done or until they got bored.. If it were Duo, it'd be a lot less...quiet. It was no one else, but Trowa Barton.
So not to disturb me, he sat down next to me on the piano bench. From the corner of my eye, I peered at him as he watched with great interestest as my fingers fluttered down the keys. Finally he spoke...
"The tune is sad today, Quatre." He said, strangely. Sort of like a statement, but really a question...if that makes any sence. Trowa was such a sneak when it came to conversation. I don't know how he does it, but he always gets me talking. Well, I saw past his tricks today.
I nonchalantly shrugged and continued playing.
"Not intentional." I said cooly. He leaned closer to me, and kissed my ear lobe. Although I would have rathered he didn't do this now, when I was having a personal moment with just me and my music, I didn't fight him. I just continued playing as usual, barely paying him any mind.
His kisses moved down my face, like cool rain drops. He brought his hand to my cheek, careful not to distrub my playing, and gently massaged it. Still, I paid no mind to him. So he let his fingers trace the edges of my face, to the middle of my chin...to the middle of my neck. He paused, and pulled away from me suddenly.
"Whats this?" He asked, keeping his fingers on the bandage that covered the wound Aina gave me. My playing stopped for a moment. Ach, I figured he'd find it.
"Nothing." I replied mysteriously, starting up from where I left off ("Seems like a nice place for a creshndo, huh?"). He glared at me from behind his bangs.
"Quatre..." He pressed, like I he was my father or something. ("Why does everyone want to be my father, suddenly?")
"I fell." I then answered.
"Where?" He came back with.
"Grocery shopping. On one of the shelves. I slipped." We were quiet, the only thing between us was me and my music. So I kept my eyes glued to the keys. As much as Trowa was annoying me right now, I hated lying to him. But I didn't want to tell him about Aina. I didn't want to tell him about how I killed her family and how I'm damned to hell because of it. I don't want to tell him how we went out for coffee, and how she had the sweetest brown eyes I've ever seen on a girl. I didn't want to try and explain the strange shadow that followed her, that kept her from opening up to me. And I certainly didn't want to tell him about was wondeful her kiss was, and how deep down, something in me wanted to kiss her back. Was it him? I don't know and I don't care. Because it hurt to think about these things. And right now I didn't want to do anything, but play my music.
Trowas hand fell gently on my shoulder, probably scared as I beat my anger into the ivory keys.
"Its okay Quatre." He whispered. "You don't have to tell me." I frowned. I made him feel bad. I had no right to make Trowa feel bad. I loved Trowa, I really did. I don't know why I felt this way, but it really was ripping me apart. The tearing hurt so much, that I nearly cried right there and then. But I didn't. I just took my hands off the piano for a moment, and turned to look into those shinning green eyes I fell in love with the first time I saw him. Like two, beautiful emeralds, gleaming and sparkling just for me! Because I never saw them like that when he looked at anyone else.
I loved Trowa. I did. So I don't know why I did what I did...
I leaned forward, and I barely kissed his lips at first. Just sort of a tease. But something forced me to do something strange. I kissed him harder. Hard but gentle. Forcefully, but with enough leway that I could recieve something from him. I was tyring to kiss him like Aina kissed me. That sweet, honey-dew of a kiss that, although it was poisoned with hatred, sent shivers down my spine to think of it. The good kind, like when I think about Trowa. Maybe I was trying to recapture Aina in Trowa, I don't know. It was all so strange to me, but I had to try. I had too.
When I pulled away, Trowa had the weirdest look on his face. He put his fingers to his lips as he stared dumbly at me.
"That was...interesting." I looked away quickly. Damn, what was I thinking?
"I'm sorry Trowa, I just had to see if..." See if what? I don't know. What was I trying to do? "I'm just sorry." I somehow felt him smile, and he leaned forward to kissed the top of my head.
"Its alright, Quatre. I understand." And with that, he stood and walked out of the music hall.
Trowa...understands? How can he understands? He has no idea! No idea what so ever!
"Oh Trowa..."
---
I didn't sleep well after that night. For the first time since Trowa and I started sharing a bed, I felt suffocated. I wanted out. All the things I use to love about my Trowa now drove me insane. Like when we slept, his arm was always drapped over me, holding me like a child would a toy. Or when we sit down to tea, how he kisses me in mid sentance. Although I don't know which is worse, when I'm talking and he interupts me like that, or when I'm talking and he answers with only 3 words.Allah, I hated that. Why didn't I ever relize it before? My relationship with Trowa wasn't the same, and I was afraid it might never be again.