This is a new story that I hope to eventually have two parts. For now part 1 is complete. Hope you guys enjoy it.

Prologue: Effect…Cause

Spike's crypt, Saturday 9 am.

Spike stood at the lower level of his crypt staring at the remains. He toed some rumble that he could barely tell what it was but he guessed it was part of his bed. The place was a mess. His pictures that had once hung on the wall were burnt to a crisp. The bed he had specially ordered and had his minions set up carefully with his instructions was totally smashed and ruined. He was thankful his books and journals had been kept upstairs in a secret place so no beasties and Angel couldn't find.

He sighed as he heard Buffy walking around on the upper level. He was hurt at her actions, and a little more angry than he'd like to admit. He refused to look at her as she lowered herself down the ladder to stand in front of him. He could feel her eyes on him and he just simply hurt and didn't want to see her disappointed eyes or her eyes of disgust. He had gotten those eggs to raise money in a legal way to help her out so she didn't have to work anymore. It was supposed to be some quick and easy cash that was legal. It would be helping to save innocent lives or so he was told. He had been assured by a demon that they were for a research project and they were mostly harmless! They just needed milking right after birth.

He let out another sigh still watching his feet almost wishing Riley had never come to town. Soldier boy was always causing trouble. He noticed she was staring and decided not to stay quiet any longer knowing she wouldn't go away until she had her yell. Perhaps if he was lucky…nah he was never lucky and no point of him even thinking of that. He stated in a tone that reflected less feeling than was coursing through him, "So she's back."

He shook his head still feeling pissed at the situation at hand. Part of him wished they could continue on forever and another part of him knew this would come to bite his ass. He tried to hide the emotions as he spoke not even looking at Buffy, "Thought you'd be off snogging with soldier-boy."

He was upset at the jealousy his voice projected and he let out a deep breath shaking his head again. He heard Buffy speak with almost no emotion in her voice, which greatly disappointed him, "He's gone."

He felt surprised and couldn't resist a look at her to see what she was feeling. He could never tell with her sometimes. She was so good at turning off her emotions like a faucet. The only time he got to see emotions is when she was at her worse, and this was not one of those times. He figured she wanted sex again to make things all better for her and even as hurt as he was, he would never turn down something that might help her. He kept his emotions down to a dull roar, "So, you come for a bit of cold comfort?"

He was disappointed a bit but gestured towards the broken bed, "The bed's a bit blown up, but then, that was never our…"

Buffy cut him off as he looked dejected. Buffy continued to look at him and he could feel her waiting for a response as she explained, "I'm not here to…"

She stopped speaking and Spike was curious so he looked at her hoping to catch a glimmer into her mind but she spoke in monotones as she explained, "I'm not here to bust your chops about your stupid scheme, either. That's just you. I should have remembered."

Spike was tempted to yell that it was for her but knew it would do no good. This was not good. He could feel the change in her that her soldier had caused. She felt shut off, immune, almost as though she had no emotions left in her at all. He knew what she wanted to say, "So this is worse then, it is you telling me…"

Buffy finished for him, "It's over."

He was almost afraid of her tone but decided to push a little more so he put on a smile and moved closer to her determined to make her uneasy and upset so he could see what she was really feeling. When she yelled, she almost always spoke the truth, he wanted that so badly because he knew whatever it was she should be feeling, it had to be intense for her to shut herself off like that. As he stepped closer he spoke trying to unnerve her, "I've memorized this tune luv. Think I have the sheet music. Doesn't change what you want."

He realized his actions failed as she still showed no emotion, "I know that."

She paused and her eyes haunted him. They were intense but so empty. He wanted to take her arms and shake her but she continued anyway, "I do want you."

Spike felt surprised by her honesty but then realized it was to suit her own needs. It wasn't emotion she was letting out but instead it was a thought. It was almost like a well-rehearsed speech, "Being with you…makes things…" She paused again letting out a deep breath but her eyes didn't change, "simpler. For a little while."

Spike still tried to bring emotion into her by stating, "I don't call five hour straight a little while."

He heard his voice crack with emotions and could have cursed himself for feeling as though he wanted to cry. The next statement she said broke his heart though because she said it in a matter of a fact way. How could she still be so cool and collected admitting that she was using him. Spike stared at her not even knowing what to say. Buffy continued though, "I can't love you…I'm just…being weak…and selfish…."

Spike moved closer as his voice crackled with pain, "Really not complaining here."

He would do anything to bring them back to where they were before Riley came. Things were perfect as long as you could get past the whole leaving and not wanting feelings involved with their sex but she was at least spending time with him and only him. Buffy's last statement hurt badly, "And it's killing me…" He studied her eyes wishing for at least pain to shine through like his were showing, "And I have to be strong about this…"

Spike still listened not knowing what to say. Then she cut him straight to the heart. She should have just ripped his chest opened and cut his heart into a billion pieces as she stated, "I'm sorry…William." Spike felt the tears fall down his face as he heard her walk away. He wished in that moment he was dead….dead again.

The night before, Friday 10 pm.

Buffy walked into the house after Riley had left thinking about things. Tara had gone back to her apartment and Anya and Xander had gone back to their place together. Dawn had gone to Janice's and Willow walked beside her in silence. She had twice tried to ask Buffy what was wrong and if things were ok but Buffy had not wanted to talk to her. She wanted to be alone because she felt like crying.

Usually she would go to Spike's but she knew she couldn't do that tonight because he was the reason she was crying. He would normally have sex with her driving out all worries and tears after she had poured out her soul to him. Or sometimes it would be in reverse. She would have sex with him like crazy until she felt able to share her worries and fears with him. That relief would not be coming tonight.

She walked past Willow ignoring her quiet goodnight wishes and went into her room slamming shut her door. She thought about Riley and how he had this kick-ass job, a doting and loving wife, and he still looked amazing even with the scar on his face. She knew she didn't really want him anymore and never loved him but part of her wished she did. That could have been her life and instead she was sleeping with a vampire who no one liked, and who she was afraid to love.

She would never have normal with him, never have what Sam and Riley have, which was the perfect relationship. She longed for that but part of her knew it was never meant to be. She felt tears roll down her cheeks as she stripped off the black clothing Riley had given her and she threw it away never wanting to be reminded of what she didn't and couldn't have. She slipped on a tank top and cotton penguin pants and crawled into bed letting the tears fall. She heard herself sniffling as she started to sob and didn't want to risk being heard so climbed out onto her roof.

Now safely on the rooftop, she sat down and cried her eyes out. She sobbed for the fact that she would never be normal and nor would the world. She sobbed for the fact that she would definitely not be normal with the one thing that made her happy, Spike. He would never be like Sam was for Riley. They could never go on adventures together, kiss each other in front of others, and share their love with her friends. She envied that and wished her friends would accept Spike but tonight she was reminded of why. He was still the soulless evil vampire that made deadly mistakes.

If Riley hadn't shown up tonight, she might have been eaten alive by those things while she was upstairs having sex with Spike. She cried even harder thinking of Spike. Part of her wanted to race back into his arms and have him have sex with her hard until she forgot the world and her friends. Another part of her wanted to crawl up into his arms and have him make it all better in a way only he could. She wanted to forget everything that had happened to her and what she had lost but instead she cried alone. She curled up in a ball on her rooftop and sobbed bitterly until sleep claimed her.