Text Message Breakup.

Being Part THREE of The Chronicles Of The Fucking Betch.

Yeah, about Boys Are Nicer...I forgot about that. It's gone. Don't bother. p

Anyway, this is based off of the skit/video of Text Message Breakup. I'm gonnna throw in some of my own stuff to avoid plagerism. .

Anyway, this is Chapter One-The Last Supper/Oh, nooooo. o.o

It was an ordinary night in the household. Mother Grandma had come down for the holidays, and Max had brought Nudge over for dinner. Jeb and Cindy were watching the two carefull, whhile Ari was chewing loudly and looking like an idiot. A Hot,, athletic idiot. But I ramble. ... . I didn't say that.

After Ari finished minutes worth of chewing, Ari looked to Nudge, and broke the ever so awkward, yet carefully played silence. "My name's Ari." He smiled an evil, toothy grin with broccoli stuck inbetween his teeth. Nudge kind of sneered a little.

"Ya know," said Mother Grandma, trying to speak with her constant, uncurable Alzheimer-Parkinsons thing, "In this HUSTLE-AN'BUSTLE WORLD...it's SO NICE, that we can EAT TUGEHTA...as a FAMILY."

Everyone at the table stopped moving for a few seconds. But then they continued eating. Weird, huh?

Mother Grandma noticed Nudge for the first time, asking Cindy, "Whose THIS??"

"That's Max's little friend Nudge, Mother Grandma."

"Oh." MG-Unit said politely, before whispering to C-to-the-Indee, "She looks like a dead person."

Nudge, did in fact, look a little on the emo side.

"I know just the thing." Mother Grandma said, reaching for a tall bottle. "Have a shot'a WHISKEY, honey. MAKES YA FEEYUL BETTAH."

Cindy quickly stepped in. "We don't serve whiskey to the CHILDREN, Mother Grandma."

Nudge opened her mouth for the first time, an uttering babble. "Good potatoes, Max's mom."

"OH. It speaks." Cindy said rather unecessarily.

The two shared a glare before going back to their food.

Opening an envelope rather rudely at the dinner table, Jeb took a look at the telephone bill. "Kelly." He said, Kelly being the unloved child/scapegoat, "what is this outrageous 300$ phone bill?"

Mother Grandma answered this. "That's the telemahketuhs. Always GETTIN to me."

"Grandma, never answer the phone again." Jebb rolled his eyes.

"But it rings." M.G. uttered. But Max wasn't exactly out of the woods yet.

Ari, being the rude but hot aqnd athletic and inconsiderate bastard he is not, said, "It's probably MAX. Buying SHOES or somehting. NO NO NO WAIT, here's my imitation of Max-"

Worst imitation in 3.

2.

1...

"Shoes shoes shoes-GAY!!!!!!"

Everyone at the table burst into laughter, except our two heroes of the story.

At first Jeb didn't laugh. "That's a good imitation-SNORT." Then he joined in on the mocking chrous of laughter.

"MAX IS FUCKING RAD!!!!"

Everyone stopped dead. Nudge, having said this, felt pretty good about herself, crossed her arms in victory.

"Awesome." Max breathed, staring off into space in flattery.

Ari, as a lost resort, quickly said to her, "I'm an athlete."

Biting a raw piece of celery, Nudge replied simply, "I'm a vampire." and bore her teeth to show her fangs.

Ari's eyes windened.

"Max," Cindy said, "I hope your not wearing...THAT." she continued, pointing at Max's Fabulous Outfit, "t'meet your boyfriend. He's gonne think your CHEAP." Emphasizing the p, she finished her little mumbling rant.

"BOYFRIEND?" Jeb choked, staring at Max. "Who wants to date YOU?"

Mother Grandma woke up for a few minutes to listen in. "OH! That's th'one, that coms aroun', lookn for SEEEECKS."

Cindy tried shushing her, but Mother G-dawg said, "well, iss TRUE!"

Jeb cleared his throat, and everoyne shut up. "Don't have sex. Se is for..." And he turned to Cindy. "MARRIED people.

Cue weird funky 70's music. Looking into each other's eyes seductively, they continued eating, Cindy shoving a little bread thing down her throat. Ari watched in horror-oh, hey, it's Tim Allen.

"Soooooooo not hungry anymore." Nudge said, dropping her celery in disgust.

"Oh, HONEY! Yeh so THIN. Yh won't last though th'WINTEH." She reached for the whiskey, "Hav some whiskey, dear-"

Her parents exploded at each other while Ari said, "He's probably not gonna CALL, Max."

"Yeah he well, he's probably calling right NOW, DECK!"

Her phone rang. New Text Message. Betch.

Without bother-or need- to say Excuse Me, Max exited the dinner table to read the new message on her new Blackberry. Go buy it! No, don't.

The message is as follows:

"I Am Brakeing up with you."

Max sat in horror as she read the message. "Fucking BETCH!" She threw it across the room, hitting her gimp Iggy on the head.

"OW! Oh, Master Of Sex, that hurt-"

"SHUT UP, SKANK! NOT IN THE MOOD."

The only thing on her mind?

Revenge.

Longest chapter ever. p

Yeah, Chapter 2: To The Clubs/YOU COULDNT DO IT IN PERSON coming soon. Probably tomorrow. but probably not.