Title: Sexual Dysfunction
Author: The Fallen Sky
Rating: M
Pairing(s): Clois, Chlark
Summary: Clark is having some performance issues.
Warning: Graphic nudity and sexual situations
A/N: This is a majorly AU story with no real set timeline, though it probably takes place sometime late in the series, but it's so AU it doesn't really matter. I should also point out that this story is my first attempt at a Crack!fic, but I think it turned out more smutty than funny. Either way, I hope you don't take it too seriously, because it wasn't intended to be.
Immense gratitude and love to Dee for the wonderful beta and all the support. You're the best, babes!
Feedback is welcome. Enjoy!
"I think I've found a solution to our problem," she announces, her voice filled with pride and enthusiasm.
He looks at her incredulously and replies in a subdued and rather defeated tone, "Lois, I think maybe we should just give up. I mean, we've tried virtually everything, and nothing's worked."
Her mood is unaffected by his pessimism, and she continues in a cheery voice, "I know it's been difficult, but I refuse to quit until we've tried absolutely everything, and I guarantee you that we haven't tried my latest brilliant idea."
Resigning himself to the fact that she won't let it go until she's satisfied all options have been eliminated, he sighs and responds, "Okay. So, what's this brilliant idea of yours? Not more drugs, I hope, because the last batch had me seeing everything in shades of blue."
Shaking her head she says, "It isn't drugs."
Furrowing his brow, he asks, "Then what is it, more whips and chains?"
Again, she shakes her head. "Nope, better," she finishes with a smile.
At his look of utter confusion, she moves to sit next to him on the bed and explains. "Okay, so I was talking to Chloe about our problem..."
"You told Chloe?!" He shrieks in embarrassed horror.
Rolling her eyes, she says in a 'well duh' tone, "Of course I told Chloe. Who else am I gonna talk to about a problem like this?"
"But..."
She cuts him off before he can start whining and derail her from telling him all about her brilliant plan. "But nothing. You've talked to Chloe about this kind of thing before, right? So, I figured she'd be the perfect person to ask for advice. Turns out, I was right."
At his silence, she continues, "Well, I told her how you can't seem to get an erection when we want to have sex, and she was, of course, sympathetic, and she happened to mention how you always get an erection whenever she's around."
He blushes profusely at that, extremely embarrassed that Chloe noticed that he gets an erection simply by being in her presence, but he remains quiet as she relays the rest of her story. "So, I asked her if she wouldn't mind coming over and being in the room while we have sex."
His cheeks feel like they're on fire, and he's torn between feeling really indignant and embarrassed that Chloe knows about his 'problem' and feeling incredibly turned on that Chloe might be in the room while he and Lois have sex. Curiosity is thick in his voice when he asks, "What did she say?"
Beaming and smiling a megawatt smile, Lois responds with excitement, "She said YES!"
He's oddly excited by the idea of Chloe being in the room while he and Lois have sex, but he doesn't want Lois to know that, so he plays it cool. "So, when is this happening?"
Smiling a knowing and excited smile, Lois jumps up from the bed and rushes to the bedroom door, flinging it open to reveal Chloe standing there. "Right now!"
As if on cue, Clark feels himself grow incredibly hard as he watches Chloe enter the bedroom, a shy smile on her face, and greet him in a quiet but confident voice, "Hi, Clark."
He notices her eyes flick to his crotch, and his cheeks start to flame, but he manages to smile and return her greeting in a shy voice, "Hi."
Lois, completely uncaring that there's some awkwardness and tension between the two best friends, closes the door and turns to face Clark, telling him in a commanding voice, "Okay, Clark. Now that Chloe's here, I want you to strip off your clothes and show me that huge, hard cock of yours."
As commanded, Clark rises from the bed and proceeds to remove his clothes. As he's about to remove his boxers, he's keenly aware that both cousins are watching him with rapt attention, and he pauses. His voice is uncertain when he speaks, "Um, is Chloe gonna watch, or is she gonna turn around?"
It takes a moment for his question to register with the girls, but Lois responds with a question of her own, "Do you want her to turn around, Clark? It's okay if you do. Truthfully, I hadn't thought about it, but I'm cool with her watching."
He's a little taken aback by Lois' admission, but he's also glad, because he seriously wants Chloe to watch. Although, he's not sure if she wants to watch, so he turns to her, looks her in the eye and says, "I'm okay with you watching, Chloe...if you want to."
He cringes a bit at the hopefulness in his voice at the end, but she doesn't seem to notice. In fact, her face lights up with a brilliant smile, and she nods vigorously as she responds with barely contained enthusiasm, "I'd love to watch."
That settled, Clark maintains eye contact with Chloe and slowly lowers his boxers before standing up straight. A thrill of excitement rushes through him as he realizes that he's standing completely naked, and fully erect, before his best friend. His excitement only grows when he watches her eyes leave his and slowly drift south until they land on his throbbing member.
His cock actually jumps and twitches involuntarily under Chloe's gaze, and it causes her to smile, her eyes practically glowing when they meet his again.
The spell is broken when Lois whistles her approval and says, "DAYUM, Clark! That's one serious piece of man-meat you've got there! I can't wait to get it inside me!"
At her proclamation, he turns his attention toward Lois in time to see her hastily stripping off her shirt and shucking her jeans. His response to seeing his girlfriend in her bra and panties is unexpected and unwelcome by said girlfriend.
Immediately, his rock hard cock deflates and becomes as limp as a wet noodle.
Lois' disappointment is immediate and boisterous. "Son of a bitch!" Disbelief is written all over her face as she stares at his limp cock. "What the fuck happened? One minute, you're hard as steel, and the next, you're limp as Jimmy Olsen in a strip club."
At a loss as to his reaction, Clark's response is a dumbfounded shrug and an apology. "I'm sorry, Lois. I don't know what happened."
Feeling very exposed and embarrassed, Clark covers his crotch and looks at the floor.
He's on the verge of superspeeding back into his clothes and out of the room when Chloe's voice breaks the tension.
"Maybe it would help if I stripped down to my underwear, too?"
His head snaps up, and he looks at her, his face full of surprise.
His jaw drops when he hears Lois respond, "That's not a bad idea. It certainly couldn't hurt, and I'm open to anything at this point. What do you think, Clark?"
He's unable to look away from Chloe, his brain practically melting at the thought of seeing Chloe in her underwear. Somehow, he manages to answer, his voice soft, "It might work, but I don't want Chloe to do anything she doesn't feel comfortable with."
Touched by his concern, Chloe gives him a soft smile and replies, "It's okay. I don't mind."
"Thanks, cuz!" Lois' enthusiasm is evident, but Clark's attention is focused solely on Chloe.
Slowly, and with a sensuality that he didn't know she possessed, Chloe removes her shirt and jeans, maintaining eye contact with him the entire time. All too soon, she's standing before him in nothing more than her matching powder blue bra and panties.
His reaction is immediate as his erection returns.
Chloe's eyes dip below his waist, and he automatically drops his hands, allowing her an unfettered view of his throbbing manhood.
After several long moments, her eyes find his, and they share matching smiles.
Their private moment is shattered by Lois' excited and extremely loud voice, "Hot fuckity damn! That did it! Nice work, Chloe!"
He watches as Chloe's cheeks turn pink at Lois' outburst, and he finds it so adorably endearing that it causes his cock to twitch.
Apparently, Lois noticed the movement, because she's talking again. "Shit, Clark. You must be as horny as I am."
In truth, he is very horny, but he doesn't think he or anyone else could ever be as horny as Lois.
"Let's get this show on the road!"
Lois's words grab his attention, and he breaks eye contact with Chloe and looks over at Lois. To his surprise, she's removed her bra and panties and is now standing before him with nothing but a lascivious smile on her face.
His eyes roam over her body, taking in her large, overly round, artificial looking breasts and completely shaven nether region, and his response is immediate.
His cock goes limp.
Lois notices, and her mood changes from jubilant to frustrated and pissed in a heartbeat, her voice echoing her mood. "What the fuck?!"
Clark's embarrassment returns, and he hangs his head and covers his now flaccid member before mumbling, "Sorry, Lois."
She sighs in frustration and tries to comfort and reassure him. "It's okay, Clark. It's not your fault."
He appreciates her attempt to make him feel better, but he can't help but blame himself for his less than enthusiastic response to seeing his girlfriend naked.
At this point, he's not sure he wants to continue, and he makes his feelings known. "Maybe we should just forget it, Lois. It's obviously not gonna happen."
"NO!" Her shrill voice is filled with desperation. "I refuse to give up, not when we're so close. Obviously, you're capable of getting an erection. All we have to do is find a way for you to keep it, and then we can have sex."
He knows she's right, but he has a feeling that nothing they try will yield the results she's looking for. "You may be right, Lois, but how are we gonna make that happen?"
Silence descends on the room as they ponder the question.