Summary: Sam has one last prayer to make before he leaves. Set pre-5.22, Swan Song

My World and Yours

Dear God,

It's me, Sam Winchester.

I know it's been a long while since I've spoken to you about anything. I don't know if you remember, but, uh... the second last time I prayed to you was—was on the night before the hellhounds took my big brother, Dean, away from me.

I prayed for you to save him.

(I prayed for you to save him every night of that year.)

But I still had to watch my brother's body get ripped apart in the most gruesome, recklessly brutal manner I've ever known by monsters I couldn't see. And to be honest, it still makes me sick to remember to this day, even after two years.

The last time I ever prayed to you was some days after I lost Dean.

I begged you to give him back to me.

And after that, I stopped praying because I stopped believing that you were listening to me.

Now that I think about it though, I guess you were, because if I look behind me right now, I can see him sleeping soundly on the bed closest to the door, the way he always has.

Despite the circumstances under which I got him back, I got him back. So thank you for that.

I know you don't like me very much, God. I know I'm unclean. I know that my blood is dirty. And maybe you don't like me praying to you because of that. I used to think that's why you didn't listen to me. So if that is the case, I promise you this will not take long.

Tomorrow I will let Lucifer wear my body for a war that might destroy the planet. But before I let that happen, I will take back control of my body, throw the four horsemen rings to the ground and open a chasm on the earth, and I will jump into it to burn for eternity so that nobody else would have to.

(I guess I was the one that poured the gasoline, after all, so I'm the one breaking all the matches.)

This is to compensate for all the chaos and anguish and grief I have caused, to my world and yours. So now I will suffer all the chaos and anguish and grief to make up for it all.

I don't really know if you're listening to me right now.

Word is that you're gone and you're not watching over us anymore.

But if you are hearing this, then please look out for Dean.

I will take care of your world, God, if you don't want to anymore.

But please, take care of mine.

Keep him safe and happy in all the ways he never got to be his entire life, because he was too busy trying to keep me safe and happy instead.

Maybe once I'm out of the picture, it... it won't be a lot of work.

Amen.

Author's Note: Hello. I had this sitting around since probably last year, and wasn't sure enough about posting it. I found this again and realized I do find it worth posting so here it is. I hope you enjoyed this!

Side note to anyone reading who may be waiting on Streets of Philadelphia, I promise it wll be updated. I know it's been ages, but I'll complete the story, I promise. I've just been rather busy and haven't had time to focus on much of my hobbies. I haven't been on here for a long time besides every now and then either, which sucks, because I really miss it. I miss writing. But it'll be another month at least before I can post the last chapter. I truly am sorry for this! 😟

Thank you so much for your patience.