A/N: So, this is my second fanfic. My other one is still in progress but almost finished. This will be my first attempt at a more light-hearted, romantic fic. Anyway, please read, and if you so wish review!
Oh yeah, and please check out my other fic – Behind the Veil. It's my baby, I love it.
What I Really Want
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My Secret
Lily's POV
Hi, my name is Lily Evans, and I have a secret. That secret is a little crush, and no, it's not on that prat James Potter. No, no, it's much worse than that. Much worse. It's Black, Sirius Black. I know, I know. It's bad. And why is that bad? Because Black will never, ever, like me because even if by chance he did, he would never act on it because he is Potter's best friend. Hell, we're not even on first name basis. It's an awkward situation, really, it is. I am fairly upset with myself about this; why couldn't I have picked somebody available to me to have a crush on? Ah, now, that's a good question.
As to the reason I'm bringing this up at this moment is because he is sitting right in front of me this year, our sixth, in Charms. Right now I am very aware of him sitting there. I stare at the back of his head, thinking of the front. His gorgeous face. With those stormy gray eyes. Not that the back of his head is all that bad, either. He has a head of thick, wild black hair. Suddenly my face warms. Of course Black chooses this moment to turn around in his seat and face me, a serious look on his face.
"Hey there, Evans. I know that my hair is incredibly gorgeous and everything, but it's really hard to concentrate with your eyes boring into the back of my head," he whispers, tossing his head to flick a piece of hair out of his eyes. My heart flutters and I can feel my face growing warmer, but I also think sarcastically to myself,
Cute, why does he have to be such an arrogant prick? How very mature. Remind me again why I like this kid?
"Git," I hiss, trying to sound like my usual confidant and fiery self, being fully aware that our conversation is being eagerly listened to by the rest of the class. Don't they have a class to be paying attention to? "If your head gets any bigger, it will crumple your neck. And for your information, I was NOT staring at your 'incredibly gorgeous hair', thank you very much."
Black flashes a cocky grin at me and I feel my heart hitch a little. Oh yes, I remember why I like him. He's just so roguishly good looking, it's not my fault, I swear. I can't help smiling back a little.
"Then you were obviously gazing at my hair and thinking of a certain other young man with the same dark hair, were you not?" He asks in a carrying whisper, waggling his eyebrows suggestively at Potter, who smiles widely back at me. Of course. Black thinks that I'm staring at him and thinking of Potter. This is just great. Did I already mention that this is an exceptionally awkward situation?
"I most certainly am NOT thinking of that stupid, ugly, idiotic, senseless, judgment-lacking, insolent, conceited, useless toe rag," I say, preferring not to foul my mouth by uttering Potter's name and avoiding looking at him as well.
"Evans, such hostility. Tut, tut. You know you like James, deep down." Now he's smirking at me. Why does he have to smirk at me like that? And if he only knew. If he only knew who I liked.
"I absolutely do not, and will not ever, like Potter, no matter how deep down you look," I say scathingly, casting Potter a particularly burning look. I'm not mad at Black, not by a long shot, at least he's talking to me, but I am quite frustrated that he's talking to me about Potter.
At this point, Professor Flitwick commands our attention at the front of the room while he does a demonstration.
"Now, watch here," he says in his squeaky little voice, balancing on top of his teetering pile of books as always. "You must first roll your wrist halfway around and then flick the end – " he moves his wand through the air as he talks, and with the last flourish, a fountain of pink hibiscus blossoms out of his wand. Flitwick lowers his wand.
"Now I want all of you to try it," he says.
I smile to myself. I already know how to do the charm, of course. Not that I'm a huge over-achiever or anything, but I read the first eleven chapters of our Charms book before summer ended and I had tried a few of the Charms on the train while on the way to Hogwarts. I move my hand in the same way as Flitwick did and out from my wand springs a chain of yellow mountain daisies.
Ellen, my best friend in the whole world, is sitting next to me and she sends me a vexed look. "How did you do that?" She hisses at me.
"It's the flick at the end," I explain. "Not too big, not too small." Ellen nods and tries again. A few blue bells spurt out of her wand. She shrugs at me.
"You'll get it," I say encouragingly. She rolls her eyes at me and mouths the words know it all at me. I smirk back at her.
"I got it!" Another great friend of mine, Leona is sitting on my other side, and she happily shows Ellen and me her bouquet of beautiful blue agapanthus.
"Ooh, bully for you," Ellen says, rolling her eyes.
"You're just jealous," Leona shoots back at her.
"Jealous of a bunch of agapanthus?" Ellen asks, raising her eyebrows. "I don't think so! Now, that over there," she says, pointing with her eyes at Black. My heart flips over as my gaze follows hers to the boy. "That's something to be jealous about." I scowl slightly. I know that the majority of the female population in Hogwarts thinks Black and Potter are a pair of heartthrobs, but I do feel jealous every time I see another girl eyeing Black. I feel like I've got dibs on him, even though I know I don't.
Going back to the Charm, I wonder if I can create a different flower. I think hard, concentrating completely, and then move my wand. A bunch of orchids bloom from my wand, and I grin happily.
"Hey!" I hear Potter's unnecessarily loud voice echoing at me. He's talking so loudly so he can have the whole class's attention. Show off. "Hey, Evans!" I look at him and roll my eyes pointedly. I honestly wonder why Professor Flitwick lets him get away with this.
"What?" I demand, trying to sound as condescending as I could with that one word.
Potter beams at me. Positively beams. His nerve is unbelievable. "Look!" He cries, and flourished his wand. A flow of white lilies pours out of his wand.
"Obviously you are still laboring under the misconceptions that for one, I care that you can do the Charm, and that for two, I like lilies. It may be my name, but I much prefer daisies." I gesture at the yellow daisies on my desk and, after grinning horribly at him, I turn my head back to the front of the room…and the back of Black's head. My heart patters a bit faster. Damn, why did he have to sit there, why?
Professor Flitwick is writing something down on the blackboard, I'd probably better write it down. Frowning, I gnaw on the end of my quill, quite forgetting that feathers are not exactly my favorite thing to eat. I grimace and remove the quill from between my teeth, looking around discreetly to make sure that no one saw. No one did, so I return to my parchment and start scribbling down the notes that Flitwick is writing out for us. I am a dedicated student, I am.
Finally the end of the class is stalking nearer. I can't wait to get out of class. Not that I don't like Charms; I love Charms, I really do, but I just want to see a bit of the sun before it sets. It's fall and our daylight hours are going to be cut pretty short soon. Ellen is catching onto my irritation. She grins at me and taps her watch with her hand, rolling her eyes again. I sweat that is the only facial expression that girl has. I grin at her.
At last the long-awaited bell rings, and I immediately jump up from my seat, tossing my quill and parchment into my bag a little haphazardly, which is very unlike me, I assure you. Leona and Ellen are close behind me as I pelt out the door. Soon, but not soon enough in my opinion, we burst out of the great front doors and out onto the grounds. The sun is still in the sky and the air isn't too crisp yet. The three of us meander our way to a particularly appealing stretch of grass and sit down, dumping our bags unceremoniously on the ground.
"Ah, the last bit of sunlight," Leona sighs, leaning back on the grass with her hands behind her head as she closes her eyes to fully absorb the heat from the sun.
"Thank Merlin we caught it," Ellen adds as she leans back, propping herself up on her elbows and crossing her legs at the ankles. "I thought that Flitwick was never going to let us out of class. Theory, schmeary, I say."
"We need to know the theory for our NEWTs," I say as I sit down cross legged in the grass.
"Evens!" I would know that voice anywhere, and it is most certainly not welcome. "Hey, Evans!" I roll my eyes at Leona and Ellen, who are both giggling, and I turn around to see, yes, I guessed it, Potter.
"I have a theory, Evans," Potter says as he walks over to us with Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew in tow. Black grins at me, tossing his head and making his beautiful hair ruffle. He really finds Potter's infatuation with me quite amusing. It's sickening, really. I can't grin back at him because I know what is coming.
"And why would I bloody care that you have a theory?" I ask, more than a little hostilely.
Potter grins all over his stupid, ugly face. "Because it's about you," he says as he sits down next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders. Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew stand around us, Lupin looking a little awkward as he smiles hesitantly at Leona, who blushes faintly when she makes eye contact with him and looks away hastily.
"That makes me want to hear it even less," I say, ducking out from under Potter's arm and scooting away.
"Evans, that hurts," Potter says, clutching at his heart.
"And you think I care…why?" I ask, glowering at him.
"Because my theory is that if I ask you enough times, you will eventually fall victim to my charm and wit!" Potter grins.
"I will never fall for you so-called charm and wit," I scowl at him. "As you don't have any." I stand up angrily.
"Come on girls, let's go somewhere where there isn't scum lying around," I say, standing up quickly and brushing off my robes. Leona and Ellen get to their feet, but much more slowly and looking more than a little upset that we were leaving the grass.
"Leaving already, Evans?" Potter asks, looking surprised and getting to his feet hastily too. Why is he surprised? How many times have I told him that he's a moron? Apparently it still hasn't gotten through his thick skull. He must be more stupid than I thought. Only I know he's not stupid. They all get relatively good marks, the Marauders.
"Yes, and if you try and follow me, I'll hex you," I say, drawing my wand and throwing a horrible look in his direction before grabbing Ellen's and Leona's hands and flouncing off across the lawn towards the lake with the two girls in tow behind me. I look over my shoulder and see Black patting Potter's shoulder, while Lupin was looking at him with a I-told-you-so look on his face, and Pettigrew stood there still looking slightly awkward. At that moment, Black looked up and our eyes locked. Instantly I felt a little lighter and my stomach flipped over. I shot a small smile at him and then turned my head back to face in front of me, still holding Leona's and Ellen's hands.
"Lily, when are you going to realize that Potter is the one for you?" Ellen asks as we continue to walk away. I huff loudly.
"Never, because he's not," I say. "Can you honestly see me with him?"
"Yes," Leona mutters, but under her breath so that (she thinks) I don't hear. I don't know what is wrong with them, but they are both convinced that Potter and I are made for each other. Little do they know that I harbor a secret liking for another dark haired, handsome boy.
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A/N: So, what do you think? Please review! Please? You know you want to. :D
And don't forget to check out my other fic if you so wish!