Title: Insanity Rumblings
Disclaimer: Buffy and all said associated stuff is, unfortunately, not mine.
Notes: The result of writing at the midnight before my driving test. No I haven't been drinking but my some what skewy 'extra person' talks like this in my head.
S'not like I meant for it to happen. Poof all gone. Like my beer. Shame that, makes me want another… More Beer… Shit stuff this weak American beer, can't make a decent pint. Irish Guinness now there's a proper beer, dark colouring, good head, shame 'bout the accent… Miss Angelus sometimes. Was good when we were hunting or drunk. Should be here then 'cept no Angelus just poufter who'd walk into the sun if she asked. Bleedin' pussy whipped over the bloody Slayer. I mean come on the Slayer? What self respecting vampire does that?
Spike giggled slightly, an in joke just for him.
Must not be self respecting then. Jolly good, time for more degrading then! More Beer! The barkeep's good, knows when I want beer before I say it. Must be psychic, tis Sunnyhell after all. Mean lookit. What town makes you lose your girl, your rep, your mind, the girl, your mind, the your, the mind girl, mind the girl, your girl… never my girl! It's not fair! S'not like I meant for it to happen!
Always happens to me. What'd Spike do? Try to be good bad vampire… bad good vampire now. Nobody likes bad good me. Like good good ones. Ooo save me! Fawn fawn vomit vomit choke choke die die happy happy…
Spike giggled again.
Won't happen, shame Harris would like that, like to watch his hair getting all messed with little bits of icky stuff. He had icky stuff on that headache shirt last night, blue and running down his chest, making it stick. Stick and notice, never noticed before. Wonder why? Like brunettes and that's him all brown and pale. Contrast like blood on white skin. Look good on him all dead and… and rotting and next to her and gone and gone.
Spike sucked in a breath and it sounded suspiciously like a sob.
No no not now. Beer meant to make that stop, kill it, dead inside, that's why she never loved me, never love a monster, bad monster. Let it happen. I fell, she jumped, all wrong should be other way. Save her, every night in my dreams, 'cept I dream when I'm awake and it hurts. Make It Stop!
Why's everyone lookin' at me? Stare at the freak! Go on! Take a good look and tell the kiddies what monsters look like! Think you know! Never know, never know but look under the bed and there they are but before you know it they're in your bed and in your head and screwing you over and over and over…
Over? Is it? Did someone forget to tell me? Is that why the beers gone? Why's the beer gone? Why's the floor cold and hard? Think someone forgot to leave the light on for me. Not surprising, always forget bout me, left alone in the dark, just me and the ghosts of years past.
Hello how are you? Did I tell you? No? Well let me let me… let… it… What was I saying? I'm lost again, nobody can find me, 'cept her. Always her. My light in the dark, golden halo that burned me if I got too close, never close enough. Too far away, shivering in the dark. Now.
It's still dark. And cold.
Nobody's coming.
Why me?
Nobody.
But me.
Just me.
Me.
Her…