A/N: I dunno, one thing I find wierd about Bleach is that when children like Renji die (well, we assume he's dead, because that's how spirits get there) they eventually grow up... which is wierd. But whatever. Here I'm just exploring what he may or may not remember of his real past. Considering we first see him as a kid I'm guessing he died a long time ago and he died very young.
Remembrance
He remembered only vague, small details of his life. To Renji real life started when he'd died. Everything before was a confused dream.
His mother's hair, black and short, down against her shoulders. He remembered how much he had loved her, how she had smiled in a particular way. Her eyes, dark and large and comforting. The feel of her hands against his shoulder.
His father was an awkward presence. Renji remembered feeling both fear and fascination. That tall man walking ahead of him, only rarely turning back. His face was always cold, and Renji had tried hard to make him smile without succeeding.
Fishing in a creek. Playing in the mud around the rice fields. The sunrise from his rooftop, sitting in mother's lap to have his hair combed. Soldiers passing by the house, bright banners in the wind. His father working in the field, back rippling with muscles.
Younger siblings he had held as babies in his chubby little hands.
Going shopping with his family, down the dirt road towards the marketplace.
His father's back, his brilliant hair, crumbling down with a sword through the gut, and how his mother's hand had squeezed and then let go for a terrible instant before he saw red and then he saw nothing.
Renji never found them, later. It is not unusual, and after a little while he had forgotten them in his quest to survive this new world. It was only later that he remembered, safe and comfortable in Seireitai, that he was once a living human being. By that time he could not remember their names, could barely recall faces or where or when he had lived.
These days his mother's face has become Rukia's, for lack of a better comparison. In his mind she smiles strangely, but her eyes are Rukia's, Rukia's hands patting his hair. His father, whose face he cannot remember, becomes Taichou with his cold blue eyes and broad shoulders, walking away from him again. His siblings have Kira's eyes and Yumichika's loud, insistent voices and they all act like Yachiru.
He remembers them only through the people around him, and he can no longer clearly tell if his father was really ever cold to him, or if his mother ever smiled at all. It is good, Renji thinks, that he no longer has any cause to wish them back.