So coming from someone who has been emotionally unstable and had at one point considered committing suicide, finding out a coworker had killed himself was kind of...sobering. So I decided to write something on why I hadn't pulled the trigger myself when I was at my lowest. Dark? Fuck yes it is, but I hope it gets my point across at the very least.

It was the numbness that got to her, more than anything else really.

Haley Potter knew her mother and father had loved her, why else would they have died for her after all? That didn't make the numbness go away though, it didn't make it worth waking up every morning knowing your own family hated your very existence.

Honestly, the feeling irritated her beyond words, being a realist with no religious beliefs to speak of the very concept of heaven, hell, and whatever fell between was a very abstract ideal for her to deal with regardless.

So considering the fact that she was staring at the gun in in her hands fully intent on killing herself in the next few minutes, all while not caring in the slightest that she was about to die was sort of...terrifying.

Shouldn't she care more? Really? Religious baggage put aside psychologically she should be a bit more concerned about her own mental state, right?

"Yet I don't give a fuck..." She chuckled slightly at that statement while shaking her head slowly when someone spoke up causing her to freeze mid motion.

"Haley, are you all right?"

Shuffling the pistol under her skirt she turned towards the intruder while smiling slightly, "Hey, Hermione. Sorry, just lost in thought."

Her best friend stared at her a few moments before sighing, "It's about Sirius isn't it?"

Yes, it was.

"I have no idea what you're talking about..."

God Haley was such a shitty liar.

"It wasn't your fault."

It was entirely her fault, and they both knew it.

"My godfather is dead because I'm an idiot, how is that not my fault?"

Hermione stared at her for a time before shaking her head slowly, "Random visceral visions appearing in your head and having no one in authority willing to speak to you about them hardly makes you a murderer Haley."

She snorted at that, and not thinking about her actions she shifted her legs letting the pistol fall from her skirts to land on the floor.

If Hermione had been a Pure-Blood, or maybe even a Half-Blood, it would not have meant anything, unfortunately she was a Muggle-Born, and was less then pleased when she picked up the revolver.

"Haley...what were you planning?"

Silence.

"Haley..."

"I...already wrote you a letter... I didn't want you to think it was your fault..."

More silence.

Hermione popped the cylinder out and plucked the rounds from it, tossing them out the window she placed the pistol on side table and sat across from Haley.

"I... am a bit furious at the moment."

Haley snorted, "I would imagine."

"Haley, I...cannot imagine what you're feeling right now-"

"I fully intended on committing suicide tonight, there, huzzah, no mystery to the subject. I am literally the reason everyone I ever loved died and I'm better off dead. Maybe then at least one person I love would actually survive..."

*SMACK!*

Haley Potter blinked a few moments before she raised a hand to her cheek and met the huffing gaze of Hermione Granger in open shock.

"How...how dare you..."

"Hermione I..."

That was when things got really weird, because her best friend leaned down, kissed her, and then rested her forehead against her own while muttering out, "How dare you, how dare you leave me alone..."

Huh...

Haley couldn't help thinking a moment later, maybe it wasn't all about her...