He was born into a world full of hate and greed. Full of anger and love. Full of lust and deception. A dark and ugly world that shows no mercy to its inhabitants.
He's always known this. He can feel it. He's been able to since he was born.
He can feel peoples emotions.
He can feel it when someone dies.
Just like it was own death.
He can feel it when someone gets hurt.
When someone gets bullied.
When someone feels happy.
When they feel sad.
Happy.
Angry.
All of it.
As if it were his own emotions.
As if it were him.
And it's slowly killing him. Slowly stripping him of what sanity he has left.
And it does, eventually.
His name you ask?
He is the Northern representation Italy.
His physical gender is male, but that doesn't mean he is, in fact, a male.
He hides behind a smile and never shows his eyes. (if he doesn't look at them, it'll make them less real, the people, the emotions, the pain.) "Eyes are the windows to the soul after all."
He is Nothing and he knows it.
No he's not suicidal, and yes he's sure. He knows what that feels like so he would know the difference thank you very much.
No, he's not suicidal, he just knows the world and its standards.
He knows that he amounts to nothing even after all he's done.
He may be seen as a coward, but he knows the truth. He knows that if he didn't switch sides, if he didn't run away, if he didn't show who he was, no one would die. He knows the reputation he has, he doesn't care. It doesn't matter anymore.
He's seen people rise to power and fall because their own people rebelled. He's seen people become shells of their past selves all because they tried to make a difference.
His own grandpa died I front of him because of much the same reasons.
He knows that he will never get recognition for what he's done, for saving the world countless times, because no one else did. When people found out what he was doing to save them last time, they rebelled and killed him.
The very same people he worked to save.
Of course they tried many ways to kill him after finding out that he can't stay dead.
How do you think the other nations know that they can't stay dead from wounds that would kill anyone else for good.
They certainly didn't figure it out themselves.
He's killed for the sake of everyone else's safety. He's not innocent, not by a long shot. Hasn't been for a long long time. He knows that that makes him a bad person in most peoples eyes, but he's never claimed to be a good person, far from it.
He knows that he can't save everyone. He knows some people can't be changed. He knows that nobody will ever know exactly what he's done for them.
He knows that no one will ever know the real him, not just the mask he wears. Not even his own brother, his twin. (He brushes the pain he feels because of that aside, he already feels enough pain as it is without adding his own self pity to the load.)
He knows these things, he also knows that he's going to die.
He's known for a very long time now.
And it hurts.
He's going to die and leave behind nothing but a memory of a mask for people to remember him by. (He briefly wonders if it's to late to show the real him, to tell people that he's not stupid, that that's not him! He knows that it is.)
He's going to die and leave a world that's hated him since he was born.
He's going to die and leave a world that he loves unquestionably.
He's going to die, and not even his body is going to be left behind. Nothing. As if he never existed. (sometimes he thinks that it would have been better if he had.)
He's going to die and leave behind everything he's ever loved.
And he's okay with that.
He'll keep going, keep giving to a world that never once gave back, and he's happy.
He's happy, because now all bets are off. Now he can give it everything he's got!
Now he can die with no regrets.
And it's terrifying.
He doesn't want to leave.
He doesn't want to keep feeling everyone's pain.
He wants it all to stop!
He wants to be him!
He wants….
He wants the world to know who he is, that way when he dies he can die happy knowing that everyone he loves knows him.
Actually knows him!
He can be happy.
He can be free.
Finally. Finally be him!
Finally be Free!
It doesn't matter if they hate him, not anymore. Not when he has nothing more to lose. If he has their love, he knows they don't love him, they don't know him. They know a mask.
He can take his mask off, and it terrifies him.
He's spent his whole life wearing a mask, and he's not sure how to take it off. But that's not exactly true now is it? The best lies are based off the truth, aren't they?
But as hurt and broken and terrified he is…
He's happy.
He's happy because he knows that he doesn't have to hide anymore.
He knows he's fading.
He's fading fast.
And he can finally be himself, he can finally be free.
He can't stop himself from feeling peoples pain.
He can't stop himself from feeling everything that's not his to feel, but that's okay, people can't turn off emotions.
It doesn't matter anymore.
He's dying.
And he's happy about it.
His name is Feliciano Vargas.
And he is Nothing.