"You don't want to jump into the jaws of death, that's fine. How about we run a little errand?"
Dean and Castiel sit quietly in the Impala as it rumbles down the highway. Castiel isn't sure how well the plan will go tomorrow… He isn't sure about himself, mostly. He may be crazy, but he's sane enough to realize that he's nuts and that—if anything should go wrong—it will probably be by his own hand. He sighs quietly, receiving a worried look from the car's driver. Before Cas can notice Dean's gaze on him, the hunter turns his sights back to the asphalt before them. The night is dark and quiet; it's a new moon and only the stars illuminate the desolate stretch of road. The gas gauge is leaning precariously over the 'E' and Dean hopes they come across a gas station soon because he does not want to leave Baby on the road—no matter how fast Cas can teleport. After twenty minutes of driving, the Impala's gas light blinks on and Dean curses under his breath.
"What's wrong?" Castiel stiffens, eyes wide as he peers into the night.
"Nothing, just," Dean grumbles, gesturing to the dashboard, "we're outta gas."
"If we stopped the car, I could teleport you—" Castiel begins.
"No!" Dean shakes his head adamantly. "We are not leaving my car in the middle of friggin' nowhere."
Castiel closes his mouth and nods, aware of Dean's strong feelings towards the vehicle. They ride five more minutes when a neon sign comes into their field of vision. It spells out the words "Food & Fuel" in red and Dean smiles lightly with relief. He pulls the car up to the pump and steps out of the car. He leans down and looks at Castiel through the opened door.
"Want me to grab you anything inside?" he asks, resting his forearm on the top of the car above his head.
"No, but thank you for the offer," Castiel says.
"You sure? I could grab you a crappy burger or… something?"
Castiel grins before shaking his head. "I'm good, Dean."
"Okay, well, I'll be back in a sec," Dean says, tapping the car's roof as he shuts the door.
Castiel watches as Dean begins pumping fuel into the car before he walks into the gas station. The angel keeps an eye out for any monsters that may try to harm his friend; after all, he still considers himself Dean's protector. After deeming the scene to be safe, Castiel turns his attention to the Impala's radio which has been forgotten the entire drive. He fiddles with the buttons and knobs until he lands on a station that isn't fuzzy with static. A soft, sweet melody on guitar plays from the speakers and Castiel closes his eyes and lets the notes and lyrics flow into his ears.
Dean walks out of the store, cup of coffee in-hand. He is removing the pump from his car when he notices how still Castiel is. "Cas?" he says the name loudly, worry etched into his face. He replaces the pump frantically before rushing to the driver's side and ripping the door open and climbing into the car. A sweet and painful tune greets his ears and he yells, "Cas?"
The angel startles in his seat, looking at Dean with wide, blue eyes. "Is there trouble?"
"Dammit, Cas! I thought you—" Dean trails off as he slams the door behind him. "Why were you so still? It was creepy."
"Dean, listen to this song, it is actually rather beautiful." Castiel says, his voice light and airy.
Dean pulls out of the gas station's lot, the light disappearing behind them as he drives into the darkness once more. He frowns at the radio as the singer croons about following someone into the dark. This is not the kind of music he listens to. "Man, no emo chick music in the car." Dean groans, reaching for the button to change stations. Castiel grabs his wrist, a pleading look on his face.
"Can we please listen to this song?" Castiel asks. "After all, you did not join me in my game of Twister earlier."
Dean chuckles, withdrawing his hand. "Alright," he gives in with a sigh. "But the rest of the way, I pick the tunes. "
Dean licks his lips, looking at Castiel as a ghost of a smile tickles his lips. The song is actually… not sucky. But Dean will never admit that he likes the song. He looks over to see the angel smiling as he sways to the music, Castiel's blue eyes reflecting the galaxies he is gazing at. Cas actually looks pretty content for a guy who would probably be facing his demise soon; Dean wants nothing more than to wrap the man in an embrace and stay in this moment forever. Of course, he will never admit this either.
The radio is slowly becoming more and more static-sounding, but neither of the men in the car reach to change the station. They let the song play out, static and all. "If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks, I will follow you into the dark… I'll follow you into the dark." The song ends with a final strum of the guitar before the radio station is lost completely. Dean looks over and his eyes lock with Castiel's for a brief moment. And , in that moment, Dean knows that he's looking into the eyes of the angel who "raised him from perdition." Not the crazy Cas or comatose Cas. He's looking at his Castiel.
Dean didn't lie to Sam about purgatory. He just sugar-coated it. And left out almost everything that went on down there. He gave Sam the Cliff Notes, sparing his little brother the details. Sparing himself the memories. It was one of the worst times of his life and that is saying a lot. Hell had been pretty crappy, Dean is not denying that. But he feels that he deserved Hell—he had made a deal with a crossroads demon, after all. Also, Castiel wasn't in Hell being tortured with him. That was it for Dean. That was the factor that made purgatory so bad. He had forced Cas to fight and, in doing so, he had dragged him into a dark world full of creatures that were hell-bent on skinning the angel alive. It had been a year of running and hiding and bleeding and fighting.
Dean can't remember how he evaded those gorilla-wolves that first night unscathed. He guesses it was pure, dumb luck. He does remember looking for Castiel after ditching the monsters. He screamed Castiel's name until he lost his voice. He didn't care if he was attracting monsters. Let 'em come. He had fallen to his knees, choking out one last mangled scream. "Cas!" No response.
Dean spent one month alone, nearly going insane. Dean fought off gorilla-wolves, leviathans, and monsters he couldn't even identify. And he did it alone. At night, he would stare up at the black, empty sky and pray to his angel. He would try to sleep, but the grumblings and roars of the creatures around would keep him on-edge. He would hum a slow, sad tune to himself most nights. He could never quite remember where he knew the song from, but it calmed him down. Benny found him in the second month and they became a team—reluctantly on Dean's half. He hated to trust a bloodsucker, but it was better than being all alone. That month along with the following three, Dean had focused all his energies on finding Castiel. They found Castiel at the end of the fifth month. The rest of the year, the trio trekked to The Seam. Benny had been right about one thing—Castiel was a beacon to all the monsters in this dark pit.
"Cas!" Dean roared as he watched a rather big leviathan kick the angel in the jaw.
Castiel flew back a foot or so and cracked the back of his head on a large, black tree. Benny was off fighting two other leviathans that had caught wind of the angel who had spit them back in the hell hole. "Castiel!" Dean's voice deepened with concern. He was so distracted by Cas's plight that he almost got clocked by the leviathan woman he had been fighting. She kicked at him with her pointed toe heels and scratched his arms with her long, French manicure. Dean had set his jaw and ganked her; chopped her head clean off in the blink of an eye. He had to get to Cas. The large leviathan was closing in on Castiel.
"Cas, dammit! Get up!" Dean shouted, madly dashing across the field. Benny had managed to slice one of his leviathans and was tussling with the other. Dean kept his eyes trained on the leviathan that was going for Castiel. He drew his blade and leaped at the monster. It heard Dean's approach, though, and had been anticipating the attack. It easily sidestepped out of reach of the blade before grabbing Dean's jacket with one beefy hand and punching Dean in the gut with the other. All the wind left Dean's lungs as he doubled over. Before he could regain his composure, he was flying backwards. Landing on his back did little to improve his lack of air. He choked and gasped as he struggled to stand. Castiel still lay motionless and the leviathan turned his back to Dean and walked toward the angel with clenched fists.
Dean willed himself up and felt adrenaline surging through his veins as he charged the leviathan a second, and final, time. He raised his large blade high and swung it with all his strength. The leviathan's body crumpled to the ground, spurting streams of black ooze as the severed head rolled away. Dean had huffed, looking over the dead creature with satisfaction before turning to his friend. The blade fell to the ground with a muted 'thud' as Dean knelt before Castiel's limp form.
"Is he gone?" Benny asked from behind Dean.
"No. No, he's not." Dean snapped before he knew whether or not he was right. He looked at Castiel and sees that he was breathing. "No, he's not." He breathed again, running a hand over his face.
"Well, he ain't much help to us passed out. And, from the looks of it, it's 'boutta be night…" Benny hinted warily.
"We're not leaving him." Dean snarled as his shoulders tensed.
"Dean…"
"We're not leaving him! Do. You. Understand?" Dean rumbled low in his throat as he shot Benny his most feral look.
"All right," Benny raised his hands in surrender. "But we gotta clear him outta here."
Dean and Benny had carried Castiel for about thirty minutes before setting up camp up on a rocky incline. Benny went out for firewood and Dean guarded Castiel. He had gotten nervous in the dark and had started humming that tune again. A rustling behind him caused Dean to whip around, blade in hand. All he saw was Castiel's blue eyes peering up at him through the darkness. "Hello, Dean."
"Cas," Dean sighed, setting his weapon aside. "You're okay."
"Yes. I am alright, though my head is somewhat tender." Castiel sat up and rubbed the back of his skull.
Dean nodded, gazing out into the black night with a shiver. The nights in purgatory were cold and dry; worse than winters in west Texas. Dean had wished that his clothing offered more protection, but even in jeans and multiple layers, every night he felt as though he were naked to the elements. "I like that song," Castiel murmured, momentarily distracting Dean from his chattering teeth.
"What?" Dean asked with an arched eyebrow.
"If Heaven and Hell decide that they both are satisfied, illuminate the 'no's' on their vacancy signs." Castiel recited the lyrics tunelessly.
Dean suddenly recalled that night in the Impala. Had it really only been six months ago? The tune he had been humming to himself almost every night. That was it. Dean looked up at the sky, remembering all the stars from the world before. He wondered if they were dead and asked Castiel this aloud. Castiel was quiet a long time and Dean laid back on his elbows beside his friend.
"I do not know whether or not we are dead." Castiel finally answered, sounding somewhat in turmoil. Dean looked over at the man. Castiel looked deeply upset; his knees were drawn up to his chin and he had his arms wrapped around them tightly. "I understand that this would be my death, but yours? You do not deserve this… But I'm glad that I can be here to protect you when I can."
Dean turns around to look at Castiel—it couldn't be Cas, though, could it?— and almost slams his foot through the brake pedal to stop the car. He looks in the rear vision mirror and reverses down the empty road. But suddenly, the man is gone. He leaves the car running on the road next to a sign advertising the Twin Pines Resort, gets out and looks around. There is no sign of Cas. There is only trees, quiet, and the guilt that eats him up inside.
Dean wanders into the woods a little ways. Just to be sure. He scouts for footprints in the soil, but winds up with absolutely nothing. Had he been hallucinating? He runs a hand through his hair as he backtracks to the Impala. He leans against the hood of the car for a long while. Thinking. Remembering things he wishes so badly that he could forget. Castiel getting knocked out by the leviathan, when Dean himself got stabbed by the horn of a minotaur-like creature, the look on Cas's face when he reached out for Dean's, the white-hot pain as The Seam closed around him. He stands and looks out into the woods again. A tear rolls out of Dean's eye and he wipes it away with the back of his hand. But another tear takes its place on his cheek.
"You son of a bitch!" he yells, slamming the heel of his hand against the hood of the car. It hurts, but he hits it again in frustration. "Why didn't you hold on?!" he screams at the sky.
There is no response. Only the rustle of the trees swaying in the breeze from a cool wind.
"Why didn't you… Why did I make it out, Cas?" His voice drops from an angry shout to a broken whisper. "Cas… Are you really here?" he pauses to look around. But of course Cas wasn't here. Because Dean had failed him. He takes a breath before continuing, "I dunno if you can hear my prayers in purgatory, but… I swear I'll get you out. You're my best friend and I…"
The wind rustles through Dean's hair, feeling like a comforting hand. He wishes so badly that he could get Cas out. But he has no damn idea if it is possible. He's going to try his best, though. He can't let his angel rot in that wasteland alone. Even if it means that Dean will have to stay in purgatory forever with Castiel…
"I will follow you into the dark." Dean promises quietly.